Because I can’t afford Zeldman’s consultation fee

Warning: If you recently had a loved one croak on you… you need to SERIOUSLY skip this thread.

While the Mrs. is reading and goofing on the local paper (you know, the one I work for???)… I hear her and her yenta friends howling like banshees downstairs over an ad:

SHARE MEMORIES.
Visit our online obituaries.”Share memories???? What the hell is THAT supposed to mean??!!??!

Yes I understand since we’ve signed up with Legacy.Com (oh yeah, gave us pens and a case of chicklets as gifts. CHICKLETS!!!! Why am I accepting gum FROM a funeral site??!!??!), they are trying to make money by getting families to purchase guestbooks for the, uhm, recently ceased & desisted.

WHAT ROCKET SCIENTIST THERE CAME UP WITH “SHARE MEMORIES”????

Normally, I’m your slogan guy, ok? I’m a regular Zeldman Jr. in that department.

I came up with:
“Step INTO a new way of life”
“Scholastic Sports: Tomorrow’s sports stars today!”

I even came up with “Come get raped at beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge” (Which the owners didn’t want to use for some reason).

But this??? I’m tapped.
Can one of you guys come up with a clever slogan for our online obituaries?
Anything has to be better than “Share memories.” Yeesh.

12 replies on “Because I can’t afford Zeldman’s consultation fee”

  1. Maybe they thought you would choke on the chicklets?? Then they would have your business right away, instead of having to wait!! :op

    Okay, so I suck at slogans, you know this…..

    Nah…. I’m NOT going there! I’ll wait and see what Lambchop or Solonor has to say….. Then ride on their coat tails on this one! ;op

  2. How about a Star Wars inspired one?

    Obi’s for everyOne.

    One for those talkative types:

    Get the last word in online!

    How about a poetaster disaster of a rhyme?

    Your online obituary sanctuary.

    When a life has reached its end
    Online Obituaries are your friend

    The extremely tacky:

    Where death and technology meet

    The cutting edge of grief

    The fastest way to send condolences

    Over 1 million corpses observed

    Grief is job #1

    I better stop now. They are only going to get worse.

  3. I just visited the page and I noticed that you can have obituaries e-mailed to you daily. ???????

    For some reason, I’m picturing a Big Booming CNN Voice Over guy saying “Sign up for our e-mail list and be the first to know when people kick the bucket. Have their obituaries sent right to your inbox. Stay on top of breaking death notices.”

  4. legacy.com seems to be…dead (Server error)

    if someone you love has been put on ice
    a note on our website would be nice!

    when someone has slipped away
    sign up at our website today!

  5. Nice one from Craig, it’s something joyful about it.

    Didn’t know that dead people read guest books, but since they do I guess it’s nice that the living can send a message to the other side, after all there could be a few things we’ve always wanted to say to someone, but never dared to say because they were bigger than us.

  6. I think the phrase “dirt nap” should be worked in somehow. My aunt writes children’s books and obits. Odd combination and a source of much humor, none of it tasteful.

    In Sarasota there is a huge building housing the National Cremation Society which has a huge sign, very high up in the air, that used to proclaim “over 1 million members.” One very memorable april fools day, someone (using a crane – how come no one saw this? my dad never solved the case) altered the sign so it read “1 million embers”

    It was brilliant.

    Thanks for the bloggie lobbying. I’m way behind in surfing so I’m just now getting a chance to say thanks.

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