The -=e=- Show Archives - Page 20 of 25

A non-retractive-retraction

Posted on Tuesday December 17, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Before any more emails come in… let me just clarify a few things that got missed in my middle-of-the-night babbling.

1 – I’m not giving up blogging.
Like I said “this was *SUPPOSED* to be my ‘good-bye’ post.”. Just as I told Nico a few weeks back, that my post about opinions was originally meant to be my last one, but I ended up omitting some of the stuff I wrote below.

2 – There are those who believe (sneering suspiciously at two unnamed people in particular.) That I am *incapable* of staying out of blogland (or, for that matter, TROUBLE) for any given period of time anyway… so why embarrass myself with a goodbye, when I’ll be back in a month or two anyway?

They’re probably right too. I taste the blood of fresh prey and I just spring INTO the feast. I smell fear, and I get a woody. And GAWD blogland is just a virtual smorgasbord of hypocrites and jerks to feed on. :0)
Continue reading “A non-retractive-retraction”

-e- piphany

Posted on Tuesday December 17, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

“I love a few, like a few more, but hate many. I am not your best friend just because I relate. I am good at relating, but I am not so good at accepting everything I read. It’s just not me. Is it you, really?”
~ Angel ~

“While weblogs are essentially a good thing, I feel like it put a lot more people, maybe too many people, on common ground. I think this is the first time that’s ever really happened on the ‘Net… I just cannot say I don’t miss the old days, when things were simpler because the scope was smaller, because I do miss them very much. “
~ Angel (again) ~

I’d love nothing more right now to accuse Angel of flat-out PLAGIARISM for these two posts. They’re word-for-word straight out of my thoughts. Stuff that’s been in my heart for months, maybe years… only, they ARE her words. She managed to articulate this better than I ever could, and got it out first.

You have to understand first, that the Web that Angel and I (and quite a few of you) knew is a different one FROM the one we’re in now. Back then, you had larger-than-life “Web Celebs”: Zeldman, Powazek, Kottke, Miz Kitty, Halcyon, Heather Champ, Lance Arthur, Glenn Davis… you aspired to be like them. You stole bits and pieces of their source code to learn “how they did it”.

And here’s where I piss everyone off.
(Let me say in advance, “Fuck you” if you can’t take my brutal honesty.)
Then weblogs came and fucked it all up.
Then, when you thought it couldn’t get worse… Slashdot and MetaFilter fucked it even more.
Continue reading “-e- piphany”

The letters keep coming in!

Posted on Sunday December 15, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Dear E,
Is Santa a gay man?? Little elves all around, no kids, likes SHOW tunes, and dresses funny??

fer gawd’s sake (in anticipation of internet gay fall out) IT’S A JOKE. Me and mr. joe , the heterosexual couple of the year probably have more gay friends than straight. It’s a flippin joke , kids

Tina

In the words of Dan Quayle: 'I Quite!'

Posted on Friday December 13, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Dear -e-:

I am so disenchanted this year. Between Emin3m and Britney Spears, I swear I need to blow up a building to get attention these days.

I’ve had it. I’m packing it in.
It’s as though I’m all about selling merchandise for Mattel. Half the clowns out there don’t even look like me… what are they thinking? Do I get royalties???? NOOOOooooooo…. But it’s all about the almighty dollar, right? COUNT ME OUT!

Kris K.
North Pole

Christ on a cracker… here we go again.

Kris… babe….
Is it me, or do you pull this crap EVERY year? Some celebrity out there is the talk of kids everywhere, and you think they’ve forgotten all about you.
Continue reading “In the words of Dan Quayle: 'I Quite!'”

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Posted on Friday December 6, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

“I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you…”

– “Wonderful Tonight” – Eric Clapton –

Legend has it that my middle name came FROM my (then 15 year old) cousin, Valourie… who was quite the Beatles/Stones/Yardbirds fan…

I’ve always loved Eric Clapton. The man doesn’t play guitar… he makes love to it. He makes it scream out, he makes it gently kiss you like a warm summer breeze…

I was watching VH1 tonight, and “Wonderful Tonight” came on…

My mind just drifted back 10 years ago, when Carole & I were first married. We were struggling & expecting our first child together. A classic rock station played in the warehouse I was working in, and I always thought of her when that song came on. What she was doing, was everything okay, you know, sappy newlywed stuff like that.

It kind of became “our song”.
Well, except that I never told her about it.
There’s probably a lot of things I should have shared with her over the years… but I just can’t seem to articulate some of the things that go on in my head sometimes.

Hell, I have no idea what I’m trying to say here…

Tonight was the first time I heard that song since, and I was pulled back to the present by my 5 year old, who shakes me and asks “Daddy, why are you crying?”

There must have been something in the rug irritating my eye.
Yeah that’s it.

There’s no such thing as… WHO???

Posted on Thursday December 5, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Dear -e-

I am in third grade.
Robby (who sits behind me in school) says there is no Santa Claus. This ruined my holiday, and I want him dead in the worst way. He says it is my parents buyeing the gifts and pretending it is FROM Santa.

Is this true? Is there really no Santa Claus?

Cindy P.
Roanoke, Virginia

Dear Cindy:
Why do you listen to that jerk in your class, anyway? Isn’t this the same kid who said “Babies come FROM a cabbage patch”????

A few years back, my daughter was your age, and she came home crying because some trailer-trash-welfare-recipient kid told her the same damn thing… I looked her right in the eyes and told her:

“There IS a Santa Claus”.

To this day, I have NEVER lied to my kids.
Continue reading “There’s no such thing as… WHO???”

Help Wanted: Straight man for comedy routines

Posted on Saturday November 30, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

… well the ‘straight man’ can be gay, too. Just don’t look for me to share the same hotel room when we go on tour. (I’m homophobic on Tuesdays and Saturdays… rest of the week, I’m okay up until the third ‘Racist Friday’ of the month…. then there’s the half hour of ‘religious piety’ and 15.2 seconds of ‘political correctness’ each second month…)

Inspired by Cootie’s Ready Made Punchlines, and I figure if I add a few of my “starters”, maybe someone can come in, whip up a middle part and make some decent jokes…
Continue reading “Help Wanted: Straight man for comedy routines”

Have you accepted -e- as your personal Lord and Saviour?

Posted on Monday November 18, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Michele has them. Rachel has them. I want them.

No. Not hooters…
Testimonials… and I think they’re cool.

I was on the phone with Kimberly (of Benign Vertigo/Erratic Frog Fame) last week, and we were chuckling over her “Why? Because you’re an Überdick.” line.

Yes, I thought that was hilarious.
Flaming someone with a certain panache seems like a lost art these days. :0)

I also have Matt Rossi’s classic “Festering Balls of Jesus, we’re all gonna die!” of almost three years ago on MetaFilter.

Anybody want to come up with some fun testimonials for me? I’ll have two or three run randomly with links to you…
I’d do it myself, but in case you haven’t noticed by the lame posts here lately… we’re kind of tapping a burnt-out dry well here.

The funnier, nastier, and more creative the better.
(I have a feeling John is going to have us all pissing our pants in this one.)
Thanks, and have a day!
-e-

… is the best revenge

Posted on Wednesday November 13, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Now I ask you fair citizens of Cybertown… how cool is this?

I was just contacted by a Communications major at a nearby college who wants to know if he can interview me as part of his finals. I figure, the interview, show them the huge server room w/ the T1’s and the advanced AP hookups, all our proprietary scripting, the new toys (where the hell is my third computer???)… show the kid there is waaaay more to webdesign than just HTML.

Between last weeks awards, and now this interview, my neck hurts from trying to keep my head balanced on it. :0)

Just a great feeling when you live in a world where so many people can just drop off the face of the earth and no one will notice… little things like this come along to remind you that you’re one of the people who count.

Ooh… that came off as terribly elitist, didn’t it? I’m really sorry about that.
No I’m not. :0)
***SNARF!!!!***

Turkey with the Demon ’02

Posted on Monday November 11, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Well so far we have the following guests coming over for Thanksgiving:

A tentative “maybe” from the lovely Miss Jen. Problem is, she *THINKS* I’m attempting I-80 and the George Washington Bridge during a holiday to get her in Chinatown. Hah! I tell you, HAH! The point of having it in Pensylfuckingtucky is to *AVOID* that traffic… or else you can join us in Queens, and meet my brother-in-law, where you can both talk about CCD, catchisms, and other Catholic stuff to your hearts content.

WHUZZUP!

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