Switzerland hates me? Oh that’s just GREAT!

Imagine waking up and finding out a whole country hates you…

Welcome to my world. I mean, I’m used to whole social networking sites deciding I’m a jerk (and yeah, I ask for it most of the time), but a whole country?

I wake up one morning and take a harmless Facebook Quiz (which are ALWAYS 100% accurate) to get this result:

Well screw me sideways! Are you kidding me? 🙁

*sigh* As an American, you’d think I’d be used to this. Ever since the internet age, I’ve been constantly bombarded with messages by nasty foreigners who can’t stand us. Let’s face it… YES, we (Americans) are loud and obnoxious… and we LOVE a good war! Especially the ones where we’ll kick your 3rd world ass in 5 days or less.

Most of these countries are just asking for it… and their only saving grace is we can’t find most of them on the map yet… so keep running your mouths, ok?

Now I haven’t contacted the State Department over this insult (YET!!!). After seeing that the Swiss are basically armed with…


OK… the corkscrew part does scare me a little bit…

… I’m pretty sure I can take this country over with my daughter’s Girl Scout troop.

Why hasn’t anyone else ever thought of taking over Switzerland and giving them a swift kick in their Liederhosen? Bastards.

I found this while researching my new enemies….

Sick of the Swiss
Uploaded on Mar 3, 2007
The Kids in the Hall don’t like the Swiss, and for good reason! Commenters: Please note that this is a comedy sketch, the KitH are not really sick of the Swiss.

I can’t believe they needed to post some disclaimer “Please note that this is a comedy sketch, the KitH are not really sick of the Swiss.”, are these people THAT whiny? That didn’t stop the FLOOD of anti-American rhetoric in the comments.

Funny thing is… the Kids in the Hall were CANADIAN.

Yeah, we’re used to that too. Canada is like the 12 year old kid living in the floor above you starting shit by throwing water balloons out the window, but the soaking-wet & angry people come to US on the first floor because they’re just too pissed off and lazy to think.

(This, of course, makes Central & South America as living in our basement. A very crowded basement… filled with every Hispanic stereotype and joke you can come up with in the comments… but I digress…)

I’m currently searching for Switzerland on Google Maps, scanning through Southeast Asia trying to get a lock on them. And when I do…YOUR ASS IS MINE, SWITZERLAND!

Made by the One and Only Smart Ass Blog Kamikaze… who is back, bitchez!

BONUS: Challenge by C.C.

(Sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things”)

Chocolates, and Zurich, and fake Rolex watches…
I wanna kick all the Swiss in their crotches…

Swiss Miss can play with Geko’s ding-a-ling…
These are a few of my least favorite things…

Aren’t they supposed to be a ‘Neutral’ Country?
What is their PROBLEM with me????

 

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

10 Tips to Become a Blogging Superstar on MySpace

How to become a Blogging Superstar

Some of you may remember this blog as the first time you’ve ever heard of me… because HOLY SHIT, DID THIS START SOME DRAMA! People weren’t used to me and how tongue-in-cheek I was through most of this, and I forgot that blogging is SERIOUS BUSINESS on MySpace. This time around I will keep it short, to the point, and as humor-free as possible.
————————————————-

I’ve been blogging since 1998 (that’s right, a year before Blogger came out), I’ve been on MySpace since 2006. I watched and studied the most successful bloggers here, saw what works, and brought a few tricks of my own…

TIP #1 – READ & COMMENT OTHER BLOGS
First and most important. Most of your readers are bloggers themselves. This is how people will hear about you and you make your presence known. I can’t tell you how many bloggers I’ve gotten into after I was impressed by their comment in a blog somewhere. Blogging is a community where we all support each other. If you comment someone’s blog, they will most likely come visit yours. You need to build readership… and the best way to GET readers, is to BECOME a reader. (Kind of like the old adage “If you want a friend, then you have to BE a friend”. Makes perfect sense when you think about it.)

TIP #2 – END YOUR BLOG WITH QUESTIONS
This will start discussion. Blogs ending with questions will be more likely to have comments. A sad fact is, most of your readers will skim through your blog and not read it fully. They also might not feel comfortable “flying blind” and feeling foolish with a comment if they didn’t get it… so why not guide them a little bit?

TIP #3 – KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE
We have a rule on the web. The rule of KISS (“Keep It Simple, Stupid”). So many bloggers think they’re the next Hemingway and then get frustrated at the lack of responses. But with all the blogs we have out there to read, do you honestly think people have the TIME to read your epic “War & Peace” novel in a medium where reading comprehension off a computer screen is significantly lower than what you’d get off a printed book or magazine? COME ON! Do you find people commenting a lot about the first or last paragraph they read? Then your blog is WAY too long. Get to the point!

TIP #4 – SUBSCRIBE TO ME LINK
Friends have pimped out your blog, people loved it. That’s the easy part, but how do you keep them coming back for more? Make them subscribe.

Sure you have the “subscribe” link up top… but they just scrolled all the way down. What better place to hit them with it than right at the end? A nice graphic to remind them: “SUBSCRIBE TO ME NOW!”. Make it easy on them.

TIP #5 – ANSWER ALL YOUR BLOG COMMENTS
You know what’s even better than comments? MORE COMMENTS! It also adds to your page views and overall ranking if your readers come back to read your response. Something witty or showing a genuine interest in them and what they have to say will work best. They will most likely comment more, particularly if you end the comment with a question (see TIP #2). One of the biggest turn-offs here is when a reader feels they’ve been ignored.

TIP #6 – FRIEND REQUEST YOUR READERS
Now with the “Activity Stream” we have here, I’m finding myself using that to read the latest blogs. I’m using it a lot more than even the “New Blog Posts” section (You post-daters have pretty much ruined that. Thanks a lot). Put in a friend request, leave a note thanking them for reading your blog. They will now be notified you have a new blog post right on their front page.

TIP #7 – BLOGDICKING (or “BLOG SKIPPING” for the “Rated G” crowd)
You have left the most thought-provocative comment ever on a very popular blog… but guess what? Who is going to read it on page 5?

“Blogdicking” is basically skipping the line and commenting under the very first comment, so there you are on page one for everyone to see. Some bloggers think it’s rude, but I personally think it keeps your blog looking fresh and helps the author find your comment so much easier.

Blogdicking Banner

Having a banner as your very first comment (because face it… “Firsters” are annoying) also makes things easier and doesn’t break up the conversation. But be fast… those sucky “firsters” are like vultures!

TIP #8 – BLOG RANKING
First thing I need to stress is that this is not the “end all be all” of blogging. People get obsessed over this as if Tom is going to send you a paycheck. But you know what? Having a blog rank nicely is a rewarding feeling too. It’s based on page views + comments + kudos.

Other factors include the time you post (best is between 4:30 AM – 10:00 AM Eastern time). You get the maximum amount of exposure as it’s all tallied up in a 24 hour period… as well as the category you post in.

The number ones in each category are lined up first in the Overall rankings, followed by the #2’s, 3’s, etc. Try and avoid “high traffic” categories like “News & Politics” or “Writing and Poetry”. You’d be amazed at how well you’ll rank in “Games” or “Automotive”, let me tell you.

TIP #9 – AUTOREFRESHING
Personally I’d prefer to just leave legitimate tips, because no one likes a cheater. But would I be your buddy if I left you with an incomplete education? I wont tell you where to find an auto refresher (because MySpace tends to delete those blogs), but you can easily Google it. Autorefreshing is how a great many of the “Top Bloggers” would rank by basically inflating their page views (And not ALL high ranking bloggers do this either). It’s cheating. But I’d be a hypocrite and a liar if I acted like I’ve never done it myself. Here’s my tip though:

Most people here can spot the cheaters. For starters, it is nearly impossible to have every one of your blogs rank consistently high, and a blog with less than 5 pages of comments is SURELY going to raise some eyebrows. Nothing will get your sorry ass beaten down here faster than lying about it and pretending you’ve done it fair and square. So if you’re gonna cheat… at least be a smartass about it.

TIP #10 – PIMP OUT AND GET PIMPED
Blogging is basically spread through word-of-mouth. Getting in the Top Blogs page will only get you a few new walk-ins at best (most people don’t even bother looking at it). Now, when I see in a blog I like that they’re raving about another blogger… or bulletins recommending you check out a certain blog? THAT gets my attention. It will on most people. Pimp out blogs you think are worth reading. More than likely people will return the favor.

WARNING: Do not ask/force people to pimp you out though. Nobody likes that, and people don’t want their credibility ruined… especially if it’s a crappy blog to begin with (which, sadly, most of these people who try to force their blogs on others to pimp out usually tend to write).

Was this tutorial helpful?
Do you have any other tips for bloggers to become more successful here?
Do I look fat in these jeans?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

The Girl in the Painting…

I can’t believe it’s been 20 years since I made these demos. (Yeah I know it’s not studio quality… what part of “DEMO” didn’t you get?)

Let be give you the background story on this song…

A long time ago there was this three year old boy. He was an only child, and he had a very powerful imagination.

His first “girlfriend” was one of those “Big Eye” paintings that were popular in the 60’s and 70’s. He was totally smitten with her and her big blue eyes.

He looked forward to seeing her everyday, as they went to some far off place in his imagination. She was a little weird and funny and had a way of cheering him up when he was down.

I’m sure in Jungian terms, the boy tapped into his own anima and projected it into her, just as Pygmalion did with Galatea.

The painting eventually disappeared… but she lived in his heart and haunted him with those gorgeous eyes his whole life.

Athena, I swear I’m lost without you…
You’re the Angel of my dreams.
But you left me, went back to your world far away…

In his teen years, no girl ever matched up to his “dream girl” (and we ALL know how that “marriage” thing worked, right?). He kind of had it in his head that she was real and out there somehow… he’d know it by looking into her eyes. She was his Muse. His “Immortal Beloved”.

After buying a Charvel Jackson Randy Rhodes guitar when he was 18… his dream girl had a new name: RANDI ATHENAS.

She’s changed forms over the years, but there was always those eyes. Those eyes and that zany personality. Still head over heels in Love with her, and seen little bits of her in every woman I’ve ever loved. It’s what drives me and haunts me at the same time.

Lonely nights, and it just ain’t right.
I’m lost inside.
Though I feel in the starlight, you’re still watching me…

… it’s the price that you pay, when you’re in Love with a fantasy….

Did you have a Dream Girl/Guy?
Did you ever find them?
Am I crazier than you originally thought?

\

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Eric’s Guide to the Bible

After nearly being hit by lightning yesterday (4th time in my life, I might add), I thought “Why hasn’t anyone ever written a drama blog about God and FINALLY put that careless egomaniac in His/Her place?”

Well, *I’M* gonna be the one to do it. I AM PISSED! And I am soooo sick of that Human Evolution guy on the front page every day for the past year. ENOUGH ALREADY!

Eric's Guide to the Bible

I have read The Holy Bible many, many times. All but one chapter. You see, they have a word for people that have read the entire Bible: They’re called Atheists.
And I need to believe in order to keep my creative spark.

I have to agree with Ace Tyler, religion needs a makeover. I’ve sold Santa and the the Tooth Fairy to my kids with little or no effort… because, face it: When money or gifts are involved, WE’LL BELIEVE IN ANYTHING! (This is not a jab at my new Nigerian friend I’ve been talking to in emails lately. He has my bank account information now, I don’t want to scare him off.)

SMITEDOWN!ETERNAL LIFE? Well that’s cool, but what’s in it for us NOW? We are in a day and age of instant gratification. Getting a tote bag from the 700 Club after a $500 donation isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Why can’t we fling lighting bolts too? I’d LOVE to take out a few assholes like He keeps trying to do to ME! Wouldn’t you?

Have you READ the Old Testament? Are you SURE you want to spend all Eternity with THAT guy? He hates everyone… including the Jews! One minute, they’re His Chosen People, and the next you have the Holocaust. WTF?

And what a DRAMA QUEEN! I thought for a while maybe God is a woman, this Yahweh person sure is moody and vindictive enough to be one. I mean a male God would have just dropped a mountain on Sodom and Gomorrah and be done with it… instead we have this whole theatrical firebombing (which is where the term “flamers” comes from in the Gay community, btw), and turning people into pillars of salt just because Lot’s wife went “Oh shit, I think I left the iron plugged in!” and looked back.

But alas… there were no plagues involving painful or itchy testicles (which would DEFINITELY be the mark of a female God) … so I guess God is a man after all. One REALLY moody and pissed off guy at that!

Pull My Finger!“FOR I, THE LORD THY GOD AM A JEALOUS GOD…”
DUDE! You made the Universe in 7 days, what have you got to prove here? A couple of sheep herders worship a golden calf, and you go off on them like a Top Blogger reading a bad comment!

The Book of Job, that poor sap! I am pretty sure this was just meant to be a fable to explain why horrible things happen to good people. You know Job’s kids & his wife murdered, his home destroyed, his cattle all wiped out… then to be homeless and covered in painful boils. Hey, it happens to all of us sometimes. Then to read behind the scenes God and Satan are sitting there going “Hey, let’s fuck with this guy some more…”.

Good and Evil joining forces just to put the screws on some guy just for shits and giggles. That’s comforting!

Religion v 2.0 – Enter the Jesus
Like most all-powerful, yet painfully insecure thin-skinned deities, I’m sure God was paying close attention to polls and watching his popularity dropping at an alarming rate. He assembles a heavenly research & development team to find out why people aren’t loving Him and being scared shitless at the same time:

“While most people find plagues of locusts and fire in the sky to be really cool to watch, no one seems to like it happening to them. And that ‘killing your first-born’ stuff? People tend to look down on that….”

Bible v 2.0 - Enter the JesusTime for a kinder, more gentler approach…

Now I don’t care what anyone says: JESUS WAS FREAKIN COOL! I mean, anyone that can turn water into wine was bound to be a hit at parties, right? Being blond haired and blue eyed also made him stand out in a crowd of Middle Easterners. Jesus was special and everyone knew it.

He hung out with tax collectors, revolutionaries, attractive, promiscuous women he saved from stonings, opened up a can of whoopass on the moneychangers at the Shaolin Temple, he was like a cross between Criss Angel and Nikki Sixx.

But his message was one of love and peace, and some of the people used to God smiting them for wearing white after Labor Day was just too old skewl for his message and decided he had to go.

He didn’t set out to start his own religion, going to the Gentiles was “Plan B”. As his Apostles preached with “Oh yeah, speaking of the Messiah, you know that guy that got crucified two weeks ago…?”

Well, no one likes to be told “I told you so”, do they?

His message of hope and love was spread throughout the world in the form of Crusades and Inquisitions, and then later by Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church.

It’s been almost 2,000 years since he promised he’d return.
I’m starting to think we’ve been punk’d here…

Who does this God think He IS anyway?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

I like pie better than Cakes anyway…

We realize most dramas are very hard to follow, and the recent feud between WTF Radio and myself has been no different.

It basically breaks down to the same thing in every long drama that no one really cares about. You have a misunderstanding, a heated argument, escalation, and then tit for tat until someone finally yells “WHO CARES ALREADY!!!”.

So, to make this all simple for everyone, I have decided to break it down in cartoon form. Bear in mind, like all blogs, this is MY side of the story (a/k/a “The GOSPEL TRUTH”). Whatever they’re going to say is not true. Don’t even read them!








This was my proposed “fix” for the situation. Here would have been the part where I would suggest a contest where everyone writes a funny ending to this drama, and we’d all have a good laugh and realize how absolutely stupid this whole thing was, and WTF Radio would be bigger than ever.

Jim and I are good buddies again and I wish him good luck as he re-groups and takes his time to set his show back up.

WTF RadioUPDATED 5/13: I had no idea WTF Radio was going to be up and running this fast… please join Jim and whoever his co-host will be every Monday Night on BlogTalkRadio!!!!

I mean COME ON! Jim, Cookie, S*U*S*A*N*, Bad Lisa, myself, and so many others were using Jack in the Box defaults through this… YOU tell ME how seriously we were all taking this???

So let’s get to THE REAL ISSUE that you all want to talk about…

Why wont they let me in the Top Bloggers Club here so I can be a Top Blogger too?
WHY??!?!!!?

Subscribe to my MySpace blog

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Sometimes criticism is good for you, you know…

I can’t believe I have to even say that! But looking around at the state of the Human Condition… I suppose I have to.

Criticism doesn’t necessarily *HAVE* to be nice to be constructive.

In whatever people chose to do on the web, whether it’s to write, be an artist, create content, sell a product or service… it is a continual struggle to perfect your craft. Or at least it should be. This is how you become really good at what you do.

I was watching a local show the other day where a panel of web gurus were on and the topic was “What do you do to control the negative opinions of the public on your website?

Webmaster: “You set guidelines early on as to what is acceptable on your site and warn people that unacceptable comments and behavior will lead to removal and/or expulsion”.

Internet Lawyer: “You don’t want to stifle free speech on your site. This will make your site look too ‘controlled’ and ‘phony’ and you run the risk of losing all your visitors.”

Marketing/Consultant: “You hide nothing! You take whatever negativity you get and turn it into a strength. Be honest about your flaws and respond back kindly and professionally. Most of the time, these critics feel they are screaming into a vacuum, and when you respond, they come back shocked with ‘Wow, I didn’t realize anyone even reads this… I’m sorry for being so harsh’, and you are on your way to converting a new loyal customer.”
———————————-

Needless to say, I was most impressed with the Marketing Guru’s answers. The public can spot a phony a mile away… especially on the web. Why attempt to control the uncontrollable, when you can accept that you now have the god-like gift of being everywhere and seeing people’s innermost thoughts?

He’s 100% right too. And this doesn’t just apply to a political/e-commerce site, this applies to any blog/website where the owner/author is seen as “Larger than Life”, and the commenter doesn’t realize that the owner puts on their pants one leg at a time just like everyone else.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Let me offer a few examples…

(*Screen gets all squiggly as you go back in time*)

I sat in several business meetings at a company where I managed their websites. They had me run a survey, and reviewing the results they felt they got nothing out of it… they called on two more surveys from outside sources after that…

… still nothing!
……….. or was there…?

I got everything I needed to know from the first survey. The public was trying to tell them that certain days the newspaper was worth buying (circulars, weekend guides, coupons), and certain days they weren’t… and certainly not worth paying a full subscription for that. The next two surveys said the same exact thing…

Why did they feel they didn’t get any useful answers?
They weren’t listening. They only heard what they wanted to hear. They were looking for praise on certain products and how to build on that, instead of working on their weaknesses… they were given a goldmine of information, but missed it because they were looking for diamonds instead.

The Corporate mind… UGH.
And you wonder why the public is disgusted at the thought of bailing incompetent companies out?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Here’s another one…
(*Squiggles again, you know the drill*)
I got this Guestbook entry about a year ago….

Joe Blow says:
I really don’t see any point in this website. It’s outdated for one thing and hard to navigate. but what do I know. I’m Joe Blow.

OUCH! Yeah that stung for a little bit.
Now can you imagine the reactions of some bloggers here getting this? I can. And it would go something like this…

Blogger#1: “Oh you’re just jealous because I am soooooo popular! HMPH!”
Blogger#2: “Oh that’s it! IT IS ON!” *Writes a Drama Blog for all the loyal readers to tear that person apart and blow sunshine up the author’s keyster*
Blogger #3: “OMG! No one should see this!!!” *DELETE!*
Blogger#4: “Well since you can’t say it under your real name, I don’t see any reason why I should even care about your opinion!”

What did I do?
I listened… this person just gave me VALUABLE information, and whatever their motivation behind it really was, it meant more to me than the pages of “Wow! Great site!” comments I received before and after it.

    It told me:

  1. The site needs to be updated more often.
  2. A new design that is more up with the current look is in order.
  3. The navigation needs to be simplified.

And I like to think with my new redesign, I addressed those issues. It needs more work, and I have a big long “To Do” List, but at any rate, I want EricBrooks.Com to be the best it can be….

This doesn’t just apply to the web, it goes with real life as well. Sometimes your harshest critics can hand you valuable information to better yourself and improve your craft. Stop taking things so personal. READ! LISTEN! SHUT UP!

Think of the old prospectors during the gold rush… how many tons of dirt and mud they sifted through, and every so often, they found a gold nugget in there?

Why do YOU think you have two eyes, two ears and only ONE mouth?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

How To Resize Blog Comments on MySpace

So you’ve written this great blog, so careful to make sure nothing stretched your screen in your post…. so meticulous, as you want to make sure everyone can digest what you’re trying to say without side scrolling….

Suddenly some HTML-Challenged putz leaves a graphic from Photobucket in your comments that should be used as desktop wallpaper!!! ARRRRRRGH!

Don’t you hate when that happens?
No worries, we’re about to fix that.



HOW TO AUTOMATICALLY RESIZE THE GRAPHICS IN YOUR BLOG COMMENTS

************ UPDATED 03/23/09 ****** NEW CODE BELOW *******

– Go to Customize Blog in your blog control panel.
– Paste the following CSS code in your “Your own Additional Style Sheet” box:

td.blogComments {font-size: 13px; width:499px; max-width:550px; width:auto; height:auto; overflow:hidden;}
td.blogComments img {width:499px; max-width:550px; width:auto; height:auto;}
td.blogComments object {width:549px; height:450px; max-width:550px;}
td.blogComments embed {width:549px; height:450px; max-width:550px;}
*html .main .blogComments td.blogComments  {width:450px; height:auto; overflow:hidden}

What that code does is tell the browser that any picture or video over 550 pixels wide is going to be shrunk to that size (with the height automatically proportioned….)

There’s only ONE itty bitty problem. This code will work on every browser except Internet Explorer (you know the one that 47% of your readers are using?). Works like a charm on Firefox, Safari, Netscape, Chrome and Flock though.

Why people still use Internet Explorer… I have no idea. It doesn’t recognize the “max-width” attribute, which is the key to this whole trick. Mozilla-based browsers smoked I.E. in the “Browser Wars” years ago. You can also use JavaScript to make it work in I.E., but that’s a major “no-no” on MySpace.

The best you can do here is cut off anything longer than 550 px; from the screen in I.E…

I don’t care what the blog looks like in Internet Explorer, anyway. I use Firefox.

Download Firefox 3 – The Best browser out there…

Download Firefox

Or….
Download Flock (The Social Browser)
Download Google Chrome
Download Apple Safari
Download Opera (Thx, Jared)

REMEMBER: Friends don’t let friends use Internet Exploder!!!!


Try and stretch out my MySpace blog with a graphic, video, or text… I DARE YA!

Subscribe to my MySpace Blog!

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Eric’s Guide to the 2008 Presidential Election

I really don’t bother with politics.

Not that I don’t have opinions, not that I don’t know what’s going on…

But what is the point of making half my friends uncomfortable, polarizing everyone, and causing hard feelings everywhere…?
ESPECIALLY IF THESE TWO BOZOS AREN’T PAYING ME TO DO IT?

McCain? Obama?
Last chance to have me in your pocket as a secret weapon…?
*checks mailbox*
*watches a tumbleweed roll out*

Very well… I’ll just do this as my patriotic duty to inform and tell everyone who I feel is BEST suited to run this country for the next 4-8 years.

I’ll lose some friends over this, but I’m prepared to handle whatever happens.

And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!


MEET THE CANDIDATES WE’RE STUCK WITH
Barack ObamaBarack “Derka Derka Mohammed Jihad” Obama (Douche)
He wants change (yeah, we’ve never heard THAT ONE before!). Believes peace and prosperity will come by awakening as a muslim sleeper agent, befriending all of the designated Terrorist states and letting Iran take us over, despite the fact that they couldn’t win an 8 year war with Iraq, whose ass we kicked twice in less than 2 weeks both times. “Peace will come when we rid the world of Racism and Jews…”

John McCainJohn “Sleepy Grampa” McCain (Turd Sandwich)
Like all Republicans, he likes to claim Ronald Reagan’s legacy. Unfortunately, the legacy he claims is severe old age and senility. His answer to every problem comes in the tune of a Beach Boy parody. When asked about the North Korean crisis he sang “And he’ll have fun, fun, fun till we blow his slanted gook ass away…”

Weaknesses of the Candidates:
With Obama, besides the obvious fear that he might enslave the entire White race as payback for Slavery, his lack of experience is cited. This of course comes from the same people that thought it was just fine to trust George W. Bush with the big red button. Most companies wouldn’t trust Dubya with a stapler.

With McCain, he can’t seem to make up his mind if he wants to be seen as a “Maverick,” and keep saying “I’m not Bush”, or will continue the same policies that have us on the verge of another Great Depression. He feels anyone a shade darker than an albino may be a threat to National Security, and is willing to stay in Iraq and make those fuckers like us for bombing the shit out of them if it takes 100 years. Sure he led an impressive career in the past 350 years, but if a horse his age considered themselves a “Maverick”… we’d just tell them what they wanted to hear on the way to the glue factory.

The issues:
Much of this election focused on the STUPIDEST issues possible. From flag pins, to McCain not being able to use a computer (thereby INCAPABLE of falling for Nigerian Email scams that can throw us deeper in debt), to how McCain spent his youth proudly serving his country in World War I to how Obama spent it as a backup singer for Earth Wind and Fire (I think?)….

I suppose the joint message they’re trying to say is “Look, we can’t possibly fuck this country up worse than Bush already did, right? Come on, vote for me. What have you got to lose???”

Vice Presidents:
What curious choices they made. McCain took a break from making “Rape Jokes” and calling chicks “BROADS” to pick a woman, while Obama picked Joe Biden. Do you suppose Barack Obama just couldn’t get enough of FOX News constantly associating “Obama” with “Osama” and wanted a running mate whose name together looked like “Osama bin Laden” on lawn signs if you drive by fast enough?

Bad enough he and Biden had that awkward moment where he praised Obama for being “well spoken” and people took it as a slam against the “Hooked on Ebonics” program that’s so popular in the inner cities. Then Biden made it worse by explaining with “Hey the guy is a GREAT public speaker! I’m just calling a spade a spade here. What IS IT with you people?”

Ouch.

Of COURSE Sarah Palin was chosen for her experience as Governor of Alaska (OBVIOUSLY the Queen of Timbuktu and the Mayor of East Bumfuck wasn’t available to show everyone how out of touch the McCain campaign is)… and not as some hot babe. I mean you WONT read blog after blog of right wing pundits who post pics of her legs and beauty pageant pics from the 80’s. And you CERTAINLY wont find her pics all over the place when googling for “sexy librarian”….


Now I’m not gonna lie, like most red-blooded American males I saw Sarah Palin and thought DAYUM BAY-BEE!!!! (No really, despite my flair for drama, I really AM a straight guy). I wouldn’t mind seeing her on tv all the time. YUM!

But have we REALLY thought this all the way through?

I mean except for misspelling “potato”, claiming they’ve invented the internet, or shooting someone in the face while duck hunting… how often do you *ACTUALLY SEE* a vice-president, anyway?

Not much.
Then again, guys voting with their dicks wont be thinking much anyway.

Now if Obama wanted to couteract this, here’s an idea: Cut down on Government waste AND supply us with eye candy by combining Press Secretary and Secretary of State into “Press Secretary of State” and give the job to….

AMBER LEE ETTINGER A/K/A OBAMA GIRL!!!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BOYYYYY!!!!

Now imagine diplomatic talks failing, or telling the press some really bad news, and Obama Girl pouring on the charm and using her best assets… like THIS?

“What? Another tax hike to cover the staggering deficit? SURE no problem!”
“We’re going to war with Russia, China and Uzbekistan at the same time? Uhhhhh…. ok.”


But folks… no matter who wins between these two, one thing is certain…


Fret not, my friends…. we have a THIRD OPTION.
(No not Ron Paul. HAHAHAHA! You’re killing me! I tell the jokes here, alright?)There is another… with the experience of McCain and the eloquence of Obama. A man that Al-Qaida would be FOOLS to mess with. His plans are solid, and he has no reason to lie for your vote….I’m talking about (who else?)

GENERAL ZOD!!!!
http://www.zod2008.com

That’s right bitchez, I am SICK AND TIRED of this broken two-party system. General Zod is a LEADER and proven experience with global domination, foriegn policy, military… and well, kicking Superman’s ass all over the place!

Please visit http://www.zod2008.com and see where he stands on the issues. Particularly terrorism and critics…

SCREW THE DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS….
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Ladies, Beware of the ‘Nice Guy’

As published on MySpace – August 31st 2008
Ladies, Beware of the Nice Guy

This is a followup to Kelly Jo’s “What Nice Guys Say and What they REALLY Mean“. We were supposed to do it as a co-blog… but everything needs to be a big production with me. So here it is, two days later.

There’s a difference between a genuinely nice guy (lower case) and a “Nice Guy” (capital letters). A nice guy is just a decent person looking to have fun and connect with people online. Nothing wrong with being a flirt either… it makes the online community that much more livelier.

The “Nice Guy,” however, is a predator of the “Jekyll & Hyde” variety. Eager to appear as a “Knight in Shining Armour” in front of everyone… but behind the scenes, they keep their nasty side hidden until they have enough popularity and your personal information to hold you hostage emotionally for as long as it amuses them.

There is *ALWAYS* an ulterior motive behind what they say and do.

    Signs of a Nice Guy:

  • Agrees with *everything* you say and do. Expressing your opinions as their own.
  • Appeals to an emotional argument rather than a logical one, and ready to “leap to the rescue and spring into action” to impress the object of his affections.
  • Would prefer to continue the relationship out of the public eye (i.e.: emails, IM, phone, etc)
  • Uses some kind of a traumatic event in his life (real, imagined, or greatly exaggerated) as a backdrop to gain sympathy and explain his uncharacteristic outbursts and wanting you to open up and share your pain and personal details with them.

  • Moving the relationship too fast, or beyond your comfort levels… while reminding you of his past trauma, earning your trust through pity, and using it as an excuse to cross the line.

  • Tries to get information out of your friends that you were already reluctant to give him when asked.
  • Openly hostile toward/feeling threatened by Alpha Males. They’re “suck ups” at first, but once they get popular by association… they set out to prove they’re “different” from the other guys.
  • You feel you’re constantly being “watched” and “monitored” by the Nice Guy. Being stifled and unable to express yourself freely without getting a private message of disapproval from him. A feeling of “suffocation”.

a Nice Guy in actionIn reality, the Nice Guy is a pathetic little chameleon. A “Walter Mitty” type.  He’s whiny, self-centered and very insecure. You’re too busy opening up to this “too good to be true” guy to notice he’s only sharing with you what he *WANTS* you to know about him.

He uses sympathy as a vehicle to get sex out of you (while trying to convince you that guy you were looking at is a douchebag only interested in getting sex out of you. Ironic, no?). He will keep trying to cross the line to see if you are ready yet (and getting creepier by the second).

But if you call him on it…

WATCH OUT! You’re about to see the nasty side of him that he works so hard to keep out of the public eye.

No point in telling anyone, is there? Who will believe you? He’s such a nice guy everyone will think you’re crazy! He probably has enough of your personal info by now that he’ll think nothing of making your personal life a living hell in retaliation.

A Real Man doesn’t need to resort to these tactics, does he? Each woman has a “unique signature” about them. A man will notice it and tell them about it. Not use some “blanket generalization” that a lonely and vulnerable woman would interpret as “seeing her”. Strong independent women tend to see through the Nice Guy’s facade rather quickly… so they move on to more vulnerable prey.

An example of a Nice Guy I dealt with online:
One guy on my old message board was a real doozy! He was charming and sincere at first… but that was just to get his foot in the door. After weeks of ass kissing and gaining acceptance, he moved into his “poor me” stage. His first wife died, and his second wife left him for another man…

boo hoo!This of course, tugged on a lot of heartstrings.
(OK. Read the rest before you decide I’m a heartless prick. Please?)

He was more than happy to listen to other people’s problems (providing of course you were willing to listen to him twice as much.). He then became the “Defender of the Women,” tearing into any guy who dared to disagree with a female’s opinion on the board. He also couldn’t resist taking shots at me and other “top guys” that were popular; Belittling us in a way that seemed like pure projection on his part (a guy in his 50’s telling *US* we can’t get it up? HA!).

Behind the scenes he felt he deserved “pity sex” for all his hardships and trauma. He got nasty and spiteful in private to women who put him off or turned him down. One married woman in particular, who foolishly gave out her home phone number and address to him, got cards in the mail and phone calls at times when he knew her husband would be home.

As she rejected his advances further, he outright told her that her husband would “probably not approve of her activities on the board if he found out” (An indirect threat of sorts). She began to shy away from participating, fearful of the next private message from him questioning her and why is she talking to “this guy” or why she said what she did to “that guy”.

In time he pissed off enough people that I ended up giving this loser the BANHAMMER as a Christmas gift to all the ladies on the board… not to mention letting him know that a few of the “women” ol’ Cassanova cyberf**ked, were actually guys in fake female profiles messing with him. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ladies? You think the douchebags are bad? Nice Guys are WORSE. At least you know where you stand with a guy who makes his intentions crystal clear. The other weasels will grab you by your emotions and tear your heart out instead of just breaking it.

Just look for the signs and realize you are on the internet. A place where anyone can appear in any form they want. And All you know is what they’ve told you

Landing a guy is really simple: We’re all basically the same. Feed us, sleep with us, and tell us we’re the most amazing man you’ve ever met with the biggest schlongs you’ve ever seen (lie if you have to)… AND WE’RE ALL YOURS!

Stop looking for Prince Charming. He’s not on MySpace. Trust me.

Do you have any experiences with Nice Guys?
How did you handle it?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

How to *NOT* be Wrong in an Internet Fight

As seen on MySpace….
Currently on the front page of MySpace's Top Blogs

The latest in my self-help series on MySpace is an excerpt from my new book: “Confessions of an Internet Superhero: How I’ve Cleaned the Web up and Made it SERIOUS again“.

Well kids, in the last chapter, we covered “How to make everyone care about the same things you do”. I think it went really well, don’t you? As a result, no one says “retard”; Racism has been erradicated; Cancer and AIDS are a thing of the past; We’re all Vegans, attending church regularly, and voting for John McCain.

I like to think I had a little something to do with it.
*pats self on the back*

Recently I received a letter from a fellow Crusader for Internet Justice who shares my vision of ridding the internet of Icky Bad People (IBP).

“But Eriiiiiic…. someone disagreed with me and said I was WRONG!”

NONSENSE! An Internet Good Guy is *NEVER* wrong. We took an oath. Don’t you see? This is merely just a ploy by the haters and the bad guys to make you doubt yourself. Only stupid people disagree with you. Am I right?

The following suggestions will help you in your Online Battles and MAKE you right every time:

1- Raise an army against the forces of darkness and evil – Might makes right. It is a known fact that if 5 people or more say the same exact thing, it is Gospel Truth. Twenty or more of your friends invading the stronghold of your arch nemesis’ blog and pummeling them and their mindless minions into the ground will make them wrong FOREVER!

2- Don’t waste your time with a fake profile – Do you go to a clothing store and argue with the mannequins? No! A fake profile is someone not using their real picture, or their real name. Other signs are not disclosing personal information such as a home telephone, social security number, or where their children are in a handy hourly itinerary on their MySpace profiles. FAKES!

I don’t know how the words manage to get on the screen, but I can assure you there is no human being with a soul or feelings behind this “smoke and mirror” illusion. Clearly this is some terrorist tactic of some sort by someone with something to hide! (Unless they agree with you. Then they’re ok.)

3- Beware of the “fence sitters” and people not sharing your passion to rid an evil entity off the web – People that don’t agree with everything you say or do is SURELY a betrayal waiting to happen. Watch.

4 – Use your painful past to deflect criticism and justify your actions – As a child I was TRAUMATIZED when I saw an anvil drop off a roof and kill my uncle. Anvils are not funny. And should not be made a joke out of. If one person is not laughing. Then it simply isn’t funny is it? By extension, neither are pianos, cabinets, goats or anything else that can fall out of a building.

I remind people of this as I discuss my political and religious views occasionally. Everyone needs to be a little more sensitive toward my feelings.

What other things can you suggest to always be right on the internet?
How have you used your powers to be a positive force for good lately?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Seriously… Cho was a pu*sy.

Yeah, I mean really. How tough can you be to pull a gun on a bunch of unarmed students? And I see a bunch of fucked-up kids on MySpace thinking he’s some sort of role model? His EMO-spewing whinings in his manifesto were cool?

Your ass ain’t getting beaten enough at home, I see.

You know who else were pussies?
Cho’s heroes, Eric Harris and Dylan Kliebold.

Awwwwww you got bullied in school…. boo fucking hoo, you little pansies.
You have failed one of life’s most important social lessons…

How to deal with Dicks.

Face it, you will have to deal with Dicks all through your life. In school, at work (most supervisors are Dicks), odds are you’ll end up in a nursing home where your nurse will be a Dick that thinks putting spoonfuls of blue jello up your ass when no one is looking is REALLY FUNNY!

If you haven’t figured it out yet… I’M A DICK! We like to fuck pussies like you over. It’s the natural order of things in the universe. Going on a murder spree because you can’t handle being teased? Well, congratulations… you’ve now graduated to ASSHOLE.

Guess what? We like to fuck assholes over too. Besides the horrible loss of life this week, the other tragedy was that Pussy Cho was not being taken alive so he can be someone’s little bitch for the rest of his life in a federal penitentiary.

Newsflash: We ALL get bullied at some point or another. The key is learning how to turn it around on your opponent with your wits. Much of what people ridicule others for is projection of their own insecurities. Martial Arts is all about using your opponents energy against them. The military uses Psy Ops to fuck with their enemies heads before kicking the shit out of them.

Maybe your parents are pussies that told you some lame shit like “fighting isn’t the answer” or something. Well your parents smoked pot all through these years, your dad has a crappy low-paying job and your mom sometimes has to blow the landlord when they’re short on rent… so what do they know? (btw, sorry you had to hear that last part from me).

I bet if more people punched a bullys lights out, there will be less pussies coming to school with AK-47s… I almost guarantee it.

It’s the Dick way.

You know who else are pussies this week? The white guys in suits who fired Gary in the Morning for making “I’m a Nappy Headed Ho” the “phrase that pays”. WTF? That shit was HILARIOUS! Now you couldn’t PAY ME to listen to WSBG. Morons.

More Pussies this week:
Those kids making “Cho” profiles on MySpace and commenting on a VT Victims page.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Do us all a favor and put a bullet in your empty skulls and go join your “hero”, ok?

THE MEDIA
Who the hell CARES what Al Sharpton thinks? Most New Yorkers tuned his fat ass out years ago. He doesn’t represent Black people any more than David Duke represents YOUR pasty White asses (oops sorry, I mean “European-American”).

DON IMUS
Who should have been fired years ago for being old and unfunny. He should be in a nursing home with some Dick putting spoonfuls of jello up his butt (then he’d be funny again!).

WNEP
Who decided this rant was inappropriate for television and cancelled my appearance tonight, so I have to waste this rant on MySpace! (Note I’m using small words here and typing slowwwwwlyyyy)

THE RIGHT WING
Where morons like Michelle Malkin and other idiots are making Virginia Tech into some 2nd Amendment issue. Oh YEAH! Give more guns out and turn the place into the OK Corral. Yeah I can see the logic behind THAT one. *eyeroll*

(You think maybe if the NRA took this time to denounce irresponsible assholes like Cho, MAYBE we’d take gun nuts seriously?).

Mentally ill pussy kills innocent people…. that’s all there is to the story. Quit shoving your agendas in our faces and exploiting this tragedy.

THE LEFT WING
The party of pussies! You know they’re working on even more confusing Gun Control laws as we speak. Haven’t you learned from the Patriot Act that any kneejerk law based on fear is BAD? Stop punishing responsible gun owners! Did we take cars and alcohol away from you guys after Chappaquiddick?

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT
Fuck you. Just fuck you pussies. (Ooops, I mean “Vagino-Americans”)

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

An Inconvenient Pack of Morons

I have come to a very simple conclusion after watching An Inconvenient Truth.

SoApBoXWe are truly a nation of dumbasses.

First of all, no one needs to sell me on the concept of Global Warming. We all learned about this in 6th grade science class… In the 70’s.

The same people who insist that this is a “myth” are the same people who think “Theory” in science (Capital “T” as in “Theory of Evolution”) means the same thing as “conspiracy theory”… so, you know, consider the source.

So many people have tried to take Gore and this movie apart, and it’s so clear they never saw it, or else they’d know their arguments have already been taken apart.

  • “We’ve been coming out of an ice age for the last 10,000 years!”
    Gore presents scientific evidence from the last 600,000 years (including 7 of our ice ages) that prove indisputably that our CO2 emissions have spiked in the last 50 years, and the last ten hottest years on record occurred within the last 14 years.
  • “Global Warming on Earth… or Ice Age in Europe… well, which is it?”
    Ocean currents, temperatures and its effects are explained in great detail and in a way that even my 9 year old understood it. Melting polar caps of fresh water into the ocean CAN cause an ice age in parts of the globe. The melting glaciers that were once the Great Lakes in North America caused Europe’s last ice age.So yes, chuckles… you can have both!

Gore also pulls no punches about the 2000 election where he won by the popular vote nationwide, yet the Supreme Court decided to give Florida to Bush. This surprised a lot of people in the house here.

I thought EVERYONE knew that.

He shows a polar bear trying to find a block of ice in the North Pole to settle on before he drowns and how scientists are finding a large number of drowned polar bears where there were once plenty of places to land. OH NO!!!! SWIM POLAR BEAR SWIM!!!!

He PROVES how improving the environment will actually HELP our economy. (Did you know we can’t sell cars in China because we don’t meet their efficiency standards? Or how California was sued by auto makers for leading the way in emissions efficiency laws?).

And well, who the hell is thinking about getting their kid an X-Box when their city is going under from a class 5 hurricane? (Simulations also show parts of Florida and Manhattan joining New Orleans with the current trend of arctic land ice melting.)

Well I don’t know who this “new” Al Gore is, and what happened to the “Gorebot” that bored the hell out of me in 2000… But this guy is witty, intelligent, and sometimes even entertaining. So if he runs again for the White House, he’s got my vote.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Do Onto Others (Until They Know How It Feels)

Why do people suffer?
Largely it’s learn how to have compassion and sympathy for others in a similar situation.

Unfortunately human beings are dense in that area.

People who say “Capital punishment is killing people to show people that killing is wrong”, doesn’t have a clue how the world works. Neither do people who lose elections by not responding to smear campaigns because they “refuse to stoop to their level”.

Horseshit.
Eye for an eye, fight fire with fire, insert your cliche here.

Bullies don’t stop until they get their asses kicked by someone bigger than them. Sex offenders *SHOULD* get their asses raped on a nightly basis. And violent people should be beaten into a coma… only then will they understand how it feels to be their victims.

Buddy Christ

So how do you deal with the intolerant?
Exactly.

Groups like the AFA (American Family Association), and their narrowminded, homophobic views should be hunted down and persecuted. Their members should be blacklisted from working at places or else we boycott their employers who dare to defy us.

Maybe then they’ll have an idea of how Ford dealers and employees feel right now.

Let’s publish Dr. James Dobson’s home address as he did to Michael Moore. Maybe he’ll get a clue after he gets tired of cleaning up spraypaint and replacing broken windows.

If someone were to beat the fuck out of Rev. Fred Phelps and let him know God hates him too. Well, he’d get the point instead of encouraging violence againt people he has a problem with. If this is what his “Golden Rule” is… so be it. He must have missed Matt 7:1 just like the rest of the Fundies as did.

I’m sick of these Pharisees, pretending to be Christians, and their special blend of domestic terrorism. I’m sick of being nice and trying to reason with these ignorant motherfuckers, aren’t you? They need to be dealt with, as MalcolmX used to say, “By any means necessary”. Because they sure as hell will do it to us Americans if we get in their way.

We haven’t fed a Christian to lions in a good long time. Obviously they’ve forgotten how much persecution sucks.

Hate speech? Moi? Never!
The words of hate and intolerance come from these self-proclaimed Holy Men of God.
I’m simply saying “Do onto others, until they know how it feels.”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Nice guys (and girls) finish last at work too.

MSN Careers – Five Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish Last At Work – Career Advice Article

Makes a lot of sense. What a lot of us “Good Worker Bees” (aka “Grunts”) fail to realize is that companies are dominated by “Suits” who are ready to take credit for the good and push the errors off to blame on some flunky who is usually on the bottom of the food chain…

Someone like us.
Continue reading “Nice guys (and girls) finish last at work too.”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Making iTunes (and other fancy) buttons

There’s a great tutorial on Unlimit-3D.Com on how to make those glassy iTunes buttons that seem all the rage these days. iTunes button

It’s quite innovative in that it uses the rulers, pen tool and bezier curves that no one seems to use in Photoshop.

Here’s my first-time attempt on the right ~~~~>
I should have made the left side more curvy… maybe next time as I learn how to master the pen tool.
Continue reading “Making iTunes (and other fancy) buttons”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

The facts and myths of Satanism

You know the Satanists… the dark robes, and ceremonies in which they sacrifice an animal or baby to their Dark Lord? The demonic power as they conjure up the fearsome demons to strike at their enemies?

Yeah Satanists get a kick out of those fictional movies too. 🙂
Continue reading “The facts and myths of Satanism”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

FreeThinkers. Is that like ‘Freezer Burn’ or ‘Jumbo Shrimp’?

Besides the mindless drones that will send money to the 700 Club so that their dog may be healed of its anal cysts, another group that annoys the hell out of me are FreeThinkers�.

From my run-ins with them on the web, they’re “militant atheists” that are as smug, annoying and self-righteous as their religious counterparts. Both have a “throw the baby out with the bathwater” mentality. Biblical discrepancies is enough for them to dismiss religion and the supernatural, just as “Piltdown Man” and other scientific setbacks are enough for Fundies to dismiss Evolution.

And quite frankly, I despise extremists to begin with.
Continue reading “FreeThinkers. Is that like ‘Freezer Burn’ or ‘Jumbo Shrimp’?”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

432, Plutarch’s Parable and why I still think the Apostle Paul sucks

The Dead Sea Scrolls and the Nag Hammadi libraries tell my what I’ve known my entire life….

We’re not getting the WHOLE story.

While researching the Knights Templar, I saw on their message board “Do you think the DaVinci Code is true? Was Jesus and Mary Magdalene married?”

WHAAAAAT??????
Well. That must have the religious world in a tizzy. Look at how batshit insane they went over the sex scene in the “Last Temptation of Christ”.
Continue reading “432, Plutarch’s Parable and why I still think the Apostle Paul sucks”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Before you find yourself ‘Dooced’….

This should be a must-read for anyone blogging or thinking about starting a blog….

Free Expression Can Be Costly When Bloggers Bad-Mouth Jobs
(Registration is required, but I expect anyone in the know to ALREADY have an account with The Washington Post Anyway)

SoApBoXThis should be a “MUST READ” if you have a blog, journal, personal website, or a message board.

We have an expression in blogging, “Getting Dooced”. It’s from a very famous case when the author of Dooce.Com was fired for her content on her weblog… particularly for badmouthing her place of business and co-workers.

Now I’ve seen this happen on the web AND in real life. A lot of bloggers feel “safe and anonymous”. They may even make a casual remark that they forget all about, until the WRONG PERSON finds it buried away in your site via a Google search.

When this happens it’s always the same old song & dance. They feign shock and outrage as their “private thoughts” (which they put on the world wide web, go figure) are supposed to protected by the first amendment…

And, get this, they feel like THEY’RE the ones who were wronged!

Newsflash, chuckles: The world doesn’t work that way. Try and see it from your employer’s point of view. They are trying to keep and maintain a corporate image, they have customers on the web… who may stumble upon your remarks and it puts their company in a bad light. It’s about the same as making flyers that say “MY COMPANY SUCKS!” and passing them out in front of the building.

You don’t even have to name the company by name. If they know it’s you, and you’re talking about the job you’re working in…. that is MORE than enough to warrant your termination from your place of employment.

You may think you’re protected under the cover of anonymity, but you’re not. Your domain can be looked up in a WHOIS search. Search long enough in someone’s archives and you can piece together who is the author behind the writings. A large number of times these dopes write their weblogs/journals on company time, so their site is in their history folder.

And the First Amendment doesn’t give you the “freedom to say anything you want and be an irresponsible twit”, any more than a drivers license gives you the freedom to drive on a sidewalk and plow pedestrians.

Just a word to the wise…
don’t write something you don’t want your worst enemy to read. The web is the LAST place you want to put something where you don’t want it found.

But if you do, don’t expect any sympathy from me.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Desire… and giving thanks

While I understand Thanksgiving is primarily an American holiday… I think it’s a good thing for everyone to stop for a moment, look around at what you have and give thanks. I think anything that promotes love, and giving, and just appreciating what you have (rather than stress out over what you DON’T have) is a good thing.

There just ain’t enough of it in the world, you know?

You know… a funny thing I learned recently.
I never understood why a girl would suddenly take interest in a boy after he’s got a girlfriend; or why a man with a loving family, financially secure, and fairly successful would blow his brains out after being passed up for a promotion.

It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. I wouldn’t say it’s greed as much as it is we humans can never be content. We have to keep growing, and building, and bettering ourselves.

I’ve let a situation eat me alive over the past seven months. A position at work that I wouldn’t have normally given any thought over…

…except for the fact that I was told I can’t have it, and was never given a reason why.

Then, I found myself wanting it more than anything. I worked my ass off, did everything I could to prove I deserved it.

You can’t be king of the world if you’re a slave to the grind.
I turned in my two weeks notice on Wednesday.

I know I made the right decision.
For the first time in a long time… I feel a calm serenity inside and a burden lifted off my shoulders.

Time will tell whose loss it is. No one is indispensible. And, quite frankly, I never look back.

I have a family that loves me. Wonderful friends online and offline. I have a future now.
I have much to be thankful for.

And I can honestly say I’m content…

For now. 🙂

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestYouTube

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions.

Connect