First Aid for Mace Attacks

Share this on...

I’m reading this off a can of mace.
This is serious stuff.

First Aid: Remove subject from contaminated area and position subject in an area of fresh air. Verbally reassure subject and continue to monitor subject throughout the decontamination process…”

*puzzled*

What kind of passive/agressive bullshit is this???!!???
“Verbally reassure” him of what…? Though he’s a thug that tried to mug/rape/muder you, he’s probably a good person deep inside?

One can only assume that “subject” just got sprayed with mace for a relatively good reason. So grab a crayon, and write this over your mace instuctions:

First Aid: While subject is covering his eyes and screaming like a little sissy bitch, repeatedly kick subject in the nuts. Should subject remove his hands from his eyes, discharge more mace. Repeat until subject’s eyes are bleeding, melted out of it’s orbital sockets, or until can is finally empty; whichever occurs last. Leave for dead.”

I mean, really.

Share this on...

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions.