Author: Eric Brooks

Saddam, the poopie-head!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Well, while you guys are all sitting here reading about Liz and why you should stick frostbitten parts in COLD water NOT hot. (Damn, Liz…!).

Mike (aka Cooties) has been offering quite a well thought-out counterpoint to the impending Iraqi invasion… pulling up news links from Google about Bosnian/Yugoslavian arms dealers selling him some prime weapons of mass destruction.

Saddam, that is. Not Mike. I meant to write *Saddam* is getting these weapons. (I’m not sure why, but I feel we can *TRUST* the Brown family with a nuclear missle in their back yard. Just a gut feeling.)
Continue reading “Saddam, the poopie-head!”

Ghosts of Halloween past

Posted on by Eric Brooks

An entire orchestra in KISS makeup????
Sounds wild, Batgrl!

So far, my October has been QUIET and UNEVENTFUL… just the way I like it. (for anyone that recalls, my war with this State began a year ago last week.) If anything, we’ve been given some promising news in January… but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So let’s drift back to…
Halloween 1986 – Like most of the 80’s, it was a great time to be alive. My buddies and I did our usual tradition, and hit Greenwich Village (N.Y.C.) for the annual parade…

  • On the M Train heading to the Village from Brooklyn
  • Me with Mike and Tony causing mayhem on the streets of N.Y.C.

    • It was a fun night. The parade rocked… The Village People were on a float, they were playing the Palladium that night for (yet another) comeback. Cars were trying to get through the streets and the crowd was smashing thier windshields in. Don’t bother calling the cops, cuz they couldn’t get through either.

    We also crashed a party where I met a hot looking spanish woman in a tiger costume… mrrrrrowr! It all had the makings of the movie “Bachelor Party”. Remember the one guy who was getting a divorce and was trying to kill himself all night…? That role was played by one of my friends (not in the pics), who was just dumped by a girlfriend, and he just kept drinking himself into a stupor (he can’t drink, btw). He spent the night over a toilet praying for the sweet release of death.

    Lotsa fun!
    (And like the movie, Tom Hanks didn’t get laid that night either… other than that, a great night!)

    Hail the beginnings of ANARCHTICA

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    We interrupt all this lighthearted fun, ‘cuz I can’t keep my mouth shut about this any longer.

    “Despite threats from England and France, Hitler continued his preparations for the invasion of Poland. By April 3, 1939, he instructed his generals to set the date for the Polish invasion for September 1. Once again, Hitler targeted a struggling democracy as his next victim. ”
    – Invasion of Poland –

    Gee.
    Replace “Poland” with “Iraq”…
    Replace “England and France” with “Saudi Arabia and Egypt”…
    Do you see any parallels with what’s going on today?

    Why, that would make Hitler…. ?
    GASP!

    Lee put out some excellent links today, particularly Michael Moore’s list of Democrats who voted in the recent resolution to invade Iraq. He suggests voting their sorry asses out. (Ted Kennedy voted “No”. Hmmmm… I may learn to respect this man one day.)

    According to every poll I’ve seen, the American public favors this invasion by at LEAST 63%… yet I have yet to meet ONE of them. Why is that?

    What ever happened to “Of the people. By the people. For the people.…?”
    kd answers that when she linked to the EFF Co-Founder’s rant:
    “The American Republic is Dead. Hail the American Empire.”

    Perhaps I would feel better about this invasion if our beloved Fuhr… uhm President would share with us (aka “The People”) why Iraq poses such a threat to us, eleven years after we kicked their asses all up and down the Persian Gulf????

    “If I am to build unity among the people, I must first find a new front, a common enemy so that everyone knows: We must be united, because this enemy is the enemy of us all. If we are not united, the entire German people will sink into the abyss.”
    – Adolf Hitler’s Speech at the 1927 Nuremberg Rally –

    Now Muslims are “the common enemy”, just as the Jews were for Nazi Germany.

    Fortunately, we haven’t reached the point of throwing people in camps. Oh.

    Oh, well… not to worry. If we get out of hand we can be tried for War Crimes, right? Oopsie.

    Scary shit, ain’t it?

    Oh… there will be more about this….. I just need to catch my breath.

    Aha!!!! Caught you!!!

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    While she probably thought she can stay hidden from my radar forever (throws head back, laughs, aggravates neck condition. Ow.)…

    The Artist formerly known as The ZuKeeper can now be found at ‘Round The Bend.

    I’m sure she announced this on her Geocities site as the address looks familiar, but I didn’t take note, and forgot to bookmark it…

    ‘cuz, well… I’m a bad person and a moron.

    I’m not Luther

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Not I’m not.
    Nobody is Luther.
    Sometimes *Luther* isn’t even Luther.

    But I can sing, and sing I will.
    For the first time in Lord knows how long I will be Karaoke-ing tonite.

    Of course there will be anything on the list done by George Michael or a Brothers Gibb… maybe some Earth, Wind and Fire (the last time I did “Boogie Wonderland” I swear that damn song went on for an hour… had three rounds of applause as I kept sitting down, only to find out it was just a musical interlude….

    How long is that damn song anyway??!!??)

    Perhaps I can stick around long enough to do my national-anthem-that-I-have-yet-to sing, “Play That Funky Music White Boy“….

    If I do “One In A Million You” again, I will get laid for sure…
    Hopefully the Mrs. will be there to hear me sing it this time. :0)

    Any requests?

    Nico poses the following theory:
    “people who talk the most about sex is the ones who has less of it. ”

    *blinks. Looks around.*

    Anyway, back to sex talk…

    I do humbly apologize for the previous post. Could have been a great discussion about the Second Step Program… but instead I was sidetracked by the soft, juicy body radiant beauty of the young woman presenting it.

    That was strange, like she was giving off pheremones, or something.

    Probably one of three times in my life where I can actually taste my prey, and thought of nothing but pumping her silly I’ve gotten infatuated like that.

    She did pay me extra attention though. I could ask the other daddies there if they sensed the same thing. I dunno, it was weird, and it seems to be reduced to masturbating over her only two times a day subsiding.

    Second Step Program

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Forgive me, as this may take several drafts, I’m kind of distracted these days.

    We had a function at the school on Wednesday, a spaghetti dinner for charity.

    Mainly it was for a very young and attractive teacher to explain the Second Step Program. She seemed to pay extra attention to me during the dinner, and while giving the presentation, and it was hard to concentrate past her sparkling green eyes and her conservatively dressed, yet oh-so-gropable body.

    What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the Second Step Program.
    Anyway, I think it’s an interesting concept where kids are taught to resolve conflicts with empathy… basically getting inside the other person’s head and knowing how they feel. To systematically examine the problem and *both parties* work together to resolve it.

    A lot of words were lost, as I was (as usual) doing another 48 hour day, and I could swear her blouse was unbuttoning by my sheer mental telepathy.

    I can see this going one of two ways. I had a pretty fucked up childhood. I think most of us did, when you look back… being intimidated by bullies, made fun of, rejection, inadequacy…

    Well, eye contact was out of the question… they were too dazzling, and the exploding peek-a-boo hooters forced me to keep drifting off into thoughts of fucking her brains out right there in front of the very uptight crowd… to I tried concentrating on what she said by watching her mouth. Those soft, moist, full lips, her eager… wet… mouth… just….

    OH GOD… BRB!!!!

    Okay, I’m back… where was I?
    Oh yeah (I’m clear-headed now.)

    I’m trying to imagine a world where kids are taught early on to resolve conflicts with cold reasoning, bullies putting themselves in the victim’s position and not picking on them anymore….

    At face value, I think that’s awesome.

    On the other hand, we ARE who we ARE, because of these traumatic childhood experiences.

  • Would I be as creative as I am now, if I didn’t retreat into a fantasy world as a kid?
  • Would I be as over-protective of my family as I am if I wasn’t fucked with and constantly tormented?
  • Would I be able to handle some of the situations I’ve been in with the same balls of steel if it *WEREN’T* for the trials by fire I had to endure early on?

    • I don’t know, I am so tossed up about this program. While every one is thinking about all the future Jeffrey Dahmers and D.C. Snipers being averted, I wonder how many kids will use the skill of “getting inside people’s heads” and becoming future Hannibal Lechters?

    Everyone sees a future of peace and harmony, and I’m seeing a generation of wimps not knowing what to do during a terrorist attack or a hostile army taking over.

    In the immortal words of Captain Kirk: “I NEED my pain.”
    I need my creativity, my wits, & my borderline-insanity to survive.
    I needed the events that shaped me into who I am… ‘cuz I kinda like me.

    I dunno, somebody give me some perspective here… tell me what *YOU* think about the program. Considering homicide is the #2 cause of death of our 12 to 24 year olds… maybe teaching kids to control their impulses and emotions early on is a good thing. Maybe I’m not seeing the big picture here, or are these people just too optimistic as I feel there will *ALWAYS* be a predator somewhere in the shadows of our society???

    I wonder if she’s listed in the phone book? :0)

    Write, e, WRITE!!!!

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Ok… let’s think of something profound here…

    uhm…
    uhm…

    I heard the cutest thing the other day by my…
    wait. court orders, can’t write about it. scratch that…

    Uhm… today, I was playing with Visual Basic and I discovered you can convert…
    Too boring. Who cares.

    Making some great money, helping my …
    Wait. That’ll piss her off. She doesn’t want to be mentioned on the web just yet.

    I started working on the new designs for a…
    top secret. can’t talk about it. damn.

    I want to write about something that will captivate everyone… Something that will make you laugh, cry, think, talk about it, change your life.

    Uhm… yeah.
    And I will… you’ll see.

    Yep.

    Sure-fire lines

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Have a pest annoying you? Here are a few lines GUARANTEED to stop them in thier tracks…

  • Doting new parents that *constantly* urge you to hold their child/see pictures:“Awwwwww…. (s)he is TOO CUTE!”
    “Adopted?”
  • People that hang over your food when you’re trying to eat:
    “Eeeeew, I think someone’s trying to kill me! Try this. Does this taste like rat poison to you?”
  • Get rid of telemarketers:
    People have it backwards. They try to get *off* the phone with these guys, when they are armed with a million responses to keep you on the phone. 

    Turn the tables on them by getting *REALLY* personal and chatty. Remember, they’re paid a commission for every lead they generate… if they see it’s going nowhere, and you keep directing the topic back to a pointless conversation… *THEY* will be the ones to try and get rid of *YOU*.

    …. which unfortunately, is not covered in the training manual. :0)

    Worst case scenario, is their supervisor will assume they’re goofing off and having a personal phone call and get fired. Of course you don’t want that to happen. Do you?

  • Sure-fire line to get you a seat on a bus or subway:
    (Hover over intended target and say:) “I think I’m gonna throw up.”
  • You’re on the date from hell, it’s raining, she doesn’t want to get wet, and you want to end this…ASAP:“Awww, honey…. don’t worry. Only *sugar* melts in the rain.”
    “Doo-doo kinda clumps together.”

    • Power and Stupidity…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Yes… it is 4:45, and I’m about to go to sleep. (again)

    I redid the door and window for poser, and I’ll send them out to everyone who asked tomorrow (or the next day, or…).

    It was brought to my attention what I have known all along:
    I am a moron.

    See the “Subscribe for updates” box on the right? I was getting a complex because no one has signed up recently… fact is the damn thing hasn’t been working since the jump to undisturbed.org.

    It works know…
    If you signed up before, and haven’t had an update mailed to you in months… well, I lost your address during the move.

    Why? Like I said, I’m a moron.

    Well, no major news here… well it is major to me.
    I registered to vote on the day of the deadline.

    It will work like this… if you are an incumbent. I vote you out.
    Simple as that.
    I suddenly feel some sense of empowerment here. :0)

    I think everyone who thinks that it all sucks, should just vote ’em all out and let fresh blood take over… I mean, how much worse can it get? Especially all of the local ones… *THEY’RE* the ones who effect your daily life more than a president or senator.

    I know what you’re thinking… “e, that’s horrible…. putting people out of work like that, because you’re disenchanted with society????”

    Folks… they’re not “people” okay? They’re politicians. It’s all showbiz. They’ll rape their own mothers and put it on videotape if it means getting your votes. They’re the lowest species on earth. Just below slugs, algae, and casting directors.

    Do yourself a favor and boot them all out.
    I’m looking forward to having an ex-judge ask me:
    “Would you like fries with that, sir?”

    hee hee!

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