Pocono Record<\/a> and had the next day off.<\/p>\nAs Carole picked me up, I barely spoke. Everything was set, and I had a sickening feeling something was about to go wrong.<\/p>\n
“What can go wrong?” Carole says, as we’re on I-80, “Allison is talking to Joe about renting a U-Haul and we’ll spend the day loading it. They’re coming by to pick up our dryer & refrigerator, then Joe’s coming back with the U-Haul.”<\/p>\n
Joe showed up for the dryer and fridge we were giving them. He saw a house totally disheveled and ransacked, as we were sorting what’s going and what’s staying…<\/p>\n
…It was too much for his “Felix Unger-like” lifestyle, as he opted to wait with his wife in the pick-up truck until I brought the appliances out by myself.<\/p>\n
There was no mention of a U-Haul, obviously Allison never mentioned it to him.<\/p>\n
This was the “something wrong” I knew was coming.<\/p>\n
When Carole sent me out there to ask about the U-Haul, I knew it was a lost battle. Allison sat there with her fake plastic smile, “Joe, Eric has a question for you.” He already had a “Sorry, I can’t do it” speech prepared.<\/p>\n
Fucking judgmental holier-than-thou church people! Our house was a mess, so I guess they decided we should lose everything we own.<\/p>\n
Memo2me: Make a bumper sticker that says “Christians aren’t perfect, just a bunch of judgmental bastards that think their shit don’t stink!”<\/p>\n
I’d make a million bucks. Yeah.
\nYou’re welcome for the dryer and fridge… dickheads.<\/p>\n
I can imagine my conversation with God. His response would most likely be: “Hey… don’t even try to pin them on me! I gave up on that ‘Chosen People’ crap a millennium ago!!!”<\/p>\n
The kicker was the fact that my entire paycheck went to them a week ago to get their home remodeling project started, or else I could have rented the damn truck myself.<\/p>\n
I’m not mad at God. Just religious people, the real plague of society.
\nThink about it.<\/p>\n
It was 2PM. We still had 20 hours to think of something.<\/p>\n
We called friends across PA and NYC, somebody had to have money or a truck somewhere. Finally one friend from NY wired money, and another in PA offered a van to move an entire house full of stuff. By the time the money came. The U-Haul rental place was closed and wasn’t opening until 10AM. There was no way in hell we can get back and load a truck before 11. Steve showed up with his van at 10:30 PM.<\/p>\n
Times like these, are when you find out who your REAL friends are.<\/p>\n
This was going to be an all-nighter. Loading the van, driving 45 minutes, lifting couches and dressers across an icy driveway, pushing the van out of whatever ice & snow patches it was stuck on, driving another 45 minutes back to load the van with whatever Carole & Christina can take apart with pliers and a screwdriver. Steve’s stepson and I, stayed sane by taking catnaps on the long, dark drives back and forth. Carole, Christina and Steve functioned on pure adrenaline.<\/p>\n
It was 4AM at the beginning of the third trip. I couldn’t stop trembling from the cold. It was 10 degrees out, I was exhausted and begging Carole to “Just leave the rest of the fucking stuff here”.<\/p>\n
She and Steve figured four trips will get most of the stuff out of here.
\n::Groan::<\/p>\n
I could swear I heard a few chuckles from the television audience off in the distance.<\/p>\n
I slept through the sunrise on the way back. It was almost impossible to walk through the first floor of the new house. 70% of a four bedroom house crammed in one room. Do or die, this was going to be the last trip.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Chapter five: Where we move out, with everything going wrong.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-last-one-out"],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/p>\n