Eric Brooks, Author at WHUZZUP!

Phil Parlock: Professional Victim for hire

Posted on Saturday September 18, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

For the two or three people on the web who aren’t sick of “Ra^therGate™” , I offer even more goofy hoax-y hokey goodness.
(And no, CBS did NOT ORDER Dan Rather to commit seppuku yet. Whoever you are, stop saying that!)

Originally broken by Rising Hegemon, as seen on Atrios and Truthout.

What kind of a world do we live in where a man can’t protest at a political rally and NOT claim he got his ass kicked for the third election year in a row by bloodthirsty screeching moonbats? (I mean what are the odds of that happening?)

It was fun to bounce around on the internet to see if the Right Wing Unit of the Pajama Patrol™ would fall for the bait. InstaPutz did (but to his credit quickly corrected it), elsewhere, MetaFilter kind of degraded INTO several camps. One of whom thought a cuffed protester being kicked at the RNC convention made it ok.* But they eventually caught on to the gag too.
Continue reading “Phil Parlock: Professional Victim for hire”

Assault Weapons for everyone…YEE HAW!

Posted on Monday September 13, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Aw yeah, baby. Can you just SMELL the testosterone in the air?
Time for us all to put on our Sunday best (or Ted Nugent t-shirts) and rush to K-Mart and buy us some TEC-9’s.

You know, maybe I had President Bush all wrong. In a day and age where Americans are scared shitless to fly planes, the government wants to know how much you have in the bank, what library books you’re taking out, and parents wake up screaming FROM nightmares that their kids may be slaughtered in school by nutcases…

HEY!!! MAYBE HAVING ASSAULT WEAPONS HIT THE STREETS IS THE WAY TO GO…YEEEEEE HAW!!!!

(Scene in school lunchroom)

Billy: “Hey Tommy, what’s in your lunchbox?”
Tommy: “Well let’s see… PB&J, a drinkbox… AND A 9mm MOTHAFUKKIN UZI, FAGGOT!!! WANT SOME? WANT SOME??? BRING IT MOTHAFUKKA!!!”

Ah ha ha… you can bet little Tommy won’t be HAVING trouble with the school bully in the playground THIS semester. (Provided Butch isn’t packing his MAC-11 too!)
Continue reading “Assault Weapons for everyone…YEE HAW!”

FundaMENTAList brainwashing

Posted on Sunday September 12, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Freedom at Last for Pakistanis Who Aided Taliban

“The mullahs in my area said that as Muslims we should go to Afghanistan to fight a jihad,” 22-year-old Amir Khan, FROM Peshawar, told Reuters.

“I can not deny this was my intention. I arrived in Afghanistan in October. I spent three days in Kabul and then went to Mazar-i-Sharif. I was captured the day after I arrived there.”

Like many of his comrades, Khan said he had received no military training and insisted he was a religious student who had been “misled” by the mullahs.

Ahh, my dear “misled” Muslim brother:
I feel your pain. I really do. You and I have both been brainwashed and played as a sucker by the leaders of our respective religions at some point or another. Can you name one atrocity in human history that didn’t have religious overtones tied in it somewhere?

While I admit the Christian fundamentalists (and I can’t stress the “MENTAL” part of that word enough.), are as insane and dangerous* as their Islamic counterparts…

…I am pretty sure I wouldn’t grab a gun, run to another country, and become an ENEMY COMBATANT on some evangelist’s “say-so”.

That makes you a dumbass. And I think you realize it now.
Continue reading “FundaMENTAList brainwashing”

Home dentisty for the Manly Man

Posted on Saturday September 11, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Yes. I’ve been a cranky S.O.B. for a few days now.
One thing I neglected to mention FROM the Beach Boys concert was how I pulled another cracked tooth out of my mouth and have been in mind-numbing agony since.

At the rate I’m going, the only way I’m going to enjoy a Wendy’s triple biggie sized combo is pureed and through a straw.
Continue reading “Home dentisty for the Manly Man”

Three years ago today

Posted on Saturday September 11, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Rescue workers rushed to the ruins in hopes of finding survivors, earning America’s respect and gratitude.
Beth A. Keiser / Associated Press

“The only thing I know certain about him (bin Laden) is that he’s evil. And I don’t know what to believe about him, except that he wants to hurt Americans. I suspect he now wants to hurt the people of Pakistan. And we’re not going to let him. We will do everything we can to stop him here at home, and we’re doing everything we can to hunt him down and bring him to justice.”

– G.W. Bush, 11/10/01

(Four months later, he flip-flopped)

“So I don’t know where he (bin Laden) is. Nor — you know, I just don’t spend that much time on him really, to be honest with you.”
– G.W. Bush, 3/13/02

– Source: “Bush quotes about bin Laden“* –

THIS is the man you want leading us for ANOTHER four years?
I’d feel safer with Mickey Mouse in office.

* According to Wikipedia, the quotes on Buzzflash are questionable. So, I did the next best thing and replaced them with verifiable quotes which say the same exact thing. Yes. I am a flip-flopper too. I will understand if I’ve lost your vote as a write-in candidate for the Presidency. But I’d still feel safer with Mickey Mouse though, and I stand behind that remark. -=e=-

Remember Afghanistan?

Posted on Friday September 10, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Taliban Say Attack Shows They Can Strike at Will
KABUL (Reuters) – A rocket attack aimed at Kabul’s international airport showed the Taliban have the ability to target anywhere in Afghanistan, the GROUP said on Friday, warning the Americans the country would become their “burial ground.”

Hmmmm… where have heard that before. Comical Ali in Iraq?
Continue reading “Remember Afghanistan?”

Cheney: Vote for Kerry, and you’re all gonna DIE!!!!

Posted on Wednesday September 8, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) – Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday warned Americans about voting for Democratic Sen. John Kerry, saying that if the nation makes the wrong choice on Election Day it faces the threat of another terrorist attack.

“That’s right, you [expletive deleted] liberal pansies,” Cheney elaborated, “right now this great nation stands at the brink of annihilation as really REALLY scary non-white [expletive deleted] terrorist types will take us back to the 3rd century, rape our women, blow up our buildings, and convert our children to Islam as they run us through plastic shredders!!!!”

“Only Bush can save us all. Make your choice America. No pressure now.”
Continue reading “Cheney: Vote for Kerry, and you’re all gonna DIE!!!!”

Why is Kerry losing? (Part One)

Posted on Tuesday September 7, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

I’ll be 100% honest with you, I’m not thrilled with John Kerry. I thought General Clark or Howard Dean were much better choices. These were guys that didn’t take shit, and if Joe Lieberman (D- Sellout) had spent as much energy bringing down Bush as he did Clark and Dean in the primaries… this election would practically be over. The fact that Kerry is “Not Bush” works for me to get out and vote, but that’s not going to work for everyone.

“They said Howard Dean was a loose cannon, but compared to John Kerry, at least Dean has a cannon.” –Bill Maher, talking to Dean last Friday, on Maher’s HBO show

Bush scores big points FROM me for one thing in this campaign: SIMPLICITY. It’s what you need to reach the people. Not one thing he’s saying is true, but it sure sticks in your head!
Continue reading “Why is Kerry losing? (Part One)”

Why is Kerry losing? (Part Two)

Posted on Tuesday September 7, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

The Issues? WHO CARES ABOUT THE ISSUES??? The voters want a down and dirty fight! Name one election that was won by a candidate who took the high road? (Hint: 0)

Stop being so goddamn nice, you have less than two months to deliver a knockout (Most people are ready to make up their minds now. Negative ads work. Ask the Swiftboat Liars.)

Enough with Vietnam, already! I commend you for your heroism when I was four years old… but what are you going to do in the here and now?

Keep it simple stupid! Healthcare, taxes, economy…. YAWN!
Your opponent snorted coke at Camp David, went AWOL in his last year in the “Champagne Squadron”, and went INTO hiding like a “girlie man” when our nation was under attack on Sept. 11th when we needed a leader… (Shall I go on?)

Middle Americans are a bunch of sissies that believe terrorism is something new, and Al-Qaeda is going to blow up their Wal-Mart next… start assuring these paranoid losers already!

Less optimism, more fear – Ask Bush how he intends to invade Iran and Syria without bringing back the Draft?

Continue reading “Why is Kerry losing? (Part Two)”

Purple Heart Band-Aids… niiiice.

Posted on Monday September 6, 2004Sunday June 5, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Another thing that turned a lot of people off FROM last week’s Republican National Hatefest™ was the Purple Heart Bandaids being passed around, basically calling John Kerry and anyone else who bled for our country a bunch of sissies and crybabies?

Is that what Republicans think of our men and women in the armed forces and their sacrifices?
Continue reading “Purple Heart Band-Aids… niiiice.”

WHUZZUP!

Author: Eric Brooks