It was a lovely brisk morning in downtown Stroudsburg, today. The foliage, amid the freshly fallen snow last night, had given our town a “Rockwell-esque” setting.<\/p>\n
With my two buttered rolls and my morning soda, I briskly hurried to work.<\/p>\n
The school crossing guard greeted me with “Have a nice day sir!”
\nI froze in my tracks and said to myself “What the fuck??!!??”<\/p>\n
Look. I’m from the streets of Brooklyn… N-Y-C, okay?
\nI’ve had a *lot* of people try to scam and rob me, always engaging in a conversation first…<\/p>\n
I never woulda expected it from some 142 year old crossing guard.<\/p>\n
Yo, I was putting a stop to this shit. Do not pass go. Nuh-uh.<\/p>\n
My first impulse was to pull out my .9mm, and cock the thing against her old, wrinkled forehead (just to scare the shit out of her), but I said, “nah”… she’d, like, die of a fucking heart attack, and somebody would blame me… watch.<\/p>\n
So I just decided to chill, and just confront the old bitch. If she tried something, take my watch, or anything, I’d bitchslap her into the next township….<\/p>\n
“Yo, what did you fucking say to me???”, I said politely, yet assertively.<\/p>\n
“Excuse me???”, she blinks innocently.
\nOh, she’s good. I decide to change my approach.<\/p>\n
“Lemme ask you something, do you think you’re setting a good example to these kids by talking to a TOTAL FUCKING STRANGER????”
\n*start knocking on her grey skull*, “Heeellllloooooo????”<\/p>\n
“AAAAAAAAH! Get away from me, you lunatic!!!! Or I’ll get the cops” she retorts back.<\/p>\n
“I thought so.”, I said.
\nShrugged my shoulders and left.<\/p>\n
Later on, I heard her at the deli. Bantering on and on about how New Yorkers are ruining the Poconos with their bad attitudes…<\/p>\n
Heeeeeey, I got yer “attitude” right here, ya old bitch!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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