Dear e:
I am in second grade. I have a boy in my skool and HE IS MEAN. His name is Troy and he is always pickin on me and pulleing my hair! At lunch, he nocks my food off my tray and makes fun of me with all his friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!!!
Should I have my daddy beat him up, or can you recomend someone that can make him “disappeare” at a reasonable rate?
Love,
Amanda
Dear Amanda:
No. No. No. If your daddy lays a finger on him, he’s going to jail.
To hire a, uh, “Private Contractor”, can be very pricy, and not many of them will do kids. Besides, no one will know you had something to do with Troy’s “dissappearance”, so what will stop one of Troy’s friends from picking on you next? Your daddy will become bankrupt having all these kids whacked, and your teacher may get suspicious.
I forwarded this letter to my friends Batgrl and Skarlet. They’re teachers, and they’re trained to deal with such matters. They both unanimously wrote back: “Oh! That is so adorable, he likes her!” (It is so freaky writing to the two of them simultaneously… I tell ya!).
Gee. Thanks girls. *I* could have told her that!
I got a kid being pummeled here, wanna help me out?
They *both* recommended letting nature take it’s course, and you will see a change in Troy’s demeanor toward you by Junior High.
Fuck that. I say we teach the little fucker WHO’S THE BOSS NOW, Amanda. Ready?
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