I guess I owe you an explaination…

Why are you such a self-absorbed, evil, hateful, arrogant, spiteful little prick?
I’m an only child?

Why can’t you talk about the…?
Because I can’t. All my friends were privately emailed about what’s happened.
Drop it, okay?

You mean it didn’t…?
No. it didn’t.

Why did you leave Surreally?
I love kd with all my heart, and I owe her the world for so many things. I hate seeing her stuck in the middle every time I decide have, uh, fun. She has a business to run, and having a guy that feels the internet is his litterbox there is not a good thing for it.

Truth be told, I was simply planning on finishing out the rest of my sentence offline (hey, it’s only another 5 months…). Next thing I know, Faith and Patti had a spot set up for me.

Not sure if I’m up to blogging again… not that it’s ever stopped me before.

Are you gonna stay at *this spot* for a while?
It would appear so… but don’t look for daily updates, okay?

What’s it like being dead?
Very abstract… like a weird dream. Sometimes, I turn around and look out the window. Sometimes the window isn’t there. It’s very, very cold too. Like permanent Autumn.

Why do you put yourself down all the time?
When you’re told you’re a piece of shit, a “mistake”, trash, and will never amount to anything, by so many people your whole life, it obviously must be true. So why even try? And you can’t hurt me if I beat you to the punch, can you? :0)

Any cool new powers you have?
Well, my ability to be several places at once has been hampered by actually doing *work* on the web these days. Since I don’t breathe anymore, my uncanny ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide is gone. I think I can still move objects using only my hands.

I have discovered some cool new powers like erasing people’s memories so they never remember anything good I’ve done, and the ability to make any woman’s skin crawl with a mere touch.

So what was it like growing up in Brooklyn, living it up in the lap of poverty?
Growing up on the streets, you learn to laugh through the hard times, keep your wits through the scary times, learn when to fight, and learn when to run like hell.

Having so many friends from so many ethnic backgrounds I learned a lot about culture and temperament. It was society keeping us down, not any particular race group. We all had one thing in common: The desire to get the hell out of there and never look back.

Do you still talk to yourself?
At this time, I am currently not on speaking terms with me, so the answer is “no”.

Why are you so fucking weird?
It’s all a matter of semantics, I suppose. If I were rich and famous, you would call me “eccentric”, wouldn’t you? Fact of the matter is, I don’t think the way most normal people do. This is why find solutions to problems that most “normal” people wouldn’t consider. I have to know “how and why” something works before I use it. It’s how I pull “the impossible” off in real life. Well… that and having balls of steel.

Why are you so mean to people?
Oh, bullshit! I’ve never attacked anyone online that didn’t deserve it. I’m asked on a regular basis to “take on this one, take on that one…”. 80% of the time it’s self-defense for behind-the-scenes crap that blogland never sees.

The only people who feel they don’t “deserve it”, are the morons I’m bitch-slapping, and the idiots that listen to them without hearing the other side of the story (aka “Mine”, aka “the gospel truth”). Time eventually tells another tale.

what? Do you think I can just lash out at random? Hell no! There’s a series of protocols involved, which includes checking with (and getting the “ok”) from various parties, research, and seeing just how much this person can take (I *do* go easier on certain people, you know.).

So ignore the crap you’ve heard that I’m gonna “turn on YOU, one day”, okay? It doesn’t work that way. If I don’t like you… you’ll be the first one to know. Trust me.

But I heard your mother…
ENOUGH!!!! When you start about my mom, were done, okay?

Unless any of you have any questions I can (legally) answer?

12 thoughts on “I guess I owe you an explaination…

  1. Clarifying: It’s Faith’s server. I serve Faith. Faith serves you. I had nothing to do with this other than doing what Faith asked me to do – and that’s about operating my business and that’s about customer service. I do not want to be misconstrued as condoning or supporting anything that goes on here. And I meant what I said, ya freak – NO NAKED BLOGGING.

  2. Hope you’re having a nice long weekend. Those sleeves a bit tight on that nice white jacket you have on? Turn around, and we’ll loosen them a bit for you, k? :::grinz:::

  3. Yeah… I got back in last night, Maria. Just took some meds and my brains are gonna become tapioca again soon. Hoping to get some graphics done. Since I have no work tomorrow, they’re keeping me in (that blows chunks).

    But you can’t beat the pudding here!
    I love the banana pudding. :0)

  4. More questions for the list!

    Why didn’t this dang thing remember me from last time? I’m checking remember info now, we’ll see if it works…

    Why no mention of George Carlin? We need more mentions of Carlin.

    Any happy stories about the devils and crucified skeletons?

    Oh and you know not to eat the crayons, right? Banana pudding yes, crayons no.

  5. *scribbles down*
    “Pud-ing good… cray-onnns bad.” Got it!
    Yes… more Carlin! More Sam Kinison too! I love that guy, I see him all the time…

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions.


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