{"id":14,"date":"1999-09-12T00:00:00","date_gmt":"1999-09-12T03:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/?p=14"},"modified":"2011-05-16T01:06:18","modified_gmt":"2011-05-16T05:06:18","slug":"new-york-city-versus-the-poconos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/new-york-city-versus-the-poconos\/","title":{"rendered":"New York City versus the Poconos"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!-- BEGIN LINKEXCHANGE SPOOF --><iframe style=\"width: 100%; height: 60px;\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/spoofads\/random.php\" allowtransparency=\"true\" tabindex=\"0\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"No\"><\/iframe><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/soapbox\/spoofads\/leban.gif\" border=\"0\" width=\"468\" height=\"16\" \/><!-- END LINKEXCHANGE SPOOF --><\/p>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"text-align: center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/nyc_pocban.jpg\" width=\"468\" height=\"140\" \/><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: center\">\n<p><b><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/nyc.gif\" alt=\"NYC\" width=\"75\" height=\"100\" align=\"left\" style=\"margin-right: 7px;\" \/><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/poc.gif\" alt=\"Poconos\" width=\"75\" height=\"94\" align=\"right\" style=\"margin-left: 7px;\" \/><\/b><b>To read the Pennsylvanian version <\/b><b><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rinkworks.com\/dialect\/dialectp.cgi?dialect=redneck&amp;url=http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/new-york-city-versus-the-poconos\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">[CLICK HERE]<\/a> Via the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.rinkworks.com\/dialect\/dialectp.cgi\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">Dialectizer<\/a>!<\/b><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"text-align: left; border: solid 2px #CCCC00;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #CCCC00; text-align: center; padding: 5px;\"><b>The Score So far:<\/b><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #FFFFCC; padding: 5px;\">\n<p>The <b>1970&#8242;s<\/b> &#8211; New Yorkers migrated to <b>Long Island<\/b>. In the <b>1980&#8242;s<\/b> -They tried <b>New Jersey,<\/b> as Long Island <b>fell apart<\/b>. Now in the <b>1990&#8242;s<\/b> &#8211; The <b>Poconos<\/b> changes from tourism to communities. New Jersey just got too <b>expensive<\/b>, crime-ridden and the mass-exodus <b>begins<\/b>. Why does this happen to poor New Yorkers? They leave to find <b>Shangri-la<\/b>, just to watch the neighborhood get worse than the one they left???<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s weigh the two <b>contenders<\/b> shall we?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><b>Written by a former New Yorker <\/b><\/p>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Night driving<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/nyc_night.jpg\" width=\"150\" height=\"100\" alt=\"New York Skyline...and YES, you bumpkins, there really is a Batman!!!!\" align=\"right\" style=\"margin-left: 7px;\" \/>Tough call. In NYC, your odds of being <b>carjacked<\/b> at night are <b>good<\/b>. However, your odds of a <b>deer<\/b> coming out of nowhere, and causing you to crash into a tree, in the Poconos are even <b>better<\/b>.<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_drw.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"18\" alt=\"Results: Draw\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top; padding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Girls<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/randi2.gif\" width=\"150\" height=\"182\" alt=\"Randi\" align=\"right\" style=\"margin-left: 7px;\" \/>With the exception of <b>California<\/b>, nowhere on the planet will you find hotter looking girls than <b>New York City<\/b>! Dressed to the hilt for their Manhattan jobs, sporting shorter skirts and tighter blouses every year&#8230; Sure, there&#8217;s plenty of good looking girls in the <b>Poconos<\/b>&#8230;. Unfortunately they&#8217;re all sixteen and under. So if you use the old &#8220;look at their mothers&#8221; test, you&#8217;ll come to the conclusion that they will hit 300 pounds and lose a few teeth by the time they&#8217;re of legal age (or move to NYC or Los Angeles to become models)&#8230;<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_nyc.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"17\" alt=\"Results: NYC\" \/><\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 3px; background-color: #FFFF66; border solid 1px #FC0\">\n<p><b>Personal note<\/b>: &#8220;Eric, you <b>disgusting<\/b>, pedophile bastard!!!! You&#8217;re happily married to a wonderful <b>woman<\/b>&#8230;&#8221; Yes, to a <b>hot NYC chick<\/b>&#8230;hey, I&#8217;m <b>married<\/b>, but I&#8217;m not <b>dead<\/b>! <\/p>\n<p><b>Read the next one, and get off my case, okay?<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Guys<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/gill.jpg\" width=\"140\" height=\"119\" alt=\"No, I'm not saying Vince Gill (whoever the hell he is) is from PA, but you get the point\" align=\"right\" \/>This pains me to say (with my pretty-boy looks long gone with the 80&#8242;s), they have some damn good-looking guys out here! (I&#8217;m not gay or nothing, just calling it as I see it&#8230;) The <b>mountain air<\/b> also causes an unexplainable phenomenon that triggers a high level of <b>testosterone<\/b>. Giving these guys seemingly <b>eternal youth<\/b> and <b>super-strength<\/b> (Why, on earth, would I make this stuff up???). All over, you&#8217;ll find strikingly handsome, horny guys trying really hard to conceal the fact that they&#8217;re married to a <b>walrus<\/b> at home.<\/p>\n<p>In New York, they range from wimpy pencil pushers, to hideous thugs.<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_poc.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"17\" alt=\"Results: Poconos\" \/><br \/>\n              (Gawd,that one hurt!)<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Schools<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/scholar.gif\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" align=\"right\" style=\"margin-left: 7px;\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t let the drawl of your average <i><b>Cutterman<\/b><\/i>(Pocono Hillbillies) fool you, these guys are super smart! They have to be, the <b>Pocono Mountain School district<\/b> is so far advanced from NYC, that New York kids are almost guaranteed to either struggle, or be left back, in thier first year. Crime, violence &amp; drugs are prevalent in any high school in America, so we wont even factor that in&#8230;<b>teenagers are pricks, anywhere you go<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>              NYC schools are overcrowded and underbudgeted. NYC teachers are seriously underpaid.<\/p>\n<p>              My kids former school, <b>PS153 (Maspeth, Queens)<\/b> has a giant net over the entire school to catch the falling bricks off the sides of the building. A girl was killed from this in another school back in &#8217;97. It&#8217;s a matter of time before these 80 year-old structures collapse (with an average of 2,200 students inside).<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_poc.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"17\" alt=\"Results: Poconos\" \/><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color:#FFFFCC; padding 5px;\"><b>Personal note<\/b>: This was our #1 reason for leaving, by the way.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Jobs<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/lil_people.jpg\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" alt=\"Lil' People courtesy of http:\/\/www.fisher-price.com\" border=\"0\" align=\"right\" style=\"margin-left: 7px;\" \/>To survive in the Poconos, you have to be a <b>crafty hustler<\/b>, own your <b>own business<\/b>, or be a<b> jack of all trades<\/b>. The most fatal mistake a New Yorker can make, is to think they can keep their Manhattan job and live out here. If the 2-hour <b>commute<\/b>, or the <b>dual-state taxes<\/b> don&#8217;t get you, then the <b>winter<\/b> will. No one in your office will believe there&#8217;s 4 feet of snow in your driveway! And keep dreaming if you think you&#8217;ll get <b>$17 an hour<\/b> for an office job out here&#8230; On the plus side, the Poconos is the golden land of opportunity to start your own <b>business<\/b>&#8230;assuming you have enough start-up capital to survive your first year? The banks out here aren&#8217;t exactly friendly to entrepreneurs&#8230;hell, they let Jersey handle all the <b>mortgages<\/b> (and subsequent <b>foreclosures<\/b>)!<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_nyc.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"17\" alt=\"Results: NYC\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Attitude<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p>Oh, how they hate <b>New Yorkers<\/b> moving up here! On the other hand, New Yorkers come up here and treat <b>Pocono<\/b> residents like shit, so I can understand their point of view. Our first month here, my wife took a part-time job in a deli. New Yorkers, up here on vacation, would walk into the deli, act like they can kick everyone&#8217;s ass (See &#8220;<b>Testosterone Phenomenon<\/b>&#8221; above), and talked to my wife like she was a dumb <b>goober<\/b>! <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/deer.jpg\" width=\"159\" height=\"160\" align=\"right\" \/><\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;ll find common ground with our neighbors (being New Yorkers, better life for our kids, having matching <b>9mm pistols<\/b>, <b>The Yankees<\/b>, goofing on <b>Jersey People<\/b>, common hatred of <b>country music<\/b> and <b>deer<\/b>), which works out great until we find out that they&#8217;re from <b>The Bronx<\/b> and I&#8217;m from <b>Brooklyn<\/b>&#8230;then we&#8217;re enemies again! Go figure.<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_nyc.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"17\" alt=\"Results: NYC\" \/><br \/>\n              &#8230;<b>FUH-gettaboutit! <\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Things to do<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p>            Gee. Play with the <b>fire hydrant<\/b>, or go to <b>Jack Frost\/Big Boulder<\/b> resorts? One will get you a ticket from the Police, and the other will cost you a small fortune&#8230;  Well, there&#8217;s the safety factor. When&#8217;s the last time you&#8217;ve been to <b>Coney Island<\/b>&#8230;.<b>after dark<\/b>? In the summer, the Poconos comes alive with fairs and <b>Carnivals<\/b> everywhere you go. <b>Miniature golfing<\/b>, ice cream parlors, <b>water rides<\/b>, etc. Fairly cheap entertainment without worrying about your wallet being lifted. On the downside, half of these vendors have never heard of &#8220;<b>knishes<\/b>&#8220;. The <b>Poconos<\/b> was designed to be a tourist trap, not for the scum of the earth to move in.<\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_poc.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"17\" alt=\"Results: Poconos\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px; border: 2px solid #C00; text-align: left; -moz-border-radius:20px; -webkit-border-radius:20px; border-radius:20px;\">\n<div style=\"background: url(http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/gradients\/amb_grad.gif) repeat-y scroll left top;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><b>Music<\/b>:<\/div>\n<p>In trendy NYC, you&#8217;ve got the <b>techno bands<\/b>, the alternative rock scene, even <b>classic disco<\/b>. Sequencers and MIDI have replaced <b>talent<\/b>. In the Poconos, you can catch great bands like <b>Innocent Bystander<\/b> in bars &amp; pubs playing pure rock and roll. Something that died in NYC with <b>Heavy Metal<\/b> in the early 90&#8242;s.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/mac_hirohito.jpg\" width=\"150\" height=\"113\" alt=\"MacArthur and Emperor Hirohito at Karaoke Night\" align=\"right\" style=\"margin-left: 7px;\" \/>Unfortunately, <b>country music<\/b> also reigns supreme in the Poconos.<\/p>\n<p><b>Karaoke<\/b> is alive and well in both hemispheres. As you know, karaoke has its roots in <b>World War Two<\/b>&#8230; Devised by the Japanese to <b>torture<\/b> American prisoners. They&#8217;d get loaded on <b>Sake<\/b> (rice wine) and sang off-key <b>Andrews Sisters<\/b> songs to their poor captives, day and night, until the prisoners committed <b>suicide<\/b>. Karaoke is <b>Japanese<\/b> for &#8220;Stupid Americans will do anything when they&#8217;re drunk&#8221;. <b>Karaoke must die.<\/b><\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: right;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/res_drw.gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"18\" alt=\"Results: Draw\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div style=\"background-color:#FFC; padding: 0px; border: 2px solid #fc0; text-align: left;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #666;\n\tpadding: 3px; text-align: center; margin-bottom: 10px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/images\/posts\/winner.gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"30\" alt=\"And the winner is...\" \/><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 0px 20px;\">\n<p>That&#8217;s up to you, I guess. If you&#8217;re looking to provide a better life for your <b>children<\/b>, the Poconos has it (<b>East Beirut<\/b> is better than NYC for kids!). Other than that, this town can be hell for the <b>new kid on the block<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>And even worse for the people that buy into the &#8220;<b>pie-in-the-sky<\/b>&#8221; bullshit that developers try to sell to New Yorkers. Sure it&#8217;s got its problems, but doesn&#8217;t <b>everywhere<\/b>?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Which one is better to live in?  Read all about New Yorker&#8217;s latest quest to escape crime and find Shangri-La.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-old-skewl"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>New York City versus the Poconos - SoApBoX<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/new-york-city-versus-the-poconos\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"New York City versus the Poconos - SoApBoX\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Which one is better to live in? 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