Pain is Beauty

Man, I hate shaving.
People think I use a cheese grater.

What the hell was I thinking back when I was 14?
“OOH! I can’t wait till I’m a grown up and I can grow a beard! Hell, Some Spanish girls on the block already have mustaches… and they’re only 11!”

“I’m gonna lather my face up, I’ll shave… and then splash my face with Aqua Velva and scream like that kid FROM Home Alone*.”

(*Yes. Home Alone came out 10 years later. I’m a prophet and can see the future. Don’t question me.)

Tonight, I decided to take a shortcut… I put Nair on my face. Just the parts around the goatee that I normally slice up and bleed like Charles Manson was my barber.

HOLY FUCKING S#!T MOTHER OF JEBUS!!!!!! I HAVE 15TH DEGREE BURNS!!!!
I turn to the side and I can see parts of my exposed jawbone!

How many of you women come to this site… and NONE of you can warn me that Nair burns like hell???? The smell of burning flesh took me back to when I had my hair permed at 19 (Don’t ask. It was 1984. My friends all had Jhericurls back then, ok?).

UPDATE It’s an hour later… I’m loaded on morphine, and I feel a little better.
Just one question…

How long until I stop looking like I just walked through an Apache line of gay guys bitchslapping me? I can’t go to work like this??!!??

18 thoughts on “Pain is Beauty

  1. *L* I don’t think you’re supposed to use regular strength Nair on your face, though they do make one especially for faces, it still burns a bit though.

  2. thank you for making me snort up my coke.

    now…imagine being stupid enough to try regular strength nair on your “delicates”. yah…it hurts like fucking hell. I’d rather tickle the asshole of an alligator stuck in a phone booth.

  3. Indeed….Neet/Nair are famous for causing burns and skin irritation. You should be able to get some 1% Hydrocortisone cream at a pharmacy without a Rx, that should help to cut down on the inflammation that the Nair caused.

    Perhaps one of the best topical treatments for unwanted hair removal nowadays is Vaniqa (Eflornithine). It is not cheap and requires a prescription. Mostly used by women though.

    Hush dude. Good thing you didn’t put Nair elsewhere and decide to go shaving away! Raass!

  4. Wow Doc… you ever think of being of going INTO the field of Dermatology? :0)

    I learned my lesson. What is this??? I feel stubble growing back??!!? I thought I’d never have to shave again. That sucks!

  5. Ouchie! Poor baby :*(
    How long did you keep it on? You can’t use soap afterwrds either! Now you need to put some Aloe to soothe it….. ouchie!

  6. ROFLMAO ~ I almost ruined a keyboard by spitting wine on it ~ hell honey I don’t even use nair on my legs much less my “private parts” I just figured anyone who needed facial hair removed the smell alone would keep them away FROM using but I guess not ROFLMAO ~ I want photo’s to see this display!!!! OMG I’ll have to tell Speedbump of this one!!!

  7. Aw hell, Nico… you can bet I will now! (Actually, back to the cheapo bic razors that come in a pack)

    It all grew back in no time… I figured this would take off the hair for a few weeks… WTF??? Never again.

  8. Oh my, I thought I was the only ass. I put Nair on my face as well. Now I have major burns riding up and down the sides of my face. It’s a great look. Tough one to explain.

  9. you think that’s bad I tried it on my unibrow and now i have a big redspot in the middle of my eybrows. Damnit I hope this goes away , i have to wear a hat eveywhere I go

  10. I used Nair yesterday, and caused great pain. My roommate said that this was normal, but when i woke up this morning i have sever burns on my upper lip and legs. The nair actually caused a mole I have on my leg to bleed. I tryed aloe on my lip but this caused the burn to hurt even more. It looks like a 3rd degree sunburn, and will probably scar. I read on the bottle before I used it and it did not say to not use on face.
    I am 21 years old and summer just started, but I am to ashamed to leave my house. Does anyone know how to help get rid of chemical burns?

  11. I used Nair Lotion with baby oil and burnt the shit out of my face. It bled and now I have holes where skin use to be. What a pile of crap, and what the hell is in that stuff. You can’t find the ingredients anywhere so I haven’t the slightest idea what is in it, feels like some kind of acid, they should warn you that it could burn the shit out of your face, oh yeah it says its for facial use also. Hope it doesn’t scar, now hair is the least of my worries, sorry that it has happened to others, shouldn’t be allowed on the market, will never ever use that face burning shit again.

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