Author: Eric Brooks

Web & Graphic Designer, Blogger, Musician, Evil Clown. I also code websites and promote people for a living. Still kind of a jerk, though. Approach with food.

The wild & wonderful world of Jack Chick

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Don't fear the Reaper
I love Jack Chick, I really do. I find myself addicted to his tracts and his odd reasoning sometimes. He’s a great artist and he captures those unsaved people getting livid over hearing the name “Jesus Christ” like nobody else!

Basically there’s three ways to convert people to Christianity.

  • There’s the tried and true method of capturing and torturing them and their loved ones , until they accept Christ into their heathen lil’ hearts…(made popular during the Crusades and the inquisition)
  • There’s the rarely used tactic of actually practicing Christianity, loving your neighbor and showing acts of kindness to let them know that you are following Jesus’ principles…
  • Then there’s Jack Chick’s method. Put out a comic book that lets you know that a horrifying fate of eternal torment is waiting for you in Hell unless you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour.

    • Basically it boils down to this with the Chick method:
    If you’re a Catholic… you’re going to hell
    If you watch Harry Potter…. you’re going to hell
    If you read any other Bible besides the King James version… you’re going to hell
    If you’re a mormon, freemason, buddhist, muslim… well, three guesses where you’re going? (The first two guesses don’t count).

  • Here is a parody where Jack Chick dies and faces judgment, like so many of the other characters he’s written about. It’s freakin’ hilarious!
  • Here are the rest of Weird Dave’s Chick Parodies… (Warning: Excessive laughter may cause damage to your computer screen if the operator is foolishly drinking a beverage. Be smart, don’t drink and surf parody sites!)
  • Church of the Subgenius steps in with a parody of “Somebody loves me”, in which the abused boy accepts “Bob” as his Lord and Saviour just before dying…

    • Yes, “Hiatus” still means hiatus

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    You know what?
    I think WHUZZUPDATE is going to be switched to Plain text email in the next one.

    I just found out my subscribing function has been busted for the last month (you have to confirm, but you can’t confirm if you don’t get the damn confirmation email, can you?). While testing it, the HTML mail automatically registers as “spam”. I send out an html mail “thank you” with the E-Cards…. and don’t have this problem. GAH!!!!!

    So, I send out my latest newsletter, titled “I (heart) my cat, I (spade) my dog“. Basically explaining why my last post has the word “hiatus” in it. Long time CyberPals know that’s a codeword for something.

    Even the plain text emails are ending up in my Yahoo Bulk Mail folder… ARRRRGH!!!!!

    Subscribe to WHUZZUPDATE®
    Subscribe   |
    Unsubscribe

    It’s quite foolproof (well, except for the fact that I can’t make your ISP understand it’s not spam.) If you put in your name and email above, it will tell you on the top of this page if you’re subscribed or not… so if you’re not sure, give it a whirl.

    If you’re sure you ARE subscribed, check your spam filters, or bulk mail folders.

    I’m going to bed….

    Taking a hiatus…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Starting Tuesday, I re-emerge back into the workforce (don’t expect me to even mention it any more online, as many aspects of my life are now staying private.)

    Finally bit the bullet and bought The DaVinci Code today. I’ve heard so much about it…. I’ll post a review when I’m done, k?

    Update: : 1:39PM. Just finished the book. WOW.
    Recommended reading if you’re a history buff/intellectual/conspiracy theorist (or all of the above)….

    Adventures in Wal-Mart’s parking lot

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    First off… at my Wal-Mart in East Stroudsburg, there are literally 200 spots reserved for the handicapped. I mean COME ON!!!!! Do you really expect to do business with 200 gimps at once? Is it really necessary? 20 is more than enough (Unless you’re expecting Jerry Lewis to host a marathon there or something).

    Something at Wulfgar’s touched on a subject very near and dear to my heart… Parking Lot Vultures. People who want your parking spot so bad that they are willing to risk life and limb to get it (even run over a poor defenseless puppy.)

    I hate them!!! I hate them with a passion that I reserve only for Jethro Tull fans!!!!!
    Fie upon these foul creatures… better yet, Downs Syndrome upon all their descendants!!!!

    Have you ever walked in a parking lot and have these predatory bastards slowly creeping up behind you? AS YOU’RE WALKING!?!!??!
    Continue reading “Adventures in Wal-Mart’s parking lot”

    Yo bitch!!! Get off me!

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    I shared this with my new pal , Pandora, the other night and just did some interesting research.

    Tell me if this ever happened to you:

    About a year or two ago, I woke up to find a very old and VERY HEAVY woman on top of me (Blotchy bloated skin. Think of that body they pulled out of the lake in “Silence of the Lambs”).

    I was pinned down, couldn’t breathe, and she began humming this eerie tune in my ear.

    I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. I was paralyzed and suffocating.
    Then she vanished and I never went back to sleep.

    Of course I never wrote that down, because I was afraid I’d be committed.

    Guess what? I’m not alone. It’s actually a condition known as “Old Hag Syndrome” or “Sleep Paralysis”.
    Continue reading “Yo bitch!!! Get off me!”

    Succubus Dating Service

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    SuccubusLonely?
    Wife send you to the couch again?
    Can’t afford a hooker?

    Here’s a nifty little spell to summon a Succubus. For those not familiar with them, they’re the female version of the Incubus… nasty little demons that have sex with you while you sleep.

    The bad news is Incubi outnumber Succubi 9 to 1.
    Figures, right guys? Even in the Underworld you find yourself on a waiting list.

    I bounced off a post in the Pocono Forums about ghosts to read about The Brown Lady of Rainham Hall. After that scared the crap out of me, I bounced to all sorts of supernatural phenomenon, Poltergeists to Banshees and finally to the Succubus.

    Now, I’m open to the concept of some wild stuff…. but I think Incubi and Succubi are the products of someone’s wishful thinking in the Middle Ages. At an age of sexual repression where just about everything was a “no-no”, how convenient for these horny little demons to show up and cause unexplained pregnancies with unmarried women and sticky sheets for monks?

    Even more hilarious is this site: Succubus Hunter.
    Continue reading “Succubus Dating Service”

    The Micropolitan Project

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    The news of our organization is starting to spread like wildfire…. we’ve settled on a name, and it is:

    The Micropolitan Project

    Accept no imitations. We’re the ones with the political, legal and financial clout. And we’re non-profit and non-partisan too, so we’re not catering to anyone except the best interests of the Poconos and bringing jobs here.

    We’re still plotting and planning in a back room at PoconoCommuter.Com, but if you’re in the Pocono Area and want to hang with me, or Stephen, or Wayne, or Frank or Jon (I hope. Probably after Tuesday’s elections.)…
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    FOCUS GROUP
    On February 23rd SMS will host a focus group discussion. The topic will be
    the Future of Monroe County and how we can contribute.
    As some of you know we tried last month to have a meeting but the weather
    was bad. Each month we will have a meeting and focus on different topics for
    discussion. At the meeting we all will pick a topic for the next meeting, so it will
    give us all a chance to think about it and research it.

    PLACE: BUDGET MOTEL JR’S GRILL
    TIME: 5:30 TO 7:30
    DATE: FEBRUARY 23RD , 2005

    Contact info for RSVP
    Robert Bennett
    570 421 4974
    smsrb-AT-ptd.net (You know what to do with the “-AT-“)

    I had the honor of finally meeting the owner of the Budget (after years of patronage) at the Tech conference on Wednesday. Great guy.
    If you wanna hang, you’ll find me there.

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    Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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