Why I sold Problem Adults to Jerry Falwell

April Fool!Because if you look on the calendar, it’s April 1st. The holiest of days for the gOdOfMiScHiEf.

On this date last year we ended up being hacked with a godawful design (What most didn’t know that it was an ACTUAL design I lifted off of a rival board, so as people commented on what a shitty design it was, the actual board owner had ro read all the comments… HAW HAW!!!!). This year we’ve sold Problem Adults to the religious right.

We wish Rev. Fallwell, Rev I. P. Daly, and Deacon Seymour Heinie the best of luck with their new forum. 😀

Happy New Year, Jerks!

Well now… let’s get my “Comeback Tour” started right, shall we?

2007 - Year of Mischief
  • Problem Adults got a STORE now! Buy all sorts of twisted gear for all your Problem Adults needs. (And don’t forget to pick up our Hot Steamy Calendar available next week.)

  • Still have room for more friends on my Official MySpace Page…. ADD ME.

  • Feeling the need to kick the shit out of some ignorant people… check out my latest rant: “An Inconvenient Pack of Morons” in my SoApBoX section.
  • And remember… I’m running for President. (And I did NOT have sexual relations with my half-sister!!!) 😀

Anyone want a chupacabra? CHEAP?

Ernie the ChupacabraRemember Ernie, my chupacabra?

Maybe I’m paranoid, but I think he’s trying to kill me. A few cats have vanished, and when I ask him he looks at me with his cute widdle glowing red eyes and tries to look innocent.

But I know it’s that little bastard.
And I think I’m next on his list.

I just think he needs a home where he’s loved and understood, so if anyone wants him, please drop me a line. The shelters wont take him because he is not a cat or dog. And don’t worry, he was just neutered (which is part of why I suspect he is trying to kill me.).

Serious inquiries only.

Disinformation :: Beyond Belief! – Religious Ramblings

Beyond Belief! – Religious Ramblings

One of the best essays I have ever read. A Pagan named Father Crow breaks down religious belief and human nature. It boils down to Aristotle and his theory of dualism… either something is, or it isn’t.
Continue reading “Disinformation :: Beyond Belief! – Religious Ramblings”

A curse on Sara Freder

Ok…. it’s official, psycho-charlatan extraordinaire Sara Freder has crossed the line. She has inadvertently cursed me. I went to her site a month ago for kicks, and she has been spamming me non-stop with lousy predictions ever since…. this was the one for today:

“For me now, there is no doubt: an abnormal event took place at a precise moment in your life. It subsequently thwarted your capabilities and still spoils your real chances of success today.”

“I can even tell you precisely that this dramatic event took place during your adolescence, when you were about 13, I think it is difficult for you to remember anything precise. That event happened in autumn; the weather was bad and you were surrounded by many people, probably during a family gathering. At that precise moment, a person took advantage of these circumstances to put a curse on somebody.”

There’s a secret to fortune telling and psychic readings. They butter you up by making poignant observations about you, which opens your subconscious to some vague generalized bullshit which you will later interpret as their prediction coming true. As a general rule, I find myself going for a psychic reading because I think paying five bucks to sit at a table and having a pretty woman hold my hand and gaze in my eyes is much cheaper than buying them dinner. (I’m a romantic that way.) 🙂

Many of you reading this, I make a prediction: Good fortune will come to you on the 15th.
How do I know this? Many of you are paid bi-weekly. Odds are the 15th will be a payday for you. Or… something fortunate will happen… because something fortunate happens every day, but now you will be SPECIFICALLY looking for it on the 15th, and will be amazed at my psychic ability!

No really, come back to this post on the 15th, and regale me with what wonderful things happened on the 15th for you.
Continue reading “A curse on Sara Freder”

The Rat Bastard factor (redux)

** UPDATE: Dec 11th – UH OH! Mark got FARKED-UP! (Hat tip: Kathy K) **

Or perhaps this should be aptly titled “How to wreck your career in one night”

Remember my little rant “The Rat Bastard Factor“?
Well, the tale gets better…

Pazuhanich Charged With Indecent Assault
“Charges have been filed against Monroe County District Attorney Mark Pazuhanich. Now police have issued a warrant for his arrest… Pazuhanich is now charged with four counts, including indecent assault, putting a child in danger and corruption of a minor. ”

In laymen’s terms: He allegedly fondled his own daughter, and was seen by a security guard and a concerned mother, doing it at the Hilary Duff concert last Saturday in Wilkes Barre.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen… welcome to my world.
Only in the Poconos can you get a District Attorney, who was best known for:
Continue reading “The Rat Bastard factor (redux)”

Other than that, how was the Hilary Duff concert?

It states, quite clearly, in the Internet Superhero Code of Ethics & Conduct, section four, subsection 16D:

“Members are strictly forbidden to mock, laugh, gloat, or otherwise partake in joyous behavior at the misery of a nemesis found in a twisted situation of extreme karmic proportions.”
Continue reading “Other than that, how was the Hilary Duff concert?”

A lovely day at work…

Yeah you heard me. I’m here at work.
… and the Cranky-Meter is currently set to “11”

(Usually on “9” or higher, something cute and cuddly runs the risk of being seriously maimed.)

Since 3 long walks, and smoking half a pack of cigarettes isn’t working…
And I’m pretty sure a human sacrifice to appease Astaroth may be considered a social faux-pas in my cubicle (conference room is probably better)…

I think I’ll try going offline for a while.
Nobody needs to deal with this shit in cybertown…

Thank you all for allowing me a moment to vent, and amuse myself with whimsical homicidal scenarios….

(Oh, and I wouldn’t say the name of this post’s category out loud if I were you.)

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions.