He was too young for Vietnam, and too old for Desert Storm...
But that didn't mean Mike wasn't a good American, DAMMIT!
Mike's a survivalist and prepared for anything.

Mike bid his neighbors, Bob and Jerry, a fond farewell. He wished them luck, and they swore they would let him know when it's safe for them to re-emerge into the sunlight again.

Bob and Jerry had other plans...

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United States at the stroke of Midnite on New Years...
Then, how the hell are you reading this????
Jus' curious....

Oh, yeah...I forgot it didn't really happen....

Well, it DID happen as far as these two people are concerned.

In the happy little town of Stonecrest, Pennsylvania

Jerry and I decided to have a little fun with him and his wife...when we helped him load his shelter, on New Years Eve, Jerry replaced his radio with dead batteries, and I hid one of his fancy microphone tranceivers (That he got from the Sharper Image) so we can listen to all the fun!

Don't get me & Jerry wrong, We're not bad people. Mike's our buddy and we love him to death. And Cindy, well... she's been our biggest source of wet dreams since they cancelled "Charlies Angels"...

...But i swear to God, if I hear anymore of his survivalist crap, or hear the name
"Art Bell" again, I'm gonna shove one of his hollowed-out hand grenades clear up his
@$$!!!!!!!!!

We also cut his telephone line, CB antenna, and Jerry set a container of gasoline on fire right over the shelter (That crazy redneck! it shook the whole block!), as I unplugged ther power from his trailer....HEE HEE!!!!

Well, me & Jerry gotta go to work now. Think I'll take one of Mike's "Soldier of Fortune" mags for the ride.

When I tell the boss, why Mike can't come in today, HE'LL PISS HIS PANTS!!!!!