Category: Best of Enemy of the State

My anonymous blog from 2001-2002 Not that much is made to the public here anymore.

An open apology to my friends

Posted on by Eric Brooks

In regards to one of my previous remarks on “Enemy of the State”… the one where I said “I have no friends”.

I know I should have dealt with this sooner… this has gone though many, many drafts on my desktop, all while the other posts were going on.

I’ve concluded that the more I say… the worse I’ll make it. To some of you, this will look like I’m just copying and pasting this from your emails when you complained. This isn’t for you. This is for all of the others I hurt that *didn’t say anything* to me. No links. You know who you are.

Do I have friends on the web? Of course I do.

I have friends, who were freshly burned by Kaycee, and sent me money to get my kids back, anyway. I have friends that sent us christmas cards, and gifts for the kids, knowing I couldn’t do the same for them. I have friends that listened to me cry on the phone. I have friends that I have shared the most painful, crippling moments of this entire ordeal with… the chapters of the story that will never see its way to a web page. I have friends that knew when to give advice. I have friends that knew when to just listen. I have friends that have *never* cast judgement. I have friends that cut me slack at work when family problems were overwhelming. I have friends that offered me a home on their websites, servers, and comment boxes when I needed a place to let it out. I have friends that have done some absolutely phenomenal things for me and my children, and have sworn me to never tell a soul what they did. I have friends that saw me say “I have no friends”, and weren’t offended…. they dropped me a line to say: “I know exactly what and who you meant by that.”

That remark was *NEVER* directed at my friends.
We’re going to leave it at that.

*You* have changed the lives of a family you may or may not ever meet. You need to know that. You need to know what you’ve done with your random acts of kindness and friendship. You need to know all you’ve done for me.

And *you* need to know that *I* know it too.
It may seem at times that I forgot all that, but I never did.

I am alone right now.

Not as a wounded puppy afraid to limp out into the sunlight again.
I am alone by choice.
It is the driving force at the core of my being.
It’s who I am.
I would have never found it again if it weren’t for my friends.
This is not so much an apology as much as it is an acknowlegment, a “thank you” to you…
…my friends.

For I am truly blessed, and sometimes wonder what I ever did to deserve any of you.

Now enough of this “reality” bullshit, y’all… I’m gonna have a good time anyway! ;0)

So, what happened to Enemy of the State?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Hmmmm…
Basically I mass emailed a bunch of you, let you know what my future plans are. With all of my maniacal ranting, and the CPS court case up for review next month… I don’t think having archives up was very wise.

Besides, I’m tired of reality.
I’m tired of doom and gloom…
I’m tired of whining.
I’m a doer, not a whiner.

I wanted to get a little goofy, put up “Rik Havyk’s Funhouse”, kind of like a puppet show for all my pals, if you will.

Well, most of you are just a tad sick of fake online personas.
The wounds are still too fresh. Hey, that’s cool.

I can still see your charred flesh and exposed layers of meat and nerves….

*stops to finish his eggplant hoagie and continues…*

So I shut it down. Temporarily.

I’m not comfortable with people seeing the real me. Knowing too much. Having too much information.

That’s how I bring people down.
I can get inside their heads, learn their fears, their weaknesses. Learn how to hear to what someone *isn’t* saying.

Of course I spoke to kd. She supports my decision, and leaving the door open for me…. the doll that she is.

I also wonder about the half truths, and the parts I keep leaving out (insiders know it all)… but is that any different from lying? I’d rather say nothing at this point.

A lot has changed in the past few weeks.

*Taps the 9″ bulletproof plexiglass walls surrounding the place; installed during one of Faith’s flame wars (Ah! The good ol’ days!)*

Ain’t nobody getting into this place, bay-bee….. you’re all safe here.

To be continued….

P*ssy at my doorstep…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Hey... it can happen??!!??Yeah, life is good.

Carole heads off to work at night, and I have “Puddy” show up right at the door, just minutes after she leaves… like clockwork. It’s a nice feeling to have someone snuggle with me at night again.

Carole knows, and has no problem with it. Truth be told, she’s actually encouraging it.

“Puddy” is apparently a housecat that somebody no longer wanted (or lost). I can tell, because she’s still kinda fat, and relatively clean, even though she has no collar or tags. She shows up every night looking for something to eat.

 

What did you *think* I was talking about?

Now that we no longer have dogs to eat our leftovers… Puddy and I have a great working relationship. She also boosts the kid’s spirits (If you recall, the kids were taken away, without even given a chance to say “goodbye” to them.), since we’re not legally allowed to have pets anymore.

Carole named her “Puddy Tat”. Original, no? This is the same person that named a black cat “Snowball” and an orange tabby “Dog” back in our N.Y.C. apartment when we first got married.

I’m trying really hard to be the tough guy here…. enforcing it in
everyone’s heads that we can’t keep Puddy as a pet.

The other night, the kids took her in because she was crying from the flashing lightning… I crashed after doing an all-nighter and going straight to work.

I was told Puddy spent the entire night sleeping on my chest.

So here’s the situation:

1) We can’t have pets…
2) I hate cats…
3) It’s EXTREMELY dangerous where we live. We spot bears crossing the road almost every day, looking for food for the upcoming winter (which is going to be a *BITCH*… you heard it here first!). We actually spotted a Bobcat on our property the other day, among other wild predators. Puddy won’t stand a chance out there alone. It’s just a matter of time before a wild animal either tears her to shreds, or gives her rabies.
4) You should see the kids’ eyes light up every time Puddy shows up. They go outside and play with her, try to sneak her in… then I have to be the bad guy and put her back out.
5) I’m probably more attached to this cat than I want to admit.

 

So what the hell do I do now?
Pictures of Puddy coming soon… (’cause I like to torture myself that
way.)

Through the eyes of an eight year old…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I swore I’d never mention the kids or get personal on this site ever again, but this was too much.

After last night’s entry, I was heading to grab a cigarette, where I heard Erika calling for me.

“Daddy, can you stay with me until I fall asleep?”, she asked in her timid, squeaky voice, “I think I’m going to have a nightmare tonight.”

I knew what was coming. I knew they shouldn’t have watched it. I even went to work an hour late to hear the all-too-graphic account of Timothy McVeigh’s execution. We were riveted. It was too compelling. It was good journalism. It was good tv.

Daddy: “Wanna talk about it?”
Erika: “Why did that man have to die?”
Daddy: “He was a bad man, honey. He killed a lot of people.”
Erika: “But the prison killed him. Isn’t that bad too?”

Dammit to hell. Out of the mouths of babes.

I usually have an answer for everything. What happened to mommy, why we’re living somewhere else, even why loved ones have to die… this time I was stumped. I couldn’t even rationalize it to myself.

I am *SO* for the death penalty. I’m glad this war-hero-turned-killing-machine will never get a chance to repeat this atrocity again. Now that gurney is free for not only more killers, but drug dealers, rapists, hatemongers, child molesters, foreign and domestic terrorists, and mimes.

But I feel as hollow and as empty as most of the family members/survivors who went to see this monster off into the next world.

I know why he did it. Waco was this Country’s biggest fuckup/coverup since, well… ever! The difference? I watched it on the news, said: “wow, that was fucked up”, grabbed a coke and watched a comedy on channel 11. He blew up a building full of civilians who may or may not have felt the same thing. I’m sure the 19 children killed never heard of Waco, TX.

Like John, I think this is far from over. There are more David Korresh’s and more Timothy McVeigh’s who are more than ready to take their place in Militias all over the United States.

Yesterday, one of their “heroes” became a martyr.
Having Janet Reno smirking on TV about it didn’t help either.

I can’t explain this to an eight year old. I can’t explain how I tapped into the darkest depths of my soul yesterday, and mustered up all my anger and hatred toward another human being and was glad he paid the ultimate price… despite denying us, the “good” people of society, the satifaction of him suffering and begging that his life be spared. Even angrier that he “got off so easy”.

We killed Timothy McVeigh to prove killing was wrong. For the first time in my life, I grasped that concept…. and *that’s* why I feel so hollow inside.

Well, I could *try* to explain this… but this is what we’re supposed to be shielding our children from.

I don’t want these people in the same world as my children. And I know one day I will no longer be around to protect them.

I know too much… and I’d give anything to see the world through the eyes of an eight year old again.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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