Jerry Fallwell’s Greatest Hits

I’m not sure how I bounced to this in my nightly surf: Jerry Fallwell Quotes, and I think I’ve struck comedy gold.

Kids… this is why your mommy doesn’t want you eating paint chips off the floor!

“Grown men should not be HAVING sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them”
That one threw me INTO an uncontrollable giggling fit for more reasons than I care to explain.

How’s the wife, Jerry?

“Homosexuality is Satan’s diabolical attack upon the family that will not only have a corrupting influence upon our next generation, but it will also bring down the wrath of God upon America.”
How can we forget his “I told you so!” after 9/11?

“The whole (global warming) thing is created to destroy America’s free enterprise system and our economic stability”
Really? Do 99.992% of the world’s scientists know this? He should tell those socialist creeps they’re wrecking our economy with their anti-capitalist requests to cut down on pollution and hydrofluorocarbons!

“God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve”
“probably what we deserve???” I challenge anyone to find me a quote anywhere near as treasonous and America-hating as this.

“It appears that America’s anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men’s movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening”
That’s right, bitch! Welcome to Little House on the Prairie!!! Back in that kitchen, barefoot and pregnant the way the good Lord intended. Voting? A career? Education? The right to decide what you can do with your bodies? Are you TRYING to get fire and brimstone rained down on us????

Damn. Should have married that prostitute when I had the chance. Didn’t mean to piss God off by becoming totally whipped.

“The idea that religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians FROM running their own country”
Riiight…. worked wonders with the Crusades, the Holocaust and The Spanish Inquisition, didn’t it? Did someone forget to clue in the Founding Fathers that we’re supposed to be a “Christian Nation™”?

And if we’re talking any ol’ religion and politics mixing, why is the Middle East such a shithole?

What a dangerous fuckwit.
Somewhere out there, a straitjacket is getting lonely.

4 replies on “Jerry Fallwell’s Greatest Hits”

  1. Oh, I’m kinda partial to this one myself:
    “Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions”

    Sounds about right…for the scary Funides anyway…LOL

  2. The only thing I have to say about Fallwell is this ~ when he will keep it in his pants and stop preying upon people to public finance his life style ~ then get back to the bible belt and preach the truth not his ideas of the truth……..UUGGHHH…………some people just really need to sit down and shut the hell up!!! *Fallwell darlin’ not you *big smile*

    Sending big hugs and smoochies to ya FROM Texas!!

  3. Oh boy…people should not make statements when under the influence of high grade ganja (marijuana) FROM Jamaica! They are liable to chat crap!

  4. “The whole (global warming) thing is created to destroy America’s free enterprise system and our economic stability”
    Everyone knows all scientists are godless communists who are trying to destroy America, sheesh.

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