WHUZZUP!

News Breefs

Posted on Sunday June 13, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Lookie, lookie, lookie!!!! I beat The Mighty T to a test!!!!
HERMIT “the meditator, philosopher, sage, wise man”
You can not and will not compromise your values and have a desire to complete past things before beginning the new (you value completion, perfection, and introspection highly). You are a natural way-shower, sage, and seeker. You have an appreciation of the body and the wisdom of the earth and its natural process. You have a deep love for beauty, harmony, and order.

which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
brought to you by Quizilla (via The Bitch)

If you’re not reading Fanatical Apathy, you’re an idiot. He’s funny as hell. Adam’s a former writer for The Daily Show and now he just got a Head Writer gig for a new TV show. I wish him the best. His political satire is priceless.

Happy Anniversary Osama bin Forgotten!
I took my Osama Clock down a few weeks ago out of disgust. Assuming he ever is captured or killed any time FROM now until election day, I’d rule it as something that should have been a priority long before going after any other scumbags and it’s just re-election theatrics at this point.

Wulfgar reminds me that it’s been over 1,000 days since Bush’s pledge to bring him to justice. An interesting list of quotes collected by Buzzflash just astounds me at how the man who started the “War on Terror” with us stopped being important to Bush in no time flat.

He’s now had three years to plot and finance the sequel to 9/11, and I’d love to see how the knuckledragging Bush apologists try and spin it away if (God forbid) it happens again.

Let’s put it in milder terms that even a moron can understand…
When you get a shutoff notice for your electric, and you spend all your time and energy paying your cable bill…

… don’t be surprised when your tv set doesn’t work in the dark.
It’s a question of priorities, isn’t it?

(Yeah, call me a “lefty”, “Un-American” and a “traitor”… I’ve heard it all before asshole.
Ad-Hominem attacks are SO 2002.)

Pedophiles of the world: Rejoice! Yes the Olsen Twins turned 18.

I dunno what some twisted folks are all excited about (considering I’ve been hearing pervs in newsgroups and message boards go on about them for years.). Unlike Hillary Duff and Britney Spears, the Olsen twins didn’t hit the scene as “pre-packaged lolitas” to run a countdown until they stopped being jailbait.

Ok. Let’s put it to you this way. Next time some nasty-assed, middle-aged old man with a hairy back starts hankering to be a part of a Mary Kate and Ashley sandwich… may this image burn their eyeballs out:

Awwww... lookit little Michelle!
You’re welcome, you nasty bastard.On the other hand Lindsay Lohan turns 18 in just two weeks.
Hey, I’m just saying, that’s all.

Eric Brooks

Jeff Gordon loses Pocono 500 (as usual)

Posted on Sunday June 13, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

My goodness…
How can I forget my traditional coverage of today’s NASCAR event?

It sucked

Traveling in the Poconos is damn near impossible on “race weekend”

Jeff Gordon is still a miserable, egotistical little prick

NASCAR fans scare the hell out of me. They’re like WWF fans loaded on Budweiser and Crack.

That is all….

Eric Brooks

Death Threats FROM the Tooth Fairy

Posted on Sunday June 13, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

You know… I rocked as the Easter Bunny.

… in in my new role as the Tooth Fairy? I TOTALLY SUCK!!!!
(Though I must say, Pink is definitely my color, but I digress…)

So here’s the deal.
Last night one of the Adorable Ones lost a molar. Couldn’t find the damn thing, so I left $2 (??!!?? wtf… inflation?) anyway.

Naturally, I forget that the “Con Artist” gene is the dominant gene in my family tree… so the little extortionist has decided to pull a fast one on the tooth fairy and put it under her pillow again tonight for a quick profit.

So there goes my last $2 until payday… AND I STILL CAN’T FIND THE DAMN TOOTH AGAIN!!!! Grrrr…. arrrrgh!!??!!

I’m gonna be bankrupt by this little urchin soon.
What do I do… leave a ripped off teddy bear head at the foot of her bed to get the message that the Tooth Fairy is getting ticked off?

At least she hasn’t figured out that corn fools the tooth fairy as well… my mom must have figured I had about 62 teeth in MY mouth.

So… uhm… can anyone loan me $2 bucks for tomorrow night? (sigh).

Eric Brooks

For the Gipper…

Posted on Saturday June 5, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

It’s really sad that this had to fall on our 12th wedding anniversary…

I remember back in 1986, downtown Manhattan was closed down for the President’s motorcade. I was there.

As Reagan’s motorcade drove by, I saluted him.
He looked right at me, smiling, and saluted back.

To echo Sammy Hagar’s quote FROM that same year: “He’s the coolest motherfucker we’ve had in the White House in years!”

Rest in peace Mr. President.
I’ll never forget that day in 1986. Ever.

I’ll address the Reagan family’s open criticism of President Bush over his stem cell research ban some other time. Both President Bushes combined couldn’t hold a candle to Ronald Reagan.

Eric Brooks

wow

Posted on Wednesday May 26, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

It appears I have once again misjudged the American public and they have some sense of musical taste after all.

Congratulations, Fantasia!!!!
Continue reading “wow”

Eric Brooks

Fantasia or Diana?

Posted on Tuesday May 25, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

I think I’m gonna break ranks for once and talk about something everyone else is talking about… American Idol.

I gotta admit, after hearing some of the most awesome performers this year, I got hooked. Normally I loathe these “Star Search”-like shows.
Continue reading “Fantasia or Diana?”

Eric Brooks

Day 52 without sleep

Posted on Wednesday May 19, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Heh… I once heard that a human will go insane after seven days with no sleep. That is SO not true. Probably propaganda by Serta or one of those mattress companies or something.

It’s just like quitting smoking… sure it’s rough for a few weeks (like I swore I kept seeing Brad Pitt and we were going INTO the soapmaking business together?)…

But after a month, you realize you don’t need it.

Oh, and the Bush administration? I’m totally sick of them. Is it November yet?
If the guarantee of a gay marriage ban, or the draft coming back in the next term isn’t enough of an excuse… how about the fact that Americans aren’t safe anywhere on the planet?

Nobody ever hated Russian tourists. We always pitied them for being poor saps for not knowing all of the sucky things their commie government was doing. Of course they weren’t loud, fat and obnoxious…

Did we get Osama yet?
I think you get the point.

Don’t get me wrong, if I were to ever actually meet President Bush, of course I would SHOW him the respect you’d give to a president.

Much like the way you give respect to your boss or some other suit in the office, and then remark what an asshole he is once they were out of earshot?

No, really. I can’t stand him and what he’s done to our country. If I had any more contempt for him I’d have the Secret Service at my door asking me to “chill out”. You know, it’s like if I worked in McDonalds, you’d hear over the intercom “Hello. Welcome to McDonalds… how may I hate Bush for you today?”

Oh, and there’s a new element in the William Hung nightmares now…
After the show, he moves in with me and the familiy…

…WITH A KARAOKE MACHINE.

Eric Brooks

Murphy’s Law Monday

Posted on Monday May 17, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Holee %$@#!

You ever have a day where, like, EVERYTHING is going wrong? One of those black-cat-follows-you-under-a-ladder-with a broken-mirror kind of day?

My day starts at 3AM (because I haven’t slept since, well, March.) with me accidentally spamming the shit out of friends and loved ones (and my landlords and in-laws too) while testing this new mailing list script I whipped up.

So what EXACTLY do you do after something like that…
…write out a mass email apologizing for the mass emails?

Then I get to work and my computers are crashing for one reason or another…

This Wednesday was supposed to be the Pennsylvania Music awards at the Mt. Laurel Arts Center but that all fell apart, didn’t it?

I’ve been HAVING this recurring nightmare (while I’m awake, because I haven’t slept since March, remember?) that only two people showed up for the awards…

Me and William Hung.

Since he was the only one who showed up, he won everything and I had to deal with him singing for two straight hours.

I don’t even WANT that dream analyzed.

Anyone else HAVING a shitty day?

EricBrooks.Com® – A little known fact is that Murphy’s Law wasn’t actually written by Murphy, but by some other guy with the same last name.

Eric Brooks

No, I can’t imagine the pain

Posted on Wednesday May 12, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Almost three years ago, I took a stand against showing any photos of people jumping to their deaths FROM the World Trade Center.

Not out of weakness, or the inability to face life at its most gruesome… but out of consideration and sympathy. New York City is an hour away FROM here. I can’t think of anything crueler than watching someone you love face their final moments on this earth.

Over and over… and over.

I did the same today with the video of Nicholas Berg being beheaded.
His family lives here in Pennsylvania. An hour away or so in the other direction.

I don’t see politics here, I don’t see business. I certainly don’t see the “public’s right to know”.

I see a family in a great deal of pain right now, and a kind of torment I can’t possibly imagine.

My tears go out to Michael Berg and his family tonight. And my heart truly breaks for you.

God bless… :*(

Eric Brooks

Slave to the Grind

Posted on Tuesday May 11, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

“You might beg for mercy to get by
But I’d rather tear this thorn FROM my side
‘Cuz I won’t be the one left behind
You can’t be King of the World if you’re Slave to the Grind
Tear down that rat racial slime
You can’t be King of the World if you’re Slave to the Grind”
– Slave to the Grind –

If there truly is a “soundtrack of your life”, I hope tracks FROM Skid Row’s Slave to the Grind is part of mine when the movie about me comes out. It’s the definition of me and my philosophy in musical form.

What a shame that the last best album came out in 1991. Then “Grunge” came along and fucked everything up.

During the Enemy of the State Years:
“So you think you cut me down to size…
But there’s something you should realize…
It’s gonna take more than a break in the law…
To make me smile pretty for the wrecking ball
Wont beg, won’t bleed…
Once you’ve made your mark you’ve made a threat to society.”
– The Threat –

Anyway, there’s the story and why I had to seek this album out again (The version with explicit lyrics, of course… fuck you, Tipper!).

But due to legal and contractual reasons I can’t talk about it (of course).
But yeah… I am not a happy camper right now.

My boss has moved on. He’s now Media Director of another one of our newspapers in upstate New York.
You could employ “common sense” and assume that I, second in command, and the one largely responsible for the success of our department would then become “Internet Director”, wouldn’t you?
You could. But you would be wrong.

For over a week now I’ve had people congratulating me, only to apologize in complete embarrassment when they find out the truth and see the hurt in my face.

One more person asking me “when am I moving up, or is someone else filling in my boss’ position?” and I’m gonna FUCKING SCREAM.

The fact is, I was screwed… and good. Someone else took all the credit for our hard work and left me in a fucked up position where I have to prove myself to see if I can fill my boss’ shoes.

I always saw the success as a 50/50 deal. And I’m being REAL generous here.
To put someone else above me would mean I have to “train my own boss”.
Kiss my fucking ass.

Of course I examine every situation before acting, so here are the advantages…

I report to two wonderful people now. People that know me, know the situation, and know my capabilities. People that are known for looking out for people in their department and giving credit where credit is due.
I am now free to make the newspaper site INTO what I think it SHOULD be. (I have 3 1/2 years of hate mail FROM readers to use as reference)
The new publisher takes over next month. I understand he’s pretty reasonable, internet-oriented, and I’ll probably go somewhere with him (‘cuz with all of the new changes and projects on the board… he’s gonna look so damn good.).
I’m powered by negative energy. I do my best work when I’m mad as hell.

I waited a week to see if there were any plans for me here… obviously there aren’t. If the plan is “see what it takes to make Eric find a new job”, then I’d say it’s going swell.

So I can either dwell on how “screwed” and “insulted” I am right now, or do my patented “turn this all INTO an advantage” and write my own ticket. I don’t particularly understand the “corporate mentality”…

… but I am a seriously underrated actor. :0) If I can pierce the mentality of the Über-goobers out here, I can certainly play the role of a “suit”.

Excuse me, I have to go “prooooove myself” now.
*spits on floor* Ba Fongul!
One “corporate guy” coming up!

(Yeah I know this is being read… that’s why I haven’t mentioned the part about my jumping ship and to whom yet.) :0)

EricBrooks.Com® – Where “guys in suits” are just below “guys with badges” on my list of “people I don’t trust”.

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