Democrats Vote Unanimously to Remove One Hour From American Lives This Weekend

One less hour would make up for the deficit, says Occasio-Cortez.

Democrats vote to remove one hour off American lives
Those dirty bums!

Washington (AP) – On Friday, House Democrats made a surprise vote. It was such a surprise, Republicans didn’t even know to show up.

The vote was a proposal by rising-star Alexandria Occasio-Cortez. Remove an hour from everyone’s lives to help offset the deficit. “You’ve heard the saying ‘Time is Money,’ right?,” Occasio-Cortez announced, “Well what if we cut one hour out and used that money to offset our staggering deficit? It would relieve some of the debt our constituents are burdened with. Plus, they’ll be sleeping, they’ll never miss it!”

As expected, the decision was unanimous without any Republicans present to “screw it all up, just because”.

An outraged President Trump tweeted that the Democrats have “gone too far,” and promised to restore that hour back to Americans in September, just before the next election.

When asked if there are any special movies this weekend AOC planned on seeing, the young congressperson responded: “The last movie I went to see was called ‘Closed For Rennovations’. It was very noisy and I couldn’t follow the plot with all these construction workers moving around and talking. It was stupid”.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Neckbeards Complain They Can’t Angry-Fap to Brie Larson #InternationalWomensDay

‘What did she win an Oscar for, playing a broomstick in a corner??!!?’

Aurora, Illinois (AP) – For International Women’s Day, and the Premiere of Marvel’s Captain Marvel, we sat down and spoke with an expert on both… A Men’s Rights Activist named Marty Cohen.

“It’s so frustrating,” Cohen confesses, “Us guys want to teach her a lesson about hating ‘White Dudes’… but what can we do? She got no ass, no tiddies, and she always looks bored. Like someone is reading her the ingredients of gluten-free cereal! I can’t fap to this!”

To my horror, he pulls up a picture of Ms. Larson on his laptop and proceeds to whip his ding ding out.

“Yeah come on, baby! Time for some White Dude dick! Who’s your da…. ARRRRGH! WTF! WHAT DID SHE WIN AN OSCAR FOR, PLAYING A BROOMSTICK IN A CORNER?”

Totally defeated from her lack of sex appeal, I left Marty Cohen to quietly sob, as he put a Hot Pocket in the microwave (with unwashed hands), and fired up his XBox to cheer himself up.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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