MSN Careers – Five Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish Last At Work – Career Advice Article

Makes a lot of sense. What a lot of us “Good Worker Bees” (aka “Grunts”) fail to realize is that companies are dominated by “Suits” who are ready to take credit for the good and push the errors off to blame on some flunky who is usually on the bottom of the food chain…

Someone like us.
Continue reading “Nice guys (and girls) finish last at work too.”

While I understand Thanksgiving is primarily an American holiday… I think it’s a good thing for everyone to stop for a moment, look around at what you have and give thanks. I think anything that promotes love, and giving, and just appreciating what you have (rather than stress out over what you DON’T have) is a good thing.

There just ain’t enough of it in the world, you know?

You know… a funny thing I learned recently.
I never understood why a girl would suddenly take interest in a boy after he’s got a girlfriend; or why a man with a loving family, financially secure, and fairly successful would blow his brains out after being passed up for a promotion.

It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. I wouldn’t say it’s greed as much as it is we humans can never be content. We have to keep growing, and building, and bettering ourselves.

I’ve let a situation eat me alive over the past seven months. A position at work that I wouldn’t have normally given any thought over…

…except for the fact that I was told I can’t have it, and was never given a reason why.

Then, I found myself wanting it more than anything. I worked my ass off, did everything I could to prove I deserved it.

You can’t be king of the world if you’re a slave to the grind.
I turned in my two weeks notice on Wednesday.

I know I made the right decision.
For the first time in a long time… I feel a calm serenity inside and a burden lifted off my shoulders.

Time will tell whose loss it is. No one is indispensible. And, quite frankly, I never look back.

I have a family that loves me. Wonderful friends online and offline. I have a future now.
I have much to be thankful for.

And I can honestly say I’m content…

For now. 🙂

When you live in New York long enough, you get to run into just about everybody.

I remember in the mid 80’s, I was on the F Train heading uptown to meet some friends, and this guy got on at West 4th Street. Thought nothing of it… except two girls sitting next to me were going ga-ga over him. Sure he was a good-looking guy and really tall, but he was dressed like a regular guy with jeans, a baseball jacket and a backpack.

Like a typical New Yorker, he put one foot on the door, grabbed the strap and watched the lights out the door window.

One of the girls whispered to the other in a half-giggle “Superman”, and I gave him a double take.

Holy shit! It really WAS Christopher Reeve.

He smiled at the girls (as he heard it too) and gave me a nod “hello” as I’m staring at him with my head askew like a confused puppy.

And after what I’m sure was an uncomfortable eternity for him waiting for his stop, he got off at 34^th Street.

A memory that played over and over in my head as I heard the sad news of his passing today. When I was picked up from work today, my son had the saddest look on his face and said “Daddy, did you hear Superman died today?”

Then I told him the story about meeting him on the train.

All day long I couldn’t put a word on how I felt today.
I finally figured it out an hour or so ago:

Relief.

I admit I haven’t given Christopher Reeve a lot of thought over the years. But I do know that if it were me who broke his neck nine years ago and were condemned to live trapped in a body that didn’t work…

… I would have wished I had died right there on the spot.

He accomplished a lot in the last few years, fighting for causes, directing, writing a book; But I bet he would have given anything to just run free in a meadow with his arms wide open. Just once. Probably dreamed about it all the time. You can’t put a price tag on that.

Rest in peace, Chris.

P.S. A full-sized wallpaper version of “Goodbye Superman” is available in my Gallery over at Animotions

You know, nothing irritates the hell out of me more than a married woman having an affair…

… and I’m not the damn guy she’s having it with.
Continue reading “Just…have an affair without me, why don’t you?”

“To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
– President Theodore Roosevelt (A Republican President, btw… and a damned good one too.)

Last year I had a graphic of Wonder Woman amid fireworks. She was blowing a kiss and the caption read “Happy Birthday America: YOU ROCK!”

The response for the year ahead was followed by a lot of “How dare you”, “Traitor”, “Un-American” and all sorts of fun stuff from the typical hateful right wing of the blogosphere.

I’m ashamed of a lot of things going on here these days. I’m ashamed of the direction our current administration is taking. I’m ashamed of the ugliness that my fellow countrymen have displayed for all the world to see. I’m ashamed of the fact that the only bad reviews of Fahrenheit 9/11 are by those who haven’t seen it. (Okay, well, Spiderman2 was much better, I admit it, but that’s not the point.)

… but one thing I won’t be ashamed of is being an American.

Quite frankly, I love this country very much and can’t think of a better place to be. It was the ideals signed into a declaration 228 years ago today that set this country apart from any other nation, with freedoms that came with a heavy price for generations to come.

I find myself thinking about the Declaration of Independence today, along with my fellow patriots.

I also think about the hatred and ignorance tearing that document up before our eyes. The paranoia of a faceless enemy causing us to snip out parts of the Bill of Rights “for our own good”.

Being against the war in Iraq doesn’t mean you wish ill on our troops. Disliking the President’s economic policies doesn’t mean you hate your country. And dissent certainly isn’t Un-American…

… hell, it’s about as American as you can get!

I’m all for kicking terrorist’s ass… I’m all for seeing Osama bin Laden’s charred corpse hanging off the Brooklyn Bridge. Seeing the animals beheading hostages get a taste of their own medicine (with a rusty hacksaw of course)…

But somehow, somewhere I feel we lost our focus between Afghanistan and Iraq… and I hate to see the price we’re going to pay for that.

Was ANYONE against troops going into Afghanistan and handing Osama his ass? No. So how did anyone who wanted to continue going after him and not waste our time with some tin-pot dictator like Saddam become “Antiwar hippies” and “liberals” anyway?

How can New Yorkers see the switcheroo take place, watch the man who slaughtered our loved ones walk free… and think that’s ok?

But I have faith in America, and will get through the dark times. There’s an innovation and a “can-do” attitude here like no other country’s ever had. And it’s all because of the ideals and dreams signed into reality on July 4th, 1776.

As hard as I’m trying here, I can’t say it any better than George Paine of Warblogging.Com did today:

You asked if any of my relatives were killed in the “9/11 Situation”. I am a New Yorker. I lost people I know in the World Trade Center. I spent a week — an entire week — in Union Square mourning with my fellow New Yorkers. I helped a Buddhist monk try to locate a Tibetan who was lost in the Trade Center, because if he did not determine whether he was dead or alive within 72 hours he would be unable to pray for his reincarnation. I cried with my fellow New Yorkers. I inhaled the concrete, the ash, the pulverized bone of my fellow New Yorkers. I watched the towers fall before my very eyes, not through a television screen. I inhaled people….
<snip>
I am not a liberal, and I am not anti-American (not that those two things have anything to do with each other). I am, if anything, a Libertarian. I believe that everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as it does not infringe upon anyone else’s right to do the same. I believe that the power of the state should be as limited as humanly possible. I believe that state power, necessarily, comes as a result of the reduction of your power and mine.

You have to read the rest. You really do…

Call me whatever derogatory names you wish. Let the brainwashed NeoCon sheep equate my dissent and questioning the status quo as hatred for my country. Let the bleeding heart liberal assholes call me racist or not being P.C. because I’m not “sensitive” enough to Iranian Idiots. I hate you both. You’re the same people on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Fortunately, we live in a country where you’re free to say this things to me . But just remember that freedom goes both ways.

Our founding fathers gave King George the bird once, and I’m ready to do it again.

And if you don’t like it, or the fact that I will use my privilege to vote against your guy… I have a free hand for you too.

That’s what America is all about. Freedom. Choices. Different ideas from a lot of different people. And a constant vigilance to make sure the liberties, rights and freedoms that make us America stay there…. not taken away from us “for our own good”.

“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
– Benjamin Franklin, Founding Father

Happy Birthday America.
You rock.

Don’t mind me gang, I’m just having another “John Coffey moment” here.

One of the things that has always amazed me on the web is the complete lack of ability and/or social skills some people have when it comes to relating to a situation, or put themselves in someone’s shoes. No matter how much of themselves a person puts out there… you can always count on an idiot coming along with a clueless remark that simply screams “I just don’t get it”.

Do people NEED to go through a divorce to understand the pain involved?
… or lose a child? Lose a parent? Be stricken with a crippling disease? Raped? Unemployed? Railroaded by the court system? Conned? Cheated? Loneliness? Fear? Discrimination? On the verge of being homeless?

How hard is it to hear a cry for help, and not feel something unless it’s happened to you at some point in your life?
Continue reading “Empathy (or the lack thereof)”

I’m bored.

Anyone who has known me for longer than 10 minutes knows that can ony mean one thing:

Mischief and Mayhem.

Ok, that’s two things. Sue me.

As everyone knows, usually some evil twisted bad guy/gal becomes that way because of a tragic unjust miscarriage of justice in the antagonist’s past that scarred him/her forever….

In my case, it’s because nobody ever trusted me with a Flat Stanley. You know the cute little paper guy that gets mailed around the world and everyone takes pictures with him.

Well, nobody let me play.

(Everyone: “AWWWWWW…..”)

Anybody up for some Photoshop fun?

I propose we circulate EvilMarty®. Flat Stanley’s no good, welfare recipient, beer guzzling cousin from the trailer parks…

I’ll make the Photoshop PSD, and we can circulate him around notorious crime scenes, mass murderers and politicians. Post it in your blog, and ping me.

Then we can have a vote, and the winner will get a premium copy of LotsaFonts! on CD.

*holds back tears* *sniffles*

Then maybe… just maybe, I’ll find something else to blame for my sorry state of bitter bastardhood be a better person.

(Everyone: “AWWWWWW…..”)

Would you do it for me?

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Continue reading “EvilMarty® 2004 World Tour”

All politics aside…

Misty brought up an excellent point about “Supporting the Troops” in my comments recently. Yeah, we all say “We support the troops” (whether you’re for or against the war in Iraq)… but have you given any thought of what it means?

Are we just waving a flag, and talking about it? Or are we actually DOING something to show our gratitude to those who are putting their lives on the line for our country?

I, for one, am very leery of a lot of these online donation places. It’s brings back too many sad memories of all of the September 11th charities, many of which were nothing but a scam. Well-meaning people opened their hearts and checkbooks just to make some heartless con artist richer.

Some tips from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazzette

Why not go straight to the source?
• Marine Corps Community Services – Support our troops: Supplies a list and suggestions what you can do to show your support. It lists places like Operation: USO Care Package, and The Gift of Groceries Program (Helping a soldier’s family out in the rough times is probably the greatest support of all).
• Sgt. Hook’s CIF Warehouse – (via Blackfive) – Sgt. Hook is a blogger, deploying to Afghanistan:

  “All proceeds will go to the Sgt Hook morale fund which will be used to help keep morale up for my soldiers once we get to Afghanistan. I’m hoping to have a BBQ each weekend we are there so that they can enjoy a little down time and count down ’52’ BBQs until we are mission complete. ”

  The reason I’m linking to his entry, rather than directly to his cafepress site is because I think the better bet is to hit his “donation” button… which is probably what I’ll do next payday.

You can probably check with your local Salvation Army, American Legion/VFW Post and other places to see if they are doing any drives like the two that Amy Riben did here in the Poconos, which were wildly successful.

Besides Misty’s question, a lot of recent stories have really brought this issue to mind:
• Mistake proves costly for widow of hero Marine – Besides losing her husband, a career military man in 1999, a bureaucratic snafu now finds her credit ruined and she’s being garnishiered back money from her benefits. The story broke my heart, and I’ll keep you posted on what’s being done to help her.
• Community support pours in for ailing vet – Here in the Poconos, we are proud to count Harvey Possinger as our own. He is the highest decorated WWII vet living, and a campaign is now in effect to have him awarded The Congressional Medal of Honor… with a pension owing him over $100,000…

  Which he can badly use right now, as he has fallen on hard times. The community has been pouring in donations to this hero recently. He’s not out of the woods yet… but at least he knows how much he is loved.

  It’s the least we can do for him.

  If you’d like to help him, or send him a card of thanks… his address is in the article.

• A touching letter to the editor today (Scroll down) – in which a reader praises a Dunkin Donuts owner that just donated 2 cases of coffee to her nephew’s unit in Iraq. Coffee is in short supply out there.

It’s easy, even trendy these days, to say you support the troops. No matter how you feel about who is in office, or why troops are in combat, these men and women deserve our support and gratitude no matter what.

But sometimes words aren’t enough. It doesn’t keep a soldier company on a lonely night of patrol, it doesn’t keep them entertained when there’s nothing to do, and it doesn’t keep them from missing home.

To Sgt. Hook, his unit, and all of the brave men and women of the armed forces… we pray for you, wish you the best, and hope for a safe return home when your job is done.

Thank you.
You’re making a difference.

An interesting article caught my eye tonight:
Billy the Kid gets a lawyer – 122 years after shootout, attorney to gather information for a pardon

Well, like any good Generation X’er, of COURSE I saw Young Guns I & II. They rocked! What was unknown to me, until this article, that there’s been this heated debate down in New Mexico since the summer to exhume his remains (as well as his mother’s) for DNA testing to determine if he was indeed William H. Bonney and gunned down by Pat Garrett as legend claims.

Among the many people vehemently opposed to this is the Billy The Kid Historic Preservation Society.

We all love a good “anti-hero”. We love it even more when they get away and thumb their nose at society and go to that la-la land where we sent Elvis, Bruce Lee, Jim Morrison and every other legend when we can’t accept their deaths.
Continue reading “Billy The Kid rides again”

A couple of phrases have always stood out in my mind. Those one-liners that people can write an entire book based on it.

One of those lines was one that I heard a pastor say:
“Try and give someone flowers while they can still smell them“.

We’re always quick with a negative observation of someone. It’s our nature. I’m as guilty as the next guy of doing it. Usually it’s traits we see within ourselves that annoy us when we see it in others.

Books go out of print, buildings crumble, laws and statutes are repealed, news becomes forgotten, television and radio shows are cancelled, and websites expire.

The only real legacy we leave behind in this world are the memories kept by those whose lives we’ve touched.

All too often we find ourselves talking to a coffin or at a grave site telling the open wind how much they meant to us. Stuff we meant to tell them a long time ago.

Stuff we SHOULD have told them a long time ago.
I hope I’m not too late for some of you.
I hope you know how I feel about you.

Life’s too short.

… or do we need it now more than ever?

In the last post we all kind of mused over resurrecting the Z-List.

One of the major problems of the original setup was that it was great at roping in new members, but after you were in… then what?

I would imagine the newer version would not only *continue* to spolight lesser-known folks, but it would also appeal as a network for what its members were doing; A place for Lee’s BlogBuddies database, perhaps teaming up with Cooties’ Pepy’s Project to find people closer to you, Solonor’s Baseball League, Michele’s Voices project, Robyn’s Boobiethon…

With all the geeky know-how of Blue Wolf, The Mighty T, PHPete, and Liz, the artistic ability of Hilary, Kendra, Stacy, Deb, Sarah, Maria, Bran, and Pegasong (to name a few), the writing ability of people like Crazy Tracy, Dr. D., Michele, Kira, Kim, Mad Bull, Suzette, etc… The possibilities were endless.

(… of course, an occasional cameo by the matriarch who started it all.)

If you simply ignore how all the personality conflicts and behind-the-scenes drama turned the place to shit, it really was magical.

It made stars out of a lot of people, and it was probably the only bond many of us ever had. A club where all of us rejects finally had a sense of community.

It would have to be a group thing. There can’t be a leader. No one person can undertake this and make it fly successfully. Personally, I have way too many enemies to get this ball rolling (not to mention, I’m a moody prick). With all the political shit flying around, the same can be said for quite a few people.

… of course maybe you just *can’t* go back.
I dropped Patrick a line, and he ordered z-list.org (which, for some reason didn’t go through.) I have yet to hear back from Cooties (whose spirit was really the heart and soul of this thing), turns out he’s on hiatus until (next?) September.

Don’t mind me. If you knew me well enough you’d know I come up with a million ideas and projects on a regular basis, and 9 times out of 10 they die in the planning stages (Like “The Secret Project”, for example…).

I’m not even sure why I’m bringing this one out on the table.
I just feel something’s missing…

I think we can ALL be so much more.

He was a beautiful man, with a beautiful voice. When it came to “setting the mood” (*nudge, nudge*)… nobody did it like Barry White. Just the sound of his deep baritone voice had women leaving puddles everywhere.

Mr. White passed away this morning at the age of 58. But his music is forever.
Continue reading “Tribute to Barry White (1944-2003)”

In this day and age of worldwide dektop publishing, various temperaments, political views, and viewpoints… I find you can just about offend ANYONE with a minimum of effort. What causes flame wars on the web? What makes them worse? What is the best way to resolve them? I offer my 2¢ on the matter as somewhat of an “expert” in online warfare.

It’s a more homogenized version of a post I made on WHUZZUP, as apparently a lot of people missed the point the first time around. The ceilings are pretty low in SoApBox… so those coming in riding your high horses may experience neck and back problems later…

As I planned to resurrect this site over the summer, I VOWED that this kind of stuff was not going to happen here anymore.
I wanted to come back and be a POSITIVE force in the community. At a time where people are being polarized and torn apart over a war that affected the entire planet… I wanted to help bring the web community back together, torn apart from all the debate and harsh words, and I wanted to work with the same people with the same mindset.

Consider me somewhat of an “expert” on flame wars…
Here are your common elements of a flame war (see if this looks familiar in over a thousand different Web Dramas.)

Someone says something.

Someone takes offense and goes public

Everyone takes sides (because, well, it’s a public issue now, right?)

Everyone loses their temper, they do and say stuff they regret later…

NO ONE wants to admit any wrongdoing directly (“I know what I said/did was wrong… BUT he/she didn’t have to…”).

The real issue gets buried, as everyone spends hours trying to convince the spectators that, in reality, they are actually good people deep down inside (and they are.)… but their opponent will eat your children if you turn your back on them.

POP QUIZ: (This is based on…)

The Blogshares War

The Summer-Free-For-All
The Hoopty Debacle
The Little Green Racists Controversy
The CDs=The Holocaust Debate
My Feud with Joe Jenett
My Feud with Faith and the Digital Divas
ALL OF THE ABOVE

It’s counterproductive, petty, childish, bullshit.
And Gawd… I am so FUCKING TIRED of it.

I guess a guy’s got to grow up sometime?

Fuck it. I’m getting serious here. Political too.

One thing my sensei always said:
“Only a fool picks and chooses his own enemies“.

You see, if you invade my land, looking to destroy my home, and hurt my family…
I’m willing to die to make sure I’m the last thing some of you will ever see.

If you’re languishing in an Iraqi prison, your testicles being electrocuted, your wife/mother/sister being raped, and your children being tortured in front of you; just before your eyes are gouged out…

I could really care less.
Hey, I’m just being honest here. I’m fucked up like that.
Continue reading “Peace sells (but who’s buying?)”

We’ve got Round II going on…
To me, this is even better than Round I, because the WEB COMMUNITY gives you “The Finger™”… not just an idiot with binary/digital MPD.

But first, some announcements…

In yo’ faces…CHUMPS!!!

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Traffic here has spiked today, largely due to our own Mr. Laurence, and the lovely (and oh so scandalous!) Min Jung Kim. Welcome! Please feel free to nominate Ms. Kim and make up a great category (be nice, you!!!!)

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Maria has survived another round of layoffs at her job. WOO HOO!!! A lot of friends recently haven’t been as fortunate. Gee? You think our economy is just a *little* fucked??? I was going to a comedy club tomorrow night, but I decided to watch the State of the Union Address on tv instead.

Yes. You may take that any way you want.

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I’m sure you’re ALL following the scandals going on here closely, and you’ll be happy to know we’ve reached a settlement with Ms. Bullock’s attorneys. Basically, my attorney explained that due to Boffo’s widely-publicized cocaine addiction and alcoholism… coupled with his distress that Geocities has closed down his cartoon page (there since 1998)… his lapses of judgement are somewhat excusable. Attorneys for Ms. Bullock are willing to let this go as long as there is no more publicity, and we keep “that disgusting pig on a short leash.”

Boffo the clown offers “no comment” on the settlement, however requested that we put the following graphic back up…

I am SO SCREWED!!! I might as well put up a “404 page” now…
Continue reading “Golden Finger awards: Round II”

Yes, boys and girls… THIS IS THE MOMENT. At long last, this week’s event of the century is here. Are you nervous??? You bet your bippy you are, and why shouldn’t you be? For a while now, your most intimate thoughts, your innermost dreams, and your dumbest quiz results have been out on the WORLD WIDE WEB for all of us to see…

You wanted accolades and praise for talking about your breakfast, the furniture you bought at IKEA, and your Friday Five answers…. you got it!!!

But first, let’s…

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A W A R D S

OVERALL SEXINESS
They’re sexy, intriguing and fascinating. We put them down, and bitch about them behind their backs all the time because apparently we’re not.

• Best legs on the net – Angel of Kiss My Fish.Net.
• Sexiest telephone voice – Deb Smouse of Sometimes I…
• Surprise webcam babe of the year – Sara, of Simply Sara
• Sexiest latin saxophone player – Kira of Desert Flower
• Sexiest brainiac who speaks latin – Judy of Jewdez.Com
• Most edible Danish – Sara of Looking Out
• Sexiest nerd that should be a p0rn star – Nerdboy Mikey of Electric Bugaloo
• Sexiest comedy Troll – Nico of Negative Subspace
• Best use of boobs for a cause – Robyn, Boobies to Florida
• Best boobs in best use of boobs for a cause – Jessica of Bloganon
• Best use of her ass for a cause – Dawn of Up Yours
• Making PMS sexy, and bitching about men a turn-on – Hormonal Bitch
• Sexiest coconuts – Ali of Paradise Ali
• Lusted after more than any other sockpuppet in Shari Lewis’ closet – Lambchop of Blogging in a New York Minute
• Fuck the ozone! Big hair will ALWAYS be in style and sexy –Susan, of BobtheCorgi fame
• Sexiest Laker Fan – Yvonne of Aged and Confused
• So strange and enigmatic, she turns you on… admit it! – Shasta of ShastaBlog
• Sexiest use of the word “Hooha” – Batgrl of Cuppa Tea
• Best Ass – Angel of Kiss My Fish.Net
  (Awarded by Solonor)
• Best Ass – Solonor of Solonor’s Ink Well
  (Awarded by Angel)

**// Wait… can we DO that??? *SHRUG* //**

• Geekiest online relationship (of course with her lil’ code monkey) – GeekGrrl
  (Awarded by Jewdez)
• Excellent use of sexy colors – Faith of ctrl-alt-ego
  (Awarded by Nico)
• Best Streaking During a Golden Finger Acceptance Speech – Jewdez
  (Awarded by Kathy K.)

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POLITICAL
Nothing generates laughs more than Capitol Hill. Aw hell, it’s the comedy nexus of the world…

• I’d even re-elect that idiot Bush, if she posts enough wet t-shirt pics… Goes to Michele of a small victory.
• Best use of venomous humor on Yasser Arafat – Simon Laurence of Amish Tech Support
• Best use of venomous humor on Ariel Sharon – Nico of Negative Subspace

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PROBLEM ADULTS
These are people impervious to ritalin. They cause madness and mayhem everywhere they go, and feel the internet is nothing more than their litterbox. You stay on their good side, nervously laugh at their jokes, and suck up to them… because you’ve seen the wrath and destruction they’ve brought upon their enemies up close.

• Best spud gun designs – Todd, The Ripperman
• Snowball Warrior and/or Best use of Calvin & Hobbes –Tracy of About D@mn Time
• Goofing off on company time as an art form – Maria of ::Dayzed and Confused::
• Most disturbing short movies – Jack of Jack’s Corner
• Best blog by an Amazon affiliate with pierced nipples – Kat of My Single Mom Life
• Most twisted use of Green Lantern in a webcam – Dan of Red Cricket
• Long-lost sister that I STILL haven’t met – Tina of The Other Cheek
• Crazier than half her patients – Tracy of Crazy Tracy
• Still using the nickname “Kittybat” months after the Hoopty scandal – Dave of Random Ruminations
• Only blog left on the planet without comments – Dan of The TimeSink
• Like she REAAAALLY needs a gun to tear a hole in your sorry ass – Rachel Lucas of Piquant Rants
• Patti of the Year – Patti of I Must…
• Stalks no-name bloggers with 5 hits a day or less – Robyn of Tampatantrum
• Biggest Blogwhore with a conscience – Solonor of Solonor’s Ink Well
  (Awarded by Lambchop)
• Best use of a food word as an insult – Nico of Negative Subspace
  (Awarded by Angel)
• Cutest Picture of Blogger with Tree Companion – Red Eagle of Eagle Eye View
  (Awarded by Faith)
• Most cuddliest and sweet blogger in the whole dern blogiverse! – Faith of ctrl-alt-ego
  (Awarded by Pete)

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TRIAL BY FIRE (and other legal crap)
People who have been through legal and personal hell this year, and were kind enough to share their pain for us before we moved on the our next read.

• Screw blogging, my kids come first – T, of Eagle Eye View
• There’s more to Hawaii than coconuts and Ukeleles – Ali of Paradise Ali
• Doin’ Time: An inside look at L.A. County Jail – Kim of The Sick Side
• America, you will be rounded up and shot – Matt, of Ezrael
• Exposing the horrors and shocking truth about school fundraisers – Kim of Musings of a Misfit Mama
• All your ‘Zillas am belonging to us! – Dave Linabury of Davezilla
• Comeback of the Year – Tammie of My Little Ones
• Because she’s been through hell and back too and has a great outlook – Anne of semi composementis
  (Awarded by Pete B.)

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HOLLYWOOD LOOKALIKES/ACTALIKES
They either look like your favorite Hollywood celebrities, sure as hell act like them… sometimes they’re even better than the original.

Don’t mess with the bull, young man… – Dick Vernon of Demented and Sad, but Social

“no I am NOT Sigourney Weaver! Leave me ALONE!!!” – Skarlet, the Punk Princess

Robin Williams of the Web – John of Linkworthy

I’m John Lennon. Really. – Steve (I don’t know his last name) of Benway

Mistaken for Samantha Fox all the time – Tess of Echoes of a dream

Reminding us why we all love Led Zeppelin – Kathy K. of Mindless Chatter

Has no idea why I’ve nicknamed her Amy Fisher – Mollie of Vivid Emotions

Kinda like Blossom, only sexier– Liz of Idiocracies

Had a site she designed once listed on Arlo Guthrie’s Site – Brooke of Rivervision

The Wil Wheaton of the Web – Wil Wheaton
(What? Did you think he wasn’t going to win anything here?)

Best use of Buffett lyrics in a blog – Bran of .em
(Awarded by Dan)

Best Link That Made Us All Cringe: The Cheeky Girls Song – Mike of akacooties
(Awarded by Kathy K.)

“You have a gift Jack. You SEE people.” – Pete B. of The Blog O’ the Blurf!
(Awarded by -=e=-)

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CODING AND DEVELOPMENT
These are the web stars of tomorrow… or maybe the day after that, or maybe the day after that. Who the hell knows.

• PHP Boy Wonder – Pete of Encyclopeteia
• Who needs MT? We don’t need no steenkin’ MT! – Lisa Whirrett of Just Lisa
• Most innovative use of DBMan – Mike Brown, for The Pepy’s Project
• Greatest web designer….EVER! – Jann of Sweet Aspirations
• Most blog design changes in a year/month/week/day/hour – Bran of .em
  (Awarded by Dan)

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IS THIS POST ABOUT ME?
Why, yes. Yes it is! You are the stars, the moon, and the sun, baby! Tim Berners-Lee created the web JUST for you, and Evan came up with the schematics for Blogger with YOU in mind! Contrary to what Robyn’s highly-paid minions and lackeys would have you believe… YOU, sir, are TROOLY The Princess of the Blogiverse™. Aaaand if the shoe fits… hey, throw the damn thing out and start a flame war, fer chrissakes. What good is having only ONE shoe that fits anyway?

• My CD’s are more important than the Holocaust – Jessica of Peace Dividend
  (Awarded by Melly)
• Most direct method of viewer weeding that I’ve ever seen. – Angel of KissMyFish.Net
  (Awarded by John)
• Snarkiest Blogger – John of Linkworthy
  (Awarded by Faith)
• Queen of the Universe – Faith of ctrl-alt-ego
  (Awarded by Maria)

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BOO. FUCKING. HOO.
AWWWWWW!!!!!! Lookit -e-, having a pity party at his own awards show! Nobody’s nominating him for jack shit. Let’s toss a few his way to shut him the fuck up before he starts whining again.

• Most Shameless (and successful) Trackback-Whoring on the Net
  (Awarded by Pete)
• Best satire of the “Bloggies”
  (Awarded by Les)
• Most excessive use of Vaseline Intensive Care
  (Awarded by Nico and Jewdez)
• Most Likely to Get Hickies in Linky Love?
  (Awarded by Batgrl)
• Blogger who took the longest to get his site NS compliant.
  (Awarded by Faith)

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TALENT??? YOU NEED TALENT IN THIS BIZ?
Some bloggers tend to go against the grain and actually *DO* something that interests someone other than themselves. No. Really. It happens sometimes.

• Fastest clicking of a link in someone else’s comments – Solonor of Solonor’s Ink Well
  (Awarded by Angel)
• Best blog named Joe by a guy named Scott

– Scott, of JoePixel
(Awarded by Faith)

• “Classiest Blogger” in the “I can actually WRITE category” – Dawn of Blatherings
  (Awarded by Maria)
• Classiest use of Retro (Kitsch?) styling in a weblog – Faith of Undisturbed
  (Awarded by Angel)
• Excellent use of the hopeless color combination of pink and red – Min Jung Kim of Brain Dump
  (Awarded by Nico)
• Best blog using home brewed blogging software – Sue Bailey of SueBailey.Net
  (Awarded by Dan)
• best collage graphics – Batgrl of Have a Cuppa
  (Awarded by Faith)

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FRIENDS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE DISTURBED AXE MURDERERS
People that have touched our lives, and enriched it through the internet. Like that hot little vixen you cybered on IM who ended up being a 45 year old dude in Chicago… appearances can be deceiving. That’s ok. Things happen. They may or may not be Hitler’s offspring, or goat rapers in real life, but online… they’re ok and treat us good. And that’s what counts.

• kick-ass friend and inspiration – Tam of Faded Dreams
  (Awarded by Kim)
• Gainfully employed because of these awards – Deborah of Thoughts Interrupted
  (Awarded by Evil Batgrl)
• …because she just fucking deserves one! – Rha of Very Black is Rhondalicious
  (Awarded by Kat)

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LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT
These are the the people who have made the web a better place long before some of you had a clue what the web was. They were doing it for decades. Don’t even waste your time approaching them. You know you’re not worthy. In fact, why don’t you do us all a favor and just get the hell off the web before you embarass yourself further?

• Best use of pin-up girls and retro art (long before anyone else was doing it) – Miz Kitty of Here Kitty, Kitty
• Keeper of the Orange (Passing the mantle from Zeldman) – Faith of ctrl-alt-ego
• Unearthing the lost treasures of the web (stuff like the very first web page to the morse code translator) – Steve Timberlake, the LinkMeister
• Most quoted on the web – Lisa Whirrett for Lisa-isms
• most amazing parenting collaborative weblog – Real Life Parents
  (Awarded by Kim)
• Blogging longer than God – Mark of furtive explorations
  (Awarded by Rha)
• Blogger With The Largest Smilie Collection – Gina of Recycled Thoughts
  (Awarded by Maria)

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

… to all our winners of round one. I gave you “The Finger”, and dammit, you truly deserved it!!!

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Pick up your award:
Of course I made an “alternate version” of the award in case your site has visitors or family that don’t quite understand…

Remember: “Don’t be a dick, always right-click.”

I’m well aware that I missed a lot of people, but I’ve been at this post for three days now… don’t worry, you may *STILL* be a winner!!!!

I haven’t surfed any sites today, and I doubt I’ll have the time until I get home… but I really hope there will be lots of discussion about the 30th Anniversary of Roe -vs- Wade today.

Personally, I have always been amazed that it was even a controversy.

The main opponents of abortion are usually people that can’t get pregnant, mostly men, older religious women… and you know, the Pope.

These are people that can’t *possibly* understand the prospect of facing an 18-to-life sentence of a responsibility they *KNOW* they’re not ready for. Or living with the monument of the day you were raped by a relative or a total stranger…

These are people who *clearly* can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes; people that *don’t want* to understand… so how can they have a say in what should or shouldn’t be done?

It’s very easy to make a snap decision based on a hypothetical question isn’t it? When lives aren’t hanging in the balance, and forever changed in either direction, with no consequences whatsoever… you can spew out a “yea” or “nay” with little or no problem.

I think H. Ross Perot put it best when asked by reporters on his views:
“Bah, that’s a women’s issue… next question.”

Here’s how *I’VE* always seen it. I’m a guy. I can’t get pregnant, nor will I ever have to endure labor. I don’t have a say in this issue. I say, let only the people who are directly affected by Roe -vs- Wade voice their opinions, and you’ll see that there *really is* no controversy after all.

“Women that use abortion as a means of birth control”
Do you *really* want to see someone so irresponsible, that they can’t even think of birth control during sex, to be in charge of another human life?

“Funny how all the people who are for abortion are alive today”
So are all the people who commit suicide, and scream “I never asked to be born”. Your point?

“There’s always adoption”
Yes, let’s force a woman who doesn’t want to be pregnant to put a year of her life on hold, go through 40 weeks of physical, hormonal, and emotional changes to give birth to a child, hand it over to a system that will forget about them, and we’ll probably read about this child’s partially-decomposing corpse being found in a dumpster or landfill somewhere… society has enough unwanted children.

Or perhaps, you’d like to put your money where your mouth is, and have this fetus transferred to *your* uterus, and you can enjoy all of the above. Wanna give it a spin? You’d be amazed what modern science can do these days.

“All human life is precious”
Oh, PUH-LEEZ… get in the real world, you! People that blow up abortion clinics and/or kill the doctors involved say that all the time. (Hypocrisy, anyone?). Exactly *where* is life precious? We’re human beings, the only species on the planet that kills our own for the stupidest reasons. And if we don’t do it with war, crime, and terrorism, we can always count on starvation, AIDS, Ebola, and natural disasters to finish the job. There’s six and a half billion of us… and none of us are worth a damn in the grand scheme of things. Think about it.

“I’m against abortion. I’ll only make an exception in a case of rape or incest.”
If you can think of at least one reason for an abortion, wouldn’t it make perfect sense for it so stay safe and legal? Haven’t these people suffered enough without having to provide some form of solid evidence that they are victims? Given the current statistics of convictions, and the fact that most of these cases go unreported… I somehow doubt these people taking such a stance are just going to “take your word for it”, are they?

“The story of Jesus Christ was much like a ‘surprise’ pregnancy. What if Mary had aborted him?”
Uhm, Ladies? If you find yourself pregnant, you know your husband isn’t the father, and the Archangel Gabriel shows up to give you the rundown on how your child is the Messiah, gonna save the world, and all that stuff…

… can I trust you guys to do the right thing, and *not* abort our Saviour? Pretty please?

“I believe in you…
You know the door to my very soul…
You’re the light in my deepest, darkest hour…
You’re my Saviour when I fall…

And you may not think I care for you…
When you know down inside that really do…
And it’s me you need to show….

How deep is your love…
I really need to learn…
’cause we’re living in a world of fools …
Breaking us down …
When they all should let us be …
We belong to you and me… ”
© 1977 Barry, Robin, & Maurice Gibb

“Have you ever noticed the ones that seem to throw around the labels and insults are the very same ones who blogged about being excluded in school?”
– Robyn (“There is NO A-LIST”), of Tampatantrum –

I’ve watched Robyn and her friends get very popular over the past few months… and I’ve seen her take more and more crap and criticism because of that popularity. As with Michele, Miz Kitty, Kottke, Zeldman… and any other so-called “A-Lister” that has come by…

I can lend some insight to that.
Continue reading “Sociology 101: Why you’re an unpopular dork”