Just…have an affair without me, why don’t you?

You know, nothing irritates the hell out of me more than a married woman having an affair…

… and I’m not the damn guy she’s having it with.

I take that SO personal. Why was I passed up for candidacy, huh?

Just a personal observation I’ve made with these two people I know that are currently having a fling, and it’s so blatantly obvious. Besides the “constantly-together” thing going on, another dead giveaway is the woman’s kids referring to him as “Uncle Jack”. (Not his real name, of course.).

Hooboy.
When the “other man” goes to “Uncle” status, you know the relationship has gone to “pretty serious”. Not to mention the kids are there to provide a cover for when the confronted strumpet declares to her pissed-off husband: “How can I be sleeping with him… the kids are always with me!!!”

So the kids are thinking: “Hey, bend my mom over and ride her like Smarty Jones while I’m downstairs watching Spongebob Squarepants. Just don’t forget to buy me another Bratz doll, and I’ll keep my mouth shut, Unka Jack.”

So, like, what is it… I respect some hot-looking woman’s boundaries, ‘cuz I know she’s married, so she thanks me by giving some other guy some extra-martial pooty? WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?

This particular scenario I’m witnessing is one of those “White Knight” crusades us guys tend to go on. You know, the woman complains her husband is an asshole… so instead of us urging them to work things out, or offer advice from a male perspective, we swoop in for some “damsel in distress” nookie. It doesn’t really solve any of her problems… but we certainly feel better about it.

And most of us guys have had the accusation of “innattentive asshole husband” thrust on us at one time or another, so we know there is a WHOLE other side of the story not being represented…

…But we don’t give a shit. We know she’s playing games, so we play right along.
Kitty’s on the prowl, and you’ve got the catnip.

The next time these two hornbags suddenly jump up and go “non-chalant” when I walk into a room, I’m half tempted to inform them: “Hey look. Everyone knows. Nobody cares, ok?”

But still, it bothers me. It really gives me a complex and makes me wonder what this guy has that I don’t, you know? Like when we were all teens, and everyone had someone, and you didn’t?

Does it ever occur to these women that if they’re going to give it up to one guy, then they should consider giving it up to some of the OTHER guys that have the hots for them? Fair is fair. You’re making the other prospective, uhm, “scratching posts” feel bad about themselves.

What am I… not “affair-able”???
Need I remind you that the beauty of vows is that you can only break them once, and after that, anything goes?
Did I mention my birthday is in eight days?

I’m not saying she should grab a bullhorn and announce “Every guy that’s ever wanted to get into my pants, form a line on the left!”…

Just a simple, considerate “Hey Eric, would you like to eat me out sometime?”, every once in a while isn’t much to ask for.

How can they be so selfish?

Would I ever take them up on it? Probably not.
Forward and direct women scare the hell out of me.

I’m just saying it would be nice to be asked every once in a while. That’s all.

Eric Brooks

Spent 9/11/01 working a 13 hour day in a newspaper, and can probably tell you all kinds of interesting anecdotes and thing you didn't know that happened (like why everything went "commercial-free"), but he doubts you will see Nicolas Cage playing him setting up databases and newsfeeds as a clock counts down any time soon.

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About Eric Brooks

Spent 9/11/01 working a 13 hour day in a newspaper, and can probably tell you all kinds of interesting anecdotes and thing you didn't know that happened (like why everything went "commercial-free"), but he doubts you will see Nicolas Cage playing him setting up databases and newsfeeds as a clock counts down any time soon.
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  • bsti

    My son of five told me about my wife’s affair….all I had to do was ask him after grilling his mother in front of him for a few minutes.

    Where as she today?
    She was with “Uncle Chris”. At the zoo.
    The asshole who introduced them was her lawyer brother who hated me.
    This strikes a note, at least the first part.
    She was hot, all of my high school friends did her,(some while I was going out with her,) but I married her and tried erase that past. A mistake I will never make again. You can’t change a bitch, but she will always change you.

  • Dr. D.

    Woah. -=e=- we will see what we can do to get you some hot married woman (who is fed up with hubby at home) for your birthday man! Fancy the type who will jump out of a cake? The interlude should make for a great stroke by stroke entry! ;-)) (And we assume there will be lots of those.)

  • -=e=-

    Ouch… I feel your pain, Bsti. We’ve all been down that road either through marriage or just dating. You’re right, you can’t change them. People who cheat (and this goes for men as well as women) have a basic self-esteem problem… and there is NOTHING that anyone can do about that, except the person themselves.

    While they love to blame the person they cheated on… the fact is, it’s no more their spouse’s fault than if they came home to find their house burglarized.

    Doc: She’ll be a redhead, right? I flip over redheads. :0)

  • Wulfgar

    Erox, I had a woman who wanted me badly, enough to show up at work, embarass me until I left with her and she drug me off to a motel. She even refused to let me leave (unless I walked) until I came up to the room that she checked us into.

    Yeah, that affair would have been as subtle as a rock through a window. And I have to say, I was never more flattered … ever … in my life … except as I am that my wife puts up with days i don’t shower, and the time I spend tapping keys on a computation device, and the grumpy tude when I want pizza and she wants fried chicken (she wins, of course).

    In short, I’m too stoopid to get the whole affair thing from the woman’s perspective. From the guys, its easy nooky. But really, what does the woman gain?

  • Anonymous

    I feel with you. There’s nothing I want more than having an affair with a married woman couple of married women, a married couple of women. I’m married to a woman who is having affairs though. If she get married again after we get divorced, she might want to have an affair with me, yuhu!
    Sure you’re affair-able, I can’t help you with your birthdaywish though, unless you want an affair with a married man?

  • Blondesense

    If you want hot married woman action, join AOL. Lonely, ignored married women abound there. The ones who write on their profile that they are happily married are the ones who are easy pickings.

    Speaking as a hot married woman, I couldn’t take on more than 1 extra lover for an affair unless I was having an affair with 2 guys who met with me at the same time. There wouldn’t be time to have an official affair with 2 or more men cause you still have hubsy wubsy at home, kids, dinners, PTA, a job, vacuuming, ironing, etc. . I suppose some women might fit you in for a quickie here or there, but that’s not an affair, that’s playing with fire. An affair connotes some sort of ongoing relationship, does it not?

  • sarah x

    I think that it is disgusting to have an affair. If you don’t want to be with the person you are with then don’t be. Get divorced. And if you have kids and are dragging them thru this that is even worse. Some people actually take marriage seriously. And I know why no one will ask you to eat them out…I’ve seen you before.