What’s Wrong with Gay Marriage? (Explain it to Me Like I’m a Six Year Old)



SoApBoXSeems to be the hot topic this month. Unless you’re living under a rock these days, you’re seeing a lot of elected officials literally breaking the laws of their town and marrying gay couples.

It’s called “civil disobedience”, America. You see it a lot just before a major revolution takes place, and everything you now know is considered “wrong” by the next generation. Our parents went through it with Segregation.

The time for gay marriages has come.
Get used to it.

I’m still waiting for a rational, logical reason why it shouldn’t be.

Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Hey, that’s ok. That doesn’t make you a homophobe in my eyes… we all have our comfort zones.

However, it does strike me as a little irrational though.

  • How does this threaten you?
  • Or, more to the point, how is what two consenting adults decide to do any of your business?
  • Do you have any gay friends?
  • Do you feel that there is some reason that they shouldn’t have the same rights to be happy as you do?
  • Do you want the government interfering on which ways are acceptable for porking your wife, or raising your family?
  • Then why do you want it done to someone else?

Think about it.

Allow we a second to debunk a few lame justifications I’ve heard so far:

“We’re trying to protect marriage”
From what, Domestic Violence? Infidelity? Marital Rape? Broken Homes? Incest? Divorce? Us heteros are doing a bang-up job there without your help. Thanks anyway.

How is this threatening anyone’s marriage? Unless there’s some insidious plot by the Fairy Cabal of HOMODOM© that you know about, that is going to issue Lavender mind-controlling Gay-Rayz suddenly turning my wife into a raging bi-sexual and threatening to destroy our Sacred Institution® by introducing another woman into our bed and…

Hmmm… where was I?
Uhm yeah, like I said… DON’T WORRY ABOUT US. :0)

“Gay people want special rights”
BZZZZT! Wrong. They want EQUAL rights. They want the same rights to be as happy as the rest of us. No more. No less. (You get extra credit for the nice play on words, though.)

The handicapped pains in the asses of our society? THEY want SPECIAL rights.
See the distinction?

Gays aren’t asking for special ramps, the best parking spaces, or to make a busload of people endure a 20 minute procedure of a driver loading his gimpy ass in, when tossing him a rope or asking them to hold onto the bumper real tight will do.

“Gays cannot procreate, therefore they contribute nothing to our civilization’s survival”

  1. Gays *can* procreate, bucko. They may feel icky and need to shower later, but their parts work just fine. Trust me. I can also think of at least two real-life instances of people who after raising a family, threw out their abusive spouses and went totally gay and lesbian.
  2. By not “contributing to our civilization’s survival”, I assume you don’t count literature, movies, theater, music, philosophy, mathematics, politics… stuff like that?

And my personal favorite by the same people that blamed 9/11 on Pagans and Queers (but not Capitalists, bad foreign policy and War Profiteers)…. *DRUM ROLL*

“Sodom and Gomorrah”
Oh here we go… God rained hellfire on two cities because they were “flamers” to begin with. Did I get that right?

OK, break out your Bible and turn to Genesis 18-19 (and for you non-religious types, we have the “Sinner’s Edition“)

  • Where does it say ANYWHERE in those two chapters that Homosexuality was the cause of God annihilating Sodom and Gomorrah?
  • Before you give me a roundabout answer about the mob looking to gang rape the two angels that your pastor gave you… well, God made up His mind long before that, didn’t He?
  • Ask your pastor why he keeps leaving out the part about what the “righteous” Lot does with his daughters in the same chapter… he didn’t know he knocked both his daughters up?
    Uh huh. Sure.
  • Can we agree this is NOT the best chapter to preach “morality” from?

Besides Reverend Mykeru taking the Bible and giving some ignorant newspaper editor a taste of her own fundaMENTAList medicine… or Kare’s evisceration of the Moonie-funded and factually-groundless world of the Concerned Women for America (CWA)

…there’s an excellent and insightful discussion on ReligiousTolerance.Org. Who knows? You may learn something.

Most religious liberals are are faced with the inescapable and rather surprising conclusion that the condemned activities in Sodom probably had nothing to do with sodomy. As one Christian editor wrote: 'To suggest that Sodom and Gomorra is about homosexual sex is an analysis of about as much worth as suggesting that the story of Jonah and the whale is a treatise on fishing.'

There is ironic aspect to this passage that is rarely discussed: God seems to condemn the citizens for insensitive treatment and harassment of others. But, this is the very passage that many conservative and some mainline Christian faith groups use to attack gays and lesbians.

Some people like ketchup on their burgers, some like mayonnaise, some like bbq sauce. There seems to be no “wrong answer” there. Some differences and preferences seem “ok” in our society.

Me? I like Arby’s “Horsey Sauce” on mine.
Try and take that pleasure away from me, and I’ll kill you.

Oh, I’m sorry. This was about YOU giving me a rational answer about your opposition to Gay Marriage.

I’ll be patiently waiting for your reply in my comments.



Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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