Can someone PLEASE explain to me why 'Palindrome' spelled backwards ISN'T 'PALINDROME'??!!??…
I save money from laundromats by throwing my clothes in an epileptic's bathtub….
I just saved a bundle on my insurance by dropping Geico and driving around uninsured.
People that complain about 'finding a needle in a haystack'…
You know they invented a thing called an 'electromagnet', right?
Today marks the painful anniversary of me learning that you can’t do genetic splicing using only a blender. Oh and putting in fruit, freezing it, and trying to sell it to the neighborhood kids as 'Mice Smoothies' is bad too.
Am I drawn to crazy women? Let's see. My last date ended with her screaming 'PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!' and slamming a hamster into the ground….
Anyone see that ad on Facebook for 'Help with Anxiety'? Is it any good? Cuz I’m afraid to click on it.
I am so tired of everyone telling me that I am a selfish brat… Why don’t you people think about how that makes ME feel? 🙁
…and cooks have ‘cook-offs’, what should us jerks name OUR contest?
I am SO going to wring someone's neck as soon as Anger Management class lets out.