Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• Not that numbers mean all that much to me, but when I hit 2,000 Twitter followers, i am taking you all out for ice cream! #
• I’ll try and take PR Guru @ElenaVerlee ‘s advice & use my real picture here and see how that works for my cyber image. http://t.co/JWvoaql #
• I see someone took my parking spot again. I am SO going to wring someone’s neck as soon as Anger Management class lets out. #
• And how come nobody with Yelp or FourSquare ever checks in to a strip club or Planned Parenthood? What kind of friends am I hanging with??? #
• #SHOUTOUT to @SimilonKaro – YOU ROCK! #TeamFollowBack #
• Just finished watching ‘The Never Ending Story’ – WTF??? I rented this thing until April… I WANT MY MONEY BACK! #
• I miss @jane_bot . Did she finally have the good sense to block me from stalking her? #

Continue reading “Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-09-04”

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• If u are one of those people running around saying ‘AWESOME SAUCE’ all the time, then you need to be in an accident involving fire ants, ok? #
• Oh, I’m sorry, @Jesus_M_Christ – I didn’t realize praying for a woman to love me that DIDN’T have an STD was such a tall order for you. #
• Friends are throwing me a cyber birthday party on Facebook today… http://t.co/UstyxrF YOU’RE INVITED! #
• bwahahahaha! RT @rogueflorida: I rt so much to annoy people who’s only tweets are complaining abour rts #pissoff #
• OK! RT @KristeenRichard: #TeamFollowback pls follow/support upcoming @ThatBoyMarshay listen to his song “Wetter” http://t.co/NlKtqhl #
• THANK YOU! RT @jimmler: #FollowFriday @ericbrookscom @latinaturk @thitiaofficial (via @ffhelper) #
• Sure are a lot of bitter old geezers haunting abandoned amusement parks in this country in monster costumes, aren’t there? Thx, Scooby Doo! #
• VOTE for @ModelGinnyGunn in MAXIM’s Hometown Hottie Contest http://t.co/W7qgNnP #
• happy birthday @Chadthreesixty (this post is pre-timed from yesterday, you know, in case I’m killed in the hurricane or something) SMILES!! #
• HURRICANE AFTERMATH: OH DEAR GOD, THE STENCH OF DEATH IS EVERYWH… oh. It’s just my socks under the desk. Sorry. #

Powered by Twitter Tools

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• Very cool! I’m featured @Meley_Mel: The Melody Bratten Daily is out! http://t.co/ynyj3TL ? Top stories today via @ericbrookscom @stlramscom #
• played the song ‘Who’s Laughing Now’ by Jessie J on @myspace http://t.co/7ygLBqU #
• ‘Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.’ – Carrie Fisher #quotes #
• So what’s the point of dropping some1 once they follow? Unless you are funny, or attractive, or @jane_bot , u wont stay on my list long. #
• Condolences will never be the same. RIP. http://t.co/v2NG6XU #
• Thx! @NormanAHood: Please Follow @KennedyCustardx @itnewz @trizzsabrina @StripperSongs @OnlineAffairs @DomainerMedia #TFB #F4F #
• Awwww yeah! Testing the new automated Twitter and Newsletter scripts for http://t.co/ywpTdxj and all systems are GO! #EricBrooksIsAGeek #
• ALERT! 2 young girls robbing ppl while one distracts them with oral sex. It happened to me 2 wks ago, and on the 14th, but not yesterday. #

Continue reading “Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-08-21”

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• I’m seeing stars right now. Laying on my lawn, looking at the night sky… then the kid next door threw a brick over the fence. o_O #
• Video: Haterz517 is confronted in school by an annoying Jewish kid named Marti Cohn. Hilarity ensues. – http://t.co/Dx4bOTv #
• Bad Business Idea # 2,689 – That time I took over a Summer Camp for Jewish kids and renamed the place ‘Mein Camp’ #
• Next project will be revamping my old parody of AOL with 3D animated characters. Stay Tuned. #
• With everyone gone for the Summer, i have been behind the scenes stockpiling content, and fine-tuning and automating my site. #
• NEW MEDICAL DISCOVERY: Attention Deficit Disorder can be cured by… OOH LOOK A SQUIRREL! :^o #
• ‘But thank you for the pain. It made me raise my game’ – Jessie J: Who’s Laughing Now? http://youtu.be/KsxSxF3JKeU #
• I was down in my lab, working on my clone, when I got some bad news. I was beside myself in sadness. #
• Markkram1969: – UGH! My clone says he’s the better looking one and when I take a swing at him, he goes “Hey, don’t beat urself up, man!” #
• [TUTORIAL] Display your favorite Tweets using PHP and jQuery – http://tinyurl.com/3wmhmpk #EricBrooks Com #PHP #jQuery #
• Someone just told me I should do Stand Up … only we were ducked behind a car in the middle of a shootout when he said it. #
• #FF I wish funnyman @Donkey_Sosa would stop flirting and just follow me already. It’s not like I’ll copy his tweets…again. #
• Jeez am I *THAT* obvious? :p RT @jane_bot: Cute how men who bump up against you in a crowd will direct their “Excuse me” to your ass. #
• My birthday is in 9 days. In case you want to save up and buy me stuff. http://t.co/j2jydvt #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• The Jersey Shore w/ Eric Brooks – http://t.co/dYC9aey #
• RE: @daisyduke0106 OOooooooOOO I loved Callisto. She was a badass, but vulnerable enough that I'd hope she'd get away… http://disq.us/2v882a #
• If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness? #
• Comic Flowchart on How To Deal With Internet Arguments: http://t.co/Hs7edVL #
• Her: "I liek Simon & Garfunkel" Me: "I love The Sound of Silence" Her: "Really I think their best song was…" Me: "Just shut up, ok?" #
• New Article: [Graphics] Beautiful Wallpapers Belong to Ramadan Kareem 2011 http://tinyurl.com/3f2bzqa #
• "There is no 'I' in 'Individuality'…" ~ Some Blonde I met in an elevator yesterday. #

Powered by Twitter Tools

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• Oh and in case you dummies haven't figured it out, I am away, partying on the Jersey Shore and all these posts are pre-recorded. #
• I think I have an image problem and people think I'm a douche. I've been called "Mr. Massengill" by three different people today. :/ #
• Helooooo from the Jersey Shore! What? Fill Snooki's pickle jars with urine? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. #
• HOORAY! Thanks to wonderful friends, I have finally joined the 21st Century and have a cellphone now. First order http://twitpic.com/5x9xir #

Powered by Twitter Tools

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• I just realized I haven’t said a f**ked up thing all day. I will make up for this tomorrow, my friends. #
• And a special ‘HELLO’ to new follower, @KegelPrincess – you DEFINITELY have my attention now… #
• WOW… juries are filled with evil lil’ old ladies looking to stick it to someone even worse than I do. What is WRONG with this world???? #
• Photo: Yeah, normally about this time, I would post some update on how the revamping of… http://tumblr.com/xjh3lmv3zx #
• In the Land of the Heat Wave, the Neighbor with the Swimming Pool is King. #
• I think it’s insulting for a pretty woman to think talking to them online means we want pu**y. Sometimes we’re just looking for blowjobs. #
• Before anyone questions my Search history, let me explain: I am doing research for my new book about ‘Barely Legal Pygmy Whores’, okay? #
• On a roll 2day! RT @Donkey_Sosa: Am I the only one who felt that the anal fisting scene in the new Winnie the Pooh movie was in poor taste? #
• Aw crap… my Google+ invitation was in my jeans in the wash. Now what? #

Powered by Twitter Tools

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• #ihavenotolerance for people that tweet some stupid hashtag just because it’s trending and they want 2 be noticed! (PS: FOLLOW ME!) #
• Yep… first time I ever saw @jane_bot , I thought “Yep, she’s ‘special’ alright…” *RUNS* #
• Me: (Ordering Calamari tonite) | Her: “I’ve seen enough Hentai 2 know where THIS is going…” | <3 God, she’s PERFECT 4 me! <3 #
• Been working out and bench-pressing with a curling iron all morning. So far, no results, but not giving up. #BEEEEEEEEEFCAAAAAAAAAAAKE #
• Mass Deletions are starting again on Facebook. Here is my Google+ account. http://tinyurl.com/5rdcgo8 I wont be going back 2 FB if deleted. #
• ‘I may not agree w/ what u have to say, but I will send a look-a-like flunkie in to fight to the death 4 ur right 2 say it’ ~EB as Voltaire #

Continue reading “Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-07-17”

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• Happy 4th Everyone. AMERICA, F**K YEAH! http://youtu.be/4CbbtIoUceI #
• Photo: From the Cast & Crew of EricBrooks.Com… http://tumblr.com/xjh3bd60hz #
• #fatpeoplenightmares – Putting their bra on backwards… and it fits better. #
• RT @foxnewspolitics: BREAKING NEWS: President @BarackObama assassinated, 2 gunshot wounds have proved too much. It’s a sad 4th for #amer … #
• Oh sorry Republicans, it was just a false alarm. #SYKE http://t.co/f2vFWXU #
• My doctor told me I need to lose weight, and I said I want a second opinion. So he told me I’m a douchebag too. #
• I just tried to join a Tourette’s Facebook Group, but they told me to F**K off. #
• Hey, want to make $1,000 a day? Yeah, me too. This link wont help, but it’s my website and it’s filled with goofiness. http://ericbrooks.com #
• I finally broke down and sent this off to my ex: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.” #

Continue reading “Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-07-10”

Read more of my obnoxious statuses by following me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/EricBrooksCom

• The one thing I hate most about office parties is looking for a new job the next day. #
• Photo: Either all my ex-girlfriends are more skilled at stalking than I am, or NONE of them ever bothered to… http://tumblr.com/xjh3aact18 #
• I used to play sports. Then I found out you can by trophies. Now I'm good at everything. #
• Iwonderifanyoneknowswhatthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardisfor? #
• You know you have a drinking problem when you wake up to a blender in bed with you… and you get nervous. #
• Good for musical hopefuls, but for the 600 million folks w… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/02/justin-timberlake-myspace_n_889287.html #
• I haven't seen a single squirrel since that "Rapture" supposedly happened. Nobody panic. It's probably just a coincidence. #
• Good morning. I see the assassins have failed. #

Powered by Twitter Tools