Of Mice and Whiny Men

So, I’ve moved to an old farmhouse last year. When it gets cold, the place becomes infested with mice.

We got cats, so no problem, right?
Well, no. Our cats are kind of assholes. They lounge around like they are in the First Class section of the Titanic, and us humans are their servants. To ask them to kill some vermin in exchange for a roof over their head seems to be beneath them.

So I got glue traps from Wal-Mart.

Not quite sure what I was thinking with that one. Perhaps I thought I could come home, find a dead rodent or two in the trap, then chuck it in the garbage and forget about it. (Like your mom did with that abortion in high school.).

What I didn’t expect was to come face to face with some poor living creature struggling in the glue. Something with intelligence, feels pain… and from the shrieking, feels fear, obviously.

So anyway…
I just got home and accidentally stepped on the one under my desk. As I am about to peel it off my sneaker…. I hear the desperate squeals of a terrified rodent under my foot.

Terrorist Rodent You aren't fooling anyone, bucko....
Terrorist Rodent You aren’t fooling anyone, bucko….


Not only is Ben Jr. still squealing and I didn’t put him out of his misery, but the glue trap is EXTRA stuck to me now… with mouse guts too, probably..

So I use the other foot to peel it off (fuck that, I ain’t using my hands). And find there are TWO mice struggling to live. One about the length of my thumb. Tiny little thing.

I’m not a heartless prick and won’t let them live their final hours in terror.
I toss the glue trap, with Ben and Willard in it, into a plastic bag, take it outside and stomp the shit out of it, to put them out of their misery and leave the bloody bag in the trash can. And hopefully scraped all the sticky, gooey mouse guts off the bottom of my sneaker in the wet grass.

That was too much for me…
I went and picked up regular mousetraps to snap their necks from now on. I’m a jerk… but I am not a monster.

So far no new takers. I think my message of “DEATH AWAITS ALL WHO ENTER THIS ROOM” has come off loud and clear.

Anyone know how to get mouse innards glued to the bottom of a sneaker off? It’s still there. Yuck.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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The Centrist Creed

Centrist's Creed
Centrist's Creed – Posted August 5th, 2012 on Facebook by Eric Brooks

I’m not gay… but I can understand the importance of spending the rest of your life with the person you love, and have society recognize it.

I don’t have any tattoos or piercings… but I understand the need for people to express themselves.

I don’t own a gun… but I understand why some people want them to protect their family.

I don’t own a pitbull… but I can understand how people love them for their loyalty and sweetness, and how fears and exaggerations from the media can spin so much bullshit and unfair laws against them.

I don’t own a uterus…
but I can understand why someone would not want to have a child at this current time, and would prefer to not bleed to death correcting that mistake.

I most likely don’t share the same beliefs in your God, nor do I dismiss the idea of a Higher Being and order in the universe. If it brings you comfort, and makes you a better person, then I respect you for it.

I am neither Conservative or Liberal… I make up my own mind and see one or the other makes a good point here and there.

It’s called compassion. The ability to see things from another person’s point of view, and realize not everything is about you.

We are all set on different paths, headed for the same destination. The difference is the stops we make on that road, and the lessons we need to learn along the way to become better people.

It’s all about Love and living without Fear.
Don’t be assholes, unless it’s absolutely funny.

NOTE: I originally wrote this August 5, 2012 on my Facebook page. Took me forever to find it as it’s deep down in the in the memory hole over there. I have to wonder why I bother writing anything over there as we have the attention span of gnats now, and unless it fits in a meme, no one will bother to read it. So I figured, “Let me post it on my site, where no one will read it!”

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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20th Anniversary of my First Blog Post

Link Exchange
Over 9000 Link Exchange counter

Looking back on 2 decades of being an old school web guy and obnoxious jackass…

“Whuzzup” Created. “Free Stuff” created. “Avon Order” demo created. Website receives RSACi rating. URL added to AOL Netfind, Lycos, Yahoo!, HotBot, and Alta Vista. “Non-frames” version of Erox Graphix created for browsers that cannot view frames.(Originally published in XOOM)
~ April 15, 1998

That was my first ever blog post made 20 years ago in April, 2008.



My EroxGraphix site on XoomWell EricBrooks.Com didn’t exist until July of 1999. Blogger.com didn’t exist until that year either. Heck it wasn’t even my original EroxGraphix site (long since become a p0rn site… don’t go there. I posted a link to the Wayback Machine.). It was on a free site named Xoom. Like most old schoolers, we practiced on a site like that, or Geocities, or Angelfire before we felt we can move up to the “Big Leagues” and get a “real site”.

And like most Webmasters of those days, we made a “What’s New?” page just to keep our (virtually non-existent) visitors updated to new features we added to the site. Eventually we also promoted other web friends, injected our political opinions, talked about recent national news…

The weblog was inevitable.

Many of us saw what WebGod and pioneer Jeffrey Zeldman did: Posting daily, talking about others, drawing in a HUGE FOLLOWING… so we stepped up with our “What’s New” pages.

One weekend in 1998, the family made a trip to Queens, NY from the Poconos and I wanted to post updates remotely (back then, you’d write the web page and FTP’d it up). So I took Matt Wright’s Guestbook script (we all had that and his FormMail script.), and hacked it to post entries on a page.

Still, before weblogs existed.

So, fast forward to the early 200’s. With blogging becoming a full-blown thing all the cool kids were doing as we hung out on MetaFilter, I fought the term “blogger” for at least two years. Blogs were boring. People talked about going to the store and buying kale and assembling IKEA furniture. WTF? I am trying to entertain people and they are wasting some poor schmuck’s bandwidth with mundane details of their lives.

My stuff was special.
I’m special.
My mom said so.

DRAMA = AN AUDIENCE. WHO KNEW?Drama brings an audience to your blog every night... who knew?
"No Such Thing As Bad Press" and all that stuff…

Recently, I was optimizing my site, going over old posts and I realized… HOLY SHIT, I WAS A PRICK!!!! I was looking at it all from an outsider’s point of view, and wondered what the hell was going on in my head at the time. I kind of thought of myself as some kind of “Internet Superhero” who would defend the little guy and use my influence to make change… but man, was I overbearing.

No wonder why I hate Social Justice Warriors so much. I was just like them.

Poor Joe Jenett of Coolstop. I missed his email politely letting me down from inclusion in one of his projects, so I got the impression he was a cruel snob, and launched an electronic Jihad on him for years.

Man I am so sorry, dude! (uhm… well, the time where I rigged a bot to keep voting us as “blog twins” was pretty funny though.). 😀

Blog Twins...

It was around that time I caught the attention of Faith from ctrl-alt-ego.
A tough no-nonsense lawyer from New York.

Two loudmouths from New York… this ought to be interesting. We traded barbs almost nightly, and people had to come back and forth to read the latest. After the September 11th 2001 attacks, we both sort of formed an unspoken truce. But we kept the feud going for appearances sake. We sent emails laughing at our jabs.She was also a key ally in helping me get my kids back and getting CPS off my family’s back after a grueling 3 year battle of bullshit with them. I will always be grateful for that.

Dialup and 14K modems... aka the stone age.Dialup and 14K modems… aka the stone age.
Yeah the good old days where people made Javascript popups for no reason, posted rainbow unicorns (which made a big comeback on MySpace a few years later). Learned HTML without any schooling and some did quite well for themselves freelancing after honing their skills on Angelfire and GeoCities. People editing their web pages in Microsoft FrontPage and uploading it with WS FTP Uploader… The LinkExchange banners and counters… it was a totally different landscape in 1998.

A hoax involving a fake girl dying of leukemia also humbled the hell out of me and taught me to listen instead of running my big mouth. (I still hear about that to this day despite apologizing twice in the MetaFilter thread.) You know what, though? I deserved it. It made me a better person.

I was an asshole on the internet, and all I got was this Urban Dictionary entry to show for it. No Encyclopedia Dramatica. No Wikipedia. Nothing.

Ah well, at least somebody remembered me… Thanks, Mike. 🙂

Broken Link Exchange counter

So, what was the web like when you started? How has it changed?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Americans Share Their Brave 9/11 Stories How They Watched Television All Day

SoApBoX Citizens all over America will recall their ‘Where were you when September 11th Attacks Happened?’ moments on social media today… usually starting with someone telling them ‘Hey, Quick, turn on the tv!!!’

While this is clearly the ‘Where Were You When Kennedy Was Shot?’ for GenX’ers and GenY’ers, surely they can’t possibly think it’s merciful to subject their friends to paragraphs of mundane details about their lives surrounding this event, is it?

Look, we get it. You want to infuse yourselves into the story like Jack and Rose in ‘Titanic’, but that was fictional.

Also, they did exciting stuff while all this was going down.

Also, they got laid.

Jack and Rose talk about their future as Jack slowly dies of hypothermia. C’est l’amour!

Most of the really great stories will probably never be told. For the people who lost family, were first responders, or witnesses to the people jumping to their deaths or being covered in a cloud of asbestos, sheetrock, and pulverized human remains… It was too much. They don’t want to talk about it. They still don’t.

So that left the people online seeking attention, and who later, worried that Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein would crash a plane into their midwestern county fair next.

Fast-Forward, to 2031: These overly-narcissistic senior citizen ex-bloggers regale the story of their glory days to their grand children in the Sunnydale Nursing Home…

“So there I was on this beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky, when my mother called and said ‘QUICK TURN ON THE TV!’, and there it was…”

“Incredible, grandma! So what happened next?”

“Nothing, I just watched it on tv. It was the only thing running day and night.”

“Yes, but what did you do afterwards, did you join the army to fight them like great-great grandpa did in World War 2?”

Grandma explains her 9/11 tale to unimpressed granddaughter

“No. I told you, I watched this horror on tv. My world was changed forever. I made Facebook posts about it.”

“Did you go to NYC and help as a first responder?”


“Please tell me you at least donated blood!”



Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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You Either ‘Get It’… or You Don’t.

Life is a never ending river flow. Sometimes the course can become dangerously erratic; Sometimes it’s filled with obstacles like rocks and fallen trees; Sometimes it reaches an ‘end’ with a really large drop, where it continues again.

Every time I watch this video, I get a new message out of it. Well more like the same message, but a different emphasis here and there… life doesn’t stop with your sorrows and it doesn’t care about your feelings, or what you think is “fair”. Obstacles are meant to be bypassed or broken, and you are meant to grow stronger through it all, and keep going.

I’ve had critics call me ‘phony’, based on my online persona. I see me more as ‘fluid’, and will change, adapt, and flow as the situation suits me. Maybe I feel differently about something as I did six months ago, maybe my perspective on a topic or a person has changed. It is the key to growth, survival, and longevity. I’m still who I am at the core, and those close enough to me can see that.

You may get a different message though. This was my interpretation.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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MySpace Blogger Websites – In Case of Emergency

Welcome to the RMS Titanic MySpace.
As you can see, many MySpace bloggers have become disenchanted with the state of affairs here. It may be fixed. It may not. Many of your favorite bloggers have set up blogs elsewhere, and I recommend you to do the same.

Some tips to survive the impending MySpace implosion:
1. DO NOT LEAVE MYSPACE! How will people find you? Do you think I would be on MySpace if people surfed my website without someone telling them where to go?
2. Use the status stream to pimp out your blog.
3. Post a blog here with the comments off, and just a link to your offsite blog (a trick the old timers here did a lot).
4. Bookmark the following blogs listed below.
5. Or… follow them on your Yahoo and Google pages with Black Rose’s simple tutorial using their RSS feeds

If you have any new or updated ones, please Contact me here or via Twitter, MySpace or Facebook.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Happy to be Stuck with You

You know, I thought this was the stupidest song I ever heard when this came out.

“What the hell kind of thing is THAT to say to the woman you love?”

Of course this was the 21 year old “romantic 80’s Eric” talking. He thought a single stemmed rose and having “She Walks in Beauty” memorized and able to recite it on command was the ticket to a woman’s heart.

No wonder I spent so much time alone.
My hand and I sort of became an item, and went steady after a while.

It took a bit of life lessons to realize being a romantic and “any ol’ girl will do”, just isn’t the way.

(I laugh watching these “Hopeless Romantic” types leaving graphics to women all over the place here. It warms my heart to know there are men just a little more clueless than I am. These guys don’t love a woman. They’re just in love with LOVE. )

A woman wants to be seen for who she is. Loved for who she is. Sometimes even despite who she is…

You need to SEE her.
You need to notice the unique things that make her who she is… and love her for it.

I see so many relationships fail because of ones selfishness (I could
write a book on what NOT to do there!). Fear too. Fear breeds some of the
ugliest things out of human beings, and it wreaks havok on your love
live. Irrational jealousy, distrust, your overactive imagination running away with
you… add that with the selfishness of expecting someone to be more
than who they are, or what you thought they should be. Thinking of nothing but “what’s in it for me?”. Seeing what they do as some sort of reflection on you… well, you wont
last very long on that path.

Ever meet someone who got so ugly after all the flowery “I love you”s, to getting annoyed and angry because they expected something out of you or thinking they should get something out of it for what they’ve done from “the goodness of their hearts”, despite previously saying otherwise?

Did they really love that person…?
Or were they just “bartering” like it was some kind of business arrangement?

Love should come with no expectations. No strings attached. No scores being kept.

A heart can’t be bought, or earned, or seized. It can only be given. Love is all about giving. When you get it back, you are the luckiest bastard in the world.

A few things I’ve learned along the way these past 44 years.

Anyway, back to this stupid song…

Someone once said “Sorry, but you’re stuck with me”, and it took all of my worries and concerns of losing her right out of me. My ex used to say all the time “You’re like an old shoe, Eric. That’s why I keep you around. I’m comfortable with you.”


Women want that too.

As the Lord of Chaos/God of Mischief… this has probably been my hardest lesson to learn to this date. I fear routine and boredom. I’m usually at my best when all hell is breaking loose. I’m not happy unless everything around me is going terribly wrong. I find comfort and order amidst the madness and mayhem. The joy in someone else’s pain and misery… turning negative energy into something positive. Count on me to fuck up or sabotage just about anything with my nihilistic mindset.

Fortunately there are other sides to me, and I can work on this.

We’ve had our doubts, but we never took them seriously
And we’ve had our ins and outs, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be
We thought about giving up, but we could never stay away
We thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
And it’s no great mystery
If we change our minds
Eventually, it’s back to you and me

~ “Stuck With You” – Huey Lewis & the News

This is love. This is the sum of all good relationships.
Ups and downs. Good times and bad times.
Partners in life going through all sorts of things and emerging stronger for it instead of giving up, and learning something new about one another. Closer than ever.

Being comfortable with each other. Stuck with each other.
And being happy they’re stuck with you, too.

I remember a friend commenting “I want a man I can feel comfortable peeing in front of.”

I volleyed back by stating that “being allowed to fart in front of someone is considered a milestone in my relationships.”

Sure, we grossed everyone else out… but we got it.

It took me a long time… but I finally get this one too.
I finally get this song and what it means too.
It’s the next step after the romance and the honeymoon phase.
It’s about being with someone and enjoying them.
Let go of the fears and doubts… You are with each other because you CHOOSE to be.

It’s that simple…

No long stemmed roses or Lord Byron necessary.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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My Name is Eric, and I am a Problem Adult

This time, around five years ago (June, 2005), I saw the Web Blogosphere dying a slow, painful death and realized Web 2.0 was all headed toward Social Networking, so I got together with a bunch of like-minded individuals to save our Web Presence and came up with a Community called…

Problem Adults

And it was a WONDERLAND! We had an arcade, we had goofy adventures in the message board, newsfeeds, promoting each other, Saturday Night Chats, an AI Bot that greeted newcomers (and we all flirted and tried to corrupt her), fake celebrity profiles… anything went as our imaginations ran wild.

We had… FUN!

MySpace? Well that was for kids. My children had accounts here for years and I felt I was stepping on their toes and didn’t want to invade their territory (in fact, my then-13 year old daughter showed me how to make myspace layouts). But I saw celebrities with websites like Tommy Lee, Dave Navarro, and Bobbi Billard making the jump here and using this as a promotional tool… bringing themselves to the masses, and I thought “What the hell”.

Problem Adults invade MySpace

Anyway… this isn’t even the point.

Look, I know I’m a prick, okay? I know I have a mean streak a mile wide, and I tend to get into mischief (did I mention I’m a PROBLEM ADULT?). I’ve been reviled on the web, I’ve had my share of fuck-ups that people never let me live down for YEARS, I’ve been shunned, and insulted, and blacklisted by the BEST… there’s also a WHOLE OTHER side of me that somehow leaks through in all I do. A good side, a kind and compassionate side. I am a nice buncha guys… but I try to keep much of “me” hidden from public view.

GangstaSo, I guess I have a thicker skin than most of the so-called “hardcore e-thugs” here that can’t seem to get past someone here not liking them or poking at them. Much of what I see around here from the “Drama Club” is a bunch of whiny insecure crybabies pretending to be badasses, and I am baffled at some of the things that freak people out/sets them off that they have to go to the lengths that they do to defend their cyber honor.

You need to comment under someone in every status and every every blog to let them know you don’t like them? REALLY?

You need to make everyone around you uncomfortable because they are a friend of someone you don’t get along with and you fear betrayal? SERIOUSLY????

… and my personal favorite… (and the actual point, I know, I know…)

You are up in arms because someone you thought was your friend had some negative observation about you????


Do you even REALIZE how weak and insecure you look to the rest of us???

OK, listen Chuckles… here is how the REAL WORLD works.

We all form opinions about EVERYONE here. You get to know people. You like them, even though some things about them can grate on your nerves sometimes. No one is perfect, and they have many sides to them. Even some of the most LOATHSOME people I have “met” online, I can find something good to say about them if I try hard enough. There’s none of this “unconditional love”/”Say nothing but good about me” crap. Anyone looking for that is bound to be disappointed very soon (and you know you can’t do it either… ya just never got caught yet.). I watch idiots vouch for and defend people they barely know around here all the time… and they look like they are merely lying and covering for them, or a bunch of sniveling sycophants.

Normal, well-adjusted people don’t just stop liking someone or stop being their friend because of someone’s say-so or some dumb scandal… unless they are as misanthropic and paranoid as the retard that brought the drama out into the public.

And the people that save their negativity for when they no longer like the person? Well anyone with a brain is watching them going “Gee, I wonder what they REALLY think of ME?”.

And the people that can beam over you one minute and then rag on you like you are the biggest piece of shit the next…? Oh hell no! Do you really want to be involved with someone THAT freakin’ unstable???

I will admit, that in many arguments online, I see a lot of truth in what’s being said about someone… regardless of how much I like/dislike the parties involved. That’s not an “act of betrayal”… it’s just being realistic. Learn from it, take what you can out of it… stop fucking whining and acting like your dead cat was dug up and molested. If there’s no truth to it, and it’s THAT absurd, laugh it off. Most of us know bullshit just being said to rile someone up when we see it. Who gives a rat’s ass what a bunch of strangers has to say and think?

It seems like “Genuine and Sincere” is a codeword for “Someone who blows sunshine up my ass and tells me I’m wonderful”. And “Keeps it Real” is the polar opposite, “Someone who hates everyone with pure bile and negativity”.

Who the fuck wants to get close to people like that??? (Besides a Therapist?)

Guerrillero put it best the other night when he said “I like a whole bunch of you, but I wouldn’t invite you to my home“. That’s kind of how I feel about everyone too. I’m not looking to forge solid lifelong friendships on MySpace to fill some pathetic void in my real life… I’m here to be entertained and have some light hearted fun.

There is way more to all of us than meets the eye.

Let’s just keep it at a respectful distance and emotionally detached from now on, ok?

And if you have an issue or two with some of my behavior, well… I’m ok with that… and vice versa.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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This Week on MySpace

In the event that some earth-shattering drama blog were to ever come out with some shocking revelation, hoping to sway public opinion against me, let me give you my response ahead of time…

Who Cares“Yeah? Aaaaaand….? WHO FUCKING CARES?”

I’m a mean spirited bastard. What’s the surprise here? The thing is, people will still love me more than you, trust me more than you, and I will still draw a crowd… AND you will STILL be a moron that is despised for good reason. So there.

Top Story:


Schmeattle, WA (AP) – MySpamous Celebrity, Joko, was distraught yesterday as he checked MySpace Top Blogs section all day, hoping for news about his four page blog and it’s place in the rankings… only to find out MySpace was stuck on yesterday’s ranks all day long.

“I clicked the link over and over, I don’t understand,” he tells reporters as he begins frothing at the mouth. “I thought okay, maybe it will be up now, or maybe later, AND I KEPT GOING TO THE GODDAMNED PAGE AND THERE WAS NOTHING!”

“No *click* NO! *click* NOOOO! *click* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

His blog, titled “Why don’t you people comment my crappy videos any more? It’s Bad Lisa and Eric Brooks’ fault, isn’t it? *HIC*“, was expected to show up in the top ten, given the large volume of visitors and comments to see how Internet Royalty will react to his temper tantrum and gift of blaming others for just about everything wrong in his life.

When assured by the owner of his liquor store, as he commandeered his laptop, that perhaps it was just a glitch and it will be up tomorrow, Joko retorted: “DON’T YOU SEE? ALL OF MY COMMENTS WERE FROM 2 DAYS AGO! IT WONT RANK AS HIGH!!!! ARRRGHH!!! YOU JUST DON’T GET IT!!!!!”


East Bumfuck, N.C. (AP) – MySpace blogger Jim n.a.a., best known for deleting all members of MANtana and RSS off his friends list in outrage (but no one realized it), and writing blog after blog bitching about various MySpace personalities (that no one bothered to read), deleted his profile this week. We thought we should tell you since no one has asked about him, and this most likely went unnoticed in the blogging community.

NAA leader Hulia, flanked by top officials, Viriato, Guerrillero, and Mike, was quoted as saying: “We have been made blissfully unaware of this event and wish to extend our deepest apathy to the readers and fans of… wait. Who????”

No memorial has been planned for ol’ Melon Head as most of MySpace just carried on as though nothing happened and there’s no point in mentioning this any further.


Sacramento, CA (AP) – NANOLABS®, a micro technology research firm may have finally developed an electron microscope powerful enough to see Oshay “Pee Wee” Duke Jackson’s genitalia.

Richard Smalls, director of NANOLABS® research and development, demonstrated to a tiny member of reporters on hand.

“Waiiiit… there it is,” Smalls says as he focuses, “I think”.

“Nope, almost got it… wait… it’s. Hang on.”

“There it is! I see it! LOOK!”.

Hopes were dashed as it turned out to be a pencil waved in front of the lens as a prank by a colleague.

NANOLABS® CEO, Holden Littlewood, assures the public that they will not give up hope, and will continue their research.


I’m not sure why Harry Fox chose to delete my comment on his blog yesterday, but it is rare when I give any of my MANly wisdom or advice, so here it is again.

I’m a jerk. But you love me anyway. Admit it.

Wanna read my latest on MySpace?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Christmas Magic

There is something people don’t understand about me, and they have to in order to truly know me.

    I NEED to believe.
    I NEED to see the world and all of its mysteries with a child-like awe and amazement.
    I NEED to believe all things are truly possible.
    I NEED to believe in magic and other unexplained forces at work without looking at it too close.

It is essential to my creative process and ability to tap into something deep inside me to make my own magic in all that I do. This is what works for me. I suspect it’s the same for many creative types.

In the Summer, I find myself drawn to lightning storms and wander outside to face it unprotected.

I draw from the sheer power and rage of Mother Nature, making it my own. I know how She feels. It’s OUR fury She is acting out.

I don’t feel the cold rain, the howling winds, or even fear being struck… I let go and trust Her not to hurt me.

I just let go… AND BELIEVE.
At some points in my life, blind faith was all I had to go on….

“I hope you hear the music again this year, Eric…”

An email I get every year from a friend, and it brings a smile to my face. There’s a story behind it. There is a magic in the air this time of year that I have no desire to look too close at it. I just appreciate it. I shared the story on a message board and fully expected people to think I was insane. The response was surprising and unexpected…

On several Christmas Eves, in the middle of the night, I found myself wandering out to the middle of the streets. Much like I do during lightning storms. It’s as if I was being called, and my body had no choice but to obey.

There is no religious significance to it. The settings were just right. The stillness, the quiet, the lights, the starry skies and the snow all around me. The animals foraging for food in the woods quietly. The peaceful souls sleeping comfortably, the excitement and anticipation of dreaming children of what is about to come. The energy of all living things around me…

In the middle of the quiet road, I’d close my eyes and draw from it all… Opening myself. Connecting. Becoming one with everything. Becoming something larger than myself, or the world around me, even the universe surrounding it…

And then I’d hear it.

I’d hear the music that was calling for me.
Not quite human voices… it’s way too high pitched, possibly out of human frequency.
A beautiful melody that can’t be described with words or explain the joy and tranquility it gives you. The tears you formed from the beauty of it all…

You can’t experience these things unless you keep yourself open to them. This is why I NEED to believe.
Anyway, one friend on that message board had to share this with me. She told her husband about my story, and he froze. He was a musician. A very spiritual man. Tears welled in his eyes.

He said “I’ve heard that music too. I thought I was the only one and was afraid to tell anyone thinking I was crazy”.

“I hope you hear the music again this year, Eric…”
Every year she drops me a note in my inbox to remind me.

I hope you all can hear that music at least once in your lives…
All the best to you and yours.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Dropping an ANVIL on Andrew Mattock (while he’s still here)

Andrew Mattock passed away in February 2013. Although we parted on friendly terms shortly before his passing, he was still a jerk to many people, and being terminally ill is STILL no excuse for bad manners.

Reading about Andrew Mattock’s plight with his liver has gotten me thinking about my own mortality. I have resolved that if my time on earth was suddenly cut short, I will do the following.

Eric's Bucket List

Apparently, Andrew and I differ in philosophies…

Poor Blandrew… I’ve seen bulletins here and there by well-meaning people serving as his enablers, and stating that people should “leave him alone” and he should have a “Free Pass” for all the things he does and says given his condition.

Well when you’re NOT the object of his wrath, verbal abuse, or threats… that’s pretty easy to say, isn’t it?

FUCK THAT. When you think about it, in the next decade or two, *MOST* of the people currently reading this blog will not be here. So looking at the big picture, aren’t we ALL in the same boat? Doesn’t that give us ALL the right to be manipulative & verbally abusive pricks too?

You heard it from the horse's mouth, folksNope.
In fact… is there ANY valid excuse to treat people like he does online?

Most of us get online to escape our troubles and have fun, not to have someone bring their crap here and expect us all to stop what we’re doing and care, or be dumped on because they think they’re the only ones with problems.

Don’t get me wrong, I do care about people. But that’s reserved for a select few here. But for Sir Ossis of D’Liver here, and any other Sickly Sues or Johnny Come Latelys… please tell us why you’re so darned special and your troubles are somehow more important than our own and those we care for?


Thought so.

Sorry, but I think his “failing liver” story is bullshit.
I don’t need proof or evidence. It’s my opinion and I have every right to it. It’s just part of his manipulation of vulnerable women and his excuse to be a verbally abusive dipshit and get away with it.

The only way to prove me wrong is for Androol to kick the bucket, and then I will put out a bulletin saying “I guess I was wrong. OOPS!”, and get on with my life.

No, I can’t be nice to him. He gives me the creeps.

HAHA! Did this guy just issue a rape threat on the internet? WHOAH, not without buying me dinner first, buddy!
[Sir AnBlew is getting crazier by the second!]

There’s way to much to get into so let me just borrow my comment from TOY’s blog about this pigfucker…

You, my friend, take the cake for being the sorriest excuse for a “man” that MySpace has seen yet (and we have seen many pathetic men here!). Your blogs are filled with self-serving bullshit to try and convince people you are someone you’re not, and the fact that you need to post every single private correspondence that comes your way… just proves you’re a douchebag.

Here’s what we all get out of your blogs:

  1. You are self-loathing and insecure.
  2. You project your many, MANY flaws into others, and it looks like you are screaming at your own shadow most of the time. Only your fake profiles agree with you.
  3. Your contempt for women is clear as day, and you have all the earmarks of a self-loathing closet case.
  4. You feel threatened by me… and you think knocking me down will make you “king of the mountain” here. (HAHA! You can have it bud. I’m nobody special or important here. You care more about popularity than I ever did.)
  5. You’re another one of those over-50 y/o “man-children” that run loose on myspace and think you have some sense of entitlement which is typical of your “me generation”. Your kind cause everyone headaches and get blocked by everyone who can’t take your bullshit anymore.
  6. When you can’t have someone/something you want… you try to destroy it so no one else can have it. Real mature there, bud.
  7. You have SERIOUSLY underestimated some of the people you’ve targeted here.
  8. You are scared and alone. And we can see right through your false bravado.

You feel betrayed now? Wait till you find out you are just a pawn in a larger game and the people supplying you with info and support show you just how disposable you are once you’ve been proven of no use.

Hear that, Andrew?
It’s the sound of hundreds of people LAUGHING AT YOU. 😀

Yeah I know this one looks a little mean to people unaware of what’s going on… but if see his cruel comments all over the place, or talk to people who have gotten threatening emails by him, or spooked enough to take a break: They’d tell you I went easy on this PSYCHOPATH. He needs to be avoided.

[BLOCK Andrew M by clicking HERE]
(Link disabled since none of this exists on MySpace anymore)

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Got low self esteem? Don’t date ugly chicks (and other male survival tips)

WTF Radio has issued a blog challenge: Blog about men vs. Women, Relationships, or Hormones.

You may find this hard to believe, but I… Eric Brooks; CyberGod and Web Pioneer, happen to suffer from *VERY* low self esteem issues. (NAW, REALLY?)

It’s true. Despite the facade and the smooth online persona, I generally think I’m lower than dirt, uglier than sin, and have absolutely nothing to offer. Especially when it comes to women and the dating field.

Most of my life, I’ve shot pretty low. I’ve had friends ridicule me mercilessly over girls I’ve dated… asking me if I “felt sorry for them”. I don’t take compliments well, and for anyone to say I was good looking, I didn’t believe them. I just personally don’t see it.

So being the insecure, loser that I am… I reasoned in my head that unattractive girls were a safe bet. The uglier and fatter, the better! No one will want her and I will have her all to myself.

BZZZZZT! Big mistake.

See here’s why.
Attractive girls are hit on constantly. They are complimented, and flirted with all day/every day, by every sleazeball imaginable. Some of it makes them smile and gives them an ego boost. Some of it makes them want to go home and take a long, hot shower with lye (although it’s still flattering).

They’re used to it. They know this attraction to them is for nothing more than having a pretty face and a hot body. If they have a confident man in Love with them at home that sees so much more to her than just her appearance, then their guy has nothing to worry about.

In fact…
Attractive Woman + Ego Boost = YOU’RE GETTING LUCKY TONIGHT!!!

Now Plain Janes and Porkettes? Well they don’t have the benefit of that kind of experience, do they? A flirt every 17 months is like like handing a starving girl a piece of cake…


It will go right to her head and she will want to reward this guy with sex immediately for being the only other guy on the planet that knows she’s alive…

Unattractive Woman + Ego Boost = HEARTBREAK!!!

And if you think your self esteem was low before? Well, imagine dealing with the knowledge your girl just cheated on you some Skeevoid who makes Larry the Cable Guy look like Fabio! 🙁

Had I known this years ago… I would have been much more of a shallow bastard and felt better about myself. I have been crippled over and over. A pretty girl will never break your heart.

Don’t give Ugly Women a Chance to Hurt You!!!! They LIVE for it!!!!


Men vs. Women – Dialogue
Now, it’s not that I don’t like women. Frankly I just don’t understand them. Everything is a loaded question. We need to take an extra half hour to answer even the most basic remark, because frankly, we’re not quite sure what she is REALLY trying to say.

For example, a man says “I’m hungry“… well that means he’s hungry. Simple, right?

A woman asking “How was your day?” can mean anything from “Did you even TRY to look for a job today, ASSHOLE?” to “You were banging that redhead with the huge tits on your lunch break again, weren’t you, YOU CHEATING BASTARD!!!”


The Myth of the Toilet Seat – Now I have seen this many times in “man bashing” blogs, and it gives me a laugh every time.

Think about it. How many times have you heard of a bunch of guys living together and one of them falling through the toilet because the seat was left up?


Why? Because men DO put the toilet seat down. There is a 50% chance that we will need the seat down too. It is a myth.

We do this to be spiteful. We get our shots in where we can. 😀

Next time you find your butt splashing around in ice cold water, ladies… ask yourself the following questions:
– “Did I burn the roast again?”
– “Did I give him yet another lame excuse to get out of having sex with him?”
– “Did I do that ‘How was your day?’ trick on him again?”

Doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence now, does it?

Arguing with a woman – Oh Jesus, haven’t you learned yet??? Here. I have prepared a simple graphic:

Yep. It’s just like blowjobs. Enjoy them while you’re dating, fellas…
… because after she says “I DO”… SHE WONT! Trust me on this.

If a man is alone in the woods, and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong? (George Carlin)

Comments are set to go through ONLY if you are very attractive.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Switzerland hates me? Oh that’s just GREAT!

Imagine waking up and finding out a whole country hates you…

Welcome to my world. I mean, I’m used to whole social networking sites deciding I’m a jerk (and yeah, I ask for it most of the time), but a whole country?

I wake up one morning and take a harmless Facebook Quiz (which are ALWAYS 100% accurate) to get this result:

Well screw me sideways! Are you kidding me? 🙁

*sigh* As an American, you’d think I’d be used to this. Ever since the internet age, I’ve been constantly bombarded with messages by nasty foreigners who can’t stand us. Let’s face it… YES, we (Americans) are loud and obnoxious… and we LOVE a good war! Especially the ones where we’ll kick your 3rd world ass in 5 days or less.

Most of these countries are just asking for it… and their only saving grace is we can’t find most of them on the map yet… so keep running your mouths, ok?

Now I haven’t contacted the State Department over this insult (YET!!!). After seeing that the Swiss are basically armed with…

OK… the corkscrew part does scare me a little bit…

… I’m pretty sure I can take this country over with my daughter’s Girl Scout troop.

Why hasn’t anyone else ever thought of taking over Switzerland and giving them a swift kick in their Liederhosen? Bastards.

I found this while researching my new enemies….

Sick of the Swiss
Uploaded on Mar 3, 2007
The Kids in the Hall don’t like the Swiss, and for good reason! Commenters: Please note that this is a comedy sketch, the KitH are not really sick of the Swiss.

I can’t believe they needed to post some disclaimer “Please note that this is a comedy sketch, the KitH are not really sick of the Swiss.”, are these people THAT whiny? That didn’t stop the FLOOD of anti-American rhetoric in the comments.

Funny thing is… the Kids in the Hall were CANADIAN.

Yeah, we’re used to that too. Canada is like the 12 year old kid living in the floor above you starting shit by throwing water balloons out the window, but the soaking-wet & angry people come to US on the first floor because they’re just too pissed off and lazy to think.

(This, of course, makes Central & South America as living in our basement. A very crowded basement… filled with every Hispanic stereotype and joke you can come up with in the comments… but I digress…)

I’m currently searching for Switzerland on Google Maps, scanning through Southeast Asia trying to get a lock on them. And when I do…YOUR ASS IS MINE, SWITZERLAND!

Made by the One and Only Smart Ass Blog Kamikaze… who is back, bitchez!

BONUS: Challenge by C.C.

(Sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things”)

Chocolates, and Zurich, and fake Rolex watches…
I wanna kick all the Swiss in their crotches…

Swiss Miss can play with Geko’s ding-a-ling…
These are a few of my least favorite things…

Aren’t they supposed to be a ‘Neutral’ Country?
What is their PROBLEM with me????


Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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10 Tips to Become a Blogging Superstar on MySpace

How to become a Blogging Superstar

Some of you may remember this blog as the first time you’ve ever heard of me… because HOLY SHIT, DID THIS START SOME DRAMA! People weren’t used to me and how tongue-in-cheek I was through most of this, and I forgot that blogging is SERIOUS BUSINESS on MySpace. This time around I will keep it short, to the point, and as humor-free as possible.

I’ve been blogging since 1998 (that’s right, a year before Blogger came out), I’ve been on MySpace since 2006. I watched and studied the most successful bloggers here, saw what works, and brought a few tricks of my own…

First and most important. Most of your readers are bloggers themselves. This is how people will hear about you and you make your presence known. I can’t tell you how many bloggers I’ve gotten into after I was impressed by their comment in a blog somewhere. Blogging is a community where we all support each other. If you comment someone’s blog, they will most likely come visit yours. You need to build readership… and the best way to GET readers, is to BECOME a reader. (Kind of like the old adage “If you want a friend, then you have to BE a friend”. Makes perfect sense when you think about it.)

This will start discussion. Blogs ending with questions will be more likely to have comments. A sad fact is, most of your readers will skim through your blog and not read it fully. They also might not feel comfortable “flying blind” and feeling foolish with a comment if they didn’t get it… so why not guide them a little bit?

We have a rule on the web. The rule of KISS (“Keep It Simple, Stupid”). So many bloggers think they’re the next Hemingway and then get frustrated at the lack of responses. But with all the blogs we have out there to read, do you honestly think people have the TIME to read your epic “War & Peace” novel in a medium where reading comprehension off a computer screen is significantly lower than what you’d get off a printed book or magazine? COME ON! Do you find people commenting a lot about the first or last paragraph they read? Then your blog is WAY too long. Get to the point!

Friends have pimped out your blog, people loved it. That’s the easy part, but how do you keep them coming back for more? Make them subscribe.

Sure you have the “subscribe” link up top… but they just scrolled all the way down. What better place to hit them with it than right at the end? A nice graphic to remind them: “SUBSCRIBE TO ME NOW!”. Make it easy on them.

You know what’s even better than comments? MORE COMMENTS! It also adds to your page views and overall ranking if your readers come back to read your response. Something witty or showing a genuine interest in them and what they have to say will work best. They will most likely comment more, particularly if you end the comment with a question (see TIP #2). One of the biggest turn-offs here is when a reader feels they’ve been ignored.

Now with the “Activity Stream” we have here, I’m finding myself using that to read the latest blogs. I’m using it a lot more than even the “New Blog Posts” section (You post-daters have pretty much ruined that. Thanks a lot). Put in a friend request, leave a note thanking them for reading your blog. They will now be notified you have a new blog post right on their front page.

TIP #7 – BLOGDICKING (or “BLOG SKIPPING” for the “Rated G” crowd)
You have left the most thought-provocative comment ever on a very popular blog… but guess what? Who is going to read it on page 5?

“Blogdicking” is basically skipping the line and commenting under the very first comment, so there you are on page one for everyone to see. Some bloggers think it’s rude, but I personally think it keeps your blog looking fresh and helps the author find your comment so much easier.

Blogdicking Banner

Having a banner as your very first comment (because face it… “Firsters” are annoying) also makes things easier and doesn’t break up the conversation. But be fast… those sucky “firsters” are like vultures!

First thing I need to stress is that this is not the “end all be all” of blogging. People get obsessed over this as if Tom is going to send you a paycheck. But you know what? Having a blog rank nicely is a rewarding feeling too. It’s based on page views + comments + kudos.

Other factors include the time you post (best is between 4:30 AM – 10:00 AM Eastern time). You get the maximum amount of exposure as it’s all tallied up in a 24 hour period… as well as the category you post in.

The number ones in each category are lined up first in the Overall rankings, followed by the #2’s, 3’s, etc. Try and avoid “high traffic” categories like “News & Politics” or “Writing and Poetry”. You’d be amazed at how well you’ll rank in “Games” or “Automotive”, let me tell you.

Personally I’d prefer to just leave legitimate tips, because no one likes a cheater. But would I be your buddy if I left you with an incomplete education? I wont tell you where to find an auto refresher (because MySpace tends to delete those blogs), but you can easily Google it. Autorefreshing is how a great many of the “Top Bloggers” would rank by basically inflating their page views (And not ALL high ranking bloggers do this either). It’s cheating. But I’d be a hypocrite and a liar if I acted like I’ve never done it myself. Here’s my tip though:

Most people here can spot the cheaters. For starters, it is nearly impossible to have every one of your blogs rank consistently high, and a blog with less than 5 pages of comments is SURELY going to raise some eyebrows. Nothing will get your sorry ass beaten down here faster than lying about it and pretending you’ve done it fair and square. So if you’re gonna cheat… at least be a smartass about it.

Blogging is basically spread through word-of-mouth. Getting in the Top Blogs page will only get you a few new walk-ins at best (most people don’t even bother looking at it). Now, when I see in a blog I like that they’re raving about another blogger… or bulletins recommending you check out a certain blog? THAT gets my attention. It will on most people. Pimp out blogs you think are worth reading. More than likely people will return the favor.

WARNING: Do not ask/force people to pimp you out though. Nobody likes that, and people don’t want their credibility ruined… especially if it’s a crappy blog to begin with (which, sadly, most of these people who try to force their blogs on others to pimp out usually tend to write).

Was this tutorial helpful?
Do you have any other tips for bloggers to become more successful here?
Do I look fat in these jeans?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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The Girl in the Painting…

I can’t believe it’s been 20 years since I made these demos. (Yeah I know it’s not studio quality… what part of “DEMO” didn’t you get?)

Let be give you the background story on this song…

A long time ago there was this three year old boy. He was an only child, and he had a very powerful imagination.

His first “girlfriend” was one of those “Big Eye” paintings that were popular in the 60’s and 70’s. He was totally smitten with her and her big blue eyes.

He looked forward to seeing her everyday, as they went to some far off place in his imagination. She was a little weird and funny and had a way of cheering him up when he was down.

I’m sure in Jungian terms, the boy tapped into his own anima and projected it into her, just as Pygmalion did with Galatea.

The painting eventually disappeared… but she lived in his heart and haunted him with those gorgeous eyes his whole life.

Athena, I swear I’m lost without you…
You’re the Angel of my dreams.
But you left me, went back to your world far away…

In his teen years, no girl ever matched up to his “dream girl” (and we ALL know how that “marriage” thing worked, right?). He kind of had it in his head that she was real and out there somehow… he’d know it by looking into her eyes. She was his Muse. His “Immortal Beloved”.

After buying a Charvel Jackson Randy Rhodes guitar when he was 18… his dream girl had a new name: RANDI ATHENAS.

She’s changed forms over the years, but there was always those eyes. Those eyes and that zany personality. Still head over heels in Love with her, and seen little bits of her in every woman I’ve ever loved. It’s what drives me and haunts me at the same time.

Lonely nights, and it just ain’t right.
I’m lost inside.
Though I feel in the starlight, you’re still watching me…

… it’s the price that you pay, when you’re in Love with a fantasy….

Did you have a Dream Girl/Guy?
Did you ever find them?
Am I crazier than you originally thought?


Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Eric’s Guide to the Bible

After nearly being hit by lightning yesterday (4th time in my life, I might add), I thought “Why hasn’t anyone ever written a drama blog about God and FINALLY put that careless egomaniac in His/Her place?”

Well, *I’M* gonna be the one to do it. I AM PISSED! And I am soooo sick of that Human Evolution guy on the front page of MySpace every day for the past year. ENOUGH ALREADY!

I have read The Holy Bible many, many times. All but one chapter. You see, they have a word for people that have read the entire Bible: They’re called Atheists.
And I need to believe in order to keep my creative spark.

I have to agree with Ace Tyler, religion needs a makeover. I’ve sold Santa and the the Tooth Fairy to my kids with little or no effort… because, face it: When money or gifts are involved, WE’LL BELIEVE IN ANYTHING! (This is not a jab at my new Nigerian friend I’ve been talking to in emails lately. He has my bank account information now, I don’t want to scare him off.)

SMITEDOWN!ETERNAL LIFE? Well that’s cool, but what’s in it for us NOW? We are in a day and age of instant gratification. Getting a tote bag from the 700 Club after a $500 donation isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Why can’t we fling lighting bolts too? I’d LOVE to take out a few assholes like He keeps trying to do to ME! Wouldn’t you?

Have you READ the Old Testament? Are you SURE you want to spend all Eternity with THAT guy? He hates everyone… including the Jews! One minute, they’re His Chosen People, and the next you have the Holocaust. WTF?

And what a DRAMA QUEEN! I thought for a while maybe God is a woman, this Yahweh person sure is moody and vindictive enough to be one. I mean a male God would have just dropped a mountain on Sodom and Gomorrah and be done with it… instead we have this whole theatrical firebombing (which is where the term “flamers” comes from in the Gay community, btw), and turning people into pillars of salt just because Lot’s wife went “Oh shit, I think I left the iron plugged in!” and looked back.

But alas… there were no plagues involving painful or itchy testicles (which would DEFINITELY be the mark of a female God) … so I guess God is a man after all. One REALLY moody and pissed off guy at that!

DUDE! You made the Universe in 7 days, what have you got to prove here? A couple of sheep herders worship a golden calf, and you go off on them like a Top Blogger reading a bad comment!

The Book of Job, that poor sap! I am pretty sure this was just meant to be a fable to explain why horrible things happen to good people. You know Job’s kids & his wife murdered, his home destroyed, his cattle all wiped out… then to be homeless and covered in painful boils. Hey, it happens to all of us sometimes. Then to read behind the scenes God and Satan are sitting there going “Hey, let’s fuck with this guy some more…”.

Good and Evil joining forces just to put the screws on some guy just for shits and giggles. That’s comforting!

Religion v 2.0 – Enter the Jesus
Like most all-powerful, yet painfully insecure thin-skinned deities, I’m sure God was paying close attention to polls and watching his popularity dropping at an alarming rate. He assembles a heavenly research & development team to find out why people aren’t loving Him and being scared shitless at the same time:

“While most people find plagues of locusts and fire in the sky to be really cool to watch, no one seems to like it happening to them. And that ‘killing your first-born’ stuff? People tend to look down on that….”

Bible v 2.0 - Enter the JesusTime for a kinder, more gentler approach…

Now I don’t care what anyone says: JESUS WAS FREAKIN COOL! I mean, anyone that can turn water into wine was bound to be a hit at parties, right? Being blond haired and blue eyed also made him stand out in a crowd of Middle Easterners. Jesus was special and everyone knew it.

He hung out with tax collectors, revolutionaries, attractive, promiscuous women he saved from stonings, opened up a can of whoopass on the moneychangers at the Shaolin Temple, he was like a cross between Criss Angel and Nikki Sixx.

But his message was one of love and peace, and some of the people used to God smiting them for wearing white after Labor Day was just too old skewl for his message and decided he had to go.

He didn’t set out to start his own religion, going to the Gentiles was “Plan B”. As his Apostles preached with “Oh yeah, speaking of the Messiah, you know that guy that got crucified two weeks ago…?”

Well, no one likes to be told “I told you so”, do they?

His message of hope and love was spread throughout the world in the form of Crusades and Inquisitions, and then later by Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church.

It’s been almost 2,000 years since he promised he’d return.
I’m starting to think we’ve been punk’d here…

Who does this God think He IS anyway?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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I like pie better than Cakes anyway…

We realize most dramas are very hard to follow, and the recent feud between WTF Radio and myself has been no different.

It basically breaks down to the same thing in every long drama that no one really cares about. You have a misunderstanding, a heated argument, escalation, and then tit for tat until someone finally yells “WHO CARES ALREADY!!!”.

So, to make this all simple for everyone, I have decided to break it down in cartoon form. Bear in mind, like all blogs, this is MY side of the story (a/k/a “The GOSPEL TRUTH”). Whatever they’re going to say is not true. Don’t even read them!

This was my proposed “fix” for the situation. Here would have been the part where I would suggest a contest where everyone writes a funny ending to this drama, and we’d all have a good laugh and realize how absolutely stupid this whole thing was, and WTF Radio would be bigger than ever.

Jim and I are good buddies again and I wish him good luck as he re-groups and takes his time to set his show back up.

WTF RadioUPDATED 5/13: I had no idea WTF Radio was going to be up and running this fast… please join Jim and whoever his co-host will be every Monday Night on BlogTalkRadio!!!!

I mean COME ON! Jim, Cookie, S*U*S*A*N*, Bad Lisa, myself, and so many others were using Jack in the Box defaults through this… YOU tell ME how seriously we were all taking this???

So let’s get to THE REAL ISSUE that you all want to talk about…

Why won’t they let me in the Top Bloggers Club here so I can be a Top Blogger too?

Subscribe to my MySpace blog

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Sometimes criticism is good for you, you know…

I can’t believe I have to even say that! But looking around at the state of the Human Condition… I suppose I have to.

Criticism doesn’t necessarily *HAVE* to be nice to be constructive.

In whatever people chose to do on the web, whether it’s to write, be an artist, create content, sell a product or service… it is a continual struggle to perfect your craft. Or at least it should be. This is how you become really good at what you do.

I was watching a local show the other day where a panel of web gurus were on and the topic was “What do you do to control the negative opinions of the public on your website?

Webmaster: “You set guidelines early on as to what is acceptable on your site and warn people that unacceptable comments and behavior will lead to removal and/or expulsion”.

Internet Lawyer: “You don’t want to stifle free speech on your site. This will make your site look too ‘controlled’ and ‘phony’ and you run the risk of losing all your visitors.”

Marketing/Consultant: “You hide nothing! You take whatever negativity you get and turn it into a strength. Be honest about your flaws and respond back kindly and professionally. Most of the time, these critics feel they are screaming into a vacuum, and when you respond, they come back shocked with ‘Wow, I didn’t realize anyone even reads this… I’m sorry for being so harsh’, and you are on your way to converting a new loyal customer.”

Needless to say, I was most impressed with the Marketing Guru’s answers. The public can spot a phony a mile away… especially on the web. Why attempt to control the uncontrollable, when you can accept that you now have the god-like gift of being everywhere and seeing people’s innermost thoughts?

He’s 100% right too. And this doesn’t just apply to a political/e-commerce site, this applies to any blog/website where the owner/author is seen as “Larger than Life”, and the commenter doesn’t realize that the owner puts on their pants one leg at a time just like everyone else.


Let me offer a few examples…

(*Screen gets all squiggly as you go back in time*)

I sat in several business meetings at a company where I managed their websites. They had me run a survey, and reviewing the results they felt they got nothing out of it… they called on two more surveys from outside sources after that…

… still nothing!
……….. or was there…?

I got everything I needed to know from the first survey. The public was trying to tell them that certain days the newspaper was worth buying (circulars, weekend guides, coupons), and certain days they weren’t… and certainly not worth paying a full subscription for that. The next two surveys said the same exact thing…

Why did they feel they didn’t get any useful answers?
They weren’t listening. They only heard what they wanted to hear. They were looking for praise on certain products and how to build on that, instead of working on their weaknesses… they were given a goldmine of information, but missed it because they were looking for diamonds instead.

The Corporate mind… UGH.
And you wonder why the public is disgusted at the thought of bailing incompetent companies out?


Here’s another one…
(*Squiggles again, you know the drill*)
I got this Guestbook entry about a year ago….

Joe Blow says:
I really don’t see any point in this website. It’s outdated for one thing and hard to navigate. but what do I know. I’m Joe Blow.

OUCH! Yeah that stung for a little bit.
Now can you imagine the reactions of some bloggers here getting this? I can. And it would go something like this…

Blogger#1: “Oh you’re just jealous because I am soooooo popular! HMPH!”
Blogger#2: “Oh that’s it! IT IS ON!” *Writes a Drama Blog for all the loyal readers to tear that person apart and blow sunshine up the author’s keyster*
Blogger #3: “OMG! No one should see this!!!” *DELETE!*
Blogger#4: “Well since you can’t say it under your real name, I don’t see any reason why I should even care about your opinion!”

What did I do?
I listened… this person just gave me VALUABLE information, and whatever their motivation behind it really was, it meant more to me than the pages of “Wow! Great site!” comments I received before and after it.

    It told me:

  1. The site needs to be updated more often.
  2. A new design that is more up with the current look is in order.
  3. The navigation needs to be simplified.

And I like to think with my new redesign, I addressed those issues. It needs more work, and I have a big long “To Do” List, but at any rate, I want EricBrooks.Com to be the best it can be….

This doesn’t just apply to the web, it goes with real life as well. Sometimes your harshest critics can hand you valuable information to better yourself and improve your craft. Stop taking things so personal. READ! LISTEN! SHUT UP!

Think of the old prospectors during the gold rush… how many tons of dirt and mud they sifted through, and every so often, they found a gold nugget in there?

Why do YOU think you have two eyes, two ears and only ONE mouth?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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How To Resize Blog Comments on MySpace

So you’ve written this great blog, so careful to make sure nothing stretched your screen in your post…. so meticulous, as you want to make sure everyone can digest what you’re trying to say without side scrolling….

Suddenly some HTML-Challenged putz leaves a graphic from Photobucket in your comments that should be used as desktop wallpaper!!! ARRRRRRGH!

Don’t you hate when that happens?
No worries, we’re about to fix that.


************ UPDATED 03/23/09 ****** NEW CODE BELOW *******

– Go to Customize Blog in your blog control panel.
– Paste the following CSS code in your “Your own Additional Style Sheet” box:

td.blogComments {font-size: 13px; width:499px; max-width:550px; width:auto; height:auto; overflow:hidden;}
td.blogComments img {width:499px; max-width:550px; width:auto; height:auto;}
td.blogComments object {width:549px; height:450px; max-width:550px;}
td.blogComments embed {width:549px; height:450px; max-width:550px;}
*html .main .blogComments td.blogComments  {width:450px; height:auto; overflow:hidden}

What that code does is tell the browser that any picture or video over 550 pixels wide is going to be shrunk to that size (with the height automatically proportioned….)

There’s only ONE itty bitty problem. This code will work on every browser except Internet Explorer (you know the one that 47% of your readers are using?). Works like a charm on Firefox, Safari, Netscape, Chrome and Flock though.

Why people still use Internet Explorer… I have no idea. It doesn’t recognize the “max-width” attribute, which is the key to this whole trick. Mozilla-based browsers smoked I.E. in the “Browser Wars” years ago. You can also use JavaScript to make it work in I.E., but that’s a major “no-no” on MySpace.

The best you can do here is cut off anything longer than 550 px; from the screen in I.E…

I don’t care what the blog looks like in Internet Explorer, anyway. I use Firefox.

Download Firefox 3 – The Best browser out there…

Download Firefox

Download Flock (The Social Browser)
Download Google Chrome
Download Apple Safari
Download Opera (Thx, Jared)

REMEMBER: Friends don’t let friends use Internet Exploder!!!!

Try and stretch out my MySpace blog with a graphic, video, or text… I DARE YA!

Subscribe to my MySpace Blog!

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Ladies, Beware of the ‘Nice Guy’

As published on MySpace – August 31st 2008
Ladies, Beware of the Nice Guy

This is a followup to Kelly Jo’s “What Nice Guys Say and What they REALLY Mean“. We were supposed to do it as a co-blog… but everything needs to be a big production with me. So here it is, two days later.

There’s a difference between a genuinely nice guy (lower case) and a “Nice Guy” (capital letters). A nice guy is just a decent person looking to have fun and connect with people online. Nothing wrong with being a flirt either… it makes the online community that much more livelier.

The “Nice Guy,” however, is a predator of the “Jekyll & Hyde” variety. Eager to appear as a “Knight in Shining Armour” in front of everyone… but behind the scenes, they keep their nasty side hidden until they have enough popularity and your personal information to hold you hostage emotionally for as long as it amuses them.

There is *ALWAYS* an ulterior motive behind what they say and do.

    Signs of a Nice Guy:

  • Agrees with *everything* you say and do. Expressing your opinions as their own.
  • Appeals to an emotional argument rather than a logical one, and ready to “leap to the rescue and spring into action” to impress the object of his affections.
  • Would prefer to continue the relationship out of the public eye (i.e.: emails, IM, phone, etc)
  • Uses some kind of a traumatic event in his life (real, imagined, or greatly exaggerated) as a backdrop to gain sympathy and explain his uncharacteristic outbursts and wanting you to open up and share your pain and personal details with them.

  • Moving the relationship too fast, or beyond your comfort levels… while reminding you of his past trauma, earning your trust through pity, and using it as an excuse to cross the line.

  • Tries to get information out of your friends that you were already reluctant to give him when asked.
  • Openly hostile toward/feeling threatened by Alpha Males. They’re “suck ups” at first, but once they get popular by association… they set out to prove they’re “different” from the other guys.
  • You feel you’re constantly being “watched” and “monitored” by the Nice Guy. Being stifled and unable to express yourself freely without getting a private message of disapproval from him. A feeling of “suffocation”.

a Nice Guy in actionIn reality, the Nice Guy is a pathetic little chameleon. A “Walter Mitty” type.  He’s whiny, self-centered and very insecure. You’re too busy opening up to this “too good to be true” guy to notice he’s only sharing with you what he *WANTS* you to know about him.

He uses sympathy as a vehicle to get sex out of you (while trying to convince you that guy you were looking at is a douchebag only interested in getting sex out of you. Ironic, no?). He will keep trying to cross the line to see if you are ready yet (and getting creepier by the second).

But if you call him on it…

WATCH OUT! You’re about to see the nasty side of him that he works so hard to keep out of the public eye.

No point in telling anyone, is there? Who will believe you? He’s such a nice guy everyone will think you’re crazy! He probably has enough of your personal info by now that he’ll think nothing of making your personal life a living hell in retaliation.

A Real Man doesn’t need to resort to these tactics, does he? Each woman has a “unique signature” about them. A man will notice it and tell them about it. Not use some “blanket generalization” that a lonely and vulnerable woman would interpret as “seeing her”. Strong independent women tend to see through the Nice Guy’s facade rather quickly… so they move on to more vulnerable prey.

An example of a Nice Guy I dealt with online:
One guy on my old message board was a real doozy! He was charming and sincere at first… but that was just to get his foot in the door. After weeks of ass kissing and gaining acceptance, he moved into his “poor me” stage. His first wife died, and his second wife left him for another man…

boo hoo!This of course, tugged on a lot of heartstrings.
(OK. Read the rest before you decide I’m a heartless prick. Please?)

He was more than happy to listen to other people’s problems (providing of course you were willing to listen to him twice as much.). He then became the “Defender of the Women,” tearing into any guy who dared to disagree with a female’s opinion on the board. He also couldn’t resist taking shots at me and other “top guys” that were popular; Belittling us in a way that seemed like pure projection on his part (a guy in his 50’s telling *US* we can’t get it up? HA!).

Behind the scenes he felt he deserved “pity sex” for all his hardships and trauma. He got nasty and spiteful in private to women who put him off or turned him down. One married woman in particular, who foolishly gave out her home phone number and address to him, got cards in the mail and phone calls at times when he knew her husband would be home.

As she rejected his advances further, he outright told her that her husband would “probably not approve of her activities on the board if he found out” (An indirect threat of sorts). She began to shy away from participating, fearful of the next private message from him questioning her and why is she talking to “this guy” or why she said what she did to “that guy”.

In time he pissed off enough people that I ended up giving this loser the BANHAMMER as a Christmas gift to all the ladies on the board… not to mention letting him know that a few of the “women” ol’ Cassanova cyberf**ked, were actually guys in fake female profiles messing with him. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ladies? You think the douchebags are bad? Nice Guys are WORSE. At least you know where you stand with a guy who makes his intentions crystal clear. The other weasels will grab you by your emotions and tear your heart out instead of just breaking it.

Just look for the signs and realize you are on the internet. A place where anyone can appear in any form they want. And All you know is what they’ve told you

Landing a guy is really simple: We’re all basically the same. Feed us, sleep with us, and tell us we’re the most amazing man you’ve ever met with the biggest schlongs you’ve ever seen (lie if you have to)… AND WE’RE ALL YOURS!

Stop looking for Prince Charming. He’s not on MySpace. Trust me.

Do you have any experiences with Nice Guys?
How did you handle it?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.