All your doodies am belonging to us!

All right. It’s official.
The War on Terrorism has gone too far.

A passenger who spent a long time in an airplane toilet Wednesday prompted a security alert and full search of the Lufthansa plane, the airline said.
(Link Via Dr. D)

So now being on the potty too long makes you a terrorist suspect?
What a crock of shit!

Ok. I understand that a large percentage of the people reading this are female, and you might not get the GLOBAL SIGNIFICANCE of this event. (Or you don’t give a crap.)

A man’s potty time is sacred.

It is a time where he gets to sit down, read, and quietly become one with his thoughts. It is a time for somber reflection.

It’s in the, er, Constitution. I’m pretty sure of that.

And now some paranoid fruitcakes are trying to take that away from us just for the sake of global security????

Take too long, open the door, to be greeted with an automatic weapon in your face???? Thrown against a wall, and searched (the article didn’t specify a “full cavity search”)????

What’s next? Make us piss sitting down, so we’re less threatening if they barge in?


I draw the line at this latest attempts to , uhm, flush our… rights down… (well you get the idea.)

People of the world need to relax.
Nowhere, in our human history, has a terrorist successfully shit out a grenade, an AK-47, or a Laws Rocket Launcher.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to poop out a weapon of MASS-DESTRUCTION.
(Well, that can be debated if they don’t close the door quick enough.)

And if they could… the one handling the weapon would bring the word “Holy Martyr” to a whole new level.

While I of course, have very stong feelings on this issue, I, of course will not lead a protest or anything (who the hell wants to be remembered for fighting for “Potty Rights”?)… so I have offered the following suggestion(s):

New suggested procedure for Airlines and law enforcement officials:

1. *knock on door*
2. Flight Attendant: “Is everything alright sir?”

3. Possible responses:

  • (grunt) “I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’ll be out in a minute!”
  • “Ohhhh yeahhhh baby! Who’s your daddy! Who’s your daddy!” (thud,thud)
  • “No you Western Infidel! I am currently plotting your demise, and you’re out of toilet paper and breath mints!!!”

Only *ONE* of those responses would warrant the proper authorities (one may warrant the papparazzi… buuut…). If you don’t know which response that would be, you have no business being in your chosen field.

Men of the world will *NOT* stand, er, sit, er STAND FOR THIS INFRINGEMENT ON OUR RIGHTS!

Fuck it, you get the point.
You can see why public speaking on this issue will only give the crowd the giggles. Maybe go after those *running* for office?

3 thoughts on “All your doodies am belonging to us!

  1. ok, i understand a little paranoia. but people, er, regularly spend a little extra time in the crapper. sometimes these things take time. and men aren’t the only ones, sometimes even the fairer sex has issues that require lengthy restroom occupancy.

    now those guys that decided to do a group body-shave in the bathroom, well that was just weird.

  2. Its hard to do anything in those airplane bathrooms. They are dirty, and the toilet seat is usually wet or crusted with crap. And the first class ain’t much better.
    I think they should do away with bathrooms entirely, and put in more seats so we can really feel like sardines…..
    Do your stuff in the barf bag… only joking

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