Zeldman continues to take a beating for giving Netscape a much-needed swift kick up the ass. The poor guy’s getting it from all sides. I know the feeling all too well. Every time I open my mouth, I’m a “sweetheart” to somebody, and a “vitriolic, mean-spirited asshole” to somebody else. You can’t win on the web! And now I feel like crap to have to do the same thing to a man who has been such a great friend and a mentor to me…

JZ, you were too nice to them, bro! See, the Eric Brooks version would’ve laid all the cold hard facts down, and used more colorful phrases like :

• “Yo! Get your hands off each other’s dicks, and put out a fucking browser already!!!”
• “He-lloooooo….? Not that anyone gives a rat’s ass about Netscape anymore, buuuut….”

…and my personal favorite:

• “I don’t know what to do first, bitch-slap you little geeks, or remove Solitare from your computers!!!! GET TO FUCKING WORK….NOWWWWW!!!!!”

I mean, guys, I’m so sick of this shit! I know I’m not a programmer, and I have no clue what it takes to build a rendering engine from scratch… but JEEZ! I sure as hell know what it’s like to write two sets of code for every page… to spend hours looking at a page through different browsers and make compromises to my designs to suit everybody.

Two fucking years…. an “Internet Year” is three months, so we’re talking Eight Internet years of this crap. Eight years of my pages not validating because I have to add non-standard code so that the six or seven Netscape users that visit my site every year don’t say: (Whiny nasal voice)”Your pages looook fuuuunny…. I can’t reaaaad some of theeeeem”.
Suck is right, pull the plug! The fat lady is tuning up as I write this….

Gee, you don’t think being declared The King of Parody has gone to my head, do ya? :0)

EricBrooks.Com!…. In a class by himself!