How to REALLY write a better weblog…

“Life is like a package of twinkies…
Look too close at the ingredients, realize what kind of shit you’re putting in your system, and you won’t enjoy enjoy junk food no more….”
– Forrest Brooks –

Sometimes it’s better not to look too close at things, knowhutImeanVern?

I did it… after commenting all over the place, I finally caved in and read How to Write a Better Weblog. Now I actually know what I’m talking about.

I won’t waste my time with what I think was so wrong & offensive about it. To me, this was the *writer’s opinion* of what *he liked* in a weblog & I guess what was so offensive was his arrogant stance, expecting *you* to conform to *his* tastes and standards…

Don’t change a thing, people… don’t make me come though your screen and bitchslap you!
Continue reading “How to REALLY write a better weblog…”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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The Chinese Finger Lock

My wife & I saw our new therapist today.

Yeah. I know what you’re thinking: “Eric, you’re the SANEST guy I ever met, wtf????”

I know. But it’s court ordered by Pike C&Y part of the whole “Family Plan” we had to sign (under duress, I might add…) in order to get the kids back over the summer. It also includes little diddys like “No more pets” and “no more Motels” (guess we have to sleep in the streets if a snowstorm strands us in Stroudsburg, or we go on vacation.). Carole & I had to seek counseling under this “Family Plan”. Not the kids, who are constantly having nightmares. Just us.

Unlike the other dickhead we had, whom I lovingly refer to as “Dr. Mind Control” (that guy could have put out a report to say “we’re fine”, at any time, and ended this bullshit, but instead he just wanted to keep the sessions going even after my EAP insurance ran out… just to keep getting paid.) …We like this one. We’ve even scheduled the kids (whom I think *need it*.) to see her.

She works for the same organization that was instrumental in raising 1/3 of the “ransom money” we needed to pay “Psycho landlord” (no eviction yet…btw) in July. They see eye to eye with us on a lot of what’s going on.

After trying to cram our saga in a 45–minute session, she offered this sage advice:

“Through total submission, you’ll achieve full control again.”

That may not make sense to you, but it’s the most brilliant fucking thing I’ve heard in a long time.
We have been fighting this part of the war all wrong.

This may come as a shock to you all… but in real life, I’m a smartass. Very sarcastic, and very rebellious.

No, Really.

And Carole is too. There is a constant “pissing match” as they rub one of us the wrong way…. deliberately. They pit us against each other, and all sorts of dirty tricks.

The agency only wants to dominate us, to wield full control over every aspect of our lives. And we always fight them tooth and nail every step of the way… thereby the need to “teach us a lesson”.

It’s like the “Chinese Finger Lock”. Instinctively we pull and resist… and their grip tightens.

She also said: “If you let them beat you, and they see they have the power over you… they *will* let you go.” This organization has had plenty of dealings with Pike C&Y. I believe her. As much as I’d love to crush them with a good lawyer… I know the price is too high to pay. It’s too bad, because I’m sure Lorimar Pictures would love to buy the movie rights… if we have one hell of an ending to it.

In real life, I’m also very charming and diplomatic (read: professional bullshit artist and two–faced.). I can pull this off. Let them break us… and we win. Makes sense in a “Zen” sort of way.

A Sensei always told me: “The battle is always won first in the mind.”
I can’t believe it took me this long to figure this out.

I looked up to see a beautiful blue sky today.
I haven’t been able to see in color since October.
It’s a brand new day.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Fear sucks… it really does.

A great topic is going on at The Back Porch. It’s all about fear.
Fear (like racism, hatred, and greed) is taught… it’s not a “natural instinct”.
Bet you didn’t know that.

Whether it’s a horrible (traumatic or embarrassing) life experience, or some neurotic lunatic drilled it in your head when you were younger. Think about how many times your mother stopped you from grabbing something off the stove… the fear didn’t set in until you finally got burned, didn’t it?

You became afraid of the dark after you saw your first horror movie, and that pile of clothes on the chair began to take the form of that hideous creature in the movie… just waiting to kill you in your sleep. Or you won’t get up to pee in the middle of the night for fear of being confronted by a ghost of a battered woman with slit wrists screaming at you.

Fear comes from losing control over your circumstances. When it’s out of your hands, you can become scared shitless real fast.

The only known cure for fear is to meet it head on. When you’re on the edge of the cliff, and nowhere to go but straight down…. sometimes the only thing you can do is take that step forward, and take a “leap of faith”… I’ve done it more times than I can count, and something has always caught me.

Like I said, it’s out of your hands. What have you got to lose?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Black History Month

Dear White people:

In honor of Black History Month.. I’ve been asked to make a simple request of you. They’re not asking for much, okay? They’re over the “slavery” thing, they’re cool about that “busing” stuff… hell, they can even chuckle about “Amos & Andy” now (they’re still a little pissed about Jolson… don’t even go there!)

But please… white people… for all that is sacred:
STOP SINGING R&B!!!!!!
Continue reading “Black History Month”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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