Author: Eric Brooks

Web & Graphic Designer, Blogger, Musician, Evil Clown. I also code websites and promote people for a living. Still kind of a jerk, though. Approach with food.

Keep it Brief, stoopid!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

In the world of web design and advertising, there is the rule of “KISS” (“Keep It Simple, Stupid!”).
This basically means that your HTML masterpiece isn’t worth a crap if your readers don’t bother to wait for it to load, or your magazine spread loses its message when you clutter it to show off your Photoshop and Quark prowess.

I got the following comment from a Comment Spammer, which I found invaluable.

“When you wish to instruct, be brief; that men?s minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind. “

It’s so true.
Why do you think the simplicity of the Bush campaign beat out the long-winded Kerry?
Why does Instapundit is so popular over so many other blogs?
Why do major companies pay a fortune for a 30-second commercial when they can make a half hour infomercial on late night tv?

Not every one is an intellectual with a long attention span. In fact I’d say very few are.
If you want to reach out to the masses…. Keep It Brief, Stupid!

If your job sucks, and you know it… clap your hands.

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Nope. Not me. I couldn’t be happier!
Up to date equipment, relaxed artistic environment, cool co-workers, and a state-of-the-art recording studio being built in the room next to me as I write this.

However, for the less-fortunate, I offer from MSN Careers:
Six Signs That You Should Run – Not Walk – from Your New Job

1. You ask your new boss for supplies and she hands you a No. 2 pencil and legal pad — and nothing else.
2. You were shown to a cubicle your first day of work, given a company manual and haven’t been spoken to since.
3. Every time you tell someone about your new job with the company they raise their eyebrows and say “Really? Wow… good luck with that.”
4. After two weeks on the job, you are already halfway to becoming the employee with the most seniority.
5. You answer the phone while the company’s secretary is away from her desk and find that the voice at the other end is a collection agency calling for the third time that week.
6. You notice that every day for the last five days, at least one person has run crying from your boss’s office.

Now, I realize I’ve promised a short while back to be a kinder, less vicious person, who doesn’t trash past acquaintances and places of employment…

But well, um, I have a “friend” who recently used to work for a job that had many of these signs (1,3,5 and an less-exaggerated 6). And I can’t help but feel bad for the person (who’s getting #2 in abundance) that replaced me… uhm, I mean my friend.

While it’s understandable why people have a duty to their family to hold jobs down that make them completely miserable… I’ll never understand why they’re not at least looking for a new one.

Remember my theme from last year:
“You can’t be King of the world if you’re Slave to the Grind”.

What jobs have YOU had that fit this criteria, and when did you run screaming from it?

One Nation Under Christ

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Today’s Sunday morning sermon is dedicated to to blowing apart the biggest lie and misconception we have going on in the U.S.A. today: America being a Christian Nation

The mouth runneth over again with Jerry Fallwell:

“I don’t believe Mr. Jefferson ever intended for America to become a haven of godless lawmakers who acutely separate themselves from all things Christian.With that in mind, I wish to look back through the annals of history to substantiate the fact that this great nation has historically been involved in religious pursuits and that our government – under the guidance of Thomas Jefferson himself – got wholly involved in the government subsidizing of Christian evangelization and even church building.”

BZZZZT! Wrong again Jerry! Nice attempt at re-writing history, though.

My impression is that Jefferson allocated federal money to help the Kaskaskia Indians in all sorts of endeavors, but Mr. Moral Majority is just focusing on the “building a church” part.

Thomas Jefferson on Christianity:

“One day the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in the United States will tear down the artificial scaffolding of Christianity. And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.”

FACT: Our Founding Fathers were mostly Deists, not Christians.
Theres a big difference.
Continue reading “One Nation Under Christ”

Vatican assault on DaVinci Code

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Theologian calls novel insulting ‘sack full of lies’

Nothing spells “desperation and distraction” more than a Vatican assault on a book that’s already been out for two years.

‘This book is a sack full of lies against the Church, against the real history of Christianity and against Christ himself,’ said Bertone, archbishop of northern Genoa.

“REAL history??!!??!?” Does he really wanna go there? The Cathars also believed that Jesus and Mary Magdelene had a thing going on and they were exterminated by the Catholic Church for it in the Middle Ages.

Current history (or should I say scandals) don’t make them look too good either, when you think about it.
Continue reading “Vatican assault on DaVinci Code”

Caring for your pet Chupacabra

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I’m bored with cats and dogs and black bears as pets.

So guess what? I bought a Chupacabra on Ebay tonight!!!!

There’s a guy who breeds them in Puerto Rico and ships them. Ever since I saw one on the Venture Brothers, I wanted one… arent they cute?

Now you may ask, where do they originally come from since they’ve only terrorized South America since 1995?Chupacabra

Where all unexplained phenomenon come from, silly…. UFO’s!!!!

This little tyke in the picture isn’t fully grown. He’s only about a foot and a half. They grow to about 3 feet. They need a constant blood, so I figure I’ll let him have the dog & cats to play with (not Puddy though), and when the weather gets warm, he can chase and suck out the innards of deer in the back yard.

And if the kids don’t like him, I’ll just flush him down the toilet like I did the alligator I got them for Christmas.

Meanwhile he needs a name. Any suggestions?

About me finally coming out of the closet

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I (being one who refuses to be labeled) have finally given a name to my religion, and it is Deism.

(Wait. What closet did you think I was coming out of? WHOAH!!! I meant “spiritual” closet. I mean, not that there is anything wrong with the other closet, but I mean, you know, really… WHOAH!!!!)

Deism is about relying on reason, not faith.
Faith makes you do stupid things like trying to convert an unsaved lion to Christianity at the zoo, believing God has commissioned you to stalk Mel Gibson, or (my personal favorite) drinking cyanide-laced kool aid/have a standoff with the ATF because your beloved spiritual leader said so.

Continue reading “About me finally coming out of the closet”

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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