The -=e=- Show Archives - Page 13 of 25

Band Camp

Posted on Sunday July 18, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Not wanting to leave things on a downer like the last post… I present an honest to goodness conversation between me and my nine year old that took place a half an hour ago…

Background: Sammi, like her siblings, has some kind of musical gene in her…. but rather than follow her sisters and sing in Chorus, she’s decided to join the band. Carole picked up her trombone FROM the music store yesterday (A trombone??? Couldn’t save us money and use my Bass guitar? Obviously the schools are no longer interested in teaching kids how to play “Eruption” or “Stairway to Heaven” anymore anyway.).

She starts “Band Camp” tomorrow. As usual, I have no clue.

Me: So what do you do at band camp?
Sammi: We all go to band camp, and bring our instruments and…
Me: …play Kumbaya by the campfire?
Sammi: NOOOOOO! It’s in the auditorium. We…
Me: Isn’t it dangerous to start a fire in the auditorium?
Sammi: DADDY!!! No. We set up our instruments and [Teacher’s name]…
Me: Sets up the tents? Brings Smores? What if a skunk goes INTO your tent?

Sammi: THERE’S NO TENTS! IT’S IN THE AUDITORUM!

Me: Oh man, driving past them is bad enough, but a skunk at close range and INDOORS???…. PHEW!
Sammi: DADDY! LISTEN TO ME! It’s in the auditorium! We set up our instruments and [Teacher’s name] shows us how to take care of them and we learn how to play…
Me: …Kumbaya? It’s only five or six notes. Then she makes Smores?
Sammi: NOOOO! There’s no Smores! I wish…
Me: But you’d get all that marshmallow/chocolate goop in your instruments. Parents will be mad as h…
Sammi: DAAAADDY!!!! LISTEN! She shows us how to play and we go home.
Me: WITH A CAMPFIRE IN THE AUDITORUM??!!? You guys are gonna burn the school down!!!
Sammi: UGGGGH!!!! I’m gonna go talk to Mommy, you’re nuts!

*storms out of the loft and watches Edward Scissorhands with her mother downstairs*

Kids! Yeesh! Do any other parents out there HAVING problems trying to get though to their kids? I never found out what Band Camp is, she wont tell me…. can someone PLEASE EXPLAIN it to me???

I’m concerned now.

Heeeeeeeere’s the Witch!

Posted on Saturday July 17, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Rather than just leave this page stagnant over the summer, I’m going to let a dear friend take the mike for a while. She needs to vent, and I need to keep this place fresh, so we’re both helping each other out…

More about her in a bit.
Continue reading “Heeeeeeeere’s the Witch!”

Death Threats FROM the Tooth Fairy

Posted on Sunday June 13, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

You know… I rocked as the Easter Bunny.

… in in my new role as the Tooth Fairy? I TOTALLY SUCK!!!!
(Though I must say, Pink is definitely my color, but I digress…)

So here’s the deal.
Last night one of the Adorable Ones lost a molar. Couldn’t find the damn thing, so I left $2 (??!!?? wtf… inflation?) anyway.

Naturally, I forget that the “Con Artist” gene is the dominant gene in my family tree… so the little extortionist has decided to pull a fast one on the tooth fairy and put it under her pillow again tonight for a quick profit.

So there goes my last $2 until payday… AND I STILL CAN’T FIND THE DAMN TOOTH AGAIN!!!! Grrrr…. arrrrgh!!??!!

I’m gonna be bankrupt by this little urchin soon.
What do I do… leave a ripped off teddy bear head at the foot of her bed to get the message that the Tooth Fairy is getting ticked off?

At least she hasn’t figured out that corn fools the tooth fairy as well… my mom must have figured I had about 62 teeth in MY mouth.

So… uhm… can anyone loan me $2 bucks for tomorrow night? (sigh).

Day 52 without sleep

Posted on Wednesday May 19, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Heh… I once heard that a human will go insane after seven days with no sleep. That is SO not true. Probably propaganda by Serta or one of those mattress companies or something.

It’s just like quitting smoking… sure it’s rough for a few weeks (like I swore I kept seeing Brad Pitt and we were going INTO the soapmaking business together?)…

But after a month, you realize you don’t need it.

Oh, and the Bush administration? I’m totally sick of them. Is it November yet?
If the guarantee of a gay marriage ban, or the draft coming back in the next term isn’t enough of an excuse… how about the fact that Americans aren’t safe anywhere on the planet?

Nobody ever hated Russian tourists. We always pitied them for being poor saps for not knowing all of the sucky things their commie government was doing. Of course they weren’t loud, fat and obnoxious…

Did we get Osama yet?
I think you get the point.

Don’t get me wrong, if I were to ever actually meet President Bush, of course I would SHOW him the respect you’d give to a president.

Much like the way you give respect to your boss or some other suit in the office, and then remark what an asshole he is once they were out of earshot?

No, really. I can’t stand him and what he’s done to our country. If I had any more contempt for him I’d have the Secret Service at my door asking me to “chill out”. You know, it’s like if I worked in McDonalds, you’d hear over the intercom “Hello. Welcome to McDonalds… how may I hate Bush for you today?”

Oh, and there’s a new element in the William Hung nightmares now…
After the show, he moves in with me and the familiy…

…WITH A KARAOKE MACHINE.

Slave to the Grind

Posted on Tuesday May 11, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

“You might beg for mercy to get by
But I’d rather tear this thorn FROM my side
‘Cuz I won’t be the one left behind
You can’t be King of the World if you’re Slave to the Grind
Tear down that rat racial slime
You can’t be King of the World if you’re Slave to the Grind”
– Slave to the Grind –

If there truly is a “soundtrack of your life”, I hope tracks FROM Skid Row’s Slave to the Grind is part of mine when the movie about me comes out. It’s the definition of me and my philosophy in musical form.

What a shame that the last best album came out in 1991. Then “Grunge” came along and fucked everything up.

During the Enemy of the State Years:
“So you think you cut me down to size…
But there’s something you should realize…
It’s gonna take more than a break in the law…
To make me smile pretty for the wrecking ball
Wont beg, won’t bleed…
Once you’ve made your mark you’ve made a threat to society.”
– The Threat –

Anyway, there’s the story and why I had to seek this album out again (The version with explicit lyrics, of course… fuck you, Tipper!).

But due to legal and contractual reasons I can’t talk about it (of course).
But yeah… I am not a happy camper right now.

My boss has moved on. He’s now Media Director of another one of our newspapers in upstate New York.
You could employ “common sense” and assume that I, second in command, and the one largely responsible for the success of our department would then become “Internet Director”, wouldn’t you?
You could. But you would be wrong.

For over a week now I’ve had people congratulating me, only to apologize in complete embarrassment when they find out the truth and see the hurt in my face.

One more person asking me “when am I moving up, or is someone else filling in my boss’ position?” and I’m gonna FUCKING SCREAM.

The fact is, I was screwed… and good. Someone else took all the credit for our hard work and left me in a fucked up position where I have to prove myself to see if I can fill my boss’ shoes.

I always saw the success as a 50/50 deal. And I’m being REAL generous here.
To put someone else above me would mean I have to “train my own boss”.
Kiss my fucking ass.

Of course I examine every situation before acting, so here are the advantages…

I report to two wonderful people now. People that know me, know the situation, and know my capabilities. People that are known for looking out for people in their department and giving credit where credit is due.
I am now free to make the newspaper site INTO what I think it SHOULD be. (I have 3 1/2 years of hate mail FROM readers to use as reference)
The new publisher takes over next month. I understand he’s pretty reasonable, internet-oriented, and I’ll probably go somewhere with him (‘cuz with all of the new changes and projects on the board… he’s gonna look so damn good.).
I’m powered by negative energy. I do my best work when I’m mad as hell.

I waited a week to see if there were any plans for me here… obviously there aren’t. If the plan is “see what it takes to make Eric find a new job”, then I’d say it’s going swell.

So I can either dwell on how “screwed” and “insulted” I am right now, or do my patented “turn this all INTO an advantage” and write my own ticket. I don’t particularly understand the “corporate mentality”…

… but I am a seriously underrated actor. :0) If I can pierce the mentality of the Über-goobers out here, I can certainly play the role of a “suit”.

Excuse me, I have to go “prooooove myself” now.
*spits on floor* Ba Fongul!
One “corporate guy” coming up!

(Yeah I know this is being read… that’s why I haven’t mentioned the part about my jumping ship and to whom yet.) :0)

EricBrooks.Com® – Where “guys in suits” are just below “guys with badges” on my list of “people I don’t trust”.

Webbieworld

Posted on Monday May 3, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

I made this crazy lil' guy for a business called "La Tortilla Loca" a few years back
It’s raining, damp and dismal here in the Poconos…
BUT HEY…. IT’S TRES DE MAYO!!!!!! Partaaaaaay!!!!!

I’m sure I’m opening up a can of worms here… but I always loved Webbieworld.

For those that don’t remember in 2001, I got busted by two pathetic individuals with too much time on their hands for cheating my way INTO the top spot at Webbieworld, a portal by programming guru Mark McConnell.
Continue reading “Webbieworld”

Unforgiven

Posted on Friday April 23, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Ever meet someone who asks several things of you…

…and if you happen to miss accomplishing just one, they make you feel like you shouldn’t have done anything at all? Conveniently forgotten everything you’ve done for them so they can paint you as a spawn of Satan to get sympathy FROM others?

I’m surrounded by people like that every day.
People who are all too ready to believe the worst about me too.
No matter how outlandish. It’s me. They can’t stand me… ergo it MUST be true.
Continue reading “Unforgiven”

Ghosts of the past, conflicts of the present

Posted on Friday February 20, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

There’s lots of new changes on the site whether you see it or not. For starters, the site is “skinned”. I’m in the process of making a back-end CMS (content management system) that controls my links, fonts, and now the guestbook.

As you can see, I haven’t added the “Sign my book” function yet. And as you can tell FROM the most recent date… it’s been awhile. It’s almost painful to read some of the entries and remember what they were for.

A lot of history here.

No, I’m still off until March… and with a series of brand new redesigns. But a few things have come up…

A ghost FROM the past has come back to haunt me in the form of a legal action next month that requires my undivided attention. The fact is, this case shouldn’t be. Of course, you know how the court system in PA works:

Plaintiff open his mouth.
Judge looks at defendant.
Defendant has to prove their innocence.

I’ve never seen such stupid horseshit in my life. I have to prove this dickhead has no case, rather than the judge asking what evidence the plaintiff has to justify wasting our time. Otherwise I have to deal with my stuff being auctioned again to pay whatever the judge awards this clown just for filling out three forms and showing up.

Oh yeah, and he’s in a wheelchair too. Tell me how my odds are.

I’m torn here…

I’ve always been enamored by the concept of us all HAVING a sense of “community”. Aside FROM the typical things that communities do, like get together, have barbeques and block parties and good times…

… there comes times when you have to take out the trash.

Some people rise to the occasion, and some people don’t. I remember the outrage when we heard that a married adult blogger asked an underage girl to masturbate on her web cam, when another turned out to be a manipulative prick that hurt people and hid behind their charisma, when another led us to believe she had a daughter dying of cancer…

The list goes on over the years. The offending parties end up being chased to the outskirts of town with torches and pitchforks… and we never hear FROM them again.

In a strange, ironic twist… a post FROM a dear, sweet friend showed up in my referrals today to remind me that there are people that care… and there are people there for you when you need them.

There’s more to it though. Lots more. You can ask anyone that gets involved… there’s a price to pay. You get the “Why don’t you mind your business?” email harassment. You make enemies for life. If you don’t get enough backup, you get the shit kicked out of you for all to see.

Been there done that. More times than I care to remember.

It’s a big-ass community now. The stakes get higher and higher.
Do we start taking the “mind your business” route?
Do we take it when we stand more to lose than gain?
Do we do it even after we’ve been burnt so many times in the past?

I don’t want to give out particulars just yet (it’s not political, ok?). I’m very interested in what you think.

Is it worth it to get involved in the web community anymore?
Is it time for some of us to hang up our badges as “Net Police”?
You can even post anonymously and/or not leave an email.

Merry Christmas to all… and to all a good night!

Posted on Wednesday December 24, 2003Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

I want to wish all of my good friends all over the world a Merry Christmas, and a Happy, safe, and kickass New Year!

…of course to some of my OTHER friends, I offer the alternate version of this graphic.
(I wouldn’t click that link at work, in front of the kiddies, or grandma if I were you.)

Time to wind it down and be with the family.
God bless you all!

Eric Brooks

What’s coming up in 1984… uhm, I mean 2004

Posted on Sunday December 21, 2003Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

My stats are ridiculously low… at least here on WHUZZUP. I hear that same complaint on a lot of blogs I visit too. Like people went off on summer vacation, and never came back. (Most likely it’s “Supply and Demand”. I couldn’t *possibly* visit every site I link to in one sitting. And I’m sure I’ve pissed off everyone at this point to insure I’m not a “must read” anywhere.)

Elsewhere, my stats dictate it’s painfully obvious that the people want escapism and entertainment.

You may think I’m out of my mind for saying this… but I’m relieved.
This takes the pressure off of me HAVING to write here constantly. I have way better things to do, like unroll a 2004 redesign (or three with a “skinning option”), make much-needed repairs on my fonts, free stuff, and e-cards sections… bring back the “The Guestbook FROM Hell”.

And most of all, not have to discuss politics. I hate talking politics.
It turns people off as much as my flame wars did.

2004 Predictions: If you thought blogland was ugly with the Iraq war… you ain’t seen nothing yet. The Presidential race will be the nastiest viper pit of mudslinging, and emotionally immature and ignorant turdfest imaginable, and the web will definitely be one of the frontlines.

As much as I’d love to slam back at all of the “bad asses” who are just beginning to be aware of world events, and are suddenly “experts”… I’d rather leave that to the pros.
Continue reading “What’s coming up in 1984… uhm, I mean 2004”

WHUZZUP!

Category: The -=e=- Show