The Issues? WHO CARES ABOUT THE ISSUES??? The voters want a down and dirty fight! Name one election that was won by a candidate who took the high road? (Hint: 0)

Stop being so goddamn nice, you have less than two months to deliver a knockout (Most people are ready to make up their minds now. Negative ads work. Ask the Swiftboat Liars.)

Enough with Vietnam, already! I commend you for your heroism when I was four years old… but what are you going to do in the here and now?

Keep it simple stupid! Healthcare, taxes, economy…. YAWN!
Your opponent snorted coke at Camp David, went AWOL in his last year in the “Champagne Squadron”, and went INTO hiding like a “girlie man” when our nation was under attack on Sept. 11th when we needed a leader… (Shall I go on?)

Middle Americans are a bunch of sissies that believe terrorism is something new, and Al-Qaeda is going to blow up their Wal-Mart next… start assuring these paranoid losers already!

Less optimism, more fear – Ask Bush how he intends to invade Iran and Syria without bringing back the Draft?

If I wasn’t following this closely, I’d think all you do is flip-flop and live in the past with Vietnam. What are you doing to break this image? (In two sentences or less, for once, please.)

Stop being so “intellectual” and fucking eloquent… and start reaching out to your common man!

Your average American looks at the fuckup-in-chief, and all his “missspoke-u-lations”, and go… hey, “Bush is dumb… just like me! He’s got my vote!”

What’s wrong with that picture?

Damn, Kerry… you piss me off!
Maybe Teresa Heinz-Kerry would like to be President instead (She got spunk! An ex-Republican since 2002. Figures, doesn’t it?).