Bloggies, bloggers, egos, and a big-ass glass of alka seltzer.

Daily Affirmations:

  • I am sick of awards and egos
  • I am sick of bloggers and their petty insecurities
  • I am sick of bloggers who think ONLY of themselves and then whine about why no one thinks of them

*OMMMMMMMMMMMMM*
Ahhh… a moment of zen. The delicate balance of the universe has been restored.

A brief history of the Bloggies (and then I’m done with the Bloggies forever. I’ve had it.)

  • 2001 – “A-Listers” dominate the nominations. Described as a “Pyra Love Fest” – Those not nominated scream “Foul”, “Elitism”, and “fix”.
  • 2002 – “Z-Listers” find a way to equalize the nomination process by “Block Voting”. Z-Listers and Surreally sites make it in. Wil Wheaton creams everyone in the votes. Everyone screams “Foul”, “Elitism”, and “fix”.
  • 2003 – Yours Truly Tries to recreate the magic of last year, knowing DAMN WELL there’s cheating all over, successfully helps his friends up on the board, with a fool proof plan to equalize the voting – Those not nominated scream……Well, three fucking guesses what they scream. The first two don’t count.

You can’t please everyone… so what is the answer???
We all have our different circles of friends… we have very under-rated bloggers who deserve a pat on the back for all their hard work.

Dawn Olsen is thinking of a new awards program. Learning FROM the mistakes of the Bloggies, and ensuring that those who deserve it will win it. She needs help and suggestions.

Faith has just completed her first round of the “Undisturbed awards“… of which, I just won this… SMOKING the competition:

2002 - Most likely to be seen on COPSThe Anti-Bloggies – will be back in business March first. As always, I wish to take the opportunity to rub mine in everyone’s face:

My Blorgi still remains my most treasured award, as it was given by a dear friend, FROM the heart.

As is my Haldol Hop Award FROM the Crazy One (which I, uhm, lost while moving around so much… sorry.)

So what is the answer? What kind of awards would YOU like to see?
Here is my official stance on awards and accolades. What’s yours?

DOH!!!!

You people made Nico Cry!!! You forgot it was his birthday yesterday!!!

How could you???

Well, um… I forgot too.
And it seems his brother isn’t too sure of his age. So, uhm, Happy belated birthday?

Two words: BIRTHDAY ALARM, PEOPLE!!!!! DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!

Yes. I know that was five or six.
Don’t fuck with me today.
***// Edited 7:33 PM //*******************
Since I am a sucky excuse for a human being, much less a friend…
I offer this lame-o Belated birthday gift, since I know he loves cats so much…
I re-present (for a limited time): MY CAT, PUDDY
***// End Edit //*******************

Rorshach anyone?

They got all this FROM me looking at pictures of scary-ass demons, guys being tortured by female gang members, and women being raped at gunpoint????

E-Mode Ink Blot Test… (via Robyn)

E***, your unconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life – things that others are too afraid to consider.

Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It’s only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world – which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.

(Like…”Why are some of you people so fucked up???” You mean I’m the only one who’s asked you?)

It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you’re falling INTO a rut when life slows down INTO a comfortable routine.

(WHO…ME???? “Fear of boredom????” pshaw!)

[I spared you the rest of this inside…]
Continue reading “Rorshach anyone?”

Curse me and my penis!!!!

**// A reprint FROM December 18th, 2001. It’s my homage to female designers on the web.

The madness and mayhem begins when I successfully tap INTO my “inner-woman” for help in a design project… unfortunately, our young hero discovers that his “inner-woman” is a psycho headcase with PMS (joy!).

Dedicated to Jann, and Deb… who can use some cheering up today. //**

Student Bodies got a bad reputation.

Well, looky-looky! It appears we all made the Weekly Wrap Up

There’s been quite a lot of blogging about high schoolish behavior, A-lists, and “inner circle syndrome”… let’s explore that a bit more, but with a slightly different twist.

1. Did you like high school? Why or why not?
Hell no! Who did? (Well Kindergarten and 12th grade did rock somewhat, but the rest sucked monkey cocks.)

**..// Edited: I just realized the question was “High School”. Look, I was happy in Kindergarten. Leave me alone. ..//**
Continue reading “Student Bodies got a bad reputation.”

Sociology 101: Why you’re an unpopular dork

“Have you ever noticed the ones that seem to throw around the labels and insults are the very same ones who blogged about being excluded in school?”
– Robyn (“There is NO A-LIST”), of Tampatantrum –

I’ve watched Robyn and her friends get very popular over the past few months… and I’ve seen her take more and more crap and criticism because of that popularity. As with Michele, Miz Kitty, Kottke, Zeldman… and any other so-called “A-Lister” that has come by…

I can lend some insight to that.
Continue reading “Sociology 101: Why you’re an unpopular dork”

A new beginning…

2 – 0 – 0 – 3

Possible Resolutions:
Be nicer to people – HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
World Peace – Are you fucking kidding??? End a multi-billion dollar industry, throw millions out of work, and make our ailing economy worse??? What are you, a Commie Pinko, or something?
Finally come out of the closet – Whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis?
Lose Weight – I eat one meal a day, and I’m a fat bastard… exactly what do YOU recommend I cut out to lose weight, that doesn’t require effort? (Say “coke”, and I’ll break your fingers one by one.). So I lose weight to become a *SKINNY* miserable bastard that nobody likes? Give me a break. At least I have an excuse here.
Quit Smoking – Okay… this I can do. I keep this resolution every year.
Continue reading “A new beginning…”

Without me (-e- remix)

* The vote was “Blaze of Glory”, wasn’t it? * so…
I feel like kicking off the New Years party a little early.
This onez goin’ out to my homegirl, Mollie… and my man, Farid….
CUZ BROOKLYN’Z IN DA HOUUUUUUUUSE!!!!!!!!!

*Walks to turn tables*
*ZOOOGA-ZOOGA-ZOOGA-ZOOOGA!!!* <~~ (click the link to play the music!)

Erox: The -e- Show[Intro]
Two blogrolling girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
*scratches*
Two blogrolling girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
*scratches*

Guess who’s back
Back again
-e- is back
Tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back
guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back.. {*Eminem hums*}

[Verse 1: Eminem]
I’ve created a monster, cause nobody wants to see Eric no more
They want -e-, I’m chopped liver (huh?)
Well if you want The Enemy, this is what I’ll give ya
A little bit of wit mixed with some hard coding
Some MT that’ll jump start my site loading
than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
by the doctor when I’m not co-operating
When I’m rockin the TABLE while he’s operatin (hey!!)
You waited this long, now stop debating
Cause I’m back, I’m on the rag and ovu-lating
I know that you got a blog Ms. kd
but your Surreally site is complicating

... now this looks like a job for me...So Zeldman’s friends won’t let me be
or let me be me, so let me see
They try to shut me down on MeFi’s screen
But blogland’s boring without me
So, come on and dip, rum on your lips
Fuck that, cum on your lips, and some on your tits
And get ready, cause this shit’s about to get cra-zayyy
I just settled all my lawsuits,
FUCK YOU, PA!

[Chorus: -e-]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause the web’s so boring without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
CAUSE THE WEB’S SO BORING WITHOUT ME

Marshall, Dre & Moi[Verse 2: Eminem]
Raizin’ Hellions, Miz Kitty’s rebellious
Embarrassed their parents still readin’ the AList
They start feelin like prisoners helpless
’til someone comes along on a mission and yells DICK!!!

A visionary, vision of scary
Could start a revolution, pollutin the airwaves
A rebel, so just let me revel and bask
in the fact that I got everyone kissin my ass {*smak*}
And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe
for you to see so damn much of Dawn’s ass; you asked for me?
Well I’m back, nananananananananana
{*bzzt*} Fix your damn comments tune it in and then I’m gonna
enter in, in the front of your skin like a splinter
The center of attention, back for the winter
Erox: The -e- ShowI’m interesting, the best thing since ranting
What’s brewin’? ‘Round the bend, panting
{*bzzt*} Testing, attention please
Feel the tension, soon as someone mentions SLEAZE
Here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free
TRACKBACK, PINGBACK? YOU SENT FOR ME?

[Chorus: Obie]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause the web’s so boring without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
CAUSE THE WEB’S SO BORING WITHOUT ME

Up, Up, & away![Verse 3: Dre]
A-tisket a-tasket, I go tit for tat with
anybody who’s talkin this shit, that shit
Wil Wheaton, you’re due for a beat-in’
worse than them little MeFi cretins
And Godzilla? You can get stomped by Davezilla
You 90-year-old slant-eyed sil-ly sill-az!
You don’t know me, you’re too old, we resist
It’s over, nobody listens to your cease-and-desist
Now let’s go, let’s see the results
I’ll be there with a whole list full of new insults
I been dope, a linkwhore with a keyboard
you even stare as I polish my new sword {*knife slices*}
But sometimes the shit just seems
everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I’m dis-gus-ting
But it’s just me, I’m just obscene

No I’m not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since reading Hoopty
to do mad blogging so skill-fully
and used it to make people ill for me
(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works
Twenty million other blog-gy bloggers emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea
IT WOULD BE SO BORING WITHOUT ME!

Courtesy of Pegasong[Chorus: Eminem, -e-, Obie, & Dre]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause the web’s so boring without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
CAUSE THE WEB’S SO BORING WITHOUT ME

{*Eminem sings this twice:
Chemhielalala, lalalalala
Lalalalala, lalalala“*}

[Eminem] Kids!

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y’ALL!!!!
Love,
-e-
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

e, the problem child

I blame my mother, of course. She never beat me.

I won't let you love me... and you know DAMN WELL you can't HATE me. NYAH!In fact, I can think of maybe two times in my life where I got a whap in the back of my head when I got completely stupid and out of control. Other than that no one cared enough to beat me to a pulp and teach me some manners.

Well, except when I was 16. This kid I bullied when we were little, came back all muscle bound, and shit.

“Hey, remember me?”
“Uh oh.”

“POW!”

So you wanna be me…

1. You have to be a professional slacker. You must possess the ability to put on an “intense concentration look”, and be able to fool anyone who passes your cubicle thinking that you are not only *working*, but waaay *too busy* to be bothered with their petty crisis.

2. You must be impervious to intense cold. Why? Because you’re on a 15 minute smoke break every twenty minutes. It’s 37° outside, and your leather coat hasn’t zippered up in two years. Sure you can wear the big, dorky parka you have at home. But you look so damn good in the leather coat, y’know?
Continue reading “So you wanna be me…”

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.


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