Wanted: A two party system

Dear Democratic Party:

OMG, you friggin’ people suck.
I came across this revelation as I walked Stroudsburg on my lunch hour, and I tripped over a wino.

You know what? I was convinced even HE could have beaten Bush in this election.

Americans all agree that Dubya is the kind of guy you’d want to have a beer with.
Well, guess what? My wino friend is already there, man!

Come up with all the conspiracy theories you want (Jewish touch screen voting machines by gay Halliburton martians, whatever…) Look, Bush won the election. He was winning Ohio when I went to bed at 3AM.

Now you are going to rack your brains out for the next four years going “where did we go wrong?”

Fact is, you fucking people don’t listen. You make the same mistakes over and over. You did it in 2000, you did it in 1988… you’re gonna do it again in 2008.


Here. A Visual with shadow puppets:
Republican Shadow Puppet: “Hel-lo my constituents!”
Democrat Shadow Puppet: “Look out! He’s going to do something mean!”
Republican Shadow Puppet: “That was vicious! You hurt my feelings!”
Democrat Shadow Puppet: “Ooh! I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry! Let me Give you a hug!”
Republican Shadow Puppet: (*Baseball bat over the head*) “HAH! GOT YOU AGAIN SUCKER!”
Democrat Shadow Puppet: “That hurt, you meanie!”
Republican Shadow Puppet: “Oh, cry me a river, so I can build you a bridge and you can get over it.”

Still don’t get it?
Newsflash: Being labeled a “LIBERAL” is NOT a good thing!
You know what your average American thinks when they hear “liberal”?
They think, wimp, pansy, pussy….
They remember Michael Dukakis and his cracking girly voice proclaiming how he’s a “card-carrying member of the ACLU” that lets rapists out on furlough. They think of Jimmy Carter and how he let some pissy little Iranians make us look like assholes by holding hostages for over a year.

But nooooooo, instead of cold-cocking your opponent, you try to wear that label like a badge of honor.

Bush broke things down in simple relatable terms…
You picked an ugly-as-sin egghead FROM Massachussets that thinks we know what “nookular proliferation” means…
Bush has America convinced that he will kick a terrorist’s ass where he stands…
Bush also convinced America that Kerry will challenge Zarqawi and Kim Jong Il to a stimulating game of chess to defeat them.

Bush nailed one thing in the debates… he accused Kerry of “making decisions based on popular opinion”.

That’s ALL you motherfuckers. (Have I mentioned that I think you all suck?)
Where were you when Patriot Act I & II passed?
Where were you when Bush turned a $4 trillion surplus INTO a $7 trillion deficit?
Where were you when 11 States passed Gay marriage bans yesterday?
Where were you when you when Colin Powell couldn’t even prove to the U.N. that Saddam even had a pack of firecrackers?
Where was the outrage when the RNC mocked every person that ever bled for this country by putting purple heart band-aids on their chubby little faces?

Oh right… you were afraid of the big, nasty NeoCons. DeLay might call you “UnPatriotic”. Dick Cheney may tell you to “Go Fuck Yourself”.

You’re supposed to be the opposition party. To keep keep each other in CHECK so our kids don’t end up HAVING ketchup packets as their veggies…
But you were afwaiiiiiiid!!!!!! Terry McAuliffe and Mary Beth Cahill wanted to be “fair and play nice” after you all tore each other apart in the primaries and gave the Republicans more ammo than they knew what to do with.

This is post-911 America, you pussies. We’re mean. We’re angry.
If you can’t handle Karl Rove… what the hell are you going to do against Osama bin Laden?

Effective immediately: I want the Libertarian Party to take the place of the Democrats as our 2nd party.

Democrats: You ARE the weakest link…. good bye.

PS: John McCain, Wesley Clark, Michael Badnarik, if you are reading this… for all that is Holy… RUN IN 2008!!!!

I have no I dea who I’d vote for, but DAMN that will be a good race!
(Aw fuck it… my money’s on the wino.)

9 replies on “Wanted: A two party system”

  1. At first I wasn’t 100% sure I’d agree with you, but in the end, yup, you’re right…I’d call for impeachment, but I don’t know if there’s any Dems with ballz of steel that would acctually call for it….

    hell, I’m all for the Libertarians taking over…at least they’ve got the ballz to do something!

  2. Me neither, kathy. I’m too in-the-center to adhere to any one party.

    An impeachment of a Republican President with a Republican-controlled house and senate would be unlikely no matter what…

    It’s just that I see the hysterics going on, and I’m remembering the old saying “Those who are in power are smug, those who are not in power are insane” . At work I get emails FROM both sides, and I can tell you the left and the right are equally nuts. They both have this irrational fear of the other guy being in the White House…

    Fact is, the Democrats have been letting us all down for some time now. Daschle losing his seat and Zell Miller retiring were definitely good things.
    Like I said in my previous post… we’ll live. Really.

    We’ll all be back to not giving a shit about politics in no time.

  3. Why is it bad to be good?
    I just happen to not live in the power-over perspective of one-upping.
    That’s the real difference between the right & left, I think, more than the issues.
    Of course if you live in a perspective of reality where if you believe you dominate or be dominated, you’d be always looking to get a one-up, and think anybody who didn’t live in that reality with you must be a push-over.
    But that’s not really true. I don’t like to be pushed around. I just don’t happen to think it’s necessary to push others around in ORDER to keep FROM being pushed around. I don’t think it has to be that way.
    So actually, no, personally I wouldn’t have more respect for democrats if they were more like blow-hard fight fire with fire conservatives.
    I won’t vote for any domineering control freaks, no matter what party label they put on themselves.
    As for the terrorism issue…
    I think of the U.S. like a home that’s just been robbed. The household takes measures afterwards. You can get a good security system installed… or you can go buy a gun and shoot everyone who steps onto the property. 😉
    Which would you do?

  4. onw THAT’S entertainment! of course, i don’t agree with all that you wrote. but of course i do agree that the kerry campaign was just weak weak weak! i probably wouldn’t have voted for him, but dean was a guy i actually respected. he had something to say! kerry?? puuuuuuuuuuuuke.

    why the hell do you like wesley clark?? ewwwww.
    hillary clinton’s got it locked up already, might as well get on the boat now.
    i say harold ford jr. in 2016. it’s a long ways off but he’s the most charismatic, reasonable, principled guy in the democratic house right now. too bad he’s a moderate, which probably will turn you off..

    PEACE!

  5. Hillary Clinton? LOL!!!!
    I’m sorry. My understanding of the political climate is we’ll probably see a Black man in the White House before we see a woman. (Geraldine Ferraro… what the hell were they thinking in 1984? Besides, I always assumed the Hillary thing was just a joke to scare the Neocons) 🙂

    Are you kidding, Glenn? I’d LOVE to see a moderate run for office. McCain or Giuliani would have my vote in a heartbeat. I’ll look up this Harold Ford Jr. fella in the meantime.

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