What's new at EricBrooks.Com plus news and gossip all over CyberTown
This whole discussion has moved to my new Religion section in SoApBoX
http://www.ericbrooks.com/soapbox/432-plutarchs-parable-and-why-i-still-think-the-apostle-paul-sucks/
See you there!
First off… at my Wal-Mart in East Stroudsburg, there are literally 200 spots reserved for the handicapped. I mean COME ON!!!!! Do you really expect to do business with 200 gimps at once? Is it really necessary? 20 is more than enough (Unless you’re expecting Jerry Lewis to host a marathon there or something).
Something at Wulfgar’s touched on a subject very near and dear to my heart… Parking Lot Vultures. People who want your parking spot so bad that they are willing to risk life and limb to get it (even run over a poor defenseless puppy.)
I hate them!!! I hate them with a passion that I reserve only for Jethro Tull fans!!!!!
Fie upon these foul creatures… better yet, Downs Syndrome upon all their descendants!!!!
Have you ever walked in a parking lot and have these predatory bastards slowly creeping up behind you? AS YOU’RE WALKING!?!!??!
Continue reading “Adventures in Wal-Mart’s parking lot”
I shared this with my new pal , Pandora, the other night and just did some interesting research.
Tell me if this ever happened to you:
About a year or two ago, I woke up to find a very old and VERY HEAVY woman on top of me (Blotchy bloated skin. Think of that body they pulled out of the lake in “Silence of the Lambs”).
I was pinned down, couldn’t breathe, and she began humming this eerie tune in my ear.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. I was paralyzed and suffocating.
Then she vanished and I never went back to sleep.
Of course I never wrote that down, because I was afraid I’d be committed.
Guess what? I’m not alone. It’s actually a condition known as “Old Hag Syndrome” or “Sleep Paralysis”.
Continue reading “Yo bitch!!! Get off me!”
Lonely?
Wife send you to the couch again?
Can’t afford a hooker?
Here’s a nifty little spell to summon a Succubus. For those not familiar with them, they’re the female version of the Incubus… nasty little demons that have sex with you while you sleep.
The bad news is Incubi outnumber Succubi 9 to 1.
Figures, right guys? Even in the Underworld you find yourself on a waiting list.
I bounced off a post in the Pocono Forums about ghosts to read about The Brown Lady of Rainham Hall. After that scared the crap out of me, I bounced to all sorts of supernatural phenomenon, Poltergeists to Banshees and finally to the Succubus.
Now, I’m open to the concept of some wild stuff…. but I think Incubi and Succubi are the products of someone’s wishful thinking in the Middle Ages. At an age of sexual repression where just about everything was a “no-no”, how convenient for these horny little demons to show up and cause unexplained pregnancies with unmarried women and sticky sheets for monks?
Even more hilarious is this site: Succubus Hunter.
Continue reading “Succubus Dating Service”
The news of our organization is starting to spread like wildfire…. we’ve settled on a name, and it is:
Accept no imitations. We’re the ones with the political, legal and financial clout. And we’re non-profit and non-partisan too, so we’re not catering to anyone except the best interests of the Poconos and bringing jobs here.
We’re still plotting and planning in a back room at PoconoCommuter.Com, but if you’re in the Pocono Area and want to hang with me, or Stephen, or Wayne, or Frank or Jon (I hope. Probably after Tuesday’s elections.)…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
FOCUS GROUP
On February 23rd SMS will host a focus group discussion. The topic will be
the Future of Monroe County and how we can contribute.
As some of you know we tried last month to have a meeting but the weather
was bad. Each month we will have a meeting and focus on different topics for
discussion. At the meeting we all will pick a topic for the next meeting, so it will
give us all a chance to think about it and research it.
PLACE: BUDGET MOTEL JR’S GRILL
TIME: 5:30 TO 7:30
DATE: FEBRUARY 23RD , 2005
Contact info for RSVP
Robert Bennett
570 421 4974
smsrb-AT-ptd.net (You know what to do with the “-AT-“)
I had the honor of finally meeting the owner of the Budget (after years of patronage) at the Tech conference on Wednesday. Great guy.
If you wanna hang, you’ll find me there.
Some of the big news going on here during the Year of the Phoenix.
Just came back from a technology conference at Stroudsmoor. Bob Bennett, of Secure Managed Solutions is bringing a high speed data center and digital pipeline into the Poconos. One of the advantages we have is we are in between New York City and Philadelphia, and we can serve as a gateway. We’re also on a different power grid than New York, so it makes perfect sense to make our move here in post-9/11 America.
What will this possibly mean?
* Local businesses being on the ground floor of state-of-the-art technology and websites.
* Satellite offices set up here (Read: Jobs in our area instead of commuting)
* A “Vault” containing any relevant data. Imagine if you’re in Europe and you lose your wallet and passport? You can retrieve your info anywhere on the planet.
* Grants and tax incentives to set up businesses here (Read: Jobs in our area instead of commuting… uhm, again)
* WiFi, teleconferencing and all sorts of other gadgetry will play an integral part of how business will be done.
One of the things that have long-irked me is the low standards set here. The attitude of “Well, it’s the Poconos, what do you expect?” will no longer apply. There’s no reason why “New York Standards” shouldn’t be the standards of businesses everywhere.
ESPECIALLY in the Poconos.
State Rep. Mario Scavello was there, as was John Siptroth, candidate for Kelly Lewis’ old spot.
Winner of the “Most under-dressed jerk at a business seminar” award? ME!!!!!
All the movers and shakers out here in the fields of technology and advertising were here, including my good friend Jon Hom, who has turned Digital Zone into quite a formidable powerhouse since last we spoke five years ago. Also presenting was Creative Arts Recording Labs and Secure Managed Solutions.
I have allied myself with a few power brokers out here, and projects include forming a non-partisan, non-profit organization committed to bringing people together and establishing hi-tech jobs to the Poconos, and a ThinkTank connecting businesses into the new PowerLine.
I’ve seen the future, baby…. and it is now.
Taxpayers get unexpected return–sex chat
“Hi, sexy. Welcome to Intimate Encounters.”
Not exactly the kind of message you expect to hear in the middle of doing your taxes, but that’s just what some TurboTax customers are getting as they try to set up their state returns.
A message in the business version of Intuit’s market-leading tax preparation software erroneously directs customers to a sex talk operation.
That’s funny!!!!
I got 4 grand back… I’m sticking with H&R Block, thankyouverymuch. I can get an AOL account if I want to hear that crap.
PS: Jackson-Hewitt sucks.
[Crowd] “Hiiiiiii Eric!”
I’m not sure how i did it, but it was a screwup of “I Love Lucy” proportions.
I managed to wipe out my whole site, changed my password so I couldn’t get back in….
And it took two days for me to figure it out because I thought my site was still propagating.
It’s all fixed now, and I don’t think I can do that again if I tried.
Perhaps it’s for the best that the last post is lost forever, too. It was getting ugly between me, Len and another unnamed party. We said things that I’m sure we were gonna regret in the long run.
Lots of stuff going on and I will fill you in after a brief word from our sponsor….
[Cue “I Love Lucy” theme song….]
 |
No clue what I’m talking about? Then obviously, you are not subscribed to WHUZZUPDATE!, my official newsletter. (You’ll get the newsletter the instant you confirm your subscription.)
If you’re already subscribed, and it’s not sitting in your mailbox, then your spam filters snagged it. Go in to your settings and approve email FROM that address (the curse of HTML mail. Thanks you spamming bastards!)
Have a Happy New Year everyone!
-=e=-
As much as I’d love to go to everyone’s site and leave a comment… I know I won’t have the time.
Contrary to the latest rubbish by Bill “Phone Sex” O’Reilly…. Christmas is not under attack by anyone. I can name plenty of atheists and non-Christians on the right as I can on the left… so please take your self-imagined persecution and go and ruin someone else’s holiday, ok?
Christmas is in my heart… not on some nativity scene in my neighbor’s lawn or in front of a courthouse.
It’s not about how much is under your tree.
It’s not about how many cards you get.
It’s not about politics.
It’s about love, charity, good cheer and togetherness.
It supercedes all religions and all races.
It’s about giving and caring for those less fortunate than me.
It’s about magic and children’s faces lighting up with surprise and joy.
It’s about Peace on Earth… Good will to all.
And it’s all good.
-=e=-
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.
