I’m not dead. No, really.

For a guy whose slogan is “Only the coroner will know for sure”, you can bet your bippy it must be bad when I beg for a doctor’s appointment.

About two weeks ago I damn near collapsed. I come home & I can’t see straight and all of the caffeine pills in the world aren’t helping. Hence, my moreso-than-usual preoccupation with death, lately.

Well, I finally got the results FROM the tests at the hospital.

Are you sitting down?

I’m fine. Just extreme fatigue.

No leukemia, no diabetes (which I was betting it was), no lung cancer. My cholesterol is five points above normal… but for an American male, that’s pretty damn impressive. My white blood count is a little too high, but they think it’s probably some infection that my run-down body is HAVING a hard time fighting.

And hey, I lost two pounds since my visit two weeks ago… I’m down to a svelte, wafer-thin 498 lbs… alright!

… and I’m not pregnant.

Got a prescription for Zyban in my pocket… I figure while I have clear lungs and kickass medical insurance, I may as well stop smoking. I feel like a slave to it, and I like to be in control, not have nicotine control me. No promises though… but I always said I’d know when it’s time to stop, and the time is now.

… well, after I’m done with this pack. :0)

So could it be the… oh, I don’t know… THE GRUELING HOURS AND WORKLOAD AT MY JOB??? That I haven’t slept since mid-May? Keeping an entire department afloat for a quarter of a year is finally catching up with me? Not to mention the lingering uncertainty that I can once again be screwed at any second there, as the corporate suits may decide that instead of hiring help, maybe I can be more productive with yet another boss cracking a whip over me???

I’ve had rage and negativity driving me though the past few months. But man, can that shit wear you out after a while!

But it’s not all bad. My boss is great, but she’s got her hands full running a department with a lot of changes to the system and new programs that she’s struggling with… so her plate is pretty full too. I’m on my own and need to take charge of my situation. She’s very supportive and has given me carte blanche do do whatever I want with the sites and projects. And the new publisher is cool as hell too. Could be a brand new day, as long as corporate doesn’t decide I need to be screwed once again for old time’s sake.

Lots of changes… new strategies & ideas in the way we do things at work, and I’ll be crowned King of Stroudsburg soon enough.

Just gotta stay focused. And uhm, staying alive will probably help too.
How are things with you?

15 thoughts on “I’m not dead. No, really.

  1. You mean with the layoffs, Witchy? Yeah that really sucks. I wish the corporate world would get it through thier thick skulls that companies are comprised of people… people with mortgages to pay and little mouths to feed. When they downsize, they are changing the lives of all those people, and their families.

  2. I’m here struggling to make a living in this mad country that you can love and hate at the same time.

    Get some rest dude, when u keel over and die FROM exhaustion they will simply get some other sucker to do the job (and they may paythat sucker less too). If you have trouble sleeping, you know the Doc recommends some good doses of Vit S….and you can get that over the counter…sans Rx! ;-)))

    Take it easy bredren. Good to hear you.

  3. As another who suffers FROM chronic fatigue, i can only say…

    What a pussy!!! You went to a doctor? You spent money to find out that you already knew you were Exhausted!!! Fool!!

    (Seriously, take care, man. Come to Montana for a week, and I’ll hike your ass up to mountaintops, waterfalls, and cougar dens. We’ll get drunk at night, and you won’t breath through your nose for a week because of the campfire smoke. But goddammit, you’ll feel better, more relaxed … and in the end you will sleep. Come on up to Montana. We’ll play …)

  4. e: rest up you may be about to blossom in a way not yet imagined. as my boss ALWAYS says and LIVES by, “stay persistant and consistant”. After you rest then call me and we’ll do lunch… or maybe we can go to Montana.

    Hey, catch somes zzzzzs for me too. j

  5. Rest up, hon! Exhaustion sucks…I know…

    Makes it so I want to be like my best friend and smoke a fattie…then I *know* I’ll sleep…

  6. You should relax and get some sleep, not to be negative, but you won’t get any reward for working your ass off anyway, like someone else said here somewhere; when you’ve burned out or dropped dead they will get someone else to do the job.

  7. Sounds like me and -j- are ready to take you up on the Montana trip, Wulfgar!

    Thanks for all the replies, and I DO agree they’d get another sucker to do this (it’s the nature of the corporate beast), that’s why my new motto is “Positive outside, negative inside”.

    If anything I see what I’m doing as spicing up my resume, as I can go to ad & graphic agencies in three different states at this point. (Always have a “Plan B”. Always.)

    Things ARE looking up here, more on that later.

  8. Reminds me of what a manager once told me when I tried to stay at work when I was extremely sick. She told me: “Don’t be a hero, it’s not worth it!”

  9. Yep. Layoff Hell, E. Look at the bright side, they may be working you to death, but at least they’re working you! (sorry I tried) :o)

  10. I’m glad to read you’re not dead. while yur at it, can you quit smoking for me?

    get some rest and drink some orange juice. (that’s what my mom always tells me when I tell her I don’t feel good…personally, I’d rather drink a beer…but what do I know)

  11. Get some rest, okay?

    I’ve had rage and negativity driving me though the past few months. But man, can that shit wear you out after a while!

    Been there, done that, felt exhausted enough to stay off the ‘Net for awhile.

    By the way, let me know if the Zyban works for you. I’ve been thinking about quitting smoking myself, and Zyban is probably the only thing I haven’t tried yet.

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