WTF???
I rented this thing until April… I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

Let me explain:
I am doing research for my new book about ‘Barely Legal Pygmy Whores’, okay?

Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS, when the first thing I had to do tonite was stand up and say, ‘My name is Eric and I’m an alcoholic’?

You wake up to a blender in bed with you…

And you get nervous.

Ever wake up with a skull-splitting hangover and discover a male tranny hooker in your bed?

Uhhhh… me neither. o_0

Oh and the guy who suggested making my “Overcoming Arachnophobia”, into a “pop-up” book?

I hate you right now.
Funny, but I hate you.

My latest book “13 Ways to Overcome Triscadecaphobia” seems to be sitting on shelves untouched for some reason.

Well they got “married” on Runescape. Seems legit to m… OH COME ON, DO PARENTS EVEN KNOW WHAT THEIR KIDS ARE DOING ONLINE (or offline) ANYMORE???

13-Year-Old Raped by Her Virtual ‘Husband’, 54
thestir.cafemom.com
“A man traveled hundreds of miles three times to have sex with his long-distance wife. That almost sounds like a normal romantic story, right? Well, no…“

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I’m with the writer on this one. The mother realizes a creepy old man has been coming in town to have sex with your child after the third time? (And I doubt even the 13 year old was dumb enough to believe they were really married in an online game… much less Mr. Pedo.)

Parents: Watch your kids online… or someone else will. *shudders*

Gee and all this time I thought I was drawn to Bad Girls. :p

You Fall for the Guy or Girl Next Door Type
“You think that people make love too complicated, and what you want in a partner happens to be pretty simple. You’re content with someone who’s nice, attractive, honest, and normal. So how come that’s so hard to find? You are fairly traditional, and you value security in relationships more than most people. It’s important for you to find someone loyal. When you find the right person, you don’t expect much …“

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Risk taker, thrill seeker, with a wild streak? Sweet little ol’ shy me? 😮
Your Birthday Predicts You’re Fiery
“Ever since you were born, you’ve loved taking risks. You crave excitement and thrills. You are driven by your passion. You may have a wild streak, but you also love learning and experiencing life. You’re multi-faceted and can’t be labeled. You’re sexy, smart, flexible, and stubborn.“

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My inner child bullied you and took your lunch money too!

You Crave Inspiration
“You are pessimistic about your present but optimistic about your future. You see lots of possibilities. You see love as passion. You think there is a physical and chemical component to love that can’t be denied. You expect other people to respect you. You are respectful of them in return. Your inner child is energetic. You still have a lot of enthusiasm every day.“

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