"Every one has a story to tell…" – Derek Whatzisname
"Yeah, but can they tell it without putting me to sleep?" – Uh…I’d rather not say.
Rants are SO 1999. Weblogs are in.
Rants, Site updates, diaries, and online journals have merged and evolved into the new mega-trend: Weblogs (That’s "blogs" to you ultra-hip types!).
Bullshit! It’s the same damn thing, recycled, repackaged…and as annoying as ever! Escargot, by any other name, is still a nasty, slimy-ass SNAIL!
Here is an excerpt from a "blog" I stumbled across recently:
(Note: The names were changed, as I noticed a "Copyright Warning" at the bottom of the page…OH YEAH! This is EXACTLY the crap Oliver Stone’s looking for in his next movie!).
Monday, Decembruary 10th 1999– Bob came by for coffee.
Sunday, Decembruary 9th 1999– I bought a new chair. Bob came with me. Afterward, we had coffee.
Saturday, Decembruary 8th 1999– I have come to the conclusion that Bob has NO life WHATSOEVER! He wants to have a weblog, just like me…what’s he gonna talk about? How he always comes over for coffee? Who wants to read that crap? (except my readers, of course!)
Site after site after site after site……of this STOOPID DRIVEL…JEEZ-US!!!!
They’re not ALL bad.
(*It’s a GOOF guys! Relax!!! She’s a buddy of mine, and we BOTH admire the hell out of JZ…. flame her, and you’ll answer to me.)
So’s Baylink. Thanks to Jay Ashworth, I learned that May 7th was the "National Masturbate-a-thon", where you get your friends, family and co-workers to sponsor you to…uh….well, THAT should be self explanatory. Proceeds went to good causes.
But May 7th??? What were the promoters thinking? I would’ve done it on "Palm Sunday"!
Come on! Make it exciting, at least!
It just seems so restrained… like they worry. "Oh God, what if ‘so-and-so’ reads this???".
FUCK EM!!!! If people can drag a loved one on a talk show, and drop a bomb like: "Honey, there’s a reason why we haven’t had sex in our eight years of marriage…I’M REALLY A MAN.", in front of 20 million people….Why can’t we call someone an asshole on our webpages????
(Yeah…I just realized I left myself wide open with that remark.)
Imagine the following a "blog" would get with entries like:
February 30th, 2000: I can’t believe I caught my hubby jerking off and having cybersex!!!!
Click here to see the moron make a fool of himself.
April 32nd, 2000: Me, Jack and Chad got drunk tonite, and thought it would be funny to drop an upright piano off Chad’s roof, at 216 Christopher Street, NYC… looked just like the cartoons too! (Well, except it killed two people, and smashed a Domino’s delivery truck!).
The Police have NO clue who did it! LOL!
Or…. you can make something up! Hell, I don’t care! Just stop boring the shit out of me with little quips about your BORING-ASS LIVES!!!!
Ahhhh… LONG LIVE THE RANT PAGE!
(Natural predator of the weblog! Bwahahahah!)
Weblogs we’d like to see….
|O.J. Simpson’s Weblog|
Gwen Stefani (of No Doubt)
Now THAT’S some innerestin’ Blogging!