An open apology to my friends

In regards to one of my previous remarks on “Enemy of the State”… the one where I said “I have no friends”.

I know I should have dealt with this sooner… this has gone though many, many drafts on my desktop, all while the other posts were going on.

I’ve concluded that the more I say… the worse I’ll make it. To some of you, this will look like I’m just copying and pasting this from your emails when you complained. This isn’t for you. This is for all of the others I hurt that *didn’t say anything* to me. No links. You know who you are.

Do I have friends on the web? Of course I do.

I have friends, who were freshly burned by Kaycee, and sent me money to get my kids back, anyway. I have friends that sent us christmas cards, and gifts for the kids, knowing I couldn’t do the same for them. I have friends that listened to me cry on the phone. I have friends that I have shared the most painful, crippling moments of this entire ordeal with… the chapters of the story that will never see its way to a web page. I have friends that knew when to give advice. I have friends that knew when to just listen. I have friends that have *never* cast judgement. I have friends that cut me slack at work when family problems were overwhelming. I have friends that offered me a home on their websites, servers, and comment boxes when I needed a place to let it out. I have friends that have done some absolutely phenomenal things for me and my children, and have sworn me to never tell a soul what they did. I have friends that saw me say “I have no friends”, and weren’t offended…. they dropped me a line to say: “I know exactly what and who you meant by that.”

That remark was *NEVER* directed at my friends.
We’re going to leave it at that.

*You* have changed the lives of a family you may or may not ever meet. You need to know that. You need to know what you’ve done with your random acts of kindness and friendship. You need to know all you’ve done for me.

And *you* need to know that *I* know it too.
It may seem at times that I forgot all that, but I never did.

I am alone right now.

Not as a wounded puppy afraid to limp out into the sunlight again.
I am alone by choice.
It is the driving force at the core of my being.
It’s who I am.
I would have never found it again if it weren’t for my friends.
This is not so much an apology as much as it is an acknowlegment, a “thank you” to you…
…my friends.

For I am truly blessed, and sometimes wonder what I ever did to deserve any of you.

Now enough of this “reality” bullshit, y’all… I’m gonna have a good time anyway! ;0)

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