Eric’s Guide to the 2008 Presidential Election

I really don’t bother with politics.

Not that I don’t have opinions, not that I don’t know what’s going on…

But what is the point of making half my friends uncomfortable, polarizing everyone, and causing hard feelings everywhere…?
ESPECIALLY IF THESE TWO BOZOS AREN’T PAYING ME TO DO IT?

McCain? Obama?
Last chance to have me in your pocket as a secret weapon…?
*checks mailbox*
*watches a tumbleweed roll out*

Very well… I’ll just do this as my patriotic duty to inform and tell everyone who I feel is BEST suited to run this country for the next 4-8 years.

I’ll lose some friends over this, but I’m prepared to handle whatever happens.

And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!


MEET THE CANDIDATES WE’RE STUCK WITH
Barack ObamaBarack “Derka Derka Mohammed Jihad” Obama (Douche)
He wants change (yeah, we’ve never heard THAT ONE before!). Believes peace and prosperity will come by awakening as a muslim sleeper agent, befriending all of the designated Terrorist states and letting Iran take us over, despite the fact that they couldn’t win an 8 year war with Iraq, whose ass we kicked twice in less than 2 weeks both times. “Peace will come when we rid the world of Racism and Jews…”

John McCainJohn “Sleepy Grampa” McCain (Turd Sandwich)
Like all Republicans, he likes to claim Ronald Reagan’s legacy. Unfortunately, the legacy he claims is severe old age and senility. His answer to every problem comes in the tune of a Beach Boy parody. When asked about the North Korean crisis he sang “And he’ll have fun, fun, fun till we blow his slanted gook ass away…”

Weaknesses of the Candidates:
With Obama, besides the obvious fear that he might enslave the entire White race as payback for Slavery, his lack of experience is cited. This of course comes from the same people that thought it was just fine to trust George W. Bush with the big red button. Most companies wouldn’t trust Dubya with a stapler.

With McCain, he can’t seem to make up his mind if he wants to be seen as a “Maverick,” and keep saying “I’m not Bush”, or will continue the same policies that have us on the verge of another Great Depression. He feels anyone a shade darker than an albino may be a threat to National Security, and is willing to stay in Iraq and make those fuckers like us for bombing the shit out of them if it takes 100 years. Sure he led an impressive career in the past 350 years, but if a horse his age considered themselves a “Maverick”… we’d just tell them what they wanted to hear on the way to the glue factory.

The issues:
Much of this election focused on the STUPIDEST issues possible. From flag pins, to McCain not being able to use a computer (thereby INCAPABLE of falling for Nigerian Email scams that can throw us deeper in debt), to how McCain spent his youth proudly serving his country in World War I to how Obama spent it as a backup singer for Earth Wind and Fire (I think?)….

I suppose the joint message they’re trying to say is “Look, we can’t possibly fuck this country up worse than Bush already did, right? Come on, vote for me. What have you got to lose???”

Vice Presidents:
What curious choices they made. McCain took a break from making “Rape Jokes” and calling chicks “BROADS” to pick a woman, while Obama picked Joe Biden. Do you suppose Barack Obama just couldn’t get enough of FOX News constantly associating “Obama” with “Osama” and wanted a running mate whose name together looked like “Osama bin Laden” on lawn signs if you drive by fast enough?

Bad enough he and Biden had that awkward moment where he praised Obama for being “well spoken” and people took it as a slam against the “Hooked on Ebonics” program that’s so popular in the inner cities. Then Biden made it worse by explaining with “Hey the guy is a GREAT public speaker! I’m just calling a spade a spade here. What IS IT with you people?”

Ouch.

Of COURSE Sarah Palin was chosen for her experience as Governor of Alaska (OBVIOUSLY the Queen of Timbuktu and the Mayor of East Bumfuck wasn’t available to show everyone how out of touch the McCain campaign is)… and not as some hot babe. I mean you WONT read blog after blog of right wing pundits who post pics of her legs and beauty pageant pics from the 80’s. And you CERTAINLY wont find her pics all over the place when googling for “sexy librarian”….


Now I’m not gonna lie, like most red-blooded American males I saw Sarah Palin and thought DAYUM BAY-BEE!!!! (No really, despite my flair for drama, I really AM a straight guy). I wouldn’t mind seeing her on tv all the time. YUM!

But have we REALLY thought this all the way through?

I mean except for misspelling “potato”, claiming they’ve invented the internet, or shooting someone in the face while duck hunting… how often do you *ACTUALLY SEE* a vice-president, anyway?

Not much.
Then again, guys voting with their dicks wont be thinking much anyway.

Now if Obama wanted to couteract this, here’s an idea: Cut down on Government waste AND supply us with eye candy by combining Press Secretary and Secretary of State into “Press Secretary of State” and give the job to….

AMBER LEE ETTINGER A/K/A OBAMA GIRL!!!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BOYYYYY!!!!

Now imagine diplomatic talks failing, or telling the press some really bad news, and Obama Girl pouring on the charm and using her best assets… like THIS?

“What? Another tax hike to cover the staggering deficit? SURE no problem!”
“We’re going to war with Russia, China and Uzbekistan at the same time? Uhhhhh…. ok.”


But folks… no matter who wins between these two, one thing is certain…


Fret not, my friends…. we have a THIRD OPTION.
(No not Ron Paul. HAHAHAHA! You’re killing me! I tell the jokes here, alright?)There is another… with the experience of McCain and the eloquence of Obama. A man that Al-Qaida would be FOOLS to mess with. His plans are solid, and he has no reason to lie for your vote….I’m talking about (who else?)

GENERAL ZOD!!!!
http://www.zod2008.com

That’s right bitchez, I am SICK AND TIRED of this broken two-party system. General Zod is a LEADER and proven experience with global domination, foriegn policy, military… and well, kicking Superman’s ass all over the place!

Please visit http://www.zod2008.com and see where he stands on the issues. Particularly terrorism and critics…

SCREW THE DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS….
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Political Cannon Fodder, The Latest | 4 Comments

Ladies, Beware of the ‘Nice Guy’

As published on MySpace – August 31st 2008
Ladies, Beware of the Nice Guy

This is a followup to Kelly Jo’s “What Nice Guys Say and What they REALLY Mean“. We were supposed to do it as a co-blog… but everything needs to be a big production with me. So here it is, two days later.

There’s a difference between a genuinely nice guy (lower case) and a “Nice Guy” (capital letters). A nice guy is just a decent person looking to have fun and connect with people online. Nothing wrong with being a flirt either… it makes the online community that much more livelier.

The “Nice Guy,” however, is a predator of the “Jekyll & Hyde” variety. Eager to appear as a “Knight in Shining Armour” in front of everyone… but behind the scenes, they keep their nasty side hidden until they have enough popularity and your personal information to hold you hostage emotionally for as long as it amuses them.

There is *ALWAYS* an ulterior motive behind what they say and do.

    Signs of a Nice Guy:

  • Agrees with *everything* you say and do. Expressing your opinions as their own.
  • Appeals to an emotional argument rather than a logical one, and ready to “leap to the rescue and spring into action” to impress the object of his affections.
  • Would prefer to continue the relationship out of the public eye (i.e.: emails, IM, phone, etc)
  • Uses some kind of a traumatic event in his life (real, imagined, or greatly exaggerated) as a backdrop to gain sympathy and explain his uncharacteristic outbursts and wanting you to open up and share your pain and personal details with them.

  • Moving the relationship too fast, or beyond your comfort levels… while reminding you of his past trauma, earning your trust through pity, and using it as an excuse to cross the line.

  • Tries to get information out of your friends that you were already reluctant to give him when asked.
  • Openly hostile toward/feeling threatened by Alpha Males. They’re “suck ups” at first, but once they get popular by association… they set out to prove they’re “different” from the other guys.
  • You feel you’re constantly being “watched” and “monitored” by the Nice Guy. Being stifled and unable to express yourself freely without getting a private message of disapproval from him. A feeling of “suffocation”.

a Nice Guy in actionIn reality, the Nice Guy is a pathetic little chameleon. A “Walter Mitty” type.  He’s whiny, self-centered and very insecure. You’re too busy opening up to this “too good to be true” guy to notice he’s only sharing with you what he *WANTS* you to know about him.

He uses sympathy as a vehicle to get sex out of you (while trying to convince you that guy you were looking at is a douchebag only interested in getting sex out of you. Ironic, no?). He will keep trying to cross the line to see if you are ready yet (and getting creepier by the second).

But if you call him on it…

WATCH OUT! You’re about to see the nasty side of him that he works so hard to keep out of the public eye.

No point in telling anyone, is there? Who will believe you? He’s such a nice guy everyone will think you’re crazy! He probably has enough of your personal info by now that he’ll think nothing of making your personal life a living hell in retaliation.

A Real Man doesn’t need to resort to these tactics, does he? Each woman has a “unique signature” about them. A man will notice it and tell them about it. Not use some “blanket generalization” that a lonely and vulnerable woman would interpret as “seeing her”. Strong independent women tend to see through the Nice Guy’s facade rather quickly… so they move on to more vulnerable prey.

An example of a Nice Guy I dealt with online:
One guy on my old message board was a real doozy! He was charming and sincere at first… but that was just to get his foot in the door. After weeks of ass kissing and gaining acceptance, he moved into his “poor me” stage. His first wife died, and his second wife left him for another man…

boo hoo!This of course, tugged on a lot of heartstrings.
(OK. Read the rest before you decide I’m a heartless prick. Please?)

He was more than happy to listen to other people’s problems (providing of course you were willing to listen to him twice as much.). He then became the “Defender of the Women,” tearing into any guy who dared to disagree with a female’s opinion on the board. He also couldn’t resist taking shots at me and other “top guys” that were popular; Belittling us in a way that seemed like pure projection on his part (a guy in his 50’s telling *US* we can’t get it up? HA!).

Behind the scenes he felt he deserved “pity sex” for all his hardships and trauma. He got nasty and spiteful in private to women who put him off or turned him down. One married woman in particular, who foolishly gave out her home phone number and address to him, got cards in the mail and phone calls at times when he knew her husband would be home.

As she rejected his advances further, he outright told her that her husband would “probably not approve of her activities on the board if he found out” (An indirect threat of sorts). She began to shy away from participating, fearful of the next private message from him questioning her and why is she talking to “this guy” or why she said what she did to “that guy”.

In time he pissed off enough people that I ended up giving this loser the BANHAMMER as a Christmas gift to all the ladies on the board… not to mention letting him know that a few of the “women” ol’ Cassanova cyberf**ked, were actually guys in fake female profiles messing with him. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ladies? You think the douchebags are bad? Nice Guys are WORSE. At least you know where you stand with a guy who makes his intentions crystal clear. The other weasels will grab you by your emotions and tear your heart out instead of just breaking it.

Just look for the signs and realize you are on the internet. A place where anyone can appear in any form they want. And All you know is what they’ve told you

Landing a guy is really simple: We’re all basically the same. Feed us, sleep with us, and tell us we’re the most amazing man you’ve ever met with the biggest schlongs you’ve ever seen (lie if you have to)… AND WE’RE ALL YOURS!

Stop looking for Prince Charming. He’s not on MySpace. Trust me.

Do you have any experiences with Nice Guys?
How did you handle it?

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Elsewhere..., The Latest | 4 Comments

How to *NOT* be Wrong in an Internet Fight

As seen on MySpace….
Currently on the front page of MySpace's Top Blogs

The latest in my self-help series on MySpace is an excerpt from my new book: “Confessions of an Internet Superhero: How I’ve Cleaned the Web up and Made it SERIOUS again“.

Well kids, in the last chapter, we covered “How to make everyone care about the same things you do”. I think it went really well, don’t you? As a result, no one says “retard”; Racism has been erradicated; Cancer and AIDS are a thing of the past; We’re all Vegans, attending church regularly, and voting for John McCain.

I like to think I had a little something to do with it.
*pats self on the back*

Recently I received a letter from a fellow Crusader for Internet Justice who shares my vision of ridding the internet of Icky Bad People (IBP).

“But Eriiiiiic…. someone disagreed with me and said I was WRONG!”

NONSENSE! An Internet Good Guy is *NEVER* wrong. We took an oath. Don’t you see? This is merely just a ploy by the haters and the bad guys to make you doubt yourself. Only stupid people disagree with you. Am I right?

The following suggestions will help you in your Online Battles and MAKE you right every time:

1- Raise an army against the forces of darkness and evil – Might makes right. It is a known fact that if 5 people or more say the same exact thing, it is Gospel Truth. Twenty or more of your friends invading the stronghold of your arch nemesis’ blog and pummeling them and their mindless minions into the ground will make them wrong FOREVER!

2- Don’t waste your time with a fake profile – Do you go to a clothing store and argue with the mannequins? No! A fake profile is someone not using their real picture, or their real name. Other signs are not disclosing personal information such as a home telephone, social security number, or where their children are in a handy hourly itinerary on their MySpace profiles. FAKES!

I don’t know how the words manage to get on the screen, but I can assure you there is no human being with a soul or feelings behind this “smoke and mirror” illusion. Clearly this is some terrorist tactic of some sort by someone with something to hide! (Unless they agree with you. Then they’re ok.)

3- Beware of the “fence sitters” and people not sharing your passion to rid an evil entity off the web – People that don’t agree with everything you say or do is SURELY a betrayal waiting to happen. Watch.

4 – Use your painful past to deflect criticism and justify your actions – As a child I was TRAUMATIZED when I saw an anvil drop off a roof and kill my uncle. Anvils are not funny. And should not be made a joke out of. If one person is not laughing. Then it simply isn’t funny is it? By extension, neither are pianos, cabinets, goats or anything else that can fall out of a building.

I remind people of this as I discuss my political and religious views occasionally. Everyone needs to be a little more sensitive toward my feelings.

What other things can you suggest to always be right on the internet?
How have you used your powers to be a positive force for good lately?

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Elsewhere..., The Latest | 3 Comments

Seriously… Cho was a pu*sy.

Yeah, I mean really. How tough can you be to pull a gun on a bunch of unarmed students? And I see a bunch of fucked-up kids on MySpace thinking he’s some sort of role model? His EMO-spewing whinings in his manifesto were cool?

Your ass ain’t getting beaten enough at home, I see.

You know who else were pussies?
Cho’s heroes, Eric Harris and Dylan Kliebold.

Awwwwww you got bullied in school…. boo fucking hoo, you little pansies.
You have failed one of life’s most important social lessons…

How to deal with Dicks.

Face it, you will have to deal with Dicks all through your life. In school, at work (most supervisors are Dicks), odds are you’ll end up in a nursing home where your nurse will be a Dick that thinks putting spoonfuls of blue jello up your ass when no one is looking is REALLY FUNNY!

If you haven’t figured it out yet… I’M A DICK! We like to fuck pussies like you over. It’s the natural order of things in the universe. Going on a murder spree because you can’t handle being teased? Well, congratulations… you’ve now graduated to ASSHOLE.

Guess what? We like to fuck assholes over too. Besides the horrible loss of life this week, the other tragedy was that Pussy Cho was not being taken alive so he can be someone’s little bitch for the rest of his life in a federal penitentiary.

Newsflash: We ALL get bullied at some point or another. The key is learning how to turn it around on your opponent with your wits. Much of what people ridicule others for is projection of their own insecurities. Martial Arts is all about using your opponents energy against them. The military uses Psy Ops to fuck with their enemies heads before kicking the shit out of them.

Maybe your parents are pussies that told you some lame shit like “fighting isn’t the answer” or something. Well your parents smoked pot all through these years, your dad has a crappy low-paying job and your mom sometimes has to blow the landlord when they’re short on rent… so what do they know? (btw, sorry you had to hear that last part from me).

I bet if more people punched a bullys lights out, there will be less pussies coming to school with AK-47s… I almost guarantee it.

It’s the Dick way.

You know who else are pussies this week? The white guys in suits who fired Gary in the Morning for making “I’m a Nappy Headed Ho” the “phrase that pays”. WTF? That shit was HILARIOUS! Now you couldn’t PAY ME to listen to WSBG. Morons.

More Pussies this week:
Those kids making “Cho” profiles on MySpace and commenting on a VT Victims page.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Do us all a favor and put a bullet in your empty skulls and go join your “hero”, ok?

THE MEDIA
Who the hell CARES what Al Sharpton thinks? Most New Yorkers tuned his fat ass out years ago. He doesn’t represent Black people any more than David Duke represents YOUR pasty White asses (oops sorry, I mean “European-American”).

DON IMUS
Who should have been fired years ago for being old and unfunny. He should be in a nursing home with some Dick putting spoonfuls of jello up his butt (then he’d be funny again!).

WNEP
Who decided this rant was inappropriate for television and cancelled my appearance tonight, so I have to waste this rant on MySpace! (Note I’m using small words here and typing slowwwwwlyyyy)

THE RIGHT WING
Where morons like Michelle Malkin and other idiots are making Virginia Tech into some 2nd Amendment issue. Oh YEAH! Give more guns out and turn the place into the OK Corral. Yeah I can see the logic behind THAT one. *eyeroll*

(You think maybe if the NRA took this time to denounce irresponsible assholes like Cho, MAYBE we’d take gun nuts seriously?).

Mentally ill pussy kills innocent people…. that’s all there is to the story. Quit shoving your agendas in our faces and exploiting this tragedy.

THE LEFT WING
The party of pussies! You know they’re working on even more confusing Gun Control laws as we speak. Haven’t you learned from the Patriot Act that any kneejerk law based on fear is BAD? Stop punishing responsible gun owners! Did we take cars and alcohol away from you guys after Chappaquiddick?

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT
Fuck you. Just fuck you pussies. (Ooops, I mean “Vagino-Americans”)

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in The Latest | Comments Off on Seriously… Cho was a pu*sy.

An Inconvenient Pack of Morons

I have come to a very simple conclusion after watching An Inconvenient Truth.

SoApBoXWe are truly a nation of dumbasses.

First of all, no one needs to sell me on the concept of Global Warming. We all learned about this in 6th grade science class… In the 70’s.

The same people who insist that this is a “myth” are the same people who think “Theory” in science (Capital “T” as in “Theory of Evolution”) means the same thing as “conspiracy theory”… so, you know, consider the source.

So many people have tried to take Gore and this movie apart, and it’s so clear they never saw it, or else they’d know their arguments have already been taken apart.

  • “We’ve been coming out of an ice age for the last 10,000 years!”
    Gore presents scientific evidence from the last 600,000 years (including 7 of our ice ages) that prove indisputably that our CO2 emissions have spiked in the last 50 years, and the last ten hottest years on record occurred within the last 14 years.
  • “Global Warming on Earth… or Ice Age in Europe… well, which is it?”
    Ocean currents, temperatures and its effects are explained in great detail and in a way that even my 9 year old understood it. Melting polar caps of fresh water into the ocean CAN cause an ice age in parts of the globe. The melting glaciers that were once the Great Lakes in North America caused Europe’s last ice age.So yes, chuckles… you can have both!

Gore also pulls no punches about the 2000 election where he won by the popular vote nationwide, yet the Supreme Court decided to give Florida to Bush. This surprised a lot of people in the house here.

I thought EVERYONE knew that.

He shows a polar bear trying to find a block of ice in the North Pole to settle on before he drowns and how scientists are finding a large number of drowned polar bears where there were once plenty of places to land. OH NO!!!! SWIM POLAR BEAR SWIM!!!!

He PROVES how improving the environment will actually HELP our economy. (Did you know we can’t sell cars in China because we don’t meet their efficiency standards? Or how California was sued by auto makers for leading the way in emissions efficiency laws?).

And well, who the hell is thinking about getting their kid an X-Box when their city is going under from a class 5 hurricane? (Simulations also show parts of Florida and Manhattan joining New Orleans with the current trend of arctic land ice melting.)

Well I don’t know who this “new” Al Gore is, and what happened to the “Gorebot” that bored the hell out of me in 2000… But this guy is witty, intelligent, and sometimes even entertaining. So if he runs again for the White House, he’s got my vote.

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Political Cannon Fodder | Comments Off on An Inconvenient Pack of Morons

Do Onto Others (Until They Know How It Feels)

Why do people suffer?
Largely it’s learn how to have compassion and sympathy for others in a similar situation.

Unfortunately human beings are dense in that area.

People who say “Capital punishment is killing people to show people that killing is wrong”, doesn’t have a clue how the world works. Neither do people who lose elections by not responding to smear campaigns because they “refuse to stoop to their level”.

Horseshit.
Eye for an eye, fight fire with fire, insert your cliche here.

Bullies don’t stop until they get their asses kicked by someone bigger than them. Sex offenders *SHOULD* get their asses raped on a nightly basis. And violent people should be beaten into a coma… only then will they understand how it feels to be their victims.

Buddy Christ

So how do you deal with the intolerant?
Exactly.

Groups like the AFA (American Family Association), and their narrowminded, homophobic views should be hunted down and persecuted. Their members should be blacklisted from working at places or else we boycott their employers who dare to defy us.

Maybe then they’ll have an idea of how Ford dealers and employees feel right now.

Let’s publish Dr. James Dobson’s home address as he did to Michael Moore. Maybe he’ll get a clue after he gets tired of cleaning up spraypaint and replacing broken windows.

If someone were to beat the fuck out of Rev. Fred Phelps and let him know God hates him too. Well, he’d get the point instead of encouraging violence againt people he has a problem with. If this is what his “Golden Rule” is… so be it. He must have missed Matt 7:1 just like the rest of the Fundies as did.

I’m sick of these Pharisees, pretending to be Christians, and their special blend of domestic terrorism. I’m sick of being nice and trying to reason with these ignorant motherfuckers, aren’t you? They need to be dealt with, as MalcolmX used to say, “By any means necessary”. Because they sure as hell will do it to us Americans if we get in their way.

We haven’t fed a Christian to lions in a good long time. Obviously they’ve forgotten how much persecution sucks.

Hate speech? Moi? Never!
The words of hate and intolerance come from these self-proclaimed Holy Men of God.
I’m simply saying “Do onto others, until they know how it feels.”

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 9 Comments

Nice guys (and girls) finish last at work too.

MSN Careers – Five Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish Last At Work – Career Advice Article

Makes a lot of sense. What a lot of us “Good Worker Bees” (aka “Grunts”) fail to realize is that companies are dominated by “Suits” who are ready to take credit for the good and push the errors off to blame on some flunky who is usually on the bottom of the food chain…

Someone like us.
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Old Skewl | 3 Comments

Making iTunes (and other fancy) buttons

There’s a great tutorial on Unlimit-3D.Com on how to make those glassy iTunes buttons that seem all the rage these days. iTunes button

It’s quite innovative in that it uses the rulers, pen tool and bezier curves that no one seems to use in Photoshop.

Here’s my first-time attempt on the right ~~~~>
I should have made the left side more curvy… maybe next time as I learn how to master the pen tool.
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Tutorials | Comments Off on Making iTunes (and other fancy) buttons

The facts and myths of Satanism

You know the Satanists… the dark robes, and ceremonies in which they sacrifice an animal or baby to their Dark Lord? The demonic power as they conjure up the fearsome demons to strike at their enemies?

Yeah Satanists get a kick out of those fictional movies too. 🙂
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 13 Comments

FreeThinkers. Is that like ‘Freezer Burn’ or ‘Jumbo Shrimp’?

Besides the mindless drones that will send money to the 700 Club so that their dog may be healed of its anal cysts, another group that annoys the hell out of me are FreeThinkers�.

From my run-ins with them on the web, they’re “militant atheists” that are as smug, annoying and self-righteous as their religious counterparts. Both have a “throw the baby out with the bathwater” mentality. Biblical discrepancies is enough for them to dismiss religion and the supernatural, just as “Piltdown Man” and other scientific setbacks are enough for Fundies to dismiss Evolution.

And quite frankly, I despise extremists to begin with.
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 6 Comments

432, Plutarch’s Parable and why I still think the Apostle Paul sucks

The Dead Sea Scrolls and the Nag Hammadi libraries tell my what I’ve known my entire life….

We’re not getting the WHOLE story.

While researching the Knights Templar, I saw on their message board “Do you think the DaVinci Code is true? Was Jesus and Mary Magdalene married?”

WHAAAAAT??????
Well. That must have the religious world in a tizzy. Look at how batshit insane they went over the sex scene in the “Last Temptation of Christ”.
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 13 Comments

Before you find yourself ‘Dooced’….

This should be a must-read for anyone blogging or thinking about starting a blog….

Free Expression Can Be Costly When Bloggers Bad-Mouth Jobs
(Registration is required, but I expect anyone in the know to ALREADY have an account with The Washington Post Anyway)

SoApBoXThis should be a “MUST READ” if you have a blog, journal, personal website, or a message board.

We have an expression in blogging, “Getting Dooced”. It’s from a very famous case when the author of Dooce.Com was fired for her content on her weblog… particularly for badmouthing her place of business and co-workers.

Now I’ve seen this happen on the web AND in real life. A lot of bloggers feel “safe and anonymous”. They may even make a casual remark that they forget all about, until the WRONG PERSON finds it buried away in your site via a Google search.

When this happens it’s always the same old song & dance. They feign shock and outrage as their “private thoughts” (which they put on the world wide web, go figure) are supposed to protected by the first amendment…

And, get this, they feel like THEY’RE the ones who were wronged!

Newsflash, chuckles: The world doesn’t work that way. Try and see it from your employer’s point of view. They are trying to keep and maintain a corporate image, they have customers on the web… who may stumble upon your remarks and it puts their company in a bad light. It’s about the same as making flyers that say “MY COMPANY SUCKS!” and passing them out in front of the building.

You don’t even have to name the company by name. If they know it’s you, and you’re talking about the job you’re working in…. that is MORE than enough to warrant your termination from your place of employment.

You may think you’re protected under the cover of anonymity, but you’re not. Your domain can be looked up in a WHOIS search. Search long enough in someone’s archives and you can piece together who is the author behind the writings. A large number of times these dopes write their weblogs/journals on company time, so their site is in their history folder.

And the First Amendment doesn’t give you the “freedom to say anything you want and be an irresponsible twit”, any more than a drivers license gives you the freedom to drive on a sidewalk and plow pedestrians.

Just a word to the wise…
don’t write something you don’t want your worst enemy to read. The web is the LAST place you want to put something where you don’t want it found.

But if you do, don’t expect any sympathy from me.

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in As The Web Burns, Old Skewl | Comments Off on Before you find yourself ‘Dooced’….

Desire… and giving thanks

While I understand Thanksgiving is primarily an American holiday… I think it’s a good thing for everyone to stop for a moment, look around at what you have and give thanks. I think anything that promotes love, and giving, and just appreciating what you have (rather than stress out over what you DON’T have) is a good thing.

There just ain’t enough of it in the world, you know?

You know… a funny thing I learned recently.
I never understood why a girl would suddenly take interest in a boy after he’s got a girlfriend; or why a man with a loving family, financially secure, and fairly successful would blow his brains out after being passed up for a promotion.

It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. I wouldn’t say it’s greed as much as it is we humans can never be content. We have to keep growing, and building, and bettering ourselves.

I’ve let a situation eat me alive over the past seven months. A position at work that I wouldn’t have normally given any thought over…

…except for the fact that I was told I can’t have it, and was never given a reason why.

Then, I found myself wanting it more than anything. I worked my ass off, did everything I could to prove I deserved it.

You can’t be king of the world if you’re a slave to the grind.
I turned in my two weeks notice on Wednesday.

I know I made the right decision.
For the first time in a long time… I feel a calm serenity inside and a burden lifted off my shoulders.

Time will tell whose loss it is. No one is indispensible. And, quite frankly, I never look back.

I have a family that loves me. Wonderful friends online and offline. I have a future now.
I have much to be thankful for.

And I can honestly say I’m content…

For now. 🙂

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Old Skewl | 3 Comments

On the F Train with Superman

Goodbye, Superman

When you live in New York long enough, you get to run into just about everybody.

I remember in the mid 80’s, I was on the F Train heading uptown to meet some friends, and this guy got on at West 4th Street. Thought nothing of it… except two girls sitting next to me were going ga-ga over him. Sure he was a good-looking guy and really tall, but he was dressed like a regular guy with jeans, a baseball jacket and a backpack.

Like a typical New Yorker, he put one foot on the door, grabbed the strap and watched the lights out the door window.

One of the girls whispered to the other in a half-giggle “Superman”, and I gave him a double take.

Holy shit! It really WAS Christopher Reeve.

He smiled at the girls (as he heard it too) and gave me a nod “hello” as I’m staring at him with my head askew like a confused puppy.

And after what I’m sure was an uncomfortable eternity for him waiting for his stop, he got off at 34th Street.

A memory that played over and over in my head as I heard the sad news of his passing today. When I was picked up from work today, my son had the saddest look on his face and said “Daddy, did you hear Superman died today?”

Then I told him the story about meeting him on the train.

All day long I couldn’t put a word on how I felt today.
I finally figured it out an hour or so ago:

Relief.

I admit I haven’t given Christopher Reeve a lot of thought over the years. But I do know that if it were me who broke his neck nine years ago and were condemned to live trapped in a body that didn’t work…

… I would have wished I had died right there on the spot.

He accomplished a lot in the last few years, fighting for causes, directing, writing a book; But I bet he would have given anything to just run free in a meadow with his arms wide open. Just once. Probably dreamed about it all the time. You can’t put a price tag on that.

Rest in peace, Chris.

P.S. A full-sized wallpaper version of “Goodbye Superman” is available in my Gallery over at Animotions

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Old Skewl | 4 Comments

Just…have an affair without me, why don’t you?

You know, nothing irritates the hell out of me more than a married woman having an affair…

… and I’m not the damn guy she’s having it with.
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Old Skewl | 7 Comments

This is what America is all about

“To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
President Theodore Roosevelt (A Republican President, btw… and a damned good one too.)

Happy Birthday America!Last year I had a graphic of Wonder Woman amid fireworks. She was blowing a kiss and the caption read “Happy Birthday America: YOU ROCK!”

The response for the year ahead was followed by a lot of “How dare you”, “Traitor”, “Un-American” and all sorts of fun stuff from the typical hateful right wing of the blogosphere.

I’m ashamed of a lot of things going on here these days. I’m ashamed of the direction our current administration is taking. I’m ashamed of the ugliness that my fellow countrymen have displayed for all the world to see. I’m ashamed of the fact that the only bad reviews of Fahrenheit 9/11 are by those who haven’t seen it. (Okay, well, Spiderman2 was much better, I admit it, but that’s not the point.)

… but one thing I won’t be ashamed of is being an American.

Quite frankly, I love this country very much and can’t think of a better place to be. It was the ideals signed into a declaration 228 years ago today that set this country apart from any other nation, with freedoms that came with a heavy price for generations to come.

I find myself thinking about the Declaration of Independence today, along with my fellow patriots.

I also think about the hatred and ignorance tearing that document up before our eyes. The paranoia of a faceless enemy causing us to snip out parts of the Bill of Rights “for our own good”.

Being against the war in Iraq doesn’t mean you wish ill on our troops. Disliking the President’s economic policies doesn’t mean you hate your country. And dissent certainly isn’t Un-American…

… hell, it’s about as American as you can get!

I’m all for kicking terrorist’s ass… I’m all for seeing Osama bin Laden’s charred corpse hanging off the Brooklyn Bridge. Seeing the animals beheading hostages get a taste of their own medicine (with a rusty hacksaw of course)…

But somehow, somewhere I feel we lost our focus between Afghanistan and Iraq… and I hate to see the price we’re going to pay for that.

Was ANYONE against troops going into Afghanistan and handing Osama his ass? No. So how did anyone who wanted to continue going after him and not waste our time with some tin-pot dictator like Saddam become “Antiwar hippies” and “liberals” anyway?

How can New Yorkers see the switcheroo take place, watch the man who slaughtered our loved ones walk free… and think that’s ok?

But I have faith in America, and will get through the dark times. There’s an innovation and a “can-do” attitude here like no other country’s ever had. And it’s all because of the ideals and dreams signed into reality on July 4th, 1776.

As hard as I’m trying here, I can’t say it any better than George Paine of Warblogging.Com did today:

You asked if any of my relatives were killed in the “9/11 Situation”. I am a New Yorker. I lost people I know in the World Trade Center. I spent a week — an entire week — in Union Square mourning with my fellow New Yorkers. I helped a Buddhist monk try to locate a Tibetan who was lost in the Trade Center, because if he did not determine whether he was dead or alive within 72 hours he would be unable to pray for his reincarnation. I cried with my fellow New Yorkers. I inhaled the concrete, the ash, the pulverized bone of my fellow New Yorkers. I watched the towers fall before my very eyes, not through a television screen. I inhaled people….
<snip>
I am not a liberal, and I am not anti-American (not that those two things have anything to do with each other). I am, if anything, a Libertarian. I believe that everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as it does not infringe upon anyone else’s right to do the same. I believe that the power of the state should be as limited as humanly possible. I believe that state power, necessarily, comes as a result of the reduction of your power and mine.

You have to read the rest. You really do…

Call me whatever derogatory names you wish. Let the brainwashed NeoCon sheep equate my dissent and questioning the status quo as hatred for my country. Let the bleeding heart liberal assholes call me racist or not being P.C. because I’m not “sensitive” enough to Iranian Idiots. I hate you both. You’re the same people on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

100% All-American - Don't question my patriotism again.
Fortunately, we live in a country where you’re free to say this things to me . But just remember that freedom goes both ways.

Our founding fathers gave King George the bird once, and I’m ready to do it again.

And if you don’t like it, or the fact that I will use my privilege to vote against your guy… I have a free hand for you too.

That’s what America is all about. Freedom. Choices. Different ideas from a lot of different people. And a constant vigilance to make sure the liberties, rights and freedoms that make us America stay there…. not taken away from us “for our own good”.

“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
Benjamin Franklin, Founding Father

Happy Birthday America.
You rock.

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Old Skewl | 4 Comments

The blood of heroes part I

splash.jpg

The way I understand it, a hero is not a person with extraordinary powers or has no fear.

Quite the opposite actually.
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Political Cannon Fodder | 3 Comments

Gay Marriage II: Putting speedbumps on the Slippery Slope

Senator Rick Santorum“If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual gay sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. All of those things are antithetical to a healthy, stable, traditional family and that’s sort of where we are in today’s world, unfortunately. It all comes from, I would argue, the right to privacy that doesn’t exist, in my opinion, in the United States Constitution.”
Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.), Associated Press, 04-22-03

Ladies and gentleman… I present to you what we (in Logic-Land) like to call the “Slippery Slope“.

“The Slippery Slope is a fallacy in which a person asserts that some event must inevitably follow from another without any argument for the inevitability of the event in question. In most cases, there are a series of steps or gradations between one event and the one in question and no reason is given as to why the intervening steps or gradations will simply be bypassed.”

Basically, I can argue how if I give a quarter to a pan handler, then I have to give one to all the other panhandlers. Next thing you know, I’m broke, filing for bankruptcy, turning to a life of crime, becoming a supervillan and holding the world for ransom and inevitably blowing it up.

Using that logic, yes… lending you money will bring about the end of the world. So don’t ask. :0)


So far the WORST “Slippery Slope”/”Straw man” combo argument comes from here. You just KNOW when they put either “Gay” or “Marriage” in quotations, what direction it’s going from there.

“If it is, as proponents suggest, discrimination to deny same-sex couples the privilege of marriage, then it is also discrimination to deny the privilege to anyone else who wants to get married. Right?”

Ooh…. I the crunching sound of a straw man coming…

“…’Well,’ you say, ‘who else wants to get married but is denied by the state?’Many people. And as soon as this taboo is broken, watch them line up.”

Here it comes… this is gonna be good. Wait for it…

“How long do you suppose it will be, once same-sex marriage is a reality, before brothers want to marry sisters? How long do you suppose it will be before sisters want to marry sisters? How long do you suppose it will be before brothers want to marry brothers?”

SoApBoX

WHAAAAAT!!???!!!

Nice set up. Lousy execution. You pick something as ludicrous and medically explainable as this???? Why do you think certain states require blood tests, moron???

Guys wanting to marry their sheep would have worked better.

My pre-canned response to this stuff is: “I’ll deal with that orange as soon as we’re done with this apple.”

Bear in mind kids, it’s not gay marriage that they have a problem with… it’s about homosexuality… period. End of story. Do not pass “GO”.

Look at the way NAMBLA, AIDS, bestiality and any other Santorum-esque comparisons/stereotypes comes up. Nothing direct in the way of how this will be detrimental to society. Just the possible repercussions from REAL freaks waiting in the wings.

They’d bitch just as loud if gays were offered platinum credit cards.


In response to my recent SoApBoX rant about Gay Marriage, a visitor writes:

While we’re, uh, “breaking out our Bibles,” why don’t you break out yours and read Romans 1:26-28 and ICor. 6:9?

(For those unfamiliar with those passages, when the “Slippery Slope” doesn’t work, these two scriptures are offered as “exclusive evidence” that homosexuality is condemned by God. Do note that they are both from Paul, “Mr. Tolerance” himself.)

I had invited this person to join us in the discussion. Personally, I KNOW I don’t have all of the answers in life. Therefore I like to learn by hearing different points of view. Here was my response. I’m posting it here for any added thoughts and for you guys to add to your arsenal…


Personally, I have mixed feelings about the Apostle Paul and his letters (epistles).

  1. Usually they were about him addressing issues going on at the time to whoever he was writing to. I’ve personally never seen them as direct decrees from God as much as his personal opinion. If we followed his every utterance, he was pro-slavery and anti-women, and he obviously felt sex was merely for procreation.I should also note that he butted heads with the original 11 Apostles (particularly Peter) constantly.
  2. They were added to the scriptures merely because they were authentic and cross-referenced with quotes from the Old Testament, which was the criteria for putting the New Testament together (thus throwing out things like The Apocrypha and Maccabees).
  3. Translators have always contended that Paul’s writings are difficult to translate from the original Greek. Many of the Greek words are believed to have been twisted to suit the beliefs of the translators too.

Romans 1:26-27 Discussion on http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_bibc.htm brings on a wide variety of theories that he was alluding to members returning to their old Roman ways (with Paul’s opinion that homosexuality was involved in Pagan Ritual), to slave owners sexually abusing their younger male slaves.

1 CORINTHIANS:6:9 Discussion on
http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_bibc1.htm again, the Greek translation is vague. “malakoi“, which was translated as “effeminate” (KJV) and “sexual pervert” (NIV), really means “soft or pliable”, can also mean weak and easily influenced by outside sources.

Again, I still contend many of the epistles were Paul’s opinions rather than God’s will. The Bible, like any other book where you take snippets out of, can easy produce something taken out of context. While the Bible contains a wealth of knowledge and practical advice, bear in mind it was written by various men in a different time with different points of view, and they found ways to leak their opinions in no matter what God warns about adding plagues. Unless you know what they meant in the original Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek, or you read the entire chapter to get the entire context that it was written it’s pretty easy to find something to support any claim, no matter how ignorant, immoral or politically incorrect.


Like God (or more precisely George Burns in “Oh God!”) said:
“I have given you all you need, and your on your own… just think of me every once in a while.”

Wherever the rest of this battle decides to go, it’s someone else’s fight.

A recent poll on PoliticsPA.Net has the people AGAINST a Gay Marriage Ban by almost 3 to one. I hope our elected officials are paying attention.

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 3 Comments

An open letter to Landover Baptist Church

From: Eric Brooks <moi@ericbrooks.com>
To: pastor@landoverbaptist.org
Sent: Friday, April 16, 2004 7:44 PM
Subject: The Gospel of Landover Baptist

I just had to tell you how hard I’ve been laughing just reading two months of your letters. Landover Baptist, as well as Betty Bowers and Whitehouse.org, are some of my favorite sites for biting satire… and watching these brainwashed sheep not seeing the hypocrisy of their own churches is hilarious beyond words.

Being a veteran (survivor) of bouncing around several churches, I get and appreciate your humor more than you’ll ever know.

Next time these Fundie Bible thumpers call your site a “disgrace” or “the
worst they’ve ever seen”, go send them over to Fred Phelps’ place (Or his America loving site).

Have YOU accepted Jesus as your Lord and personal buddy?
Whatever you’re doing to piss these people off…KEEP IT UP! Maybe they’ll start to think (no promises, but here’s hoping.).

Yours in Buddy Christ,
-=e=-

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 2 Comments

The Passion of the Rosenbergs

Given my last name, it’s quite common for many people to assume I’m Jewish.

This is because, in decades past, many people changed their names to common Anglo-saxon last names because names like “Finkelstein”, “Goldberg” or “Rosenbaum” carried a death sentence and persecution in certain parts of the world.

It really never phased me. And when you find salesmen offering you better deals and bargains… you never seem around to get around to correcting their assumption either. :0)
Continue reading

Eric Brooks

(/•ิ.•ิ)/✦ Musician ✦ Programmer ✦ Graphic Designer ✦ Evil Clown ✦ \(•ิ.•ิ\) - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

Posted in Religion | 8 Comments