Web Skirmishes 101

Yoo hoo… can we talk?

On a serious tip. No more wisecracks on the subject. I have to realize that I play to a more global crowd. Not everyone thinks I’m funny. In the world’s defense, a lot of Americans think I’m a mean-sprited asshole too.

What started this was a remark I passed in my comments. It was a “racial/ethnic” slur directed at Mr. Razavi. No semantics, no excuses… WHAT I SAID WAS WRONG. Simple as that.

I am very sorry for hurting you, Sayed. And I mean it. I am very sorry for anyone who was offended by the remark, too. It was crude and insensitive.

What followed after that was a chain reaction of disasters on both sides. Events that we have *BOTH* admitted publicly we could have handled better. Exacerbated by caring friends on both sides who wanted to defend us.

We both lost our cool. While we can’t erase the past… we can only move forward INTO the future.

As I planned to resurrect this site over the summer, I VOWED that this kind of stuff was not going to happen anymore.
I wanted to come back and be a POSITIVE force in the community. At a time where people are being polarized and torn apart over a war that affected the entire planet… I wanted to help bring the web community back together, torn apart FROM all the debate and harsh words, and I wanted to work with the same people with the same mindset.

Consider me somewhat of an “expert” on flame wars…
Here are your common elements of a flame war (see if this looks familiar in over a thousand different Web Dramas.)

  • Someone says something.
  • Someone takes offense and goes public
  • Everyone takes sides (because, well, it’s a public issue now, right?)
  • Everyone loses their temper, they do and say stuff they regret later…
  • NO ONE wants to admit any wrongdoing directly (“I know what I said/did was wrong… BUT he/she didn’t have to…”).
  • The real issue gets buried, as everyone spends hours trying to convince the spectators that, in reality, they are actually good people deep down inside (and they are.)… but their opponent will eat your children if you turn your back on them.
  • POP QUIZ: (This is based on…)

    The Latest Dispute
    The Summer-Free-For-All
    The Hoopty Debacle
    The Little Green Racists Controversy
    The CDs=The Holocaust Debate
    My Feud with Joe Jenett
    My Feud with Faith and the Digital Divas

    It’s counterproductive, petty, childish, bullshit.
    And Gawd… I am so FUCKING TIRED of it.

    I guess a guy’s got to grow up sometime?

    The first steps to resolving any conflict is to find common ground within both adversaries. Sayed and I (obviously) have tempers and a lot of pride. Like me, I’ve found Sayed to be very passionate about his projects. He’s obviously a good guy to have so many friends want to protect him the way they do. He has something to offer the web. Something positive.

    … and yes, Sayed. Growing up in the inner-cities of Brooklyn, I have a pretty good idea of what it feels like when a GROUP finds ways to remind you that “you’re different FROM them” (like you can possibly forget?).

    To the web: (not that I would EVER tell ANYONE on the web what they should do on their pages. heh heh!)

  • Cut the judgmental, finger-pointing, politically-correct, bullshit, okay? – What? You’ve never had a bad day? Said or done something you’ve learned to regret later? Cut people some slack, and get in the real world.
  • Friends jumping in – Yes, I’ve learned this the hard way over the years. There’s at least THREE sides to every story. Try and talk to several sources before you run your mouth. Usually, YOU’RE the one who remains the target of everyone’s scorn long after it’s over.In the defense of my friends here, believe me, they pulled me on the side to scold me for this one. For every public “WOO HOO! Go Get ’em!!!” you saw, they sent a private “I got your back… but MAN, you fucked up this time!!!”
  • Anonymous Cowards – Well, you don’t count, do you? Anyone without the courage and conviction to sign your name, or leave a way to be contacted, is the equivalent of an annoying gnat in the web world. Most sites DELETE you, no matter what you say. I respect a well-thought-out opposing view FROM a REAL PERSON.
  • We’re ALL public figures – Don’t give this cop-out that you’re “just an average person”, while you bash another person like they’re a celebrity with no feelings. What you write can be seen anywhere on the planet. Believe me, I’ve written a thing or two about the First Amendment. I have no illusions that can say anything I want without someone wanting to put a cap in my ass for it. It’s time we employed a little more responsibility, and I think that starts with me.The buck stops here.
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