Tag: rats

My #2020Election Wishlist

Posted on by Eric Brooks

My 2020 Election Wishlist
Everyone likes at least ONE of them

Let’s face it, people are either voting FOR Trump, or AGAINST Trump in November 2020.

Ben from Baltimore not only promises free EVERYTHING, just like all the Democrats, but twice as much for illegal aliens. VOTE
Ben from Baltimore not only promises free EVERYTHING, just like all the Democrats, but twice as much for illegal aliens. VOTE

With all of the choices in the 2020 Presidential Election, most of us have already made up our mind. However, while most people voting against Trump will accept whoever the DNC chooses for them (again) we all still have people we would prefer in the White House.
So I have compiled MY 2020 wishlist of who I would vote for:

  1. Tulsi Gabbard
  2. Donald Trump
  3. Giant Meteor
  4. The wino that tries to wash my windshield on my way to work (I think his name is Mark or Hector?)
  5. Marianne Williamson’s Healing Crystals
  6. Zombie Apocalypse
  7. A Baltimore Rat
  8. Bernie Sanders
  9. Elizabeth Warren
  10. Yang, Buttplug, Spartacus, and Beto (As one person, though. Sewn together like Frankenstein).
  11. A series of Human Extinction events
  12. Kamala Harris
  13. Joe Biden
Coey, Liz, and Beto
A Gladiator, an Indian Princess, and a Mexican walk into a bar…

For the life of me, I can’t understand why a party that constantly villainizes white men and police officers would have two old white dudes and a cop/prosecutor as their front runners (or not offering anything to the Middle class, moderates, and independent voters you will need to win), but okay…

*shrugs* It’s your election to lose, Democrats.

Who are YOUR choices for President?

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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Of Mice and Whiny Men

Posted on by Eric Brooks

So, I’ve moved to an old farmhouse last year. When it gets cold, the place becomes infested with mice.

We got cats, so no problem, right?
Well, no. Our cats are kind of assholes. They lounge around like they are in the First Class section of the Titanic, and us humans are their servants. To ask them to kill some vermin in exchange for a roof over their head seems to be beneath them.

So I got glue traps from Wal-Mart.

Not quite sure what I was thinking with that one. Perhaps I thought I could come home, find a dead rodent or two in the trap, then chuck it in the garbage and forget about it. (Like your mom did with that abortion in high school.).

What I didn’t expect was to come face to face with some poor living creature struggling in the glue. Something with intelligence, feels pain… and from the shrieking, feels fear, obviously.

So anyway…
I just got home and accidentally stepped on the one under my desk. As I am about to peel it off my sneaker…. I hear the desperate squeals of a terrified rodent under my foot.

Terrorist Rodent You aren't fooling anyone, bucko....
Terrorist Rodent You aren’t fooling anyone, bucko….

FUCK! *STOMP*
      FUCK!*STOMP*
           FUCK!!!*STOMP*

Not only is Ben Jr. still squealing and I didn’t put him out of his misery, but the glue trap is EXTRA stuck to me now… with mouse guts too, probably..

So I use the other foot to peel it off (fuck that, I ain’t using my hands). And find there are TWO mice struggling to live. One about the length of my thumb. Tiny little thing.

I’m not a heartless prick and won’t let them live their final hours in terror.
I toss the glue trap, with Ben and Willard in it, into a plastic bag, take it outside and stomp the shit out of it, to put them out of their misery and leave the bloody bag in the trash can. And hopefully scraped all the sticky, gooey mouse guts off the bottom of my sneaker in the wet grass.

That was too much for me…
I went and picked up regular mousetraps to snap their necks from now on. I’m a jerk… but I am not a monster.

So far no new takers. I think my message of “DEATH AWAITS ALL WHO ENTER THIS ROOM” has come off loud and clear.

Anyone know how to get mouse innards glued to the bottom of a sneaker off? It’s still there. Yuck.

Eric Brooks

Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.

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