Neckbeards Complain They Can’t Angry-Fap to Brie Larson #InternationalWomensDay

‘What did she win an Oscar for, playing a broomstick in a corner??!!?’

Aurora, Illinois (AP) – For International Women’s Day, and the Premiere of Marvel’s Captain Marvel, we sat down and spoke with an expert on both… A Men’s Rights Activist named Marty Cohen.

“It’s so frustrating,” Cohen confesses, “Us guys want to teach her a lesson about hating ‘White Dudes’… but what can we do? She got no ass, no tiddies, and she always looks bored. Like someone is reading her the ingredients of gluten-free cereal! I can’t fap to this!”

To my horror, he pulls up a picture of Ms. Larson on his laptop and proceeds to whip his ding ding out.

“Yeah come on, baby! Time for some White Dude dick! Who’s your da…. ARRRRGH! WTF! WHAT DID SHE WIN AN OSCAR FOR, PLAYING A BROOMSTICK IN A CORNER?”

Totally defeated from her lack of sex appeal, I left Marty Cohen to quietly sob, as he put a Hot Pocket in the microwave (with unwashed hands), and fired up his XBox to cheer himself up.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Proudly powered by WordPress
Creative Commons License
EricBrooks.Com® is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions.


Connect