{"id":167,"date":"2004-08-16T01:33:14","date_gmt":"2004-08-16T04:33:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/"},"modified":"2008-09-12T10:35:36","modified_gmt":"2008-09-12T15:35:36","slug":"justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Just&#8230;have an affair without me, why don&#8217;t you?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You know, nothing irritates the hell out of me more than a married woman having an affair&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230; and I&#8217;m not the damn guy she&#8217;s having it with.<br \/>\n<!--more--><br \/>\nI take that SO personal. Why was I passed up for candidacy, huh?<\/p>\n<p>Just a personal observation I&#8217;ve made with these two people I know that are currently having a fling, and it&#8217;s so blatantly obvious.  Besides the &#8220;constantly-together&#8221; thing going on, another dead giveaway is the woman&#8217;s kids referring to him as &#8220;Uncle Jack&#8221;. (Not his real name, of course.).<\/p>\n<p>Hooboy.<br \/>\nWhen the &#8220;other man&#8221; goes to &#8220;Uncle&#8221; status, you know the relationship has gone to &#8220;pretty serious&#8221;. Not to mention the kids are there to provide a cover for when the confronted strumpet declares to her pissed-off husband: &#8220;How can I be sleeping with him&#8230; the kids are always with me!!!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>So the kids are thinking: &#8220;Hey, bend my mom over and ride her like Smarty Jones while I&#8217;m downstairs watching Spongebob Squarepants. Just don&#8217;t forget to buy me another Bratz doll, and I&#8217;ll keep my mouth shut, Unka Jack.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>So, like, what is it&#8230; I respect some hot-looking woman&#8217;s boundaries, &#8216;cuz I know she&#8217;s married, so she thanks me by giving some other guy some extra-martial pooty?  WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?<\/p>\n<p>This particular scenario I&#8217;m witnessing is one of those &#8220;White Knight&#8221; crusades us guys tend to go on.  You know, the woman complains her husband is an asshole&#8230; so instead of us urging them to work things out, or offer advice from a male perspective, we swoop in  for some &#8220;damsel in distress&#8221; nookie.  It doesn&#8217;t really solve any of her problems&#8230; but we certainly feel better about it.<\/p>\n<p>And most of us guys have had the accusation of &#8220;innattentive asshole husband&#8221; thrust on us at one time or another, so we know there is a WHOLE other side of the story not being represented&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;But we don&#8217;t give a shit.  We know she&#8217;s playing games, so we play right along.<br \/>\nKitty&#8217;s on the prowl, and you&#8217;ve got the catnip.<\/p>\n<p>The next time these two hornbags suddenly jump up and go &#8220;non-chalant&#8221; when I walk into a room, I&#8217;m half tempted to inform them: &#8220;Hey look.  Everyone knows. Nobody cares, ok?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>But still, it bothers me. It really gives me a complex and makes me wonder what this guy has that I don&#8217;t, you know?  Like when we were all teens, and everyone had someone, and you didn&#8217;t?<\/p>\n<p>Does it ever occur to these women that if they&#8217;re going to give it up to one guy, then they should consider giving it up to some of the OTHER guys that have the hots for them?  Fair is fair.  You&#8217;re making the other prospective, uhm, &#8220;scratching posts&#8221; feel bad about themselves.<\/p>\n<p>What am I&#8230; not &#8220;affair-able&#8221;???<br \/>\nNeed I remind you that the beauty of vows is that you can only break them once, and after that, anything goes?<br \/>\nDid I mention my birthday is in eight days?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not saying she should grab a bullhorn and announce &#8220;Every guy that&#8217;s ever wanted to get into my pants, form a line on the left!&#8221;&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Just a simple, considerate &#8220;Hey Eric, would you like to eat me out sometime?&#8221;, every once in a while isn&#8217;t much to ask for.<\/p>\n<p>How can they be so selfish?<\/p>\n<p>Would I ever take them up on it?  Probably not.<br \/>\nForward and direct women scare the hell out of me.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m just saying it would be nice to be asked every once in a while.  That&#8217;s all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You know, nothing irritates the hell out of me more than a married woman having an affair&#8230;and I&#8217;m not the damn guy she&#8217;s having it with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-old-skewl"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Just...have an affair without me, why don&#039;t you? - SoApBoX<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Just...have an affair without me, why don&#039;t you? - SoApBoX\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You know, nothing irritates the hell out of me more than a married woman having an affair...and I&#039;m not the damn guy she&#039;s having it with.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"SoApBoX\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"EricBrooksDotComWeb\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"EricBrooksDotComWeb\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2004-08-16T04:33:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2008-09-12T15:35:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Eric Brooks\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@EricBrooksCom\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@EricBrooksCom\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Eric Brooks\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Eric Brooks\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/#\/schema\/person\/8ff62df16d2105a698b2aa19323dca30\"},\"headline\":\"Just&#8230;have an affair without me, why don&#8217;t you?\",\"datePublished\":\"2004-08-16T04:33:14+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2008-09-12T15:35:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\"},\"wordCount\":602,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/#\/schema\/person\/8ff62df16d2105a698b2aa19323dca30\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Old Skewl\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\",\"name\":\"Just...have an affair without me, why don't you? - SoApBoX\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2004-08-16T04:33:14+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2008-09-12T15:35:36+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/justhave-an-affair-without-me-why-dont-you\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Just&#8230;have an affair without me, why don&#8217;t you?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/ericbrooks.com\/soapbox\/\",\"name\":\"SoApBoX\",\"description\":\"Rants and Raves of Eric Brooks. 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