When love hurts (sometimes even kills)

Well, much to my surprise, the conversation of violence against women is still going on here on this site…

It’s an important topic.
You know, I may be a guy. And I may not be an expert.
But I *do* have very strong feelings about the subject.

I try very hard to understand how a person gets to look upon their spouse as a “possession” rather than a “partner”.

Worse yet… when does one cross the line between love and hate? Is it insecurity? Is it guilt over their own infidelity? Is it obsession? Is it a sense of being “incomplete” in and of themselves? Is it an upbringing where there’s no repect for women?

I know this sounds kind of slanted… I mean, there are such things as “battered husbands”, but I kinda laugh at those guys. I shouldn’t, but I do.

The question of the day is: What makes a person love someone one day, then want to hurt them the next?

11 thoughts on “When love hurts (sometimes even kills)

  1. In my opinion, that’s the first thing I thought of when I read about Zahida Parveen (WARNING: gruesome story). It always seemed to me that her husband was cheating, and this is how he handled his guilt. I’ve had lot of friends that justified their infidelities by telling everyone that “she’s cheating on me!!!!”. Just a gut feeling.

    A recent story in Pennsylvania, a man was given a life sentence for putting his ex-girlfriend in a trunk, where she suffocated, and her smoldering, charred corpse was found in a National Park. (Personal note: at his trial he was still hitting on women, and asking them to write him in prison.)

    And dare I even invoke the name of O.J. Simpson?

  2. Dear -e-,
    We all should feel incensed about violence against women, and teach our children that women are not the enemy, and can be great friends and associates-not just sexual objects and a gender to belittle.

  3. *sigh*
    No! No more gruesome stories!
    Can not handle! No more bad dreams!
    (I wrote more in your original post about me and real life horror. I can only take so much before I get very very upset.)

    “What makes a person love someone one day, then want to hurt them the next?”

    Bad brain chemicals?
    I just hope I never understand this…
    Or how bout – maybe it was never really love to begin with?

  4. What makes someone try to have a child eight times and then turn against that child? What makes a woman drown her children one by one? What makes anyone do anything?

    Is it the beast within the human heart that cannot bear being restrained? Is it an outside evil reaching into us? Are we spoiled and unable to bear the thought that we cannot always have everything the way we want it to be?

    Fuckall if I know. All I know is that my behavior is mine to own, and all I can do is my best.

  5. (I wrote more in your original post about me and real life horror. I can only take so much before I get very very upset.)

    Yes, saw that Batty. It’s ok, and you need to stop torturing yourself like that. You’ve seen that there are some subjects out there that I can’t go near without my synapses going into an overload…

    Don’t mind me, Batgrl… I’ve been tapping into the darker side of me lately in an effort to do some spring cleaning. I’ll be over this phase in a year or two.

    Meanwhile you don’t need to torture yourself with this horrible stuff… you see and deal with enough in your life.

  6. I don’t know what it is that makes someone behave affectionately one day and brutal the next. What’s more, I don’t know why some women flee and some stay. It’s all a big mystery to me.

    I’ve lived a few different facets of the domestic violence dynamic. Echoing Ez, who knows? Best you can do sometimes is do your best not to perpetuate violence in your own life or bring to others. And to go the next step where you can, by trying to preven violence for others.

  7. I can only speak from my own experience. My ex husband beat the shit out of me at least once a day, sometimes more.

    Why did I stay? He had me isolated, 3 states away from any family or friends. He also threatened to kill my family if I ever got away. I was pretty sure he would, since I had personally seen him make home made bombs, and detonate them. He was an artillery specialist in the Army before we were married.

    And the top 10 reason why I didn’t leave him sooner? I was ashamed of myself for ever having married him, and I didn’t want my innocent family dragged into the terror that had become my life.

    Of course I did finally leave him, after 8 years of pure hell. By then I had been through so much, I felt like he couldn’t hurt me anymore if he tried to. I was completely numb, and didn’t give a shit.

    I will say this though. If anyone ever tried to hurt me like that again today, I wouldn’t hesitate to kill them. Period.

  8. More to the point, what makes a woman go from one abusive relationship to another? Does she gravitate to these type of men, or do these type of men know instinctively what women they can control?

    Case in point. I know a woman who has had more than half a dozen abusive relationships, consecutively. One of these men was a man I dated, and at the time we were dating, he would not say shit to me if he had a mouthfull of it. What made that man treat me like a princess and physically abuse her?

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