Blonde Roots Campaign for peace, or the environment, or something

I see a very disturbing trend, and I feel it needs to be addressed immediately.

I’ve given this a lot of thought ever since I was fired an angry letter FROM Ida Slapter, of the activist GROUP Blondes Irritated by Members Bashing Others (B.I.M.B.O.), regarding a joke I cracked about blondes on this site.

Yeah… ok. Redheads are evil, Blondes are dumb, et cederin. I get it. Stereotypes.

I am a blond (or at least what’s left of my hair after 11 years of marriage to a “bottle redhead”). okay?

The stereotype of blondes being stupid. I hate it! I hate it SO MUCH!

Blonde Jokes offend the hell out of me. The punchlines are laced with so many big words… guess what, asshole?

I DON’T GET IT!!! THEY’RE NOT FUNNY!!!
(I should not have to break out a thesaurus to find out what a “Breathalyzer” is, you insensitive prick!)

Robyn has really brought this situation to a head, as she has kindly asked people to make more “Blonde-Friendly” buttons in their comments. I too have had the bitter experience of writing something, only to press a button that says “HIZAAT SO BIZZATCH”, only to see the window close, and my words gone for ever…

What if one day, someone posts the cure for cancer on a medical blog and that happens??? WHO’S GONNA SUFFER THEN, YOU CLEVER-ASS BIZZATCH???

Jewdez, also a blonde (but she went to collidge and speaks Latin so she’s REALLY smart), has taken this INTO consideration by putting very-detailed instructions inside parentheses (bracket-thingys)… I now have an increased 75% chance of getting a comment through on her site. The rest of you who continue to use hard-to-understand terms like “Hizzat so bizzatch”, “Expedite this profound soliloquy”, and “Submit”… suck my dick.

I propose the world employs more sensitivity to blondes by:

  • Changing “Dumb Blonde Jokes” back to “Dumb Pollock Jokes”
  • Speaking to blondes with the respect, dignity, and monosyllabic words that we truly deserve!
  • Our house/car keys should have our addresses and license plates engraved on them, in the event that unsavory thieves should steal them… now they can be returned them to the rightful owners.
  • That shell you have to peel off of every damn M&M you try to eat… does M&M/Mars think they’re fucking funny???

This space reserved for BLONDES

I mean, is it really too much to ask for, that MAYBE you can give us blondes the same consideration that you do OTHER special-interest groups? No one complains about waiting an extra half hour as a passenger is assisted in a wheelchair-accessible bus? (HUH-LOOOO??? They’re ALREADY on WHEELS?!?!?! Put straps on the back bumpers, and charge them half-price! Like, DUH!)

… or when they put braille on the buttons of drive-thru ATMs…
(Do I REALLY need to point out what I think is so WRONG and DISTURBING with that picture?)

We can ignore all the dumb handicapped people of the world… but blondes are all around you. And we have access to curling irons and staplers too. You better take a minute to think about that.

To SHOW I am VERY serious about this matter, I will throw in my full support to elect Dan Quayle as Pope in 2000! So there. How do you like them apples?

EricBrooks.Com® – Currently going back to school to become a veterinarian, ‘cuz he really loves children! *giggle*

But redheads REALLY are evil. It’s true.

12 thoughts on “Blonde Roots Campaign for peace, or the environment, or something

  1. nice mental image rob
    totally wrong, yet amazingly humorous

    haha
    and -e- those brackets are used cause i’m a blonde too, and sometimes i forget what i meant to begin with….they are notes to self …

  2. It’s “us” versus “them” ladies… THIS IS WAR!!!

    lol@Robyn
    (I’m uh, laughing “with” you… of course.) :0)

  3. Hahahaha. You’re too funny! Um, like what are you guys laughing about? I hope it doesn’t have too many big words in it.

  4. Hell, I can totally relate … although I’m a redhead, I’ve been asked when I pull one of my infamous dizzy moves if I’m really a blonde … I feel for ya baby! ;o)

  5. Oh man… I just read the “Breathalizer” joke I linked to and they FUCKED it all UP!!!

    The cop pulls over a blonde…
    …yadda yadda yadda…

    …after getting her license and registration, he calls it in…

    The dispatcher recognizes the license, and radios back: “Waitaminute… is that a blonde? In a red camaro???”

    The cop says “yeah?”

    Dispatcher: “Ok, here’s what you do, unzip your pants and whip it out in her face.”

    Cop: “Uh, are you sure about this?”

    Dispatcher: “Trust me”

    The cop whips out his pecker, and the blonde exclaims: “OH NO, NOT THE BREATHALYZER TEST AGAIN!!!?!?!”

    Gawd, they so fucked that joke up on that site. I’m so sorry. Argh.

  6. Still rolling about Robyn’s comment too funny ~ I’m also blonde but hey I personally feel crack all the jokes ya want too it is just because everyone else is jealous *S*

  7. Wuzzunt Thesaurus da fella dat felled da Minnytore? I wuv heros! Espeshully wit cheez! Bu Wen is won gona get MinnyDrivass?

    I’m parta pollocka you dum pollooka, but I will forgive dat cuze I ferget ez.

    I hate specull-innerrest groops. I wuze atta bank and deyez saze eyez get chazed specull-innerrest cuze my cundishun. I saze, “Fook yuz vera mucho!”

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