Getting old doesn’t phase me a bit.
It’s that “death” shit at the end that irritates me.
I tried to sell my soul to the Devil the other day. He just looked at his watch and said “That’s ok, I’ll wait”.
In a lot of ways, I’m getting better. I’m able to grasp complicated concepts now, with the aid of Ginkgo Biloba and Vivarins, I’m sharper than ever. I used to hear for years “You look tired”, now people think I’m a hyperactive problem adult a la Robin Williams. I’m stronger now, in fact, I’m probably in better shape than I’ve been in decades… and I don’t even work out! I know things about women now that I WISH I had known as a teen (thanks for never being there for me, dad. You asshole).
Of course there’s my hair falling out, and communicating with so many of my old friends that are going to be “middle aged” in the next few years, reminding me that our heydays in the mid-80’s are gone forever.
Hell, I’ll be 40 in August… but I don’t feel like it.
But naturally, milestone years always has a way of reminding us that we’re not going to be around forever. Death is as inevitable as taxes and spam.
I’ve seen people die, I’ve seen animals die. When the moment comes, they accept it with grace and dignity. It’s as natural as everything else in the cycle of life. No one ever seems to cross that door with dread or fear when the time comes… just a peaceful drift-off as though they’re going to sleep one last time.
My fellow problem adults…. I plan to change all that. 🙂
It just wouldn’t be fitting for me NOT to go out the way I lived…. with much hysteria and hilarity. It will be of the utmost importance that none of my children are there… if adults need to see a therapist after I fuck them up for the rest of their lives, I have no problem with that. I have two possible scenarios for my sendoff:
1. (Eyes wide open in horror) “HOLY SHIT! THERE REALLY IS A GRIM REAPER!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!! (point at nothing in front of me). Kick and scream, act as if some invisible scythe was plunged into my chest.
2. Tell a joke and die before the punchline.
You know? Really… fuck it. I have all eternity to contemplate death. Why interrupt my party time, unless it’s absolutely funny?