You know, I thought this was the stupidest song I ever heard when this came out.
Of course this was the 21 year old “romantic 80’s Eric” talking. He thought a single stemmed rose and having “She Walks in Beauty” memorized and able to recite it on command was the ticket to a woman’s heart.
No wonder I spent so much time alone.
My hand and I sort of became an item, and went steady after a while.
It took a bit of life lessons to realize being a romantic and “any ol’ girl will do”, just isn’t the way.
(I laugh watching these “Hopeless Romantic” types leaving graphics to women all over the place here. It warms my heart to know there are men just a little more clueless than I am. These guys don’t love a woman. They’re just in love with LOVE. )
A woman wants to be seen for who she is. Loved for who she is. Sometimes even despite who she is…
You need to SEE her.
You need to notice the unique things that make her who she is… and love her for it.
I see so many relationships fail because of ones selfishness (I could
write a book on what NOT to do there!). Fear too. Fear breeds some of the
ugliest things out of human beings, and it wreaks havok on your love
live. Irrational jealousy, distrust, your overactive imagination running away with
you… add that with the selfishness of expecting someone to be more
than who they are, or what you thought they should be. Thinking of nothing but “what’s in it for me?”. Seeing what they do as some sort of reflection on you… well, you wont
last very long on that path.
Ever meet someone who got so ugly after all the flowery “I love you”s, to getting annoyed and angry because they expected something out of you or thinking they should get something out of it for what they’ve done from “the goodness of their hearts”, despite previously saying otherwise?
Did they really love that person…?
Or were they just “bartering” like it was some kind of business arrangement?
Love should come with no expectations. No strings attached. No scores being kept.
A heart can’t be bought, or earned, or seized. It can only be given. Love is all about giving. When you get it back, you are the luckiest bastard in the world.
A few things I’ve learned along the way these past 44 years.
Anyway, back to this stupid song…
Someone once said “Sorry, but you’re stuck with me”, and it took all of my worries and concerns of losing her right out of me. My ex used to say all the time “You’re like an old shoe, Eric. That’s why I keep you around. I’m comfortable with you.”
Women want that too.
As the Lord of Chaos/God of Mischief… this has probably been my hardest lesson to learn to this date. I fear routine and boredom. I’m usually at my best when all hell is breaking loose. I’m not happy unless everything around me is going terribly wrong. I find comfort and order amidst the madness and mayhem. The joy in someone else’s pain and misery… turning negative energy into something positive. Count on me to fuck up or sabotage just about anything with my nihilistic mindset.
Fortunately there are other sides to me, and I can work on this.
We’ve had our doubts, but we never took them seriously
And we’ve had our ins and outs, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be
We thought about giving up, but we could never stay away
We thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
And it’s no great mystery
If we change our minds
Eventually, it’s back to you and me
~ “Stuck With You” – Huey Lewis & the News
This is love. This is the sum of all good relationships.
Ups and downs. Good times and bad times.
Partners in life going through all sorts of things and emerging stronger for it instead of giving up, and learning something new about one another. Closer than ever.
Being comfortable with each other. Stuck with each other.
And being happy they’re stuck with you, too.
I remember a friend commenting “I want a man I can feel comfortable peeing in front of.”
I volleyed back by stating that “being allowed to fart in front of someone is considered a milestone in my relationships.”
Sure, we grossed everyone else out… but we got it.
It took me a long time… but I finally get this one too.
I finally get this song and what it means too.
It’s the next step after the romance and the honeymoon phase.
It’s about being with someone and enjoying them.
Let go of the fears and doubts… You are with each other because you CHOOSE to be.
It’s that simple…
No long stemmed roses or Lord Byron necessary.