Dear White people:
In honor of Black History Month.. I’ve been asked to make a simple request of you. They’re not asking for much, okay? They’re over the “slavery” thing, they’re cool about that “busing” stuff… hell, they can even chuckle about “Amos & Andy” now (they’re still a little pissed about Jolson… don’t even go there!)
But please… white people… for all that is sacred:
STOP SINGING R&B!!!!!!
You lack soul. You lack rhythm.
Face it. You’re the “Pat Boone” of our generation.
I heard a remake in a restaurant… some obviously *very white* man & woman doing a cover tune of “Cruisin'”. Dammit, Smokey Robinson was turning in his grave…
…and he ain’t even dead yet!
It needs to stop. You’re making fools of yourselves. Remember when Tom Jones redid Prince’s “Kiss”?
Remember how you laughed yourself silly for three days straight???!!??
It’s not that white people are incapable of having “soul”… I mean Daryl Hall had “soul”, Michael Bolton had “soul”, Vanilla Ice had “soul”.
Hee hee… just fucking with you with the last one. I had to see if you’re still paying attention. :0)
Not all black people have “soul” either… Jasmine Guy and Bryant Gumbel immediately come to mind. So it’s not a racial thing… it’s just… just…
Goddamn it, it’s a reasonable request, okay??? Just 28 days to let a group of people celebrate good music, tremendous advancements in our culture and society, and making it though hardships that would drive a normal person insane.
No butchering “The Temptations” on Karaoke night, okay?
In March, you want to resume that epileptic fit you call “dancing”, hey… be our guest. In the meantime… start listening to Country Music or something.
(The author has been dubbed an “honorary brotha” in 1981 in Erasmus Hall High School… therefore has every right to post this…
And yes… I say “BLACK”. Malcolm X gave that word power, and Dr. King gave it respect. When my friends choose to start referring to themselves as “African–Americans”, then so will I.
Though referring to myself as an “English/German/Massapequadi–American” afterward is going to be a royal bitch!)