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Funny stuff. Duh.
Diz is back in town… and she’s come bearing gifts. She figures I need cheering up, and CyberTown is in desperate need of a few laughs…
For those who don’t hang on to every word I say, and commit it to memory (most likely for a future legal action, you dirty bums!), she is of course, referring to this post.
Continue reading “Don’t make me like you.”
Hey kiddies, it’s time for the Saturday Scruples!
To be honest, these “day of the week/questionnaire” things aren’t my bag, I usually enjoy going around reading the answers… Daphne always puts some good thoughts INTO these.
I also like to see people’s hypocrisy and laugh:
“OH BULLSHIT! You know damn well you would trample a wheelchair-bound midget with downs syndrome to get out of a flaming building if you had to… and you KNOW IT!!!”
Hypothetical questions are great that way.
Of course everyone KNOWS I would help that poor person get to safety at the risk of my own demise, RIGHT??? I mean it would be a waste to not have the little gimp to kick around and ridicule later.
(Note to self: Daphne’s not going to let me play anymore after that one. Watch. :0)
Continue reading “Saturday Scroopules”
TOP STORY – ACTOR FOUND DEAD
NEW YORK (AP) – Famed flash actor Mr. Winky, was found dead in his apartment today. Police are ruling it “suspicious”, and no two-legged suspects have been named. While his fall appeared like a suicide, an unnamed doorman was quoted as saying: “Man… Humpty Dumpty was pushed.”
IN OTHER NEWS…
No promises, but I’m trying to get The Super-Dudes out the door sometime tomorrow night.
Why? Cuz the web’s so boring without me….
(Gawd I can’t get that Eminem song out of my head…)
Leeeeeet’s get reaaaaaady to RUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM {SQUAWK!} BBBBLLLLLLLEEEEEE!
How in the hell did this joke elude Solonor and his evil hench–people (even Planned Parrothood)?
It’s a fourth-grade classic….
KARATE PARROT
A little boy brings his parrot in school for “show & tell”.
“My parrot knows karate, he is a black belt in several forms of martial arts… watch”
The little boy orders his parrot: “KARATE THE DESK!”
The teacher jumps back as the tiny parrot squawks “Hiiiiiii-ya!” and karate-chops her desk in half with one mighty blow with his wing.
“KARATE THE BLACKBOARD!”
The slate blackboard shatters in a million pieces with one kick.
The principal storms in FROM the noise and the kids screaming in jubilation, demanding an explaination.
As the frightened teacher fills him in, the principal exclaims:
“Oh… KARATE, MY ASS!!!!”
bAA-DUM-PAH!!!!
Dear -e-:
This other person is being a mean, poopiehead liar! I hate him!!!
He tried to kill my daddy, and he has nuke-u-lar weapons.
I know he has the dang things because we sold them to him when he was fighting those icky Iranians (OOPS! I probably shouldn’t have written that.).
He’s got weapons of mass destruction, I know it!!!! How do I prove it???
George B., Jr.
Washington
It’s Saturday… I’m bored out of my skull here at work.
I just had another one of my “Walter Mitty” moments….
I’m listening to the police scanner in the background of the empty newsroom as an officer is requesting information on someone named “Palmer”.
The trooper spells out the name: “Peter”, “Alpha”, “Lima” (as in Peru, not the bean. This is important later), “Mary”, “Echo”, “Run”….
I’m thinking back at my days in Travers Tool Company, in College Point, Queens. This one guy always got a kick out of me on the phone fucking with the purchase orders I was checking up on.
“B” as in “Bavid”
“D” as in “Doy”
“T” as in “Pterodactyl”… stuff like that.
Anyway… back to the Police scanner.
After hearing “Lima”, I can just imagine me interrupting the officer on the radio for clarification:
“Did you mean ‘Lima’ or ‘Lemur’…?”
It is moments like these that you need to get down on your knees and thank some Deity somewhere that I’m not on the police force…
UP NEXT
This month’s EVENT OF THE CENTURY…
From the home office in Sioux City Iowa…
“Rejected Bloggie Categories” – For some reason, Nicolai Nolan just didn’t feel like adding them, despite my spams, e-mail bombs, and threats of “something really, REALLY bad” happening to his cat:
And they are…
And the Number ONE rejected blog category….
Best blog by a guy who doesn’t know that 99% of his footage was cut FROM Nemesis because -e- has Rick Berman’s and William “fucking” Shatner’s email addys PLUS all the links to where Wil Wheaton was talking smack about them.heh heh…
**// A reprint FROM December 18th, 2001. It’s my homage to female designers on the web.
The madness and mayhem begins when I successfully tap INTO my “inner-woman” for help in a design project… unfortunately, our young hero discovers that his “inner-woman” is a psycho headcase with PMS (joy!).
Dedicated to Jann, and Deb… who can use some cheering up today. //**
1. You have to be a professional slacker. You must possess the ability to put on an “intense concentration look”, and be able to fool anyone who passes your cubicle thinking that you are not only *working*, but waaay *too busy* to be bothered with their petty crisis.
2. You must be impervious to intense cold. Why? Because you’re on a 15 minute smoke break every twenty minutes. It’s 37° outside, and your leather coat hasn’t zippered up in two years. Sure you can wear the big, dorky parka you have at home. But you look so damn good in the leather coat, y’know?
Continue reading “So you wanna be me…”
Dear E,
Is Santa a gay man?? Little elves all around, no kids, likes SHOW tunes, and dresses funny??
fer gawd’s sake (in anticipation of internet gay fall out) IT’S A JOKE. Me and mr. joe , the heterosexual couple of the year probably have more gay friends than straight. It’s a flippin joke , kids
Tina
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.
