Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-07-10

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Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter:

  • Happy 4th Everyone. AMERICA, F**K YEAH! #
  • Photo: From the Cast & Crew of EricBrooks.Com… #
  • #fatpeoplenightmares – Putting their bra on backwards… and it fits better. #
  • RT @foxnewspolitics: BREAKING NEWS: President @BarackObama assassinated, 2 gunshot wounds have proved too much. It’s a sad 4th for #amer#
  • Oh sorry Republicans, it was just a false alarm. #SYKE #
  • My doctor told me I need to lose weight, and I said I want a second opinion. So he told me I’m a douchebag too. #
  • I just tried to join a Tourette’s Facebook Group, but they told me to F**K off. #
  • Hey, want to make $1,000 a day? Yeah, me too. This link wont help, but it’s my website and it’s filled with goofiness. #
  • I finally broke down and sent this off to my ex: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.” #

  • HELL YEAH!!! Turn this UP! #
  • I plan on deactivating my Facebook page for a while. No retarded Conspiracy Theories please. #
  • Girlfriends are like credit cards, you can’t get one unless you already have one. #
  • I used to play sports. Then I found out you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. 😀 #
  • “Oh, btw, I saw what u did there…” #tweetthecaption #
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. #
  • One time in Atlantic City, I got kicked out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table. #
  • Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS, when the first thing I had to do tonite was stand up and say, ‘My name is Eric and I’m an alcoholic’? #
  • <3 Backatcha. #
  • To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential. #
  • Have you ever made fun of someone so much, you felt you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had? #
  • Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. #
  • Make your own online girlfriend. That will shut up all those people calling you a “LOSER” on Facebook – *snicker* #
  • RT @TehEvilPenguin: has returned! Getting the classics up, new content to be dished out by August! #
  • I’m going out clubbing this weekend. I’m going to beat my record of 10 baby seals. #
  • Hi! Welcome to the ‘Coping with Alzheimer’s’ Website. Please enter your 16-digit user code to continue… #
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. #
  • Native Nueva Yawkas all over the the planet are proud right now. Need I say more? #
  • Sometimes, I like to put crushed egg shells under my pillow in the hopes I will get a visit from the Bacon Fairy. #
  • Did anyone hear about that cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t keep her pupils straight? #
  • New Article: You Either ‘Get It’… or You Don’t. #
  • Getting married for sex is like buying an airline for the free peanuts. #

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Published by Eric Brooks

Web & Graphic Designer, Blogger, Musician, Evil Clown. I also code websites and promote people for a living. Still kind of a jerk, though. Approach with food. PS: Don't listen to Snopes. I am REAL NEWS, and I don't let my crush on Tulsi Gabbard interfere with my objective reporting. So NYAH!