What's new at EricBrooks.Com plus news and gossip all over CyberTown
The internet at its finest! I mean, how stupid can they get?
Yes. “HECKLING DAY” is finally here, kiddies! Nothing spreads lots of cheer, readership and lotsa hits like a good meme. Here is your chance to hit comments all over CyberTown and cause chaos and mayhem wherever you go… and drive your hit counters through the roof.
What is heckling day?
What, are you stupid or something? What part of “Heckling” + “Day” don’t you understand?
Continue reading “International Heckling Day”
Well, it appears TGO aka King Stormtrooper has done my bidding once again, and took down his messageboard. LOL! (I SO own this creep.)
It was pretty sad to see him there all day long, covering his board, like a kid guarding his tree house with water balloons trying to repel invaders. A lot of big-name people are involved in Operation: Not In My Backyard. I thank EVERYONE FROM the bottom of my heart.
Continue reading “Open Season: One Week Later”
In about an hour or so, I will be off with La Famiglia and the extended ones off to the Clyde Beatty Cole Bros Circus (See if you were my REAL friend, I would have free tickets for you too.)
This will of course involve a drive past a mile-long demonstration of protestors FROM PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals), and their “Boycott Animal Abuse” signs. Has anyone ever wondered if any of these animals would still be alive had they been left in the wild? Just curious.
One of my other questions would be: What if the circus was in your town, and an elephant dropped dead in the middle of the big top? What… exactly… do you do then?
Continue reading “Send in the clowns…”
LAYER ONE:
Name: Eric a/k/a -=e=- a/k/a gOdOfMiScHiEf a/k/a Rik Havyk a/k/a LoKi a/k/a Astaroth a/k/a Vortex of Mischief
— Birth date: ) 08/23/65
— Birthplace: BROOKLYNZ IN DA HOUWZE!!!!
— Current Location: Poconos, PA
— Eye Color: Ice Blue
— Hair Color: What’s left is Mousy Blond
— Height: 5′ 8″
— Righty or Lefty: Writes left, does everything else right
— Zodiac Sign: Leo/Virgo
LAYER TWO:
— Your heritage: White Trash/Devil. I dunno. I’m kinda mixed.
— The shoes you wore today: I dunno. Same black shoes I wore yesterday?
— Your weakness: HAH!!! Like I’d tell you.
— Your fears: Success
— Your perfect pizza: Must have meat – Sausage, Pepperoni, Meatballs or all of the above.
— Goal you’d like to achieve: To stay a nobody, betray as many people as I can, find a way to make money doing it
LAYER THREE:
— Your most overused phrase on AIM: Damn, I didn’t sign off in time, and you caught me!
— Your first waking thoughts: Where’s my Vivarins?
— Your best physical feature: Well, I suppose if I ever get locked up, my Mick Jagger-like lips will make me quite popular
— Your most missed memory: Like I can remember. Is this a trick question?
LAYER FOUR:
— Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Like duh, okay?
— McDonald’s or Burger King: I’d prefer a Wendy’s Triple, but I’ll settle for a double whopper w/ cheese
— Single or GROUP dates: Group, but if my wife catches me, I’m DEAD!!!
— Adidas or Nike: The cheapest sneakers on the rack at Wal-Mart
— Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Coke
— Chocolate or vanilla: Butter Pecan
— Cappuccino or coffee: Coke
LAYER FIVE:
— Smoke: Anything cheap & menthol
— Cuss: Moi?????
— Sing: hmmm… maybe.
— Take a shower everyday: It’s June ain’t it? Thanks for reminding me.
— Do you think you’ve been in love: Love is for suckers
— Want to go to college: One of my regrets that I never finished. But it’s too late now.
— Liked high school: Only as a senior
— Want to get married: AGAIN??? Are you chewing on drugs?
— Believe in yourself: Well, somebody has to.
— Get motion sickness: Nope
— Think you’re attractive: Nope
— Think you’re a health freak: hahahahahahaha!!!!!
— Get along with your parent(s): Well, I did.
— Like thunderstorms: BORING. Lightning storms ROCK though. That’s me btw, not my gay-ass half-brother Thor. Don’t listen to him.
— Play an instrument: I hope so
LAYER SIX:
In the past month…
— Drank alcohol: Ew. Barf…
— Smoked: Like, duh?
— Done a drug: Drugs are bad mmmmkay?
— Made Out: Like, with a girl or something? EEEEW!
— Gone on a date: See answer above
— Gone to the mall?: Huh-LOO? I’m an American. Is there any way to avoid a mall?
— Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Probably
— Eaten sushi: No, but I’d KILL for sushi
— Been on stage: Karaoke count?
— Been dumped: A loser like me? Whaddya think?
— Gone skating: No
— Made homemade cookies: No
— Gone skinny dipping: No. (You’re welcome)
— Dyed your hair: No
— Stolen anything: Even if it was nailed down, bay-bee!
— You sound boring: Fuck you. Your questions suck.
LAYER SEVEN
Ever…
— Played a game that required removal of clothing: Who hasn’t?
— If so, was it mixed company: People yes. Farm animals no.
— Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Stoned out of my gourd. Heh. Still am. heh heh.
— Been caught “doing something”: Unfortunately. No comment where the witnesses are buried though. Don’t ask.
— Been called a tease: No. They either didn’t notice, or didn’t care.
— Gotten beaten up: Had my ass handed to me more times than I can count.
— Shoplifted: *snort* What do YOU think???
— Changed who you were to fit in: Of course. I become whoever I’m surrounded by.
LAYER EIGHT:
— Age you hope to be married: AGAIN????
— Numbers and Names of Children: 7 Christina,Ashley,Erika,Samantha, Johnny, Puddy & 2-Tag
— Describe your Dream Wedding: I pull this stunt that would make Houdini jealous you see… then I call FROM Canada to ask everyone “how was it?”.
— How do you want to die: In a plane smacking INTO a mountain. Awesome view, fast & painless… it’s perfect.
— Where you want to go to college: Again with the college questions???
— What do you want to be when you grow up: Hah! Like that’ll ever happen!
— What country would you most like to visit: Great Britain would be cool. See where my family came FROM in Liverpool. Understand why they got the hell out of there.
LAYER NINE:
— Number of drugs taken illegally: How many times, or how many kinds?
— Number of people I could trust with my life: 1 (Oh, did you mean besides me?)
— Number of CDs that I own: 4 or 5… I really need to get with the times
— Number of piercings: 1
— Number of tattoos: 0
— Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: My picture was in the NY Post twice, but I don’t think my name was ever in the paper
— Number of scars on my body: can’t count that high
— Number of things in my past that I regret: “Not banging this one… not banging that one…”, moving to the Poconos… the list is endless
Stolen from: Nicole who stole it FROM Laurie who stole it FROM yo mamma, who stole it FROM meegan…. I stole it FROM Rha
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Classic line of the month:
"Blowjobs, I like em, I’m proud of it and I suck in a good way."
What? There can be no comment after that line. I just can’t figure out how I missed it the first time, that’s all.
Say it with me, people: It was a stupid stuffed bunny, and nobody cares any more.
This is a classic case of at least three sides of a story. There’s person #1 who started a meme, person #2 who is now convinced that they are this horrible person that everyone is mad at…
And there’s my side of the story. Which, as always, is known as the “gospel truth”.
While, yes, it seems at face value that there’s no excuse for person #2 to still be holding on to a passing meme… and the selfish morons are bitching to person #1 about it.
Well, I happen to know that person #2’s life happens to be in shambles right now (it’s not my story to tell, but it’s pretty bad). Perhaps mailing this retarded stuffed animal isn’t top priority in their mind right now. Ya think?
Of course, you can count on the web to be totally devoid of compassion, or sympathy, or even cutting someone a little slack.
Continue reading “Memes and morons”
I see a very disturbing trend, and I feel it needs to be addressed immediately.
I’ve given this a lot of thought ever since I was fired an angry letter FROM Ida Slapter, of the activist GROUP Blondes Irritated by Members Bashing Others (B.I.M.B.O.), regarding a joke I cracked about blondes on this site.
Yeah… ok. Redheads are evil, Blondes are dumb, et cederin. I get it. Stereotypes.
I am a blond (or at least what’s left of my hair after 11 years of marriage to a “bottle redhead”). okay?
The stereotype of blondes being stupid. I hate it! I hate it SO MUCH!
Blonde Jokes offend the hell out of me. The punchlines are laced with so many big words… guess what, asshole?
I DON’T GET IT!!! THEY’RE NOT FUNNY!!!
(I should not have to break out a thesaurus to find out what a “Breathalyzer” is, you insensitive prick!)
Robyn has really brought this situation to a head, as she has kindly asked people to make more “Blonde-Friendly” buttons in their comments. I too have had the bitter experience of writing something, only to press a button that says “HIZAAT SO BIZZATCH”, only to see the window close, and my words gone for ever…
What if one day, someone posts the cure for cancer on a medical blog and that happens??? WHO’S GONNA SUFFER THEN, YOU CLEVER-ASS BIZZATCH???
Jewdez, also a blonde (but she went to collidge and speaks Latin so she’s REALLY smart), has taken this INTO consideration by putting very-detailed instructions inside parentheses (bracket-thingys)… I now have an increased 75% chance of getting a comment through on her site. The rest of you who continue to use hard-to-understand terms like “Hizzat so bizzatch”, “Expedite this profound soliloquy”, and “Submit”… suck my dick.
I propose the world employs more sensitivity to blondes by:
I mean, is it really too much to ask for, that MAYBE you can give us blondes the same consideration that you do OTHER special-interest groups? No one complains about waiting an extra half hour as a passenger is assisted in a wheelchair-accessible bus? (HUH-LOOOO??? They’re ALREADY on WHEELS?!?!?! Put straps on the back bumpers, and charge them half-price! Like, DUH!)
… or when they put braille on the buttons of drive-thru ATMs…
(Do I REALLY need to point out what I think is so WRONG and DISTURBING with that picture?)
We can ignore all the dumb handicapped people of the world… but blondes are all around you. And we have access to curling irons and staplers too. You better take a minute to think about that.
To SHOW I am VERY serious about this matter, I will throw in my full support to elect Dan Quayle as Pope in 2000! So there. How do you like them apples?
EricBrooks.Com® – Currently going back to school to become a veterinarian, ‘cuz he really loves children! *giggle*
But redheads REALLY are evil. It’s true.
“Not like I don’t enjoy the occasional once-a-decade ass kicking like every other red-blooded American, but any administration that starts to make the French look like they have a point is probably irredeemably fucked up.”
– Reverend Mykeru – War Whores –
Ah yes… in the past few weeks, Reverend Mykeru has quickly risen to fame as a champion to the people who thought going to war with Iraq was probably not the brightest idea.
It takes a certain level of hypocrisy to be a warblogger. And you have to pray everyone has a short memory when it’s over. You need to put pictures of the flaming twin towers next to Saddam Hussein (not that he had anything to do with 9/11), you need to cry when people de-link you for your views… and yet ban people FROM your site, and support boycotts of “Un-American Celebrities” for their views later.
Continue reading “Payback for the Warbloggers?”
A lot of wonderful people have written me about the last post, and I thank you all.
I’ve made a decision to distance myself FROM the community.
I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. Your links are simply being moved to a new section, away FROM anyone that can hurt my friends because of something I may say. And you certainly don’t need the pressure of “what is *that guy* doing here?” in your comments.
Continue reading “Not really a divorce, more like a separation”
Yoo hoo… can we talk?
On a serious tip. No more wisecracks on the subject. I have to realize that I play to a more global crowd. Not everyone thinks I’m funny. In the world’s defense, a lot of Americans think I’m a mean-sprited asshole too.
What started this was a remark I passed in my comments. It was a “racial/ethnic” slur directed at Mr. Razavi. No semantics, no excuses… WHAT I SAID WAS WRONG. Simple as that.
I am very sorry for hurting you, Sayed. And I mean it. I am very sorry for anyone who was offended by the remark, too. It was crude and insensitive.
What followed after that was a chain reaction of disasters on both sides. Events that we have *BOTH* admitted publicly we could have handled better. Exacerbated by caring friends on both sides who wanted to defend us.
We both lost our cool. While we can’t erase the past… we can only move forward INTO the future.
As I planned to resurrect this site over the summer, I VOWED that this kind of stuff was not going to happen anymore.
I wanted to come back and be a POSITIVE force in the community. At a time where people are being polarized and torn apart over a war that affected the entire planet… I wanted to help bring the web community back together, torn apart FROM all the debate and harsh words, and I wanted to work with the same people with the same mindset.
Continue reading “Web Skirmishes 101”
Sorry dudes. Fell asleep the minute I got home, and never finished the Super Dudes. Had an Easter Egg Hunt at work today (no, really.) Found a couple of eggs with tootsie rolls, destroyed the newsroom, and even found an egg with a raffle ticket where I won $1. (Cash is ALWAYS an acceptable gift.)
This of course wiped me out. It takes a lot of energy to ransack your boss’ office. Goofing off in his IM, talking to his contacts, pretending to be him… all in the name of finding that one Easter Egg where you get the day off with pay.
Somebody else got it.
Bastard.
I’m flooded with memories of 1981 where we were caught in a riot in Central Park in NYC (anyone remember that?) We’re there on the Great Lawn for the Easter egg hunt. The imbeciles in charge were running late, so they decided (in their infinite wisdom) to start tossing Easter eggs out INTO the crowd, right off the truck.
Of COURSE we’re gonna beat the piss out of the smaller and weaker for their Easter Eggs! We’re New Yorkers, what do you expect?
My cousins and I are pounding on smaller kids, while getting punched in the face by their parents. I had to literally pull my mom, by her feet, out of a 30-person pileup…
Only to get home, and watch Channel 11 news portray us as a pack of animals in their footage! The nerve!!!! It was survival of the fittest that day.
EricBrooks.Com – Where we’ll kill you for your Easter Eggs!
Send someone a FREE Passover/Easter E-Card, and spread the news…
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.
